This Week in Milford

August 9, 2021

There’s No Ladder Out Of Milford

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Heather Burns, Milford CC — nedryerson @ 3:33 am

We’re talking about the prospects of Heather Burns building a career coaching football. Crusty ol’ Gil Thorp, who has been coaching high school sports in Milford since the 1950’s, is mansplaining the opportunities for and probabilities of such a careeer.

Of course, Gil. Opportunities exist but are not plentiful. One would have to make opportunities, and take what’s available where it’s most likely to be visible and network and all that jazz. Maybe at a NCAA division 1 program, where Heather just came from. That would make sense, but Gil wouldn’t know. People come to Milford for irrational reasons and if they can help ol’ Gil out with free coaching or country club spying, that’s a win for him.

Get out of Milford, Heather. Go back to Iowa where you already had a foot in the door. Apply to graduate school. Get out now, Heather. You don’t want that hospital P.R. job. Trust Ned on this one.


  1. A hospital PR job where she’s allowed to leave at 3pm? Does that at all make sense?

    Comment by MopMan — August 9, 2021 @ 6:13 am

  2. A hospital PR job could make for a good strip. Watch as Heather tries to explain suing poor people for insanely high bills! See her steely resistance to those who question unlisted prices. Admire her gall as she justifies out of network providers slipping in without notice. Watch her brazen through surgeons on 3 operations at once!

    She’s a natural.

    Comment by Downpuppy — August 9, 2021 @ 7:39 am

  3. Maybe Gil could retire and just be the AD like he briefly did in the mid-90s, put Heather in the head coaching position after original hire Tod Andrews backs out of the job just before the season due to mustache-related health problems. It’ll be like a less entertaining Wildcats

    Rubin, do it you coward!

    Comment by billytheskink — August 9, 2021 @ 7:52 am

  4. Oh Lord. First of all she has an interview (a SECOND interview) for a job she Doesnt Really Want?! What the hell kinda time waster is that? Then if she’s hired, and when you start a new job youre always at the bottom; she thinks she can make her own hours??? Uh no.

    “Can I leave at 3 in the fall only so I can do my side gig coaching football at my old high school?”
    No maam, you work when we tell you and believe me, you’ll be working way longer then 9 to 5.
    Ok, I think I’ll go back to Milford and help my old teacher Gil coach football, in the fall only.
    What will you do when its not fall then? Its only fall 3 months out of the year. That leaves 9 other months to do…….what?
    Maybe I’ll go see that old reporter in Milford about writing for the Milford Star, even though thats a dying profession.

    Hey I have a better idea. Go back and see that Gil guy and ask him to pay you a fulltime salary as a teacher/coach and then you wont have to worry about skeedaddling outa here at 3 in the fall. Its really all about the money isnt it? Why have 2 jobs in 2 cities when you could just have 1 well-paying one? What the hell did you go to college for? Arent you qualified to teach by now?

    Gee thanks for the advice. Sure is better then what I got from that old coach I wanna work for when we were having lemonade. See you around!

    Comment by robmize2013 — August 9, 2021 @ 8:55 am

  5. “…excuse me, I have an autograph to sign, anyway, Heather, take the job, we can work around your hours later…”

    Gang, on a more serious note, I have a colonoscopy this week and need somebody to cover my Thursday post. Thank you millions if anyone can do it. I would be willing to cover you at a later date if you wish. Thanks for understanding.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — August 9, 2021 @ 10:01 am

  6. I’ll get Thursday, tdrewhardin. Gilsplaining might be over by then.

    Comment by nedryerson — August 9, 2021 @ 6:06 pm

  7. And round and round we go. Where we stop, nobody knows

    Comment by franku2016 — August 9, 2021 @ 6:09 pm

  8. Help me out here — If Heather didn’t really want the job at the hospital, WHY THE FUCK DID SHE APPLY FOR IT? Whatever happened to “I’m a broke graduate and I’ll take anything I can get?”

    And let’s not knock being a PR flak for a hospital, since that’s a prime hunting ground for marrying herself off to a young ambitious doctor… Then she’ll have plenty of time for Coaching.

    Comment by Hitorque — August 9, 2021 @ 6:30 pm

  9. Thanks, Ned. I truly appreciate it. These procedures are necessary but a pain in the butt. Still gotta get done. You hope this and the Gilsplaining are over with sometime soon. One of them will end anyway(ha).
    If you need for mr to cover for you in the future, let me know. Thanks again. You da Man.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — August 10, 2021 @ 9:45 am

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