This Week in Milford

September 14, 2022

More Pronoun Trouble

Football season! Volleyball season!

Here we go again, but it’s not a dispute as to whether sportsball should take precedence over non-sportsball extracurriculars but the modern problem of remembering what pronouns people choose to identify themselves. Today, Toby née Tabatha identifies as he/him, Keri identifies as they/them, and Gil identifies as coach/Coach.

Now why are these three having this little confab at The Bucket of all places? (And why are they having coffee? Don’t they know there’s a cantina in town for that?) Are they here to pick up them after their postgame dinner? Are they serving as their chaperones for said dinner? Is it time for a jangle-off as Mel and Mimi see who can rattle their jewelry the loudest? Winner gets Gil – if she wants him, that is.

The unspoken tension here is so thick you could cut it with a butter knife, not unlike the one Mimi’s twisting into Mel as she deadnames Toby. Clearly she hasn’t forgotten that Mel wanted to be her at one time. Meanwhile Gil, still aware of that history and that Mimi is unhappy in the marriage, tries to play the supportive husband by throwing out a patronizing “sweetie.” Will Mimi have the divorce papers served publicly to Gil right here in The Bucket, the way Jason Sudeikis had Olivia Wilde served with custody papers while she was presenting at CinemaCon?

One thing is clear: despite Mel’s claim, in Milford, nothing is the same as it was.

edit: Oops! I forgot to identify the players from the Dolphins’ No-name Defense I posted this past Saturday!

Front, reclining: Lloyd Mumphord, CB

Front row, left to right: Bob Matheson, LB; Bill Stanfill, DE; Bob Heinz, DT; Manny Fernandez, DT; Vern Den Herder, DE

Center: Nick Buoniconti, LB

Back row, left to right: Dick Anderson, SS; Curtis Johnson, CB; Mike Kolen, LB; Doug Swift, LB; Tim Foley, CB; Jake Scott, FS


  1. So, Keri’s woke ass is non-binary? Does that mean if a football player who also identifies as “non-binary” and wants to use the girls locker room, with his schlong hangin’ out and hairy butt showin’, that Keri won’t have a problem with it? Well sweetie? Heh…I’d like to see her reaction

    Comment by franku2016 — September 14, 2022 @ 2:38 pm

  2. “…okay, Keri, ok…he’s taking his clothes off …ok…”

    Comment by franku2016 — September 14, 2022 @ 2:44 pm

  3. Hey, Keri’s a Thorp, ready for whatever happens in a locker room. Also, everything will be filmed by 3 cell phones & the LuhmCam

    Comment by Downpuppy — September 14, 2022 @ 6:49 pm

  4. Who the hell is Mel? I’m lost…

    Comment by hitorque — September 15, 2022 @ 7:27 am

  5. @hitorque: See the September 3 post.

    Comment by teenchy — September 15, 2022 @ 7:31 am

  6. Hitorque…I think she first appeared as a pregnant HS girl back in 2006, who moved in with G&M because her parents banished her from her home and her bf didn’t offer any help. She, of course, moved right in and “wanted” Gil, who was clueless as usual, until Mimi ran interference, as usual. I assume that this trans kid was the baby that she was carrying back then.

    Comment by franku2016 — September 15, 2022 @ 9:14 am

  7. ✑ I haven’t seen pronoun confusion referred to as “deadnaming” before. It was Gil who did the deadnaming, back in the student orientation strip, and it had a tasteful line of White-Out® crossing it out in the word balloon.

    Comment by Jym Dyer — September 16, 2022 @ 5:01 pm

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