This Week in Milford

December 11, 2021

Thanks for Coming to TEDx Milford. Now Zip It.

Just because a plot is plausible doesn’t mean it isn’t dopey.

Some really dumb things happened in the fall arc, none of which would have led to negative consequences if someone hadn’t stepped up to stop them from happening. As soon as Boyd Spiller called Tevin Claxton a choker more than once, one or more of his teammates (maybe that voice of reason Gordon Achebe) should’ve shoved him in a locker or otherwise nipped it in the bud. As soon as word of Spiller’s hypnotricks got around, Tevin could’ve revealed that he’d be seeing a sports shrink, preventing multiple people from believing there was magic in Boyd’s pen light. But then he wouldn’t be able to give his preliminary TED talk which, though it kinda bombed, set the stage for Chance Macy’s better-received speech. As soon as Kianna Bello passed out at The Bucket, someone could’ve told her to stop burning the candle at both ends, which would’ve kept her from staring into Boyd’s pen light and, well, you know the rest.

As has been mentioned here multiple times over the course of the fall, a Coach, more than likely a Thorp, could’ve stepped up and and put a stop to most if not all of this. When Kianna started showing signs of fatigue, either Mimi or the gymnastics coach could’ve told her to quit one or the other team. At the very least, Mimi could’ve powered her by coffee. Even when Tevin kept his mouth shut and let people start believing there was something to Boyd’s pen light, either Gil or Kaz could’ve shut it down. No way word doesn’t get to the coaching staff until just before the Madison game.

Ah, well. Order is maintained in Milford. Mudlark teams underachieve. No one has to live up to anyone’s expectations but their own, especially Gil, Mimi and Kaz, who can always blame their teams’ shortcomings on their superstitious players. Everything is bound up as tightly as those kids’ digestive systems after eating all that Bucket food. Well, except for Kianna’s sitch. We’ll never know how that got resolved, because girl.


  1. At least we got one last look at the McGill A. Gorilla himself before moving on. After the way Tevin was going hard all season at Kianna, who would have thought the very last panel of this arc would be Kianna and Chance holding hands? Gil Thorp is getting to be practically like an O. Henry short story.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — December 11, 2021 @ 5:28 pm

  2. Did Gil finish his game of “pocket pool”?

    Comment by Bobby Joe — December 11, 2021 @ 5:53 pm

  3. I’ll just repeat my comments from…

    Oh wow, plot twist! Tevin has been after her all season, he thinks she’s finally come around by her asking him to take her to The Bucket. She then pulls Chance over and starts rubbing his arm.

    P4 – Chance and Kianna leave to go somewhere private and Tevin is stuck with the bill for all three of them. I like it.

    Comment by MopMan — December 11, 2021 @ 6:07 pm

  4. Well Gil, being the main star of this strip, sure earned his salary this season. Remember during the hypnosis garbage when he….oh, wait, he had no idea. Well what about when Kianna was overly stressed and he….oh, he had no idea about that either. Well when Chance was getting inundated with recruiting letters and he….oh, he just threw them in a box. Well when Boyd was bullying Tevin about his non-choking he….oh, he had no idea about that either. He did talk to Heather a couple of times, that was something I guess.

    But at least his assistant took up the slack. When Chance was standing on the lunch tables making a spectacle of himself and deserved a stern lecture if not a detention, and the lunchroom monitor wanted to do something, Kaz was there to…..well, just shrug his shoulders and say, “whatever”. And Mimi was sure helpful with Kianna when she…wait, what did happen to Mimi? Did she just go to Acapulco or something midseason?

    Comment by MopMan — December 11, 2021 @ 6:10 pm

  5. I’d say no Bobby Joe. I’m sure he was stricken with Whiskey dick.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — December 11, 2021 @ 6:47 pm

  6. Good bye and good riddance, Chance the Gardener… You have fun playing that Canadian rules football in subzero temperatures 1100 miles away from home with no direct flights in front of 2000 fans and not speaking any French… Because something something “expectations”…

    I would pay real American money for Rubin to forget about Milford for a while and show us how many friends Peppermint Patty has made up in Buffalo or Rochester or Syracuse or wherever (zero), along with an in-depth storyline following Chance’s inevitably disastrous freshman year

    Comment by Hitorque — December 12, 2021 @ 10:15 am

  7. I agree with hitorque. Good riddance to this entire dysfunctional group of douche bags. Even PP was more entertaining than these idiots, especially that fuck-stick Spiller. No one in the history of Rubin characters needed an ass whipping more that that guy did.

    Comment by franku2016 — December 12, 2021 @ 11:27 am

  8. As an aside, where are the other teammates who should be celebrating?! It’s their last game of the season…

    FFS, wasn’t it also Senior Night, being the final home game? There’s no special celebration going on for them? Chance’s grandparents didn’t come out to see him play and take him to dinner?!

    Comment by Hitorque — December 12, 2021 @ 5:34 pm

  9. “…you know I won’t say much…”? What a tool….you said way too much the other day, jack-wad

    Comment by franku2016 — December 12, 2021 @ 6:30 pm

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