This Week in Milford

July 14, 2021

I’m shocked – SHOCKED! – that I’m using this line again!

We start today with more golf gibberish to the effect that grinning idiot Hendricks here flubbed a shot but got lucky and close to the hole. As a result, he wins a bet with the sturdy looking dude with the color-changing shirt and bucket hat. Shades of Lanny Penn again, maybe – but what’s this? I know there’s a movement afoot to replace Andrew Jackson’s likeness on the $20 bill, but it’s with Harriet Tubman‘s, not Val Kilmer’s.

Quick cut to the offices of the Milford Star where Marjie Ducey’s talking to her editor, whose body looks suspiciously like Gil’s when he’s making the mangia bene hand gesture. Presumably he’s got Heather Burns’ resume in front of him, which should look a little like this:


BA, Journalism, University of Iowa, Iowa City, IA, 2021

High School Diploma, Milford High School, Milford, ??, 2017


Assistant Coach, Milford 7-on-7 football practice, 2017

Life Coach to Confused NBA Players, 2017

Varsity Football, Tight End, Tackling Dummy, Fifth-String Quarterbacks Coach, Assistant Trainer, and General Distraction, 2016

Varsity Soccer, Dead Weight, ???-2016

Alright, Rubin’s got about six weeks for this arc. How are these rando panels gonna come together, then, gentle readers? Heather Burns gets a job with the Star, but not a permanent job – Milford’s too much of a tank town to need more than one reporter – so she’ll serve as Marjie’s unpaid intern. Marjie puts her on the trail of this gambling and counterfeiting ring at the Milford CC, launching Heather’s career as an investigative reporter* somewhere else while Marjie gets to keep her top dog status at the Star.

*Because that worked out so well for Dafne Dafonte.


  1. Val Kilmer, maybe. I thought it was a “Gil Buck” good for one shot of rotgut at Milford CC.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 14, 2021 @ 10:40 am

  2. I’m more interested in the potential “golf hustler/degenerate gambler” storyline…

    Which reminds me of one of my alltime favorite SI stories from 1965:

    Comment by hitorque — July 14, 2021 @ 11:40 am

  3. Golf degenerate guy looks like he could be one of Gil’s kids who disappeared years ago. Now he has returned with the sole purpose of fuckin everyone at Gil’s golf hang out for revenge. That would definitely make a good story and improve on the incessant lameness we have been subjected to over the last few years.

    Comment by franku2016 — July 14, 2021 @ 11:48 am

  4. Wtf is with that play money shit? Are those Standish bucks? Or maybe even PP bucks? Margie is in trouble too. That library board story showed her editor just how useless af she really is.

    Comment by franku2016 — July 14, 2021 @ 11:52 am

  5. These golfers looked like kids on Monday.
    Older on Tuesday,
    40s on Wednesday.
    Took ill on Thursday.
    Worse on Friday.
    Dead on Saturday,
    Buried on Sunday.
    That was the end of the Solomon Golfday

    Can you change 100 Kazbucks for a Pearl?

    Comment by Downpuppy — July 14, 2021 @ 12:27 pm

  6. To be picky, that is Hendricks who has changed his shirt twice during this conversation. We already had a golf hustler story several summers ago. This isn’t another one, is it?

    Comment by MopMan — July 14, 2021 @ 12:28 pm

  7. During the last week of August, we will tie these two story lines together.
    Then we can put them in a sack and throw it into Lake Milford.

    Comment by Philip — July 14, 2021 @ 1:22 pm

  8. Will Heather be another Bobby Howry?

    “Oh, I think Milford bites the big one. Iowa City is The City That Never Sleeps compared to this cowhole. You have to go to the well to wash the dishes-” Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, this is a newspaper, not radio. Never mind.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — July 14, 2021 @ 4:20 pm

  9. I especially like the match of question and gesture in the last panel. Looks more like “What the fuck are you talking about?”

    Comment by vaganova — July 15, 2021 @ 9:11 am

  10. […] blind squirrels and nuts? Blind pigs and acorns make the best jamón ibérico de bellota, but with size of the bets Carter’s been making I think squirrel jerky Underwood Deviled Ham is more in line with his […]

    Pingback by “I’d keep playing. I don’t think the heavy stuff’s going to come down for quite a while.” | This Week in Milford — August 4, 2021 @ 9:54 am

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