This Week in Milford

August 18, 2021

What Is It About Industrial Solvent Sales That Leads People to a Life of Crime?

So much for Carter’s – I mean, Carson’s – stint in the Witness Protection Program. Little Miss Investigative Reporter Wannabe has joined the MCC (why else would she be wearing the same colored polo shirt as everyone else? Maybe it’s a Bemidji State polo shirt), thrown on no fewer than six of her extra jangly bracelets and blown his cover. Time for him to hit the road, create another alias and sell stolen golf shoes from the trunk of his car.

It’s been a long day at work (meta) and it’s not over yet so yhs is firing off a late post. I could spend the rest of the evening trying to analyze this so it makes some kind of logical sense but why try? Rubin is throwing exposition left and right to make this golf cheat – clearly the lowest form of humanity in the Thorpiverse – look like even more of a criminal. The Milford Country Club is not a court of competent jurisdiction but here it carries more weight than the Supremes. Do we even have to point out that being charged with a crime isn’t the same thing as being convicted of it? By the end of the week Carson/ter will have been found to be behind the art heist from the Gardner Museum and the ammonium nitrate explosion in Beirut.

How did Hendry/ricks get younger looking from P1 to P3? Is he going to de-age with each accusation until he turns into a fetus, or was he really this age to begin with? Come to think of it, couldn’t these photos of him online have been deepfaked? We know Google exists in the Valley so the “1959 with cell phones” excuse can’t last for much longer.

Really, instead of looking all deer-in-the-headlights and throwing up the jazz hands, all he had to do was stonewall, call Heather’s little screen grabs “fake news” and he’d have been in the clear. After all, if you repeat a lie often enough, doesn’t it become the truth? Tens of millions would agree.


  1. God damn it, Rubin…

    1. If Hendricks is a fugitive from the law, then you should be calling the FBI instead of staging some bullshit “GOTCHA” moment… If his charges have already been adjudicated by the legal system, THEN THEY ARE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TO THE MATTER AT HAND… If you’re accusing Hendricks of theft or trying to lure members into some kind of business scam, THEN WHY THE HELL EVEN MENTION HIS FAKE HANDICAP IN THE FIRST PLACE? Also I’d damn well better hope you’ve got some substantial evidence before you get Milford Country Club sued into bankruptcy.

    2. As it has been mentioned already, Hendricks is under ZERO obligation to explain himself or say ANYTHING to these self-righteous hypocrite motherfuckers except “goodbye”… But then again he never struck me as even having average-level intelligence.

    3. Yeah, even if you’re going to accuse him of trying to defraud club members, the fact that he wasn’t even on the Club Secretary’s radar screen until he started winning a few bucks off bets equals some highly questionable optics… Because right now this is looking awfully similar to extortion or blackmail.

    4. And because it bears repeating – Unless Hendricks has some kind of job at the club where he’s authorized to handle money, THEN PAST ACCUSATIONS OF THEFT ARE COMPLETELY FUCKING IRRELEVANT!!

    5. Heather’s “opening statement for the prosecution” and her red shirt implies heavily that she’s not only a full-standing member of MCC, but she also holds a place somewhere in the club’s administrative structure…?? Since when could unemployed broke-assed college graduates with $100,000 in student loans afford an initiation fee plus annual country club dues??

    6. Just a goddamned minute here – How the hell did Hendricks get a white-collar job as an industrial chemical exporter or whatever the hell he is with no background check? Who the hell hires a job applicant who only started “existing” two years ago after a name change??

    7. You know what? Heather and Gilberto are going to look REALLY fucking stupid if it turns out after being charged with theft back in Minnesota, Cart Hendricks rolled over on some of his co-workers and went into Federal Witness Protection….

    Comment by Hitorque — August 18, 2021 @ 6:57 pm

  2. 8. Okay I didn’t consider that Heather could be here under her dad’s membership plan… But that still doesn’t explain why she gets to participate in this shakedown…

    Comment by Hitorque — August 18, 2021 @ 7:01 pm

  3. So this evidence is being presented by sugar britches herself? Instead being the stutterin’ goof that he is, he should’ve just laughed in her face, and told Alfred the butler ‘this is bullshit… what the fuck do you guys really want?…’ and just stood there. He could say ‘how would she know? Six months ago, she was pullin trains down at the Teke house… you guys are amazing… fuck you grandpa… can I get back to my card game now?…”

    Comment by franku2016 — August 18, 2021 @ 7:09 pm

  4. I did go back to the butter knife assassin days to compare that fuck wad teacher with this prez cock knocker. Prez doesn’t have the beard of the teacher but there are some similarities. Neither has balls, that’s fo’ sho’!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 18, 2021 @ 7:27 pm

  5. Ah, but Heather does not have the club shirt on. There is no logo! So she just picked out some generic polo at Target to try to blend in. So she’s not a member or on staff. Now that doesn’t explain why the hell she’s there, other than whatever Gil wants, Gil gets. And it’s probably too complicated for him to comprehend, so he’s having her do it and hope it makes sense.

    Comment by MopMan — August 18, 2021 @ 8:20 pm

  6. I’m guessing that when Heather Burns, PI, found the dirt on Elrod, Gil the summer kiddie coach went to the club officials to tip them off. Presumably, when they decided to confront Cassidy Hendrix, they could call in anyone they wanted to give evidence. Why would a witness have to be a club member?

    Comment by vaganova — August 19, 2021 @ 10:15 am

  7. Heather Burns….Milford Star investigative reporter for now….20/20, Dateline, or 48 Hours investigative reporter next. Natalie Morales and Andrea Canning better look tf out be ready for her to try and leap-frog right over them with her brand of hard-hitting journalism.

    Comment by franku2016 — August 19, 2021 @ 10:20 am

  8. When she surfaced four years ago, trying to teach Kevin Pelwecki quarterback skills, I had a sense Heather Burns might join the cast of recurring characters such as Todd Andrews, Wally Lamb, Hadley v Baxendale, and Steve Luhm the floor-buffing point guard.

    The “arc” of the present story suggests she is about to be hired by the Mfnrd Star, and that Gil’s present line coach will come down with a case of recalcitrant plebney and need to take a year off. No mention, of course, of the obvious conflict of interest in having a local journalist coach the football team.

    Comment by vaganova — August 19, 2021 @ 2:56 pm

  9. I’m a recurring character? HA! They gave me one story about a decade ago where I saved the girls basketball team, then they didn’t ever let me help coach again. You’d think the least they could do is just draw me in the background in the hallway once in a great while, even without any lines. But noooooooooo.

    Yeah, either the Star hires her, and lets her leave every day at 3pm (BAH HA HA HA HA) to help coach football, or they will make her an offer and she will refuse it to pursue her lonnnnnngshot career as a coach. Starting as an assistant line coach with a pay of $25/week, which will really help out with her payments on her college loans.

    Comment by MopMan — August 19, 2021 @ 4:10 pm

  10. Like I said, if Heather was really serious about coaching someday, she would have stayed her ass in Iowa City and been a graduate assistant… She was *already* on the fast track; doesn’t she realize she’ll have to spend years at some mediocre backwater high school just to reach the level she was at six weeks ago?

    But then again, if Heather was REALLY serious about being a football coach, she’d have never majored in mass comm to begin with.

    Comment by Hitorque — August 19, 2021 @ 5:20 pm

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