This Week in Milford

January 12, 2022

Sasaki Gets Stitches

The Lady Mudlarks struggled through the name-dropping shout-out non-conference portion of their schedule. Rather than leaving it to Mimi to help the girls gel and improve their game, appointed captain Hollis Talley, at the suggestion of teammate and friend(?) Cathy Sasaki, decides to lead by example. The example she uses to lead by is an unscheduled, voluntary practice after practice, followed by a thirst-quenching, electrolyte-restoring round of hot joe at the Coffee Cantina.

Now it’s time to move on to conference* play, where It Just Means More®. Despite a yeoman effort by the stalwart Landry Carlson – sinking shots while getting tickled under the armpit – Milford loses again, dropping to 1-3, 0-1 on the season. Now what’s a captain to do?

Ignore her rat fink of a bestie, if Hollis’s hand is any indication. It doesn’t take a space cadet to see that the post-practice practice was held with no advance notice, was clearly made optional and, most importantly, was not held with Mimi’s endorsement. Now Cathy’s gonna dime out two girls who weren’t at that practice (Cressa, another stalwart from last season, and the heretofore unmentioned Maddie Bloom) and somehow blame them for the loss? Hopefully Hollis threw that hand up for Cathy to talk to it, rather than as a sign that she’s going to take that info to Mimi to act on… or to act on it herself.

Does the Air Force engage in fragging? Asking for a friend.

*Rubin has been calling it the Valley Conference since time immemorial. What’s this “league” crap? Did he watch The Big Lebowski before cranking out today’s strip?


  1. Teenchy,
    In the name of Gil
    Before you wreck this team…”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — January 12, 2022 @ 2:06 pm

  2. This is asinine af…..Well, yes indeedy……they skipped your little “screens and cuts” circle jerk that you threw in their face at the last minute, without warning, while they were already in the locker room, shower room, or even already dressed and ready to head home and do a couple of hours of homework, and now, because you lost to a “strong team”, these two happy assholes are possibly gonna’ go cryin’ to Mimi or call them out later, like it’s their fault they lost this game. Sure kid, that’s going to improve the cohesiveness of the squad but not create team dissension. Yeah…that’s really ‘captain-ish’. Maybe Mimi SHOULD demand a recount if this is what this twat thinks being a captain means…squealing on your fellow man (or woman) when the going gets rough.

    Comment by franku2016 — January 12, 2022 @ 2:12 pm

  3. 1. God help us, here it comes… From now on Wing Commander Hollis Talley, USAF is drawing a you’re-either-with-us-or-against-us-since-you’re-not-willing-to-do-what-it-takes-to-WIN!! line in the sand, and she’s taking note of every enlisted airman who isn’t standing at attention… I guess now her “optional” extended practice will assume the NFL meaning of “optional”, which is to say “mandatory if you still want a future with this team…”

    2. As an aside, I forgot to ask the other day — How the hell does Talley even conduct optional extended practice? Because for every basketball team I ever played on, when the final whistle blows, the coach was always like “CLEAR THE COURT, GO CHANGE, AND GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! I GOTTA SWEEP UP, TURN OUT THE LIGHTS AND LOCK UP THE GYM SO I CAN GO HOME!”

    So if Gilbertina is watching this optional extended practice without giving any guidance or making some notes, she’s an even worse coach than I imagined… And if Gilbertina is leaving 5-6 girls completely alone as the last people in a school building that’s closed for the night, she’s bordering on potential criminal negligence and opening up Milford to a massive liability if something happens, is she not? Does Gilbertina not fucking know that she bears legal responsibility for her players’ safety?

    3. It’s funny because nobody has the stones to tell Little Miss Operation Linebacker that the Lady Mudlarks’ fortunes on the court have jack shit to do with who did or didn’t attend her little optional practice…

    4. It’s just mind-boggling to see Gilbertina make absolutely zero fucking adjustments when her team has started 0-3… Not only have Milford athletes learned long ago that they’d have to coach themselves, they’d have to self-discipline and police themselves as well… Remind me what Gilberto and Gilbertina do to earn their bloated paychecks again?

    Comment by hitorque — January 12, 2022 @ 3:33 pm

  4. Is “getting tickled under the armpit” a new euphemism for “copping a feel”?

    Comment by Moon Mullins — January 12, 2022 @ 3:53 pm

  5. 18 points and 13 for the other extra practice chick. I realize it’s hard to fit in more stats in a 3 panel strip but I wonder what the shooting percentages were. Turnstile defense? Illegal screens? I guess I’ll always wonder.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 12, 2022 @ 5:06 pm

  6. Not 0-3, 1-3 hitorque! Thus, no need for adjustments!

    Comment by MopMan — January 12, 2022 @ 5:34 pm

  7. After Colonel Klink calls out the girls who skipped her unsanctioned practice, they could say “… sorry… I thought that you said ‘cunts and screaming’ , not ‘cuts and screens’… my bad…”

    Comment by franku2016 — January 12, 2022 @ 7:28 pm

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