This Week in Milford

September 21, 2016

I Wonder How, Linguistically Speaking, Elbow Up Is Related to Ease Up.

Filed under: actual action, football, freak hands, Marty Moon, Mimi Thorp — timbuys @ 7:13 am


Distracted as the Milford WR was by the blaring, levitating Ampeg 6×10 speaker cabinet, I’m not sure we can pin that one entirely upon Hakeem.

Hey, is that Mimi coaching from the sidelines? Perhaps it’s Heather? Will lineman Kevin Pelwecki provide the needed defensive stop?

My goodness, all of these questions! Nothing like some actual actual action to get things going!

June 17, 2013

Ease Up, Joe. It’s Milford

Filed under: freak hands, Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 7:39 am


That narration box is saying a clunky mouthful. There was a revelation at the deposition… Whose deposition? Joe Jarbo’s deposition, that’s where the revelation was.

Now Joe, ease up on Gil’s dad. He fell and maybe bumped his head or something. Plus, he’s old and probably drinks a lot. The idiots who you should be directing your ire toward are the idiots of the Foley Law Group.

For further elaboration on the ineptitude of the Foley Law Group, let’s turn to Geoff McKay and Knox Foley, both swallowing hard while confronted with the exploding eyeballs (and expanding moustache) of the irate Joe Jarbo.

What a couple maroons!
“Umm…do you happen to know who owns it?”
“Uh, yeah, I know the guy. His name is Farley, Charles U. Farley. Now if you’ll excuse me, those Nutboys and Slurpees aren’t going to sell themselves!”

April 4, 2013

Ease Up To Get Loose


“Can’t get loose, eh? Well ease up and get loose so I can go and get tight. Look, there’s six or seven guys behind you that can catch the ball, so stop trying to wiz it past these Wampus Cats…hey what’s that advertisement out there? a burger or sandwich of some sort? Hey, what’s your name again?”
“Big Bob Stuff.”
“No not you Blob Stuff, you, wearing all the silly gear. Do I know you?”
“I’m your starting catcher, coach, Poindexter Snordkin.”
“Wait, what happened to Rick Bozich?”
“Coach, maybe you should go back to the dugout. I think we can figure this out.”
“Okay, good talk.”


Ha, the disinterested stares of the players on the Mudlarks bench is priceless. What’s that behind them though? Saddles? Packed parachutes? (How did that guy from Micfoob get in there?)

Meanwhile, the coaching staff has yet to catch up on the detes of the spring plot. Hang in there guys. I’m sure the guy at the hardware store will clue you in later.

The genius of Marty Moon’s crate is revealed. He can ship himself to Leesville to call the game, since he probably doesn’t have a car or a license and he’s almost certainly not welcome on the team bus.

April 21, 2011

Gary Oldman refuses to ease up. Conflict to be resolved never.

Filed under: baseball, bizarre cameos, Milford Weirdos, Mimi Thorp — jasbeattie @ 8:32 am


Sure, we could spend an entire strip featuring the most unpleasant new softball character…but why do that when we could instead feature…a budget meeting!


Credit where credit is due: Rubin and Whigham took a budget subcommittee scene and made it the most interesting damned budget subcommittee meeting you ever saw, brother! Because when the melting head of Fat Albert tells you to ease up, man, you better ease up! (Unless, of course, you’re Gary Oldman, then nobody tells you to ease up, bitch!)

Once the budget subcommittee realizes the Thorp model of coaching is to employ random weirdos to do all the work for free, they’ll simply deploy this same model across the entire school. Think of the possibilities: Clambake teaching Sex Ed! (Talk about locking your eyes on one hole…)


“Hey did you realize that weird Alpo chick sings protest songs…and I mean what do we have to protest about, except these horrible pants?”
“Yeah, as far as I know the world is fine…there’s nothing to protest. At least that’s what my new teacher, kid in tree, keeps tells me.”

December 24, 2010

Ease up, Jesus!

Filed under: basketball, Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Weirdos — jasbeattie @ 5:34 pm


Thanks fair readers, for keeping the commentary going, despite my delinquency in posting about an exciting “Ease up!” sighting. Not much else to add, except I find Cortez’s guess of “Ease up!” a rather lousy choice in the game of hangman. Because c’mon…there’s no space in “_ _ _ _ _ _” So what’s a filthy, filthy word of six letters? Why N U T B O Y of course!


Christ almighty! Cortez “Horace Grant” Ponce de Leon Vespucci has discovered the lord. It’s a miracle he discovered anything wandering around the school blind a bat with a rubber hand as his only guide. And now he’s here to see if he can release Gil from the tight grip of Satan. Good luck with that kid…the guy reading the racing form and drinking out of his baseball trophy flask at 9:30 in the morning is unlikely to give up more than one or two of his favorite deadly sins just ’cause you found his office without the benefit of eyeballs.

Stay tuned for the Thorp Family Christmas card. This year will there be even fewer than zero children?

October 6, 2010

Tune In, Turn On, Ease Up

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, google nonsense, Uncategorized — nedryerson @ 3:58 am


So, I’m late for the celebration of the return of an exploding eyeball and Ease Up. Darn. You know who else likes to Ease Up? Leon Ashley & Margie Singleton, that’s who.

Ease Up!


…and then this happened. Duncan Daley is filled with rage because the Ghost won’t shut up, but the Ghost is just a jerk and this team needs him and his jerkiness so just Ease Up. New Ease Up*, now in tablet form:

*Ease Up may contain walrus parts and is not safe for children. Tell your doctor is you are drinking Ol’ Grandad before taking Ease Up. Known side effects of Ease Up include weight loss, insomnia, nervousness, hot dog finger, agitation, constipation, melting eyes syndrome, dry mouth, headache, nausea, exploding eyeballs, skin problems, tremors, excessive sweating, flaming butthole, hypomania, seizures, tinnitus, and unconscious blogging. Stop taking Ease Up if you just want to jack some Munchkin’s head.

Edited to add:

Commentor Dood pointed out this amazing similarity between these two recent pointers:

Point/Counterpoint indeed!

October 3, 2009

Ease up, dumbed-down Dunc!


The only thing of interest going on here (since we didn’t get to see Duncan finish kicking that guy’s ass) is the return of “ease up”! For previous “ease up” experiences at this blog, click here.


“Wait, why are we doing things at…half…speed? So nobody gets hurt?”
“Nah we could give a rat’s ass about that. The only downside to an injury is that then we have to see that loser trainer Rick Scott. Mainly we do it half…speed so that if Gil ever shows up (I know, I know, like that will happen…) we can be moving at a speed that his drunk ass can kinda follow. Now go crush that Charles Bloom wuss again, while he’s sitting on the bench. Smack him around like he was a bad driver. Just be sure you do it in slow motion.”

November 9, 2007

Ease up, albino kid!

Filed under: Boredom in Milford — jasbeattie @ 11:45 am


Wow, Franken-Cully has really brought his A-Game today! First, he brings the Kaz “Ease up” mantra into the late twentieth century with his clever substitution of “dude” for “friend.” He then uses his magical reanimated-killer-corpse-caveperson powers to swiftly move from behind Albino Al to in front of him, blocking any confrontation with possible ¡pod! thief Mitch. Finally, he blows my mind with his logical conclusion: Whatever Mitch says, must be true. (I therefore extrapolate that Milford albinos are all liars.)

What’s next for Franken-Cully and the Bad-News Taurus Gang? Well, first, they’ll have to find Boyd the chauffeur elf, because frankly I miss his hair. Second, once they have their filling meal of floor tiles, the reign of terror throughout town can begin! (Mind you, we won’t get to see any of it, but I’ll enjoy hearing about it at least.) Then…oops we ran out of time, bring on basketball season! Oh well.

Don’t like it that way? Too bad, that’s what Mitch says is the case. So as they say, “Ease up, ass-hat!”

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