This Week in Milford

January 25, 2022

Gil’s Bolero Or Gil’s Bull?

Filed under: Gil Thorp — tdrewhardin @ 2:16 pm

You whippersnappers will have to forgive me, “Beck’s Bolero” just sends me every time I listen to it. It is described as one of the greatest Rock instrumentals of all time and it contained an All-Star line-up. We’re talking the great Jeff Beck, a guitar virtuoso with a brilliant mind for music, the protagonist of this song, his electric guitar soaring to new heights throughout the song, Jimmy Page, rhythm guitar, who proved an ingenious accompaniment, John Paul Jones, bass, Nicky Hopkins, keyboards, and Keith Moon, drums. As some of you might know, Page and Jones went on to form Led Zeppelin with Robert Plant on vocals and John Bonham on drums, Moon was a drummer with The Who, and Hopkins did frequent work with The Rolling Stones. In fact, this was considered the seed that would grow into Led Zeppelin but Moon, though a bit disillusioned with The Who, eventually ironed out his grievances with Pete Townshend, guitarist of the band. John Entwistle, bassist of the same, seriously considered participating in the Bolero project as well based on his own gripes with The Who but never showed and eventually returned to The Who. Interestingly enough, Moon was reputed to have said that this group would probably go down like a lead balloon to which Entwistle reputedly added “More like a lead zeppelin” (Beliveable, IMO) . An “e” was dropped and a supergroup eventually emerged.

But Gil’s Bolero is just flat-out grating my nerves and I bet (pardon the pun) the readership would agree. As I have mentioned several times, we are recycling plots as we have already banished Carter Hendricks from Milford so why are we reinstating him only to throw him out on the streets again? Like, what are we going to do with Pranit once his gambling tendencies catch up with him, give him a $100 gift card from The Bucket???? Your gambling addiction is catching up with you, you cur, here’s the keys to that unit at Milford Condo Suites. You’ll be neighbors with O.J.

Tevin Clapton is simply stating the obvious. Pranit can’t keep playing with fire and not have Commissioner Gordon approach him the way the latter approached Hendricks. With Heather Tarbell in the same room at the guillotine? And this time, the stakes carry a little more weight. You can lose your membership but get in with the right person, pay your membership dues, and perform some community service, and promise no more spot-betting at hole #8 and all is forgotten. Get suspended from school or even expelled from school and it’s gonna take more than cleaning out the latrines at Milford Petting Zoo to get reinstated. You can’t write a check to cover 3 years of membership dues and run it past Dr. Pearl. Tevin isn’t thrilled? Are you serious, Gabe? Tevin almost made it sound like Pranit is on the Wide Path to Destruction. Who can argue? Don’t make it sound like Coach Thorp is going to make Pranit stand in a corner if he overrruns the tab at the Milford Horse Racing window. Couldn’t keep the Milford Mafia from roughing you up after mounting Vince Packard losses? Go to your room without any supper. Wake up and smell the Coffee Cantina, Gabe.

Keith Moon can be heard in the song screaming (typical Loony Moony) as he kicked over some drums and was playing primarily cymbals for the rest of the song

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Yelling Is Finally Identified In ‘Gil’s Bolero’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“My wife saw a centipede crawl across the studio and right next to her leg. We’ll call Milford Exterminating tomorrow.”

And talk about freak hands. Pranit in P1 has a Lego Block assembly if I ever saw one. Just snap the middle finger and index finger onto the upper palm and BOOM BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!, instant waving goodbye. Buckminster Fuller couldn’t have designed it better. I’ll have to admit, the textbooks actually look like textbooks, not rectangles that arose out of non-Euclidean geometry, i.e., the parallel lines will never meet albeit in a severely-curved hyperbola. But that’s like complimenting the LA freeway system on the upgrades even with bridges still crumbling whenever an earthquake occurs. It’s nice to get from Santa Monica to San Bernardino as long as a San Andreas Fault trap on the passing lane on I-15 doesn’t swallow my Kenworth.

In Gil’s office one day with “Beck’s Bolero” blasting from the speakers

“That’s enough, Shaw. You don’t have to tap-dance the rest of the afternoon. You’re rehired. Be here at 8 ‘o clock sharp tomorrow.”

Let me get this out of the way first. Jesus Christ is Lord of my life and therefore I have a real problem with gambling. I apologize if anybody thinks that I’m preaching but I have a hard time talking about something I am dead set against in every which way.

That said, I realize prople have different views and therefore I will never stand in the way of anyone walking into a 7-11 to buy a lottery ticket or sitting at the gaming table at Milford Gaming Casino praying for the winning number. My testimony, more than my words, is the best way to reach people if I want them won over to my way of thinking. And that’s with anything you believe in or love by.

I do think it’s amusing to hear Tevin talk about Pranit’s can’t-miss methodology to finance his way to college. Like I’m going to go down to Milford Kwik-Mart and do a scratch-off to see if I can enroll at Milford Community College this Spring. Apparently Thorpiverse thinks we’re THIS stupid and share the same anticipation that Pranit is experiencing when he’s playing Milford Powerball. Yup, I’m just as good as Harvard once I get the winning numbers. Oh, let me get another Slushee out of the tap. I already have the milk and eggs on the counter that Mom sent me to the store to get.

And nice switcheroo, T-verse. Carter was cheating everybody else, even though it was just loose change he was pitching pennies or pitching putts for with the other 3 stooge partners on the links. In other words, he got drummed out of Milford for betting some schmuck’s change purse. He needs to get jettisoned out of the universe if he was going to be John Dillinger and hold up the cashier at Milford High cafeteria.

Anyway, T-verse is trying to fake us out by compelling Pranit to cheat himself by gambling himself to death. We understand, T-verse, if he ends on Milford Skid Row with Tiki’s parents, it’ll be because he raided his change purse, not that of his golf partner. Don’t you love these Life Lessons? If Milford Credit Agency sends out two goons out to repossess your furniture and your vehicle, be sure you robbed your own piggy bank and not somebody else’s. It’s how Heather Tarbell ran Carter ragged, she exposed his pick-pocketing his friend’s quarters and dimes. But she won’t write an expose on your raiding your own piggy bank at your expense. It’s not her policy to report on self-inflicted injuries. Comforting to know when those goons are hauling my coffee table to tbeir van. Did you ever see the goons tow Carter’s VW Jetta off the parking lot at Milford Country Club? Lesson learned. Case closed.

But if you hit the jackpot, Pranit, you might consider Cornell. Great school on top of a hill. Excellent view of Ithaca.

If ya is the croupier and ya use squirrels ya trapped in the back of the building ta run the roulette wheel, ya might be a redneck.

Mr. Luhm has gone above and beyond the call of duty while we were absorbe. by Gil’s Bolero. Those floors are the same ones they used at the Sochi Olympics and Luhm is simply mastering perfection. You might want to watch the ice skaters rushing by while you’re tearing down Pranit, Tevin and Gabe.

“If he keeps mortgaging the house to finance his gambling addiction, he’s going to slippppppppp-“

If Pranit wins the Milford Powerball this week, maybe he could gift-wrap some ice skates and make the plot interesting. It could happen.

Jeff Beck was with Yardbird (“For Your Love”-a song Clapton despised and was the reason he left the band for John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers, Blues being more to Clapton’s liking, “The Shapes of Things”, “Heart Full of Soul”, “Over, Under, Sideways, Down”) when he created “Beck’s Bolero”. As management of Yardbird encouraged solo efforts to complement Yardbird’s strong presence on the charts and with the media and the fans, Beck was given carte blanche for the project. As he has always had a reputation for working better with no pressure and nobody hanging over his shoulder, it showed in this masterpiece. He drew his reputation from Ravel’s “Bolero”, itself a masterpiece as there was never a development of a theme but a theme that repeated several times with excellent additions of instruments throughout the song to enhance this classic. Anyway

Special Edition to the Milford Enquirer

“Coach Thorp Endows Proper Credit When Singing The Praises Of ‘Gil’s Bolero’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“I listened to a lot of Gene Watson. Plus I added a dash of ‘Love Potion #9’ for good measure.”

On a serious note, Tevin is only telling the truth in P3. The gambling industry isn’t stupid. It is like any company, it has to make a profit to stay in business. If it kept paying out with less coming in, it would close its doors like any business. The University of Nevada-Las Vegas for years has been notorious for two things: 1) Excellent basketball with an NCAA Championship in 1990 (Listened to them run Duke off the floor, although Duke got its revenge next year) 2) Excellent math department as gambling casinos all over Vegas consulted it for the proper combination of keeping the customers happy with timely odds and still keeping the books in the black.

I just doubt that the TWIMers are really enthralled with watching Pranit sneak through the kitchen to play the slot machines at Milford Gaming Casinos. Money in case he doesn’t win a basketball scholarship at McGill University? Oh, darn, he won’t be following Macy’s trail. If only he’d play one more slot machine, he could have afforded Dartmouth. Slip the security a 20 because he’s a minor and win at Black Jack and he’s a dead ringer for Williams College. Mt. Greylock is a beautiful sight in the Massachusetts countryside.

“We’ll be back to find out if Pranit’s dad will have to put up the house for collateral after Pranit went hog-wild with the Milford Gambling Hotline on his cell phone after these messages from Milford Radio Playhouse. You’re listening to WDIG.”

“Bathtubs are not a grand experience when rust and mold have accumulated on them and when senior citizens have to resort to using Lysol to go skinny-dipping, it is time for radically different outcomes.

Greetings, this is Mr. Dr. Pearl and when my wife had to buy two cans of Rust-Oleum to enjoy a hot bath, it was time to rethink shower facilities. Thank Heavens that Milford Bath Magic, Inc. came to the rescue like the Wells Fargo wagon. It had more shower installations and safety tubs crammed in the cabriolet than the gold that was headed for delivery down the road to Dodge City. They had wonderful options. The tub-to-shower conversion was perfect for me as I am always on the go and a quick shower with little pestilences is my cup of Earl Grey tea. The people at Milford Bath Magic have sprayed it with certified chemicals from Milford Pest Control so you are guaranteed a shower in the Elysian Fields with no worries about ingesting any carcinogenic vermin spray. If you indeed get suppressed with an overdose of D-Con or if any critter dare establish camp around the drain, Milford Bath Magic will cheerfully refund your money. Isn’t that peace of mind when the doctor informs you that it’s terminal?

My wife was also contented with her whirlpool they installed in the bathroom. She can sit in peace and harmony while I’m crooning ‘Rose Garden’ in the shower. Smile for a while and let’s be jolly, bathing shouldn’t be so melancholy and it isn’t for my wife as the whirlpool emits a warming massaging while she reads Milford Racing Forms and sips on her Boone’s Farm. Only Lynn Anderson would have something like Agatha Christie to read, otherwise Dr. Pearl’s bathing Karma is a sight to behold. I know, I’m the only one witnessing her in the raw in the whirlpool calling to bet on the winning horse. Paradise restored.

For those of you concerned with cost, no worries. Milford Bath Magic has teamed up with Milford Credit Union to establish affordable payment plans that conform to your budget. You will not have to sacrifice your children’s certificates of deposit for college to get the mice out of the tub. We will call with advanced warning for any payment obstructions. We want you to have a tub experience, not deal with The Sopranos when you’re singing in the rain.

You’re all set. Come see the good people today at Milford Bath Magic, Inc. and know what it is like to skinny-dip once again when nobody’s looking. They haven’t done so with my wife for years, rest assured. Nirvana is golden. Only at Milford Bath Magic.”

I’ll lay odds on Pranit Goes South. It won The Preakness, I’m told. Oops, I’m a Christian. Never mind.

God bless you anyway, Gang.

At WDIG Recording Studio for “Gil’s Bolero”

“DAMN!!!!!!!!!!! The string broke on that banjo. How long before we can get a replacement?”

“Not sure, Coach. We’re still waiting on the Jew’s harp.”

3 Comments »

  1. I still think that at some point, Gil will come out of his coma and do what he likes to do, more than coach, which is get involved in kid’s personal problems. He may summon either HvB or that wanna-be lawyer kid, (who tried to sue the wrong gas station owner for a slip-and-fall injury a few years ago) to come rescue, poor, ‘ole, innocent Pranit ot Pranit’s brother from financial ruin due to overzealous use of smartphone betting apps. It’s funny because you never hear about parents or parenting in Milford when a kid does something reckless, stupid, illegal, etc. unless it’s something silly like PP playin’ ‘go fish’ with her mom, or library board kid’s dumb girlfriend with a douche-bag dad and dish-rag mom.

    Comment by franku2016 — January 25, 2022 @ 3:08 pm

  2. This just can’t be a story about a kid who bets $5 on a 3 or 4 team parlay. Wins some, loses some. Well, that would be boring. I guess I missed all the exciting stories the past 8 or 9 years.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 25, 2022 @ 5:14 pm

  3. Sounds like my dad Hitorque Sr. (r.i.p.)…

    He’d always say “Son, insurance companies didn’t get to be this big and powerful by paying out accident claims all the time…”

    Comment by Hitorque — January 26, 2022 @ 6:18 am


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