This Week in Milford

August 16, 2021

Cart Carson Is Less Than Zero

The impressive Heather Burns has cracked the case. It was Carter Hendricks’ blue orange green-and-white “rain top” that gave it away! (Um Heather, in the Thorpoverse, colors change all the time. In the previous strip, your striped shirt had one color and Gil was wearing red. You owe Mimi an apology!)

Heather must have found some BSU team photos if she’s so sure that Carter Hendricks is Carson Hendry, who won two conference gold championships with the Bemidji State Beaver’s golf team. BSU plays in the Northern Sun Intercollegiate Conference, so they competed against the likes of Concordia-St Paul and Minot State in North Dakota!

Carson Hendry has been knocking around for the last 15 years as a professional golfer! His handicap, as last recorded on Heather’s source for all pro golfer data was a -1. OMG! That’s better than scratch, says Gil! Very astute, Gil. Yes that;s how that works. A scratch golfer has a zero handicap. -1 is less than zero, so it is better than scratch. You’re really good at this, Gil. Get yourself a cookie and change your shirt again.



  1. Yep. You can’t just can’t fool Gil. And Rubin is just fuckin’ with us now by having Heather say that the rain suit was green and white even though it’s been shown as orange the entire time. Even Mimi assumes it’s the Boise State team. Anyhoo….there will be at least three more days of this banter before anything moves along

    Comment by franku2016 — August 16, 2021 @ 7:07 am

  2. Curious if this was on purpose, but Heather pronounced the name of the college with three i’s instead of two. Bemiidji? They use real names all the time so I suspect he fat fingered a double i while typing and didn’t proofread very well.

    Comment by MopMan — August 16, 2021 @ 7:08 am

  3. franku – Even worse, one time the jacket was orange and the other it was blue!

    Comment by MopMan — August 16, 2021 @ 7:09 am

  4. 1. God damn it, I’m still waiting for someone to mention that gambling isn’t illegal… Wasn’t there a “cheating in a teenage amateur golf tournament” storyline 2-3 summers ago? I don’t recall Gilberto ever digging this deep or being this outraged over that…

    2. Wow… The mighty golf powerhouse of Bemidji State… I suppose tomorrow Heather Cronkite will make the explosive discovery that Tiger Woods played college golf at Stanford, and how that explains his unprecedented professional successes…

    3. If you’re going through all the time and trouble to freaking change your name, fudge your handicap and sandbag your scores just to hustle a few bucks off some suckers, wouldn’t you want to do it at a golf course where to quote Professor Harold Hill, “…the money is as green as the people…?” What’s the point of winning 100 bucks off some retired TV weatherman in some low-rent backwater where nobody wants to live like Milford?

    3a. But then again, as hustlers go, Cart Hendricks is really fucking stupid when it comes to hiding his ringer origins… Got his college rain slicker in his bag (15 years later, no less) probably flashes the gold ring he got for winning the U.S. Amateur Championship, while wearing his Bronze Medal from the 2016 Summer Games under his official members-only polo shirt from Pebble Beach while practicing his recovery shots in front of Gilberto and Heather in a heavy downpour while blindfolded… So the only conclusions I can reach is the entire clientele of Milford Country Club knows Cart Hendricks is hustler and they just don’t give a shit and like to play him anyway… Maybe he’s a good conversationalist…

    4. Isn’t Cart Hendricks a junior executive at some chemicals company or something? I presume he’s already making pretty good money, so why even hustle the minnows and low-hanging fruit in the first place? Why not find some gambling degenerates with a similar handicap and put down some MAN-sized bets?

    Comment by hitorque — August 16, 2021 @ 9:19 am

  5. ok– I got no words now. EVERY FREAKIN SCHOOL HAS SCHOOL GEAR IN MULTIPLE COLORS!!!! What the hell does his top have to do with anything? And how many BSU’s are there in America? So much circumstantial evidence that doesnt necessarily mean squat. Maybe he forgot which school it was from after 15 years!! And my god, a ton of people have gear from schools they didnt go to! I’ve seen so many Harvard sweatshirts in my life I could fill Wrigley Field. Aint None of those folks ever spent a day at Harvard.
    Heather ya better have Way more evidence then what ya got, and again, why do you care about this guy at all?

    Comment by robmize2013 — August 16, 2021 @ 9:29 am

  6. A little less stupid than the butter knife assassin. But still very friggin stupid.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 16, 2021 @ 9:42 am

  7. You have to assume that there are Carson Hendry pictures all over the place, so that’s not a problem.
    I knew somebody whose sister went to Bemidji. They had tunnels between all the buildings so nobody had to go outside in the winter, which yes, lasts about 10 months.

    Comment by Downpuppy — August 16, 2021 @ 9:57 am

  8. Downpuppy…yes…I was thinking the same thing…Golf season must go from about June 10 to August 31 in Bemidji…no wonder CH is so good, having all that nice weather to play in to allow him to improve his game

    Comment by franku2016 — August 16, 2021 @ 10:06 am

  9. Great job Heather, now give us Lanny Penn’s backstory…

    Comment by billytheskink — August 16, 2021 @ 10:11 am

  10. This is why the syndicate should stick with running the black & white version of the strip.

    Also, from the correlation v. causation dept.: IIRC True Standish and/or one of his cohorts were running around in Clemson swag and none of them ended up going there.

    Comment by teenchy — August 16, 2021 @ 11:30 am

  11. Yeah, Tru Standish (with the stacked Mudlarks coming off their most recent state championship) and his highly-touted teammates having the nerve to be offended that college football is big business and nationally ranked college recruiting prospects tend to get a lot of media attention until they make their announcement was a really weird flex… It was almost like they *didn’t* want to play big time college football! I always did wonder how they would have reacted to college stardom, being on ESPN Gameday with Lee Corso or whoever, on the cover of Sports Illustrated, being all-conference or god forbid All-American…

    And their utter resentment and disdain for college recruiting websites was an even weirder flex… Hey brah, if some blogger over at assumed you’re going to Clemson, it’s because one of your friends, classmates or family members saw your t-shirt and leaked it out to him… And by the way, Clemson may be full of (*SELF-CENSORED STRING OF SPITTING RAGE, EPITHETS AND INSULTS NOT FIT FOR POLITE COMPANY*) but they’ve been a damned successful football program and you could do a lot worse. Who the hell turns their noses up at playing for Clemson? And motherfuck this strip for making me defend Clemson…

    Comment by hitorque — August 16, 2021 @ 12:44 pm

  12. Our colleagues are all right in their assessments. But as one who has followed GT plots for far too long, I could write the script for this one. Heather, having cracked the case of the perfidious /Hendricks. will be hired as an investigative reporter for the Mfnrd Star, without having to blow the bossman Dale. And Elrod Hendricks will be run out of town on a one-iron for a crime which exists only in Mfnrd, while Heather finishes work by three each day and coaches the Mudlark line to a championship while the corn harvesters and their wives dance in the courtyard.

    Comment by vaganova — August 16, 2021 @ 3:26 pm

  13. […] old news. Nobody in Milford cares about your past unless you’re trying to make money using skills you learned in the past. Nobody in Milford ever Googles anybody to find out if they’re living under an assumed name […]

    Pingback by A Cease and Desist Letter from Rowan Atkinson Will Be Forthcoming | This Week in Milford — June 22, 2022 @ 10:55 am

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