This Week in Milford

July 23, 2021

Dirty thoughts

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Heather Burns, Milford Alumni, Secret Thoughts — robmize2013 @ 9:53 pm

So Heathers dad is congratulating her on her new gig as assistant football coach, entirely hired over lemonade by a head coach who didnt know she was coming to the golf course in the first place and hadnt seen her in 4 years anyway. Sheesh, I know Tony LaRussa was hired over a cup of coffee 30 years after last managing the White Sox (I still have a soft spot in my heart for him after he brought a division title to my town for the first time even though he got pantsed in the playoffs; they wernt gonna lose to the Phillies in the World Series but couldnt get past the smarter Orioles) and like Jerry Reinsdorf, Gil isnt even interviewing anyone else for this position; but my god, how the hell does he know her level of coaching knowledge 4 years after last applying it?

I used to play the organ for a number of years, and lost interest gradually after high school. Other things came along etc. If you think I could sit down and play a song 4 years after I last touched the keyboard, I’d say you were nuts. And even Heather knows its not a “real” job. Sounds more like an internship. And in P3 we have her dads though balloon saying .. we’ll see how this gig affects the rest of your time when I can use you as I see fit….

Cant wait to find out what Pops has in mind!


  1. Pops is a fukn dumb ass. He could have saved so much money if all he aspired her to be was a schmuck on wheels dummy holder.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 23, 2021 @ 11:42 pm

  2. What a stupid fucker.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 23, 2021 @ 11:44 pm

  3. I hear Industrial Solvent Sales has flexible hours.

    Comment by Downpuppy — July 24, 2021 @ 12:03 am

  4. Oh, and one more thing. He could have sent her to that shit school Monmouth. He must have a little pull to get a few bucks off tuition.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 24, 2021 @ 12:22 am

  5. I’m sure that Gil don’t GAF how good or bad a helper she is…. He will be having her do all the shit he doesn’t like doing ( like scouting and game plans) in no time. Pops is thinking’ …”…fuck!….at this rate, she’s never going to move out or even get married…”

    Comment by franku2016 — July 24, 2021 @ 7:16 am

  6. 1. God damn it, this isn’t Central High in Chicago, Heather ain’t Goldie Hawn, and this sure as hell ain’t 1986…


    3. Funny how Mr. All-American QB at Boston College or wherever the hell he went has no interest in lending his own expertise to Mudlarks Football? Gilberto should have insisted the old man come along as part of a package deal, like Lane and Monte Kiffin…

    4. And shouldn’t she be starting with pee-wee football or rec league or god forbid the Junior Varsity instead?? Holy hell, “Coach” Bobby Howry fancied himself a basketball mastermind and even HE had to start out with rec league kiddies…

    5. Wow, if there was only someone somewhere who had to start as an unpaid assistant coaching high school and turned it into a lifelong career that Heather Belicheat could draw inspiration from…

    6. If she made that much of an impression on Kirk Ferentz and the Hawkeyes, Heather should have fucking STAYED as a graduate assistant, gotten more experience and slowly moved her way up the totem pole. And did she actually travel and work with the team, or was she just a random girl at practice standing on an elevated platform with a video camera?

    7. Oh, and fuck you Heather for not having the common sense to major in SOMETHING to make you valuable to the Hawkeyes program, i.e., Exercise Science, Kinesiotherapy, Physical Rehab, etc… You know, the stuff young kids obsessed with becoming football coaches major in – Trust me, I’m an academic advisor.

    8. It’s funny because for all her endless talk, Heather Schnellenberger to this day has still demonstrated zero knowledge about football coaching or offensive gameplanning… All we’ve ever seen her do competently is throw a football, catch a football, and run a receiving route… It’s like Peppermint Patty hammering into our heads how much of a scrappy hardnosed badass angry rebel chick she was with nothing to back it up…

    9. I don’t care if this Gilberto-Heather partnership turns romantic or not, but either way Gilbertina needs to become insanely angry and jealous as all hell when she hears about it. Coaching at Milford is a strictly a Gilberto-Gilbertina thing, and bringing a younger, sexier woman into the mix is a slap in her face.

    10. I got bad news for Heather Cronkite if she gets hired by the local fishwrap: First of all even at some small town tiny paper she’s going to get worked to death as a cub reporter, which means she’ll have jack shit free time to dedicate to the Mudlarks… Because not only will she be a reporter, she’ll almost certainly have some copy editing/page layout duties like I did. My first job out of school (graduate degree in journalism) had me easily working 60+ hour weeks, including 1-2 weekends a month – And we were a WEEKLY paper(!) For a daily she’ll get worked even harder.

    11. I got even more bad news for Heather Cronkite if she gets hired by the local fishwrap: Her pay is going to be utter shit. In 2002 fresh out of grad school (and this was after 14+ months of job searching) I got a job just outside Washington D.C. paying me the princely sum of $25.5k a year, which meant after rent (and yes I made it a point to find the cheapest apartment in the region, a studio at $610/month), food, gas, car insurance that was higher than the car note and making the minimum payments on my student loans and credit cards, cell phone contracts back then were expensive as shit, I was in the red… My parents back home actually had to supplement my income for me to survive. My next job a couple years later in Providence paid me like $32k, but I had annual union dues that were $600 iirc, and I had to buy a parking space for work which was like $1950(!) so I was only barely in the black after each month. Oh, and Allstate charged me MORE for insurance in Providence than they did in D.C., one of the auto theft capitals of the country if you want to know how big of a ripoff car insurance is… And this was ALL BEFORE the bottom starting falling out of the newspaper industry. Granted, Heather can save some money by living at home and having a nice, short commute to work, but if she thinks she’s going to put a dent into her student loans, she’s in for a rude awakening…

    12. But I know what Rubin’s solution will be – He’ll have Heather cover Milford sports while she’s a volunteer football coach because if there’s one thing Rubin loves, it’s impossible conflicts of interest

    Comment by Hitorque — July 24, 2021 @ 7:18 am

  7. Good point hitorque…. Gil made her a fucking starter in mid-season with no experience so why stop there?…. Let her boss Kaz around too

    Comment by franku2016 — July 24, 2021 @ 8:26 am

  8. Pops is another putty nosed dumb ass. He probably played in the 70’s without a face mask because “I’m tough!”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 24, 2021 @ 11:00 am

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