This Week in Milford

November 9, 2022

Oh Daddy!

Oh boy, a flashback. Sepia-toned, in best Tom Batiuk fashion. All that’s missing are the scrapbook corners. What grudge will be aired through it in similar fashion?

It’s the one where the Milford Star dissed Luke Martinez and whatever team he was playing for that beat Milford for the 1987 state championship. Guess what, Luke? It’s the Milford Star, not the Whatever Town Your School Is In Star*. Of course it’s gonna report a Milford game in the most positive light for the Mudlarks. I’d bet the Green Bay Press-Gazette is doing the same for the Packers these days.

On that fateful day thirty-five years ago, young Luke was sporting a mullet and his back hair had just started sprouting through his shoulder pads – and yeah, nobody had seen a linebacker with lycanthropy before. Under the tutelage of some Joe Paterno/Tom Landry/Vince Lombardi/Bear Bryant/Tom Bosley melange, Luke wreaked havoc on the Mudlark offense using his signature crotch punch. Luke just rattled off more “daddys” than Early and Rusty Cuyler put together; could one of them have been his coach?

We now know the source of the Martinez grudge, as well as why Gil won’t remember when Teen Wolf’s team beat Milford. Luke Sr. is somewhere between 49 to 53 years old and Gil, unless he took the Milford job straight out of high school (and we know he didn’t), is at a minimum 57 and very likely much older than that. Okay gentle writer readers, ‘splain that in terms of the Thorpiverse space-time continuum.

Today’s musical inspiration:

* Where was Luke playing back in ’87, anyway? Was it for Valley Tech, retconned into being in or in the vicinity of Milford like it is now? Was the state championship an all-Valley Conference affair, kinda like Georgia and ‘Bama this past season and in 2018? A cursory online search doesn’t return Milford playing for the state title in ’87; here’s hoping TWIM‘s unofficial SID, billytheskink, will chime in and set the record straight.

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6 Comments »

  1. Ahhhh…more modesty from the most awesom-est man to ever walk the earth, coach Luke. Gil had never seen a LB like him before, mainly because Luke was probably held back a couple of times, which made him one of those “super senior” kids, who technically are ineligible to play varsity sports, but the bigger, older, more developed, ‘roided-up Luke played anyway. If it weren’t for the mullet, I would think that he was flashing back to the 1950’s. The moral of the story is, Luke is such an intense competitor, that he makes shit up to motivate him, such as perceived insults, like Michael Jordan used to do against other players, coaches, and media, and hold grudges for as long as it takes, such as 35 years in this example, to keep him fired up. Gil didn’t write the fuckin’ headline, but in Luke’s steroid-damaged and hard-tackled Jerry Quarry brain, he thinks that he did, and that’s good enough for him to take that ball and run with it.

    Comment by franku2016 — November 9, 2022 @ 1:21 pm

  2. Hey, a bit more backstory for Gilberto’s Officially Designated Nemesis is always welcome, but there’s so, so much to unpack here.

    1. GOD DAMN IT WHIGHAM HE SAID 1987 NOT 1957!! Lucha Libre’s mullet is period-correct, but what’s with Lucha’s dad/coach and that brown flannel suit plus the short-brim fedora? Or was he ironically in costume as Sgt. Joe Friday for the nationwide premiere of “Dragnet” which came out that same year?

    2. And, uh… I NEED TO CALL A FUCKING TIME-OUT HERE – Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Seven??! Is Rod Barajas trying to jerk us around, or what? Lucha Libre is 52-53 years old?! And only now for the first time in his life is he getting a semi-high profile coaching gig? I know this is his first ever coaching job because when he was first introduced to us the ONLY life achievements Mister-Wins-At-Everything-In-Life could talk about were his All-Pac-10 exploits for the Oregon Ducks in basketball and wrestling (lol)… And no, he wasn’t good enough to even get a sniff from the NBA, the CBA, the Overseas Leagues and he sure as hell doesn’t have any Olympic medals for wrestling… It only would have been SORT OF lame if Lucha Libre was publicly jerking off to his sports accomplishments from 15 years ago, but THIRTY(!) Who the fuck are you, Al Bundy??

    3. So wait a minute, if Lucha Libre is around 52 years old, Gilberto must be what, 73 or older?! (Which I guess explains his earlier familiarity with the Cold War, The Cuban Missile Crisis, nuke drills in school and “Kill a Commie for your Mommy!” I can only hope I age as well as he did…

    4. “AH WUZ UH LYNEBACCA LIKE MAH DADDEH AND MAH DADDEH’S DADDEH!” Seriously who the hell speaks like this? If Lucha was a farmer or a miner, then fine… I’m just glad Lucha didn’t keep listing his pedigree all the way back to his first ancestor linebacker who once rode with Gin’l Stonewall Jackson on an all-out zone blitz…

    5. I’m beginning to think Lucha Libre is either an unreliable narrator here, or he’s embellishing the hell out of this story… No way in hell was he THAT awesome of a linebacker, AND NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL WOULD THE NEWSPAPER HEADLINE READ LIKE THAT THE NEXT DAY IF THEY TRULY “EMBARASSED” THEM… So either Milford in the ’87 Pennsyltuckydiana AAAA State Championship was like a 36-point underdog to the Fightin’ Lucha Libres and only lost by one point on a blown referees call, or the situation was reversed and it was the Fightin’ Lucha Libres on some outrageous lowest-seed underdog Cinderella run in the playdowns and they were the ones who lost to the heavily favored Mudlark Juggernaut by a point or two. What was even the final score of this alleged “embarrassment?”

    6. Look, I’m speaking from personal real life here… I’ve got anger issues for days, I’ve got thin skin, big ears and a very long memory, I think everything I hear is an insult, my supervisor and all my coworkers are conspiring to fuck me over and get me fired by giving me all the shit jobs and responsibilities until I snap and give them their justification, they all think I’m lazy and ignorant and they can address me like I’m some underling, any stranger I meet is just here to con me out of the few dollars I got, in my spare time all I do is daydream of elaborate revenge plots against all these wastes of oxygen, I keep an ‘enemies list’, everytime one of my sports teams lost as a kid (or when teams I hated won) I literally thought God was doing this just to spite *ME*, and my greatest regret in life is I’ll never possibly have the level of wealth, resources and time to get revenge on everybody I need to get revenge on… I’m typing this all out to say that EVEN I THINK THAT LUCHA LIBRE HOLDING A 35-YEAR GRUDGE OVER SOME SHITTY SPORTS SECTION HEADLINE FROM SOME SHITTY NEWSPAPER NOBODY EVEN READS IS TOO FAR OVER THE TOP!! LUCHA LIBRE NEEDS A PSYCHATRIC EVALUATION AND AFTER THAT HE’D BETTER START GETTING SOME JESUS IN THAT GODLESS LIFE OF HIS…

    Comment by hitorque — November 9, 2022 @ 2:19 pm

  3. Jami & Keri & 60 year old Gil & Mimi going back into golf where 1st prize in the LPGA Senior Championship was $60,000 all make sense now. Milford is in a crossover with “Bee and Puppycat.”

    Comment by Downpuppy — November 10, 2022 @ 1:41 am

  4. I know we are talking about fictive time rather than real time, but I started following GT the first day it appeared in September, 1958, which would make Gil more like 86-88 today.

    Comment by vaganova — November 10, 2022 @ 9:45 am

  5. I don’t have the strips to prove it, but according to an apparently knowledgeable GoComics commenter, Milford tied Valley Tech in 1987 to finish with a 5-1-1 record. Apparently, there was no state football championship/playoffs/playdowns in the Thorpverse until 1999, state “championships” were essentially awarded by a statewide poll (Milford was #1 in 1970), if they were mentioned at all. Valley Conference titles were the primary goal.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 10, 2022 @ 12:20 pm

  6. […] to the videotape. Why? To watch the 1987 loss to Valley Tech. Will this corroborate Luke Sr’s spiel to Marjie for the Star? Will Gil use the tape to draw up his game plan for this year’s Tech […]

    Pingback by A Springsteen Song Parody Here Would Be Too Easy | This Week in Milford — November 23, 2022 @ 3:02 pm


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