This Week in Milford

September 4, 2021

Heather Burns Throws Worse Than a Girl!

I mean, come on! Look at that form! Gil tosses Heather a foil-wrapped chocolate football, she grips it like a loofah and throws it back to him all misshapen? If she can do that to a football, maybe she could have been the S&C coach.

Finally Rubin gets around to addressing the 125-pound tight end in the room – conflict of interest – but he can’t come out and say it literally. Instead he has to use the same euphemism he did during last year’s QB controversy. What possible role could he have for Heather that doesn’t involve her actually coaching the Mudlarks? Lemme guess: he’ll coerce her into writing some kind of “insider football tips” column in the Star along with her regular reporting. I’m sure he called her boss Dale and cleared it all ahead of time; this is his town after all. Be prepared to see Gil require his players to read Heather’s column daily, maybe even going so far as to require them to buy the Star off the rack or even subscribe. Can you imagine Gil helps build Heather’s resume and single-handedly boosts the flagging circulation of a dying medium? The mind boggles!

Hang on for this thrill ride: it surely will be more surprising than Gil trotting out the Delaware Wing-T yet again.


  1. 1. Hey Heather Cronkite… “Being Switzerland” also means YOU SHOULDN’T BE PLAYING CATCH WITH GILBERTO, YOU DUMBASSED IGNORANT GIRL!! Why on Earth would a rookie sportswriter even have time for this?! In real life she’d either be rushing back to the newsroom to type up her preseason Milford Football preview, or she’d be rushing out to another high school in the district to interview their coach because she’d more likely be writing previews of EVERY school in the conference or district or whatever…

    2. I’m presuming the “custom-made spot” for Heather Cronkite is “Riding Gilberto’s Cialis dick at the Red Roof Inn off of Highway 40 until she’s sore…”

    3. But seriously… Does Rubin know he’s checking the boxes of nearly every negative stereotype associated with women in journalism? Does he know he’s setting the cause for women sportswriters back at least 40 years?? Do we need to start a conversation about what Rubin’s major gripe is about women reporters??

    Comment by hitorque — September 4, 2021 @ 11:06 pm

  2. If the black side of the football is a shadow, then the sun is really jumping around. Which would be dangerous for Heather, if those pedal pushers relate to how she’s getting around.

    Comment by Downpuppy — September 5, 2021 @ 2:06 am

  3. Heather shows that she doesn’t know how to throw a football too and that she’s just hangin around for the sloppy joes.

    Comment by franku2016 — September 5, 2021 @ 6:25 am

  4. “ you love teaching the game”… the only ones who will take you serious though are fuckin pee wee league kids. Anyone else will laugh you off the field, sugar britches

    Comment by franku2016 — September 5, 2021 @ 6:28 am

  5. Gomer(Gil, same difference): “Lou-Ann, you’re just not ready to be a reporter. Look how they ran ya off in Turtle Creek after that piece on the Pop Warner Football Leagur scandal.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — September 5, 2021 @ 2:59 pm

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