This Week in Milford

June 5, 2021

Zane Isn’t Focused on Some WAP

It’s official: The Gil Thorp colorists are phoning it in. We’ve had players throwing the ball to players on the opposite team and opposing players in the outfield when their own team is batting, unless the Mudlarks have been changing unifroms on the fly. Now we appear to have someone else besides Gil coaching for Milford. Even Kaz is dumbfounded by the presence of this imposter in a Mudlark uniform. Doubtless this interloper is supposed to be the Madison coach and he and Kaz are going to hand their lineup cards to an unseen home plate ump…

… who is later seen wearing a wristwatch?!? I do not recall umpires ever being allowed to wear watches, but I do recall them using stopwatches to mark the time between pitches and between innings. Maybe some of you TWIMers who have been closer to a diamond in the past decade than I could weigh in. Talk amongst yourselves.

Said umpire is ringing up an unseen batter as a catcher in Madison’s traditional sage and plum frames a called strike three while name checking Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. Could that batter be Zane Clark? Gil shared Zane’s line with Mimi while they were piddling around in the garden, but the only person called out as unfocused was Katy Brito, by Mimi. Gil’s comment to Zane that Zane wasn’t focused in his last outing wasn’t his observation, then, but Mimi’s. Between Kaz handling the messy details and Mimi providing the strategy, maybe Gil could get a head start on teaching golf to preteens and getting hammered on Long Island Iced Teas at the MCC.


  1. Zane is so distracted he didn’t even go to the plate. All the pitcher had to do was lop three straight pitches down the middle and he’s out.

    Comment by MopMan — June 5, 2021 @ 9:27 pm

  2. He also lobbed three straight pitches.

    Comment by MopMan — June 5, 2021 @ 9:28 pm

  3. I’ve never seen an ump wearin a wristwatch either but Rubin never lets details get in the way of a great story. I don’t see why gil keeps kissing Zanes ass either. The kid can’t play for shit after taking two years off and now he’s a head case as well. The PP story is better than this nonsense

    Comment by franku2016 — June 6, 2021 @ 8:01 am

  4. That’s that stupid fuck Brito impersonating an ump. His plate is so wide Zane didn’t even bother to get in the box.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — June 6, 2021 @ 3:50 pm

  5. FWIW I’ve seen umpires wear watches before, so it isn’t all that rare… In fact, the last time I played rec league, umpires the umps would be slated to do multiple games from multiple fields around the city on Saturday, so you can be damn sure they’d be checking their watch if a game ran long…

    I could be wrong on this but I could have sworn an ump told us once that he was contractually limited to a maximum game time of two hours, and anything past that he was getting paid extra? But this was a decade ago and my memory is probably off

    Comment by hitorque — June 6, 2021 @ 5:03 pm

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