This Week in Milford

November 17, 2022

Wait Until Mike Knapp Hears About This!

Filed under: Dr. Pearl, Gil Thorp, huge earrings, Keri Thorp, talking doors, Water Fountains — nedryerson @ 6:32 am

What a great opener, a water fountain and a talking door! The talking door indicates that Dr. Pearl will fold like a cheap suit and the “zero tolerance” policy on violence has some wiggle room. Why does Dr. Pearl owe Gil one? Did we miss the part where Gil raised hell about the shenanigans in Mr. Reddenbacher’s class during the “drill” that freaked Keri out in the first place? I don’t want to speculate on what other favors Gil might have done, but I guess they made it worth Dr. Pearl’s while to have to answer to Dorothy’s parents about why Keri “Clubber” Thorp is still attending MHS.

The Mandatory Counselor is certainly going to get an earful from Keri Thorp, and Keri’s gigantic gap of memory could be very troubling. I think Gil and Mimi should go along and Mandatory Counselor will cancel his contract with the Valley School System and move somewhere less fraught with dysfunction, like Beirut.

Yes, Keri, it’s fine…we’re all fine here now (pending input from Mimi). You’ve learned an important lesson from your dad, whose role model in half-assed parenting is Homer Simpson:


  1. Your mother and her mother, on the other hand, are gonna be pissed that you didn’t put her in the hospital

    Comment by franku2016 — November 17, 2022 @ 8:00 am

  2. Gil knows that Dr. Pearl’s bun is a hairpiece.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 17, 2022 @ 10:47 am

  3. 1. The three greatest unsolved mysteries of the Barajas Milfordverse (and it’s a growing list) are: A. WHO was the busty redhead pilot who flew with Gilberto to Capital City; B. HOW did Toby legally ‘rainbow flick’ a FG attempt for a touchdown; and C. WHERE did Keri learn how to scrap? She might be ‘woke’, but she damn sure ain’t no pacifist… Because like I said, she not only chose violence in a split-second, she was utterly ruthless and surgical in instantly going for that one-punch killshot…

    1a. I don’t want y’all to take this comment the wrong way but gender aside, what stuck out to me the most was Keri not only 100 percent threw that punch like a man, she threw it like a man with at least some kind of boxing training because her form is surprisingly good… And I’M NOT BEING SEXIST because I’ll admit I’m not a fighter so even I don’t know how to throw a punch with such efficiency of motion… And while it’s a pretty safe bet Gilberto had Keri all tomboy’d up when she was little, I’m less certain that Gilberto had her lace up the gloves and work the heavy bag back in the day…

    2. LOL no wonder Gilberto sucks as a father as much as he does at coaching… Bails his daughter out of hot water by pulling some strings with Principal Minnie Pearl/Jamie Lee Coitus (and he didn’t even have the decency and discretion to pull these strings in private), AND he undermines Wifey Gilbertina’s parental authority by casting her as an antagonist, which subconsciously forces Keri to pick a side. Now I see why this marriage is on the rocks.

    Comment by hitorque — November 17, 2022 @ 12:03 pm

  4. “Princess” …haha…good one Gil….she kicks ass at the drop of a hat with her heavy rings on each finger, like a bouncer at a biker bar might wear, and he calls her “princess”. That’s like calling someone who weighs 400 lbs “svelte”

    Comment by franku2016 — November 17, 2022 @ 1:19 pm

  5. @hitorque – Not sure where Keri learned to fight, but she did beat the crap out of a fellow gymnast who was bullying another girl way back before she and Jami were exiled.

    Comment by MopMan — November 17, 2022 @ 4:11 pm

  6. Haha…Gil is a fuckin weasel for sure too

    Comment by franku2016 — November 17, 2022 @ 7:24 pm

  7. Ned, A thousand thank you’s for covering me. It helped me through the day. You da Man.

    P2.5-“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pick up the peacock from Milford Veterinary Clinic. I had it spayed.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — November 18, 2022 @ 3:42 pm

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