This Week in Milford

April 16, 2022

The Mudlarks’ second baseman develops wacky signals, a breakdown

Hey kids! Didja ever wonder whatever happened to Jaxxxon Kiser? Well wonder no more! He grew up and changed his name to Eli “Scooter” Borden. Just look at him – the same monster paws, the same glazed-over stare at no one and nothing in particular – no way they’re not out of the same gene pool.

Anyhoo this little trivia buff has obviously burned a lot of brain cells coming up with this scheme that he’s only gonna use with this one pitcher, that’s gonna require the catcher to buy in and, oh yeah, that the coaches are gonna go along with too. Think Scooter and the Hammer are gonna let Gilberto and El Kaz in on this ploy? How many games into the season before Milford’s opponents pick up on it? It might work in a non-conference game against one of those school’s Neal’s buddies went to, but it won’t take long for, say, Goshen to pick up on Borden’s chatter and start banging on trash cans.

Smirky Charis does nothing to dispel the notion that she’s definitely not with Scooter because of his mouth.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got. Back to bed.


  1. My wonder is how long will it take Gil or Kaz to figure out something strange is going on. I’ll predict at least 2/3 of the season, based on their normal perceptiveness.

    Comment by MopMan — April 16, 2022 @ 7:52 pm

  2. Jaxon! Yes! He hasn’t grown much but that’s definitely him!

    Comment by franku2016 — April 16, 2022 @ 8:40 pm

  3. 1. I knew a kid named Jaxon in grad school… Good guy

    1a. Wait just a damn minute here — Did the Milfordverse have a teen mom storyline and I missed it?

    2. Yeah, like no team is going to pick up on Eli’s constant screeching… This is a totally genius plan and I have complete confidence it will play out flawlessly…

    3. I’m sorry, exactly why the fuck are signals so important anyway? What’s in Gregg’s arsenal besides the vanilla standard four-seam heater, two-seam heater, changeup and curveball? Nevermind the fact that he’s facing high school hitters which means he can just rear back and throw it… All he should be worried about is throwing strikes!

    3a. Oh and we still haven’t solved the problem of how Gregg fields the ball or sees which play to back up (and doesn’t him not being able to see the ball coming off bat make him a huge liability in addition to a safety concern??)

    Comment by Hitorque — April 17, 2022 @ 1:45 am

  4. Has anyone figured out why he doesn’t get new glasses? This plot has a shaky foundation, even by Gil Thorp standards.

    Comment by richardcsansing — April 17, 2022 @ 4:58 am

  5. Hamm’s rapidly advancing progeria has taken his vision beyond where it’s fully correctible by glasses. That Milford doesn’t require physicals to join the baseball team seems odd. You’d think near blindness would at least draw a warning in a sport with that much dependence on vision. At least requiring him to wear a helmet when pitching..
    In any event, by the time they’re eliminated from the playdowns, he’ll need a walker to climb onto the mound, so people will be nice to him.

    Comment by Downpuppy — April 17, 2022 @ 6:08 am

  6. Hitorque… a teen mom story was done back in spring of 2012. The teen girls toddler son was named “Jaxon”, but he looked big enough to play for any NFL team.

    Comment by franku2016 — April 17, 2022 @ 6:55 am

  7. …and the Jaxon story, at least, was way more realistic than the far-fetched nonsense Rubin has been throwing out there for the last few years.

    Comment by franku2016 — April 17, 2022 @ 6:57 am

  8. I’m looking forward to when opposing teams figure out Gregg’s problem and start bunting towards the mound. Gregg just stands there because he can’t see that the ball was bunted, leading to a big bunt rally.

    Comment by MopMan — April 17, 2022 @ 7:01 am

  9. Hell I’m looking forward to Gregg Hamm getting seriously injured (or injuring someone else) and King-of-All-Coaches Gilberto Tharpe **finally** gets exposed for his years and years of criminal negligence and he gets run out of town and the Milford County Public Schools System and whatever state Milford County is in both get sued to oblivion…

    Doesn’t Blind-ass Boy have parents?? Don’t tell me he’s been able to hide this situation from them all this time. At first I thought we were being led to some half-assed storyline about dyslexia (which teenagers actually can hide from teachers and parents — My best friend is an example), but it really seems his vision is dangerously deficient and getting worse? Is freaking high school baseball that important to him??

    Comment by Hitorque — April 17, 2022 @ 5:42 pm

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