This Week in Milford

December 1, 2021

“Sure I have expectations. I expect you to keep my name out of your mouth, starting now.”

Boy, Chance Macy is presumptuous, isn’t he? Since when has the Milford student body outside of Chance’s teammates said anything about what he does after high school? They have wondered aloud about why he and Tevin have decided to use cafeteria tables as their personal soapbox, though. Shows you who rules the roost in the Milford High coop.

As if that wasn’t enough, he feels the need to share his conversations with Gil with the school at large. Yeah, I get it that he can fall back on the “Tevin made me do it” excuse which, if he’s as much a “take my own advice” and “keep my opinions to myself” guy as he’s been painted to be, makes him a huge hypocrite. Chance should have shut up as soon as he said “McGill” and sat right back down.

But wait, there’s more! Macy has the nerve to bring Kianna Bello into the picture. (Is it coincidence that she always happens to be sitting in front of the table the football player stands up on?) Guessing he doesn’t Kianna to talk to him, either. Wouldn’t the casual listener hear Chance and think he’s been talking to Gil about Kianna?

If tomorrow’s strip doesn’t have Kianna interrupting Chance’s mansplaining with a verbal – if not physical – beatdown, I will be sorely disappointed. Of course, disappointment is a way of life in the Thorpiverse. Pity she doesn’t still have those crutches; she could put them to good use in short order.

8 Comments »

  1. First of all, Chance, who the fuck has been sayin’ that shit, like anyone gives a rat’s ass about your blowtop ass? And just why are you droppin’ Gil’s name like anyone GAFs about him as well? By bringing Kianna in to this shit show, you have managed to knock her sleeves off by the time P 2 opens. And what is that shit the kid in P 1 has on her stick? Are they having a marshmallow roast indoors? And I really wish that someone in authority would tell these turds to stay off the fucking tables. Rubin has his head up his ass, as usual.

    Comment by franku2016 — December 1, 2021 @ 12:54 pm

  2. *correction….duh….no sleeves by P 3….

    Comment by franku2016 — December 1, 2021 @ 1:25 pm

  3. 1. “SOME OF YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO WATCH ME PLAY ON TV…”

    First of all, nobody said that, fuckwit…. Secondly, I give less that a flying fuck if it is *just* McGill you’re attending — YOU ARE NOT GUARANTEED TO HAVE A STARTING ROLE UP THERE, TO SAY NOTHING OF INSTANT GUARANTEED ON-FIELD SUCCESS SO QUIT MAKING THAT ASSUMPTION YOU INSUFFERABLE ASSCLOWN!!

    Jesus Christ I hope Chance gets buried so deep on that depth chart he’ll only get in the last two plays in the last game of his senior college season, like “Rudy”

    1a. Holy fucking damn I liked Chance the Gardener better back when he hardly ever said anything and just showed up every game and played hard without ever calling attention to himself…

    2. It’s funny because Chance’s half-assed “Lou Gehrig’s Goodbye at Yankee Stadium” speech is only being listened to in a two-table radius and the rest of the diners in the background aren’t even looking at him…

    2a. I’m still waiting for one of the random girls to raise her hand and ask “I’m sorry, just who the hell are you again, and what is a ‘McGill’?”

    2b. The way this dialogue is set up, one would think Gilberto and Chance were discussing their “expectations” of Kianna… Were they going to “double-team” her after practice or something? Hey, it’s not like Tevin has been slapping her assmeat anyway so someone else may as well, right? Sadly it’s way too ambitious for me to hope Chance is making a play for Kianna right here with Tevin having a front row seat…

    3. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Chance to give his announcement to, I dunno, maybe his goddamned football teammates and coaches first? Of course not, because even in the Milfordverse, at least a couple of teammates would feel compelled to demand an explanation on exactly what the fuck Chance is thinking with his “I can’t wait to play for a sucky team in an empty stadium with absolutely no gameday atmosphere whatsoever 1200 miles from home!” -angle here….

    4. Let’s be honest here… This entire Canada stunt looks like a huge “FUCK YOU!” rebellion from Chance against whoever (dad or granddad) was trying to groom him into being a pro football player from three years old… Yeah, that kind of relentless single-track obsessive parenting might have worked for Tiger Woods and the Williams Sisters, and some notable Olympic medalists, but for every success story there’s 10,000 bitter, resentful and ill-adjusted former athletes who hate their parents and just want their lost childhoods back…

    4a. As an aside, I always wondered if similar forces in Kianna’s life that made her think she had to overwork herself onto the injured list…

    5. I can’t wait for Summer 2022 when Chance the Gardener shows up in Montreal for summer training and during his first lunch with his new teammates he climbs on the cafeteria table to deliver some George C. Scott opening speech from “Patton” and the only response he hears is “Osti de tabarnak de sacrament, de câlice de ciboire de criss de marde!!”

    Comment by hitorque — December 1, 2021 @ 1:43 pm

  4. “…tell her what she’s won, Johnny.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — December 1, 2021 @ 1:52 pm

  5. 6. So now it’s debate time — WHO was the bigger Senior Year Self-Sabotaging Idiot, Chance the Gardener or Peppermint Patty?

    In one corner we have Patty, an economically disadvantaged three-sport ringer who transferred from the wrong side of the tracks and was an honor roll student, to boot… She loved her sports and could have gone *anywhere*, even on an academic scholarship if she pursued it – Yet she seemed to rebel completely against the mere concept of college education and college sports for some reasons unknown (FFS she didn’t even *apply* anywhere!). She kept screeching for months that she had “a plan” after graduation, but clearly her “plan” wasn’t vocational school or the military so it could only have been bagging groceries or slinging lattes at Starbucks or some kind of hourly wage work… Finally with the direct intervention of Gilbertina and Mrs. Korinininininina, Patty gets “voluntold” at the 11th hour that she’s been enrolled at some Podunk JuCo in upstate New York to play softball for two years and then transfer to some Division II college a few miles away or something… This DESPITE the fact that she was All-World in softball and graduated Cum Laude(!)… And while this ending was really fucking stupid, it was 100% deserved Karma for Patty’s laziness and indecision to have her destiny decided for her…

    In the other corner, we have Chance the Gardener who despite ignoring the dozens of unopened recruiting letters and showing his ass to the one recruiter from a Power Five program who took the time to fucking visit him (and Gilberto seemed 100% okay with this because reasons), clearly HAS done his research, and is clearly attending the university and playing for the program of his choice… It’s just that Chance’s reasoning and motives are making zero fucking logical sense as I’ve painstakingly illustrated, and what’s even stranger is neither Gilberto nor Kazuo nor any teammates have suggested he consider his decision a little longer. One would presume this is a happy, proud occasion for Chance the Gardener, but his attitude comes off like Jesus being sentenced to death by the Romans, as if he’s making some kind of grand, romantic sacrifice for all mankind… Is Chance blowing a smokescreen to hide his true motive? Was he born in Canada and is willing to forgo playing for a Power Five school to return home? I’m not holding my breath on Rubin telling us, because tomorrow Chance will finish off his oration with “NOW LET’S BEAT JAMES THAYER CENTRAL NEW MADISON VALLEY!!” and the entire matter will never be spoken about again.

    Comment by hitorque — December 1, 2021 @ 2:51 pm

  6. After this Chance debacle, no college recruiters will waste their time and per diem in Milford ever again. In fact, if Gil tries hitting one up, he will be told to “…fuck off coach, because the last ‘can’t miss’ prospect you told us about was rude, indifferent, and off- putting…. Get your shit together man….”

    Comment by franku2016 — December 1, 2021 @ 3:33 pm

  7. First time an eyeball explosion cut off a pair of sleeves.

    Comment by Downpuppy — December 1, 2021 @ 4:48 pm

  8. Franku that’s no kid eating the marshmallows. Looks like it’s bring your mom to lunch day. And behind her we have another kid with a nose full of nickels.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — December 1, 2021 @ 4:56 pm


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