This Week in Milford

April 30, 2022

Marjie Ducey Never Lugged a Monster Camcorder Around. Neither Should You.

If you told me today’s strip had been written and drawn twenty years ago and fished out of a drawer for today, I wouldn’t have been surprised. Wonder what was going on in Milford twenty years ago today? I don’t even think this blog had been started yet.

April 30, 2002

Well whaddaya know, Milford was playing Central then too. The laws of gravity weren’t quite as rigid then as now. Okay, what about ten years ago, then? Well thankfully TWIM was in existence, and we were getting to know young Scooter Borden Jaxxxon Kiser.

Back to the present day and still trying to figure out this nonsense. Amazed to find out there’s an online version of the Star, and that it has employees who are dedicated to capturing video for that online version. That’s probably a lie the editor-in-chief told Heather to cover up the fact that it’s not only payroll but also headcount that’s been slashed since Marjie’s retirement. Probably told her this dinosaur of a camcorder was state-of-the-art, too. How naive is she to think that the “beast” takes better videos than today’s smartphones?

Naive enough to know that the only VHS player in town belongs to the Milford High Athletic Department. Between her and Kaz, they’ll go to the videotape and discover the little ruse G-Hammm, Scooter and Wilson have going on. That’s the only way this strip of anachronistic non sequiturs has any relevance to the plot.

meta: Thanks to tdrew for covering for me on Thursday. I owe you one.


  1. Well, the story 20 years ago was probably way better than any of the nonsense and silly characters that Rubin sics on the readers nowadays. That fucking old-ass camcorder is really stupid, but of course this is all leading to tech whiz Heather noticing something that coach Meat and coach Gil never would have noticed like, say, a pitcher with a vision problem. Book ’em, Dan-o, You can count on it

    Comment by franku2016 — April 30, 2022 @ 8:05 pm

  2. How wonderfully inane.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — April 30, 2022 @ 8:09 pm

  3. God damnit, Heather… How do you suck this bad at your job??

    1. They aren’t “photo folks”, they are “photogs” — At least get your newspaper lingo right!

    2. I have never known a newspaper to use an old-fashioned casual family camcorder, even before the smartphone era.

    2a. Pro Tip: If Milford baseball isn’t newsworthy enough for her sports editor to assign a photog, then she has no fucking business bringing a camcorder unless it’s to curry favor with her unrequited lover Gilberto…

    2b. But let’s get serious here — The only reason why Rubin would set up something this awkward is so Heather Lombardi can blow the lid off of their legally blind pitcher and get a Connecticut sports story of the year…

    2c. I really can’t wait for someone to ask Gilberto how he didn’t notice a legally blind starting pitcher he’s been working with every afternoon for weeks when Heather Fucking Burns noticed it in 5 minutes…

    3. If she didn’t bring a tripod, her video quality is going to be utter shit… And I already know her audio is going to be useless, only recording the sounds of people sitting around her…

    4. This is why every newspaper large and small has some kind of agreement with a local TV news affiliate to share footage. God forbid Heather let the goddamn experienced professionals shoot video so she can concentrate on NOT doing her job as usual…

    5. It’s funny because in my experience, photogs get really, really upset when unskilled amateurs like Heather start pawing through their equipment (which is delicate and very expensive) like drunken primates… The prices are probably lower now but when I was a reporter, the top cameras used by the photogs were costing like eight grand…

    Comment by Hitorque — April 30, 2022 @ 9:56 pm

  4. Hitorque… we use cameras for video and still shots in my business and most new cameras come with a video function. You just need to attach a device to get the audio. You can get fantastic quality for either type of shot. The camera alone is about $1000 but the real expense is the lens. The large 400 mm telephoto lenses used by sports photogs are about $13K ( less if it’s used of course). Lenses for regular shots are $500 to $2000. Either way, HB would be told to ‘get the fuck away from there you fucking bimbo’ if she tried to handle this equipment herself. If, for some reason, she was allowed to take something, she would have to sign something that made her liable for replacement or repairs if she broke it. That piece of shit “ beast” that she’s holding probably doesn’t even work anymore. That’s why she was able to check it out.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 1, 2022 @ 7:26 am

  5. I’ll second franku2016 on cost of camera lenses. son of teenchy is an amateur wildlife photographer; he buys his lenses used and I know that at least one of his lenses cost him about $2K. Instead of buying a used 400mm lens at about $6K, he bought a 2x extender for about $350. It has its limitations (2 stops less speed) but is considerably cheaper than buying the 400mm lens.

    Comment by teenchy — May 1, 2022 @ 9:42 am

  6. @franku2016 — Since everyone in the Milfordverse says The Milford Inquisitor-Times is supposed to be a legit, professional outlet with an appropriate circulation number, this is what would likely have happened in real life:

    Heather offers to shoot photos/video, her editor shoots it down, reminding her that her fucking job is to WRITE stories and an early season baseball game isn’t that newsworthy to begin with… But she insists so the editor tells her that if she feels that strongly she’ll have to supply her own camera so she run home and fetches the old family camcorder from the attic, shoots a bunch of shaky handheld footage with inconsistent sound, then she edits the tape best she can for the most interesting highlights, submits it to the media/website editor, and that person tells Heather Frank Burns that her footage is substandard and none of it is usable….

    Comment by Hitorque — May 1, 2022 @ 10:37 am

  7. Hitorque… for sure… amateur-ass Heather wouldn’t make it far in the real world. Neither would mr magoo, the pitcher. His coke-bottle face wouldn’t pass the physical, even with a doddering coach like Gil in charge

    Comment by franku2016 — May 1, 2022 @ 11:05 am

  8. Someday we should just do a challenge on how many holes there are in the Greg Hamm story.
    But today, I’m just going to guess that the real issue with the camera is that it gets a picture of Papa Hamm, who turns out to be fugitive arms dealer Norton Bowers.

    Comment by Downpuppy — May 1, 2022 @ 12:05 pm

  9. 20 years… *sigh* I miss the Paul Strange-Marty Moon back-and-forth on the radio broadcasts. Rubin just doesn’t do broadcast dialogue well.

    Comment by billytheskink — May 2, 2022 @ 8:10 am

  10. In today’s strip, it looks like Momm & Dadd Hamm were filmed doing something that could get them arrested for public indecency in P 3.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 2, 2022 @ 8:19 am

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