This Week in Milford

March 21, 2022

What Does Cressa Want?

Cathy still has the floor. She’s been filibustering all weekend, pleading the case for her bestie, The Captain with the dislocated hip. Tell ’em, Cathy. Hollis wants what’s best for everyone. She wants wins and for everyone to be better. Sheesh, Cressa, what don’t you get about that?

Mimi, on the way out the door for cocktail hour, picks up on Cathy’s inspiring defense of The Captain and she…makes a face. Maybe she’ll make Cathy co-captain for the last couple games. Maybe she’ll tell Cressa to hit the showers because she’s stinking up the place and the rest of the team is dressed and ready to go. Maybe she won’t do anything because why not, these girls will work it out. They always do. It’s the Milford way.

March 19, 2022

Cathy vs. Cressa

Filed under: Mimi Thorp — robmize2013 @ 3:55 pm

Time to fast forward through 2 games that should have been played last month–a loss to a good team and an easy win against a probable bad team. What does it prove? I dunno. I dont follow girls basketball enough to say that lineup changes midseason dramatically change a teams destiny, but this here is so staged it begs to look stupid. What evidence did we have that Cathy was hurting the team with ball-handling? Its only 1 side of the court anyway. Was she bad on defense? Guards have to stop the other guards too, not just look pretty setting up the front line. Again, it seems like they all play so whats the difference who plays where? And small sample sizes since we go weeks without seeing them because of Gambling Man Prannit.

Mimi’s crappy handling of the teams lineup is rearing its ugly head as we see friction between Cressa and Cathy, and I hope Cressa remembers she wasnt a starter all season either, so no sense getting into it with a recently deposed one. If Cathy is a real team player like they all should be, she’ll accept her role and see the coach about stuff like this if she has a problem with it.

Another thing here they havent even touched on is what the parents of these players think about the lineup changes. I was a youth coach, and believe me, parents notice stuff like this and they will definitely talk to the coach if they have a problem with their child getting less playing time then before for No Good Damn Reason. Whats sorely lacking in this strip is players going to the coach about stuff right away and instead gabbing about it to their friends/teammates and nothing gets done until things come to a head. It would sure save a lot of grief plus better explain why the hell the changes were made just like that. (Exception was Muscle Man telling Thorp about Prannit)

As far as reality, I was 23-9 in the first round of the NCAA tourney, and my team out of the East, Murray State, is looking better every day with the top 2 seeds now out. So many games in so little time, good luck to everyone who’s playing these games and wagering on brackets. I’m sure Prannit has at least 4 of them. (Brackets I mean)

Poke Sallet Cressa*

Late in the day and I don’t see Rob’s Friday post so I will double up here. Apologies if I’m stepping on toes.

March 18, 2022

We’ve reached the point where Rubin realizes he didn’t pace the plot very well, so he crams multiple games into a single strip and makes it clear that no Milford team will make the playdowns. We’ve also reached a point where we realize that Whigham can’t draw lower body parts very well. Mimi has a case of the gone-ass while Central’s coach has stovepipes for legs and earrings that can be seen from orbit.

Knowing her team is playing out the string, Mimi has decided to play musical guards, with the previously maligned Maddie Bloom now taking the place of Cathy Sasaki in the backcourt. Cathy, ever the team snitch player, isn’t bothered by this. The only person this doesn’t seem to sit well with is…

March 19, 2022

… Cressa Baxter, who’s lucky Gil isn’t the Thorp coaching her team. That whole hard seltzer fiasco would’ve had her expelled and banished to Valley Mod, where she could’ve replaced Corina as the girl with a chip on her shoulder. And what exactly is the source of that chip? Did Cressa get passed over for a service academy appointment? Does she feel she should’ve been made captain over Hollis? Come on, Rubin, don’t leave us hangin’. Did Hollis ignore her when she was being bullied or something?

BTW, I know the song is “Polk Salad Annie” but the plant it’s made from is pokeweed and the actual dish is poke sallet. Learn more about preparing it without killing yourself here.

February 9, 2022

Cressa? She Is FIERCE!

I’m sorry but whenever I hear someone referred to as “fierce,” I think of… Cory Booker’s cousin.

Hey, there’s a basketball reference in there, too.

Cressa’s had enough of stale off-brand toaster pastries – she’s going where the action is! Hollis should catch the clue that bribing people with food won’t always guarantee the results she wants. She might also catch the clue that she’s not always wanted, either. Why else hadn’t she heard about the Tiffani Palmer shindig?

No matter, she and her right-hand snitch Cathy have crashed the joint. But Cressa’s nowhere in sight. Could be it’s more than her knee that’s feeling frisky; let’s hope she doesn’t reinjure that knee busting some kind of dance move. Legend has it that the Lady Mudlarks refrain from dancing until they’re eliminated from the playdowns. Hey, today’s strip has to advance the plot somehow…

March 22, 2022

Confusing? Gil!!! Gil? Confusing!!!

Filed under: Gil Thorp — tdrewhardin @ 12:37 pm

I have long been a fan of the group Focus and you whippersnappers will have to forgive me for slipping in a Rock phenomenon from the early ’70’s. Their smash “Hocus Pocus”, complete with Thijs van Leer (essentially the group’s leader) and his yodeling (you old-timers know what I’m talking about) set the tone for their music. They were from Holland and had Led Zeppelin leanings thrown in with some Prog Rock. Jan Akkerman, their guitarist, was Jimmy Page under another name. His brilliant guitar playing was widely known throughout Europe.

They came out with a song off of Focus 3, “Answer? Questions! Questions? Answer!”, a hodgepodge of funk, jazz, blues, prog rock, classic rock, rock ‘n’ roll, and mellow that featured van Leer’s flute interweaving throughout the song with Akkerman’s guitar and Pierre van den Linden’s drums, an excellent display of their craftsmanship for around 14 minutes.

I’m sure glad there’s harmony SOMEWHERE because we sure as heck aren’t getting it in the girls locker room at Milford High School. Okay, Cressa, another mini plot that got lost in the tub of seltzer drinks at that party a month ago, is singing the blues with Cathy who is trying to put a positive spin on her demotion but Mimi goes walking by after she changed her Depends in her office and listens to Orange Crush crow that she’ll boot Hollis out at captain and that, hey, we’re still team around here. Confusing? Gil!!!

Let’s make it MORE confusing, shall we? Remember Cressa when she had to have her knee drained? Never heard a word since. It’ll probably remain in the Black Hole that is the M.C. Escher lockers in the locker room but then I wouldn’t be surprised if it rears its ugly head in the name of tying things together. Yeah, Cressa found a Brillo pad that stopped the leakage, Hollos went off to fly a jet over Tokyo and exact revenge for Pearl Harbor, Cathy will regain her starting role, Mimi will go home and watch “Animal House” with Gil on their home theater and Orange Crush will run off with the spoon. And Peppermint Patty will still be in Siberia playing catcher. Everything seems to be falling into place, I’d say.

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

“O.J. Distraught Over Snub In Relation To Focus’ ‘Moving Waves’ Tour At Milford Outdoor Amphitheater!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“I don’t care what anybody says, I can play saxophone better than that von Beethoven and his flute or whatever the Hell his name is.”

And I was making a joke about Mimi but where in the Hell IS SHE???? Yesterday, she was eavesdropping on the conversation and the doorway was to her right and the door was open and you could hear the team through the doorway carrying on and bitching that Hollis swings her weight around just because she is shipping out in a month or two (as Hitorque deftly points out) . TODAY Mimi has turned around (so far, so good) but the doorway is closed and I’m seeing towels off in the distance. Confusing? Gil!!! Do the Lady Mudlarks throw their sweaty towels in the bin next to the file cabinet? Does Mimi throw her Depend Undergarments in the waste dispenser by the pencil sharpener? Is this an all-purpose office or does Mimi have a habit of sitting in the laundry room sipping on a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and snooping on the latest gossip? Just lay those towels on the scouting reports, Peppermint Patty. Then head back to Siberia, I’ll take it from here.

This Locker Room-Athletic Office Art Deco concept might work in the Interior Decorating section of Better Homes and Gardens but it’s leading this plot further into No Man’s Land and with more smelly towels once it’s there.

In Dr. Pearl’s office while Focus’ “Le Clochard” is wafting softly from her 1901 Victrola

“Phhhhheewwwww, it smells to the Elysian Fields in here!!!!!!!!! Where’s my can of Lysol? Yes, Coach Mimi?”

“So THAT’S WHERE THE TOWELS WENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Pearl, can I move your fax machine?”

I’m gonna be a sappy king, so Valley beware

Well, I’ve never seen a team captain with quite so little sense

I’m gonna be the main event cuz Mimi’s never here

I’m brushing up on talking down, I’m working on my roar

Thus far a rather uninspiring thing

Still, I just can’t wait to be king

We were listening to Cathy preach “No ‘i’ in the word ‘Thorp'” the last couple of days then SUDDENLY somebody with an orange shirt comes in and doesn’t really take the baton but practically says that she intends to be the next Hollis and ascend to the throne via The Hollis Method only I’ll be wearing orange apparel when I’m stabbing people in the back and moralizing about somebody’s Grape Nehi getting spiked. Who’s going to come in next and continue this Our Daily Bread homily, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale? What Cathy and Orange Crush exhorted was inspirational and I’d like to add that if you think positive and keep pulling the Mohawk carpet from under your teammates, you might not only get to be King, scratch that, team captain, you might take Mimi’s place one day. She only shows up on Towel Day anyway. I’ve seen her closets at home. Full of Holiday Inn towels. Now that’s something to shoot for. I’m anointed by your sermon, Dr. Peale.

And is Popeye going to come in, while we’re on a roll? The cartoon used to have a small department where Popeye would have a timely lesson and an Aesop-like moral at the end but that ain’t gonna work here. Does anyone expect to witness Orange Crush put her arm around J. Wellington Wimpy and admonish him to always wash your shirts with ketchup stains after he’s eaten 10,000 hamburgers in the cafeteria? Don’t get up on the cafeteria table and lecture Wimpy on this one, Chance or Miss Orange. Just have Wimpy send his grimy, hamburger-laced shirts to the laundry room where Mimi is getting a quickie with Gil in one of the closets and let’s have some closure. Baseball is rapidly approaching.

Special Edition to the Milford Enquirer

“Coach Thorp Denied Audition For The Focus ‘Moving Waves’ Tour At Milford Outdoor Amphitheater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Focus Spokesperson: ‘We undoubtedly admire Coach Thorp’s musical range; however, we feel he would struggle with his song flute attempting to fife his way through ‘Janis’.”

And what is this presumptuous attempt at power flaunted by Orange Crush? Who died and made her Gil? On what evidence does she have that anyone is thinking about making her the big cheese? Better watch your backside, Orange. You saw what Razor Knife Hollis did to Maddie and Cathy and she might have another razor blade up her sleeve to throw before she heads off to Colorado Springs. Check your orange attire for slit marks by the time you leave the locker room, Miss Crush.

And what are you going to do should Mimi be lazy enough to install another surrogate coach a/k/a team captain? Buy everybody DQ Cherry Blizzards if they beat a Valley team by 20 points? Go to parties and make sure they serve milk along with Slightly Alcoholic Ovaltine? Way to take charge, Miss Crush. If you play your cards right, you might even have a say if they send Maddie Heidi Cindy Brady back to junior varsity and bring Cami along to be one of the assistants. You and Cami can draw all the plays. Why not, Mimi is too busy gossiping with Elviney and Loweezy in the laundry room.

Okay, Gene Rayburn is back to restore order and kick the deadbeats out of the locker room so we can get on to Spring sports. Ready, willing, and able, Gene

“Dumb Dora was soooooooooooo dumb (HOW!!!!!!!!!!!! DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) , she thought Focus’ ‘Eruption’ as talking about Gil’s__________________.”

TOUGH STANDS???? WHERE???? If you call benching a person because she spiked the punch with Alka-Seltzer and complained and cried to Coach Mimi that Maddie Brady has no more game than Cindy Brady taking a stand, you’ve been drinking too much Alka-Seltzer because stuff like this didn’t get Norman Dale almost voted out of Hickory. Don’t put your arm around Miss Will Still Be Laying Bricks If She Plays Point Guard At The Academy and make her out to be Patton when he was shooting his pistol at some German Aircraft strafing the village. By gum, I showed The Red Baron what happens when he flies too close to Milford and I’ll use my BB gun again if he makes another circuit.

And is Mimi peeking from some outhouse? As she grabbed a wad of toilet paper and wiped her butt, she overheard her team congregate for a Teachable Moment, how romantic. Mimi was battling the cobwebs in proximity to the commode while dumping a load, then watched them rally around the flagpole and win one for The Gipper. Send the script to Hollywood in the next few days.

Gang, I don’t know about you but these Depend Undergarment commercials where some redneck is pulling up his trousers and we witness for a split second that he’s NOT wearing Fruit of the Looms are really not something I like to witness when I’m about to eat the pepperoni I ordered from the Pizza Hut down the street. With that in mind

“Have you ever had to call the Milford Maintenance Department crew to get your underclothing on? It got to the point where I was a fixture in their appointment book. It was no fun when the forklift driver had to coordinate efforts with the crew to get my Depend Undergarments for the day. But’s that’s what happens when you are 717 pounds, which I was.

One of the forklift drivers took pity on me and said he weighed a chunk himself at one time and gave me a referral to Milford Liposuction Academy. Greetings, this is Mabel Ruth Pearl, and you are correct, I am the granddaughter of the venerable Dr. Pearl.

And Thanksgivings were not a lot of merriment and mirth. I had to sit all by myself because I had the girth of 10 relatives. I had to use an axe to carve the turkey. Thank goodness, Milford Liposuction Academy saw me stranded on the road and saw me bleeding and dying and leaking a ton of urine on the road to Oakwood and led me to the operating room faster than you can say Hormel One Minute Stew.

I confess I was frightened at first. Was I Dr. Frankenstein’s creation on the verge of going under the knife by Igor and Doctor Frankenstein still looking for a brain under the heart monitor? The staff at Milford Liposuction Academy put matters to the Elysian Fields as they suavely applied the gas to put me to sleep while Henry Mancini’s “Theme from Pink Panther” was playing somewhere in the ceiling. The tubes they inserted in my gluteus maximus was no worse than inserting the nozzle in your gas tank when obtaining a fill-up.

The experience was a grand one as I was Lucy in the Sky without the extra weight that had so beset me in times past and I felt myself floating while the Liposuction team utilized scalpel and knife and incision instruments to maximum advantage and I never crash-landed once. Wonders never cease when Novocaine, a sterilized scalpel, and “The Peter Gunn Theme” come to an agreement. Plus assistant nurses willling to tolerate working at minimum scale for now.

Lo and behold, I was a new person. They showed me what I now looked like in the mirror even though I was still comfortably numb. I could sit in the wheelchair and not blow out a tire. My loins weren’t popping out so that we were compelled to take the freight elevator. I was a new woman and I could buy normal underwear. No more have to order from the Toyo Tractor Tire catalog. I could pull up my pants in 2.3 seconds flat in case WDIG-TV needed models for undergarment advertising.

With all these amenities that Milford Liposuction Academy has to offer, isn’t time you took the weight off your shoulders and gluteus maximus and scheduled an appointment with Milford Liposuction Academy? The consultation is free and all major insurances are acceptable. And starting June 1st, Medicaid will be accepted. No more living in Hooverville being miserably obese. Sounds like a fair trade. Come see them today and liberate yourself forever.”

Well, Gang, if Thorpiverse would quit feeding me all this bull, I wouldn’t have to get an appointment with Milford Liposuction Academy. I don’t need a tube in my nose, just common sense.

But God bless you anyway.

At Milford Comedy Caravan

“…so Daffy Duck asks me, will you help me and Bugs get away from Elmer Fudd and hide us at Milford Liposuction Academy? And I answered, what do I look like, Focus playing ‘Moving Waves’?”

The beer taps are barely audible

Suddenly Focus’ “Round Goes The Gossip” blares in from the speakers and Gil gets the hook

February 26, 2022

Please Gordon Don’t Hurt ‘Em

“Not exactly, I mean.

A threat should do it, mostly.

Maybe just a hint.”

We’ve hit the home stretch

Finally Gil Thorp’s involved

What took him so long?

For that matter, why

three strips for Pranit to ask

Gordon to be goon?

For that matter, why

is Gordo acting so surprised?

Muscle’s all he’s been!

The king of picking

winners should have gotten all

the money up front

But noOOOo! What a putz!

Where’s he gonna find a goon

On such short notice?

Cressa Baxter? She’d

do it for a Jiffy Tart

Or can of White Claw

Gordon doesn’t know

the difference between what’s

crazy and stupid

Check out Gil’s office

All those empty picture frames

Titles never won

Empty picture frames

or mirrors? Maybe Gil Thorp

is a vampire

(edit: Dunno wth is going on with my spacing; these are haikus and the spacing between paragraphs isn’t showing when I publish. Little help?)

February 17, 2022

Barely. What An Appropriate Word.

Filed under: Gil Thorp — tdrewhardin @ 1:23 pm

I can barely stomach this and barely understand the modus operandi being employed. I think we’re barely hanging onto our readers.

But does that compel Thorpiverse to change its ways and devise a better plan? Not hardly.

Gang, you oldsters surely remember Johnny Olson, the longtime P.A. announcer for The Price is Right. If the memory is still a bit fuzzy, maybe his “GIL THORP, COME ON DOWN, YOU’RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT” will bring things sharper into view. He worked of course hand-in-hand with Bob Barker the host. Only tag teams in wrestling knew each other’s moves better.

Mimi has become the new Johnny Olson as Captain Hollis has staged a coup and deposed Corinavirus as the new basketball tsar. When Hollis has to call a meeting because Mimi spends more time saying “CAMI OCHOA, COME ON DOWN, YOU’RE THE NEWEST VARSITY MEMBER ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT”, well, the more things don’t change, the more they stay the same in Milford. Johnny Olson went home to snuggle up with Gil at the couch and Captain Hollis made anybody drinking Gil’s Hard Lemonade do 100 knuckle push-ups.

I mean, we have really tried to give Mimi every benefit of the doubt that she will one day take charge and even Lt. Admiral Rear Commander Hollis will take a back seat and listen. But then again, you’d be better off waiting for Johnny Olson to get on stage and be the one that reads the prices off the index cards. Nope, I don’t think Mimi or Johnny will ever say “Actual retail price is…” Bob Barker’s job appears to be safe for another 100 years. Darn, he has Gil beat by 40 years.

Therefore, if you are new to the program, you’re in luck. After Coach Mimi makes the intro, COME ON DOWN and sit on the end of the bench. Be prepared to enter the game when Captain Hollis calls your number. Stay focused, that’s the key.

Gang, I understand credit scores. I always like to stroke my ego when I get a score indicating that I pay my bills on time. But when there is a background check on your spouse/partner/lover for a cheater’s score, well,

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

Milford County Clerk’s Office At Loggerheads With Coach Thorp Over Recent Findings In A Background Report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Even when I wasn’t married to Mimi, I made that charlatan put her clothes back on. I had a game to coach that night.”

I realize everybody is trying to welcome Cami to The Show and if she got game, welcome aboard. But WHAT is that bear claw protruding to the left of Cami. I THINK it is Blond Mudlark fist-bumping with Afro-American Mudlark but what would be the purpose unless they may be happy they have somebody talented added to the team. Well, good news travels fast but it would seem more apropos to fist-bump the person you are welcoming to the team unless Cami has hands like Yogi Bear. And is that Cousin Itt welcoming Yogi to the team? Sometimes we don’t know whether Cousin Itt is coming or going. Oh, but cut the fist-bumping short, Captain Ahab is telling Yogo and Itt and the rest of the Lady Mudlarks to get out the mops because they’re going to be spending the next three hours wiping the poop deck because somebody drank too much Gil’s Hard Hawaiian Punch.

Special Edition to the Milford Enquirer

“Findings By Fact-Searching Committee Of Milford Dating Services International Hotly Contested By Mr. Dr. Pearl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“For the record, Dr. Pearl was engaged in platonic activity when she had lunch with our mailman at The Diner. She paid for her own meat loaf, thank you.”

We were set to figure out what kinda game Cami’s got but noooooooooooo, not in Thorpiverse, we gotta fart around and get back up on that cafeteria table they must have moved to the gym where General George Hollis is the latest to take the soapbox. Instead of watching Jesus “Cami” Shuttlesworth show what she can do and why State U. is after her services, we have to turn this into what everybody smoked at Woodstock.

All right, y’all, I saw some of you light up Muriel Cigars just as the Butterfield Blues Band was about to take the stage. And if you’re not careful, that Mike’s Hard Lemonade is going to force you into a tarantella and if you don’t believe me, look what it did to Joe Cocker when he was singing “With a Little Help From My Friends”. I want no more candy cigerettes like what was consumed when Alvin Lee and the Ten Years After ripped off “I’m Goin’ Home”. Some of you get tipsy at the free throw line after you’ve had a Red Bull. C’mon, you’re big girls now. You know when to say when after Coach Mimi offers you that 10th Fresca. Now get your heart into this program and get your ass out of the Gil’s Hard Ovaltine cooler.

Man, should we ever go back to Iwo Jima, I know who I’d want to give the pep talk at some dining hall on Wake Island before we shipped out.

“Okay, Dr. Pearl, you’ve won that file cabinet by guessing the right price. You must have had plenty of practice. Now it’s time to play Higher/Lower. I assume you know how to play?”

“Yes, I do, Mr. Barker.”

“All right, she won’t have to take a crash course, good for her. Now you surely have experienced Gil’s coaching?”

“Indeed I have, Mr. Barker.”

“Excellent. Then this ought to be a cake walk. If you can guess the right price within 30 seconds, you will win a special prize. Ready to play?”

“Most certainly, Mr. Barker.”

“All righty, here we go. Clock is ticking.”

“Million dollars.”

“Lower.”

“Half a million dollars.”

“Lower.”

“$1000.”

“Lower.”

“$100.”

“Lower.”

“$10.”

“Lower.”

“$1.”

“Lower.”

“50 cents.”

“Lower.”

“Minus 10 dollars.”

“Higher.”

“Barely worth more than kitty litter.”

“Higher.”

“Elephant droppings.”

DING DING DING DING DING ETC.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

“That’s it, Dr. Pearl, you beat the buzzer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell her what she’s won, Johnny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“A two week excursion to Mudlark Lake!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, you and your husband…”

Judging by the bit of snickering in P2, this 4 Score And Seven Mike’s Ago speech is really not taken all that seriously and truth be told, why should it be? Michael Jordan was added to the team now somebody takes it upon herself to preach the equivalent of quit leaving your cigarette butts on the bus. Is Right Rear Admiral Lieutenant Colonel Hollis going to divide everyvody in little discussion groups on how to address the problem? Each group file a report and discuss their findings at the General Assembly? Is Mimi going to be there or is she taking to the mike again for The Price is Right because Johnny Olson called in again? Groups of 3 discussing wiping your feet before you get on the gym floor, boy, I hope this discussion goes on all night.

Afternoon Edition to the Milford Enquirer

“O.J. To Consult With Cochran Concerning Detailed Analysis Sponsored By Milford Psychological Associates Over Possible Libel Charges!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“They can shrink my head all they want, I never even had a donut at Coffee Cantina with Coach Mimi.”

Who is Captain Hollis referring to when she talks of “we”? Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if at least half of the girls in P2 were at that party. You KNOW Snickering Girl and Cressa were there and that list could possibly get longer. Gee, if General William Armstrong Custer Hollis were to extirpate all the Indians that were at the party, we might run out of them at Little Big Horn, let alone fill a Mudlark Girls Basketball roster. I sure hope she knows what she’s doing. That’s right, eject anybody with a trace of Jack or Mike’s on their breath. Build character on the team, only way to go. Mimi won’t know, she only shows up whenever somebody gets promoted.

Today’s Black History Month entry is Clark Terry, a trumpeter and flugelhorn player who gave Jazz the prestige that the genre needed to escape the seedy image that lingered in the 30’s, 40’s, and somewhat in the ’50’s. He played in the Duke Ellington Orchestra in the ’50’s and helped get Duke’s comeback back on track, especially with “Live at Newport”, the ’56 concert heard ’round the Jazz world. He later played in the Tonight Show Orchestra from 1962 to 1972, breaking ground as one of the first African-Americans to grace this scintillating orchestra.

He had a technique called Mumbling where he would intersperse semi-coherent vocals with his scat melodies and give Bebop an even bigger presence in the world of Jazz. I have personally heard and I was amazed to no end. He also released 2 critically-acclaimed albums “In Orbit” and “Color Changes” which added to his rich repertoire.

He later played with Oscar Peterson for many decades. Hailing from St. Louis, which was considered a minor hotbed for Jazz outside of New Orleans, he and Peterson made a great team and played to record crowds. He played the music he loved well into his ’70’s. Please join me in saluting one of the Jazz giants and a name I would personally like to see be remembered ad aeternum.

“And we’ll be back for all the stats as Cami Ochoa went Jordan on us tonight with 52 points as Captain Hollis gets her first victory as Milford wins, 82-61, over Madison. This is Marty Moon and you’re listening to WDIG, a division of Learfield Sports.”

At the Shaw household in the backyard at 1:12AM

“Honnnnnneeeyyyyyyy, I’m hornyyyyyyyyyyy, come out, come out, wherever you arrrrrrrrrreeeee-Honey, why are you in your Hanes in that tree house? And why is your hunting rifle up there?”

Coach Shaw puts down his binoculars

“I won’t let nobody get on my property and take my woman. I read that report about you in the For The Records section in the Milford Enquirer. I read all about those gorillas trying to make a move on you. Let George of the Jungle come in my backyard towards my woman. I’ll blast King George back to the Amazon where he belongs.”

“Honey, I never read those pieces of trash. And you’re King Kong to me. Now climb down from that tree, Kong, and I’ll make you King in bed.”

“And let some snake slither in the grass? I read on the cover of Milford Monthly that hoboes from Milford Skid Row were prime targets for wives who weren’t getting enough from their hubbies in bed. Free sex and a free shower, then walk out the back door, it must be nice for them bums. But I won’t let no man ignorant of a razor blade enter my yard or he’ll be leavin’ with his derriere full of buckshot.”

“Darling, you know how I feel about slimy men. Skid Row is a turn-off with us women. But I can’t turn you on if you don’t come to bed and leave your rifle back on the rack.”

“No way, Mrs. Shaw!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dare the man to open that gate in our back yard and sneak through the kitchen and grab some coffee snarf a Danish spit in the toilet read the horoscope then jump on you while you’re in La La Land.”

Rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle

BLAMMMMMMMMMMMM

“And I won’t let ’em scale the wall and if they think I’m gonna turn my back and slurp on my Bud when they make a maneuver from the alley, they’ve sadly mistaken.”

“Honey, that was a squirrel.”

“I didn’t catch no cheaters but the squirrel made for good sausage biscuits. And I was gettin’ my Hanes full of skeeters so I got down ASAP. It was time to get dressed and head over to Milford Men’s Clinic and explore all the ways to conquer Erectile Dysfunction so I could conquer Mrs. Shaw in bed. And I didn’t even have to use my BB gun. Come in and find all the ways you can trap and bait your honey and have the time of your life. Only at Milford Men’s Clinic.”

Gang, There’ll be no more Twinkies or Ho Ho’s consumed when I come to your parties. I have an image to protect. And put away that Hillshire Farms Liver Cheese. You want the Air Force Academy to find out?

But God bless you anyway.

“PRINCIPAL EK, COME ON DOWN, YOU’RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!”

Some flunkee comes out and whispers in Bob Barker’s ear

“I understand Principal Ek is dead. But we won’t let a tombstone stand in our way, will we, Johnny?”

“We certainly won’t, Bob. CORINA KARENNA, COME ON DOWN…”

February 16, 2022

Some Hints Are Bigger Than Others

Could you be bothered to sort out the botched language in yesterday’s strip? Yeah, me neither, except to figure out that the end-of-game long bank shot caused the team Pranit bet on to not cover the spread. So he lost on a bad beat. Bad beats are statistically unlikely, but don’t tell that to self-righteous Tevin there. He needs to stop smoking whatever he’s smoking there and do the math.

Doesn’t it seem like Tevin’s itching to rat Pranit out to Gil and Kaz? Now there’s a strategy: Getting tired of playing sportsball but don’t want to quit voluntarily? Get a teammate kicked off the team for something that violates someone’s moral code. Bonus points if the teammate is a good player. Miss the playdowns; season ends early; and you look like the better person – or at least the morally superior one.

That gambit may actually play out on the girl’s team. Some rando blonde lady we’ve never seen Mimi introduces Cami Ochoa (which one? there are multiples), who she’s promoting from JV to varsity during the season. This doesn’t happen very often at Milford High; the last one I can think of is the scrawny but speedy football receiver Max Ortiz. Too many bodies on the Lady Mudlark bench now? Time to make room for Cami!

But who has to make room for Cami? How about the one player who, with the exception of one game, hasn’t been playing as well as she had last season? The one who tasted hard seltzer at a party last week? Now Zoomie-in-training Hollis can dime Cressa out and get her kicked off the team. Talented but inexperienced Cami is too little, too late; Milford misses the playdowns; and Hollis looks like the better person – or at least the one who upheld an honor code.

What about Cressa? Collateral damage.

Older Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.