This Week in Milford

August 11, 2021

Oh, Calcutta?

I get the sense that Rubin tosses these summer plots out like a bone to his golfing buddies and the golfers among his readership. He lavishes much more detail about the game and its arcana than he does during the other three seasonal arcs. For football he’s content to trot out offensive formations not commonly used since the leatherhead era except in rural areas and/or where the game is played with less than 11 players a side. He latched onto the launch angle thing for Heather’s prodigy Pelwecki but otherwise hasn’t been on the cutting edge of baseball lingo. Basketball arcs tend to be more about the announcers and the players’ home lives than the details of the game. It’s always a shot at the buzzer that misses for Milford and falls for Milford’s opponents.

From the comments over the past couple of weeks, I gather a lot of faithful TWIMers are golfers. For the rest of us not in the know, here’s what I’ve learned about Calcuttas in the world of golf:

Golfers bid, auction style, on the golfer or team they think will win the tournament; typically they’re allowed to bid on themselves or their own team as well. They enter a bid on the golfer or team they think will win, and if their bid is the highest, they “bought” them in the tournament. All the money raised through the “auction” goes into the pot. At the end of the tournament, those who “won” the team that won the tournament get a predetermined payout from the auction pool.

We can drop the notion, then, that gambling is frowned upon at the MCC, but just exactly when and how it’s allowed and who is allowed to do it is up in the air. Jawor’s accusation of a 10-stroke sandbag by designated golf villain Carter Hendricks is a serious one – serious enough that he wants to keep Hendricks out of the Calcutta (and causes his ear to climb up his scalp). He doesn’t have the Titleists to to do it on his lonesome so he’s trying to enlist Gil to help him come up with an excuse. That neither the two of them nor Heather Burns have done a quick Googling of “Carter Hendricks BSU” to find out that the Cartman was a college golfer yet would end this plot in a day is irrelevant. Oh well, I’m sure Gil and Jawor will find a way to bar Hendricks, probably because of his ethnicity or religion or something. Country clubs still do that sort of thing, don’t they?


  1. Yeah. Rubin’s basketball stories are lame and usually involve the girls more than the boys lately, like that asinine story about Alexa improving her basketball skills by shoving any innocent bystander that she could into a locker, drinking fountain, cafeteria salad bar, etc. Didn’t make sense and would never happen without her being expelled, arrested, and/or sued. As far as this golf story goes, I remember how several of us, myself included, were begging for a golf story back when all we were getting was library board bullshit and a side story of Mimi stickin’ her nose in PP’s shit. So we spoke, and apparently Rubin listened, so here we are, once again, begging for the next seasonal sport to start. Football, in this case. Most HS teams have been practicing already, but Milford is still probably six weeks or so away from starting their preseason practices, sloppy-joes and all.

    Comment by franku2016 — August 11, 2021 @ 2:45 pm

  2. We know the next sports season is going to be disappointing. So no sense hoping for a good football story. That’s what I’ve learned the past 7 years or so I’ve been following TWIM. So let’s just do what this site is founded on-mocking dumb ass Gil Thorp.
    I may as well throw this out there. I’m golfing Friday at Dwight CC in Dwight, Illinois. 10:46 tee time. Got room for 2 more to complete 4 some. If I score below 100, I’m happy. If I score below 90, I’m cheating. $35 for 18 and a cart. Seriously, if someone wants to meet JT and friend, come out for a round!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 11, 2021 @ 3:53 pm

  3. I would meet you JT but I got a work commitment that day. I’m only about hour and 15 from there so it would have been easy

    Comment by franku2016 — August 11, 2021 @ 7:37 pm

  4. That’s cool frank. Maybe some other time. I guarantee at small town like Dwight, the folks there would know all the sandbaggers if there were any. I’ve golfed many times at various courses. I’ve never heard any gambling talk other than a buck a hole or whatever. I know it exists but I know nothing, NOTHIIIINNNNGGG!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 11, 2021 @ 7:43 pm

  5. 1. So Rubin shows he has no idea what the hell Vegas and Calcutta bets are; they’re just terms he’s randomly throwing out…

    2. What amuses me the most about Gilberto’s “investigation” is at no point have either he or Jaworski even mentioned that gambling is illegal at MCC, which means Cart Hendricks’ real offense here is not giving the Club Pro, the Club Secretary and the Club Captain a cut of the action, isn’t it…? The state runs the lottery, the Catholic Church runs the Bingo and Milford Country Club controls the gambling action on the links…

    3. God damnit for the last time — There’s only two civilized ways to get rid of a hustler: A. You find a ringer and clean him out (which won’t work because nobody at MCC is good enough nor are they willing to hire a freelance ringer); and B. You make sure every member knows if they make bets against Cart Hendricks, they’re going to lose (which won’t work because like I said before, some people love to gamble and could give less than a shit about losing $100)… So the only option Rubin has for this storyline is to have Gilberto “confront” Cart with the “evidence” and in defiance of all logic Cart breaks down and confesses everything and promises to quit fleecing suckers…

    Comment by Hitorque — August 11, 2021 @ 7:56 pm

  6. Its Gil that doesnt want Hendricks to play, and the pro who says there isnt enough evidence to ban him. How do they deduct that Cart is 10 strokes better then his handicap by 1 score thats well within range of a 12 handicap? Thank god the pro shoots down Gils BS.

    Comment by robmize2013 — August 11, 2021 @ 8:27 pm

  7. […] noticed John Jawor had dyed his hair yesterday and didn’t want him to feel self-conscious so she dyed hers in […]

    Pingback by I Love Ducey | This Week in Milford — August 21, 2021 @ 8:12 pm

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