This Week in Milford

February 15, 2023

If he had a handlebar moustache, he’d start twirling it now

In my last post I wondered why Milford High is facing budget cuts while Valley Tech isn’t, as well as whether the two schools are now in the same town (something we’ve been wondering about collectively). I’m not entirely sure today’s strip answers either of those questions. It might if we let it.

Two Mudlark hoopsters who are definitely not Tobe and Rod carry their candy boxes to set up in from of the Food King. Those boxes look to contain Wonka Bars; if so then they’ve been selling them on the cheap, which doesn’t help Milford’s budget shortfall. They arrive to find Valley Techsters (Techies? Nerds? I dunno) already camped out front selling doughnuts. Does Valley Tech need the money too or is Luke just being a dick?

Now yhs did some Krispy Kreme fundraising BITD so nothing unusual about that method. What is unusual is that Food King is now somehow VT “turf.” So says the guy who asks and answers his own question. Luke is there to supervise the sales and to act as enforcer. If Gil did that, the Mudlarks might have less trouble selling those Wonka Bars. Never gonna happen; Gil is too laissez-faire for that level of involvement.

What does need to happen is those Mudlark hoopsters who are definitely not Tobe and Rod need to whip out their ubiquitous smartphones, record this whole scene and make it go viral. Once the Valley sees a high school athletic director trying to start a turf war and actively threatening students from another school, that pendejo will go back to being a stay-at-home dad rápidamente.




  1. We missed the part where Sheriff Luke chased off the Girl Scout troop that had set up in front the Food King. He may or may not have crushed a few boxes of Thin Mints in the process.

    Comment by nedryerson — February 15, 2023 @ 10:30 am

  2. 4 kids & a coach to sell candy with no customers?! No wonder they’re short on funds.

    Comment by Downpuppy — February 15, 2023 @ 10:58 am

  3. Better than getting a temper tantrum on phone-film from a supposedly grown-ass man directed at some kids, maybe one of them kids should prod this idiot into some physical force by saying something like “…who’s gonna’ make us you fuckin’ wind-bag loser?…I dare you to try, you big hairy twat…”, while the other one takes phone vid of Luke losin’ his shit, bitch slappin’ the kid and puttin’ hands on him…..

    Milford-Central City News clip “….and see the reaction of a well-known Valley Tech coach when he witnesses some Milford students with boxes of fundraiser candy today in front of Food King…more at 11…”.

    Luke can forget about gettin’ in Sofia Vergara’s britches ever again, even though he’s already more than half way to that point….he will be too busy fleeing town to avoid arrest, lawsuits, and total public humiliation.

    Haha…now that would be must-see Gil Thorp-ee

    Comment by franku2016 — February 15, 2023 @ 11:21 am

  4. “Bro scouts” got a chuckle out of me. Take your star, Mr. Barajas.

    Comment by billytheskink — February 15, 2023 @ 12:44 pm

  5. “Officer, they’re looting the Food King!”

    /Katy, saving Schoenstein, in Animal House

    Comment by Moon Mullins — February 15, 2023 @ 12:59 pm

  6. 1. I step away for a few days and Rod Barajas lets everything go straight to heck… First Lucha Libre misses a practice and gets called out by his own Hoobae, then his hottie of a wife welds her legs shut and makes him stroke himself to sleep on the couch and now he’s muscling in on the fundraising racket just to screw over Gilberto? I don’t know whether to admire Lucha’s pathological grudge or pity it… I am however willing to bet that Valley Tech will kick things up a few notches — If Milford is selling vape juice then Lucha Libre and his boys are going to start selling I don’t know, Beretta M9s or something?

    1a. Nevermind the fact that doctors don’t work that way in the first place… I just want to say for the record: My father Hitorque Senior (1942-2009, rest in power at God’s side always) was a gifted surgeon and never once did he “bring his work home” in his off hours by telling me, mom, or his dozens of close doctor/dentist friends “Oh man you should have seen that tubal ligation and hysterectomy I pulled before finishing off with an ectopic pregnancy!! I should have hired an interior designer for that woman’s uterus!!”… So Mrs. Lucha Libre seems kinda suspect to me…

    2. Patrick Mahomes is good at football…

    3. Be better than this, New Mexico State basketball…

    4. And no, even though it happened in my neck of the woods, nobody still knows what in god’s name that grown woman who put herself in the JV basketball game was thinking… Talk about a plot that would have been too stupid even for the Milfordverse…!

    Comment by Hitorque — February 15, 2023 @ 2:15 pm

  7. 5. This is the one time I really wish Keri was around, since she would have started throwing hands before Lucha Libre even finished his sentence…

    Comment by Hitorque — February 15, 2023 @ 2:21 pm

  8. Do people not see high school athletes in parking lots selling chocolates or coupon books? Is that a thing on the west coast? A school or program doesn’t have to be in trouble to raise money for your club. I get a lot of flack for not knowing what I’m talking about, but not every single thing needs to be spoon-fed.

    Comment by hbarajas — February 15, 2023 @ 4:40 pm

  9. 6. Welcome back! Please understand that we appreciate the effort and time that you put into this, and try to accept our half-baked pointed barbs with the bit of fun we intended them with… I’m actually a FAN of yours and there’s no vendetta out for you here at TWIM.

    6a. As far as I’m concerned, while there is room for more polish and refinement in the storylines, you’re already miles ahead of Rubin… And despite some early inconsistencies, Lucha Libre is slowly shaping up into your most compelling character — You’ve done an excellent job of making him an unlikable foil to Gilberto without making him too unlikable.

    6b. And yes, even if you were doing things 100 percent flawlessly, we’d still find something to say because that’s the whole nature of these sites…

    7. Yes, I’ve seen high school fundraisers in public, during high school games, I’ve seen parent-run fundraisers and they’ve even come to my front door; that part I can understand… What I have difficulty understanding is a high school of perhaps 2,000+ kids which is so dirt broke that the principal is mopping her own floor and helping to cook lunch… Then I’d have a hundred more questions just about the vapes, but this is neither the time nor place.

    Comment by hitorque — February 15, 2023 @ 5:21 pm

  10. This is not the time nor the place!!!

    Comment by Downpuppy — February 15, 2023 @ 6:04 pm

  11. Thanks hitorque! I appreciate your support! My tone here is neutral. I appreciate the praise and snark because I don’t know anyone IRL that is reading this! You area all I have!

    Comment by hbarajas — February 15, 2023 @ 7:19 pm

  12. HB… that might be a west coast thing, at least this time of year. Too cold to be outdoors here in the Midwest. And I agree with Hitorque. You are way ahead of Rubin with his blind pitchers, peacocks, bootleg VHS tapes, TCFS pins, and Uncle Gary’s for sure.

    Comment by franku2016 — February 15, 2023 @ 8:01 pm

  13. […] Serious question to Henry, if you’re still reading our dreck: How have you envisioned Valley Tech in your new Thorpiverse? You’ve put it in Milford, along with Milford High. Is the parochial school, St. Fabian, still there too? Is Valley Tech a trade school? STEM magnet school? Public or private? If public, where did the money for this trip come from? Did the basketball team really sell that many donuts? […]

    Pingback by At Least It’s Not In the Bandar Tongue | This Week in Milford — May 17, 2023 @ 9:48 am

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