This Week in Milford

March 24, 2016

Ken Brown: The Man Maxwell Bacon Could Smell Like

tmgil160324

Missing something here. Didn’t Bacon tell Kenzie he couldn’t “do this anymore” a couple of days ago, or was that a mutual decision? Either way, you’re no longer MaxKenzie, so stop moping about it. Hey, is that Ken Brown looking all Old Spice Man? Maybe he’s off to underachieve in the showers.

Kenzie’s on-court presence or lack thereof shouldn’t be having that big an impact on the Lady Mudlarks’ results either way – she’s not the star, right? On the other hand, as this year’s designated heckler target, she should be drawing fire away from her teammates and helping them improve in the process.

Advertisements

May 1, 2018

Today’s entry was a toss-up between “A Charlie Brown Padilla Special” on the Hallmark Channel or Moose’s “Getting It On The Green” on ESPN3.

gt05012018

Gang, I don’t know about you, but I’ve HAD ENOUGH of the Padillas. AND Moose while I’m on a rant ‘n’ rave. It’s bad enough that Charlie Brown Padilla née Jorge really wasn’t a factor in the last plot although you wouldn’t know it when he was a cause celebre via the Milford Pirate Network. Now he’s sticking his nose into other Specials, y’know, Halloween Special, Christmas Special, President’s Day Special, well, you get the General Idea. Moose isn’t any better but I’m goin’ generic here. Ya gotta admit Charlie Brown Moose is kinda awkward. Ok, Charlie Brown Pelwicki could pass but what if the producer is dyslexic and we’re stuck with Charlie Pelwicki Brown? Charlie Moose Brown? Lucy Padilla would have a cow. Therefore, Charlie Brown Padilla it is. And as long as he is confined to the area where you hear Vince Guaraldi’s “Linus & Lucy” throughout the Special, okay, I’ll swallow it and stay tuned for Batman’s “Earth Day Special”. But I swear if I see Charlie Brown Padilla in the Batcave punching information on the Batcomputer to try to locate The Joker’s hideout in a desperate attempt to keep him from bombing Gotham City with raw sewage out of SEVERAL C-130’s (keep in mind, we’re talking a Special related to Earth Day), I’m switching the channel to Gunsmoke (tune in tonight for a Special 2-Hour Earth Day episode when Matt Dillon battles The Dalton Gang when they are caught dead to rights pissing indiscriminately in Cripple Creek). Moose displaying his batting technique on “Perry Como’s Christmas Extravaganza for the Ages-Live in Branson, Missouri at House of Como”? Better be good.

And while Moose’s Rise to the Majors with a 9-Iron is still fresh in my mind, it seems the plotline gods are desperately trying to make up for Moose’s disappearance in last Fall’s scenario by encouraging his latest venture, somewhat reckless though it may be. Gonna be up front with you, gang, right off the bat (no pun intended). After working with hitters in Babe Ruth League Baseball and seeing some be successful at the high school level, I have no clue what Moose is talking about. And I humbly say that cuz I realize players make coaches, not the other way around. The players made me, trust me.

So that out of the way, if Moose is going to climb back up where he dropped off the Grand Tetons back in football season, he should at least have the common decency to swing the bat better if he wants to avoid the sand traps, as in P1. Those hazards could be killers when going for extra bases. Don’t swing for the fences only to wind up in the pond, Moose. And watch the alligators. They’ve been known to feast on aluminum bats. Furthermore, too many ball drops and not only will you get penalized a stroke, the batting average is going to suffer. Price you pay for going yard.

And as John S., Jive Turkey, et al, have mentioned, Gil’s coaching has been sparse (again, trying to be nice). So when he has a chance to make up for lost time as in P2, he falters by giving Moose tips on how to survive the Mudlark USSSA Modified Slo-Pitch Tournament this weekend at the Milford Softball Complex. Sure, Moose, that’s a sure-fire way to keep from popping up to the 3rd baseman. Oh, here, you’ll need to give the Tournament Director this Red Dot.

Right before “James Brown: Live at The Apollo ’68” Special is about to commence

“Bootsy, what’s that bald-headed honky with the funny-striped shirt doin’ talkin’ to our bass player?”

“I don’t know, James, but we’re too late to do anything. Just do your best struttin’ while we rip into “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag”. It’s a bit dark on stage, maybe the brothers and sisters in the audience won’t notice.”

CAN I TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN I TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN I TAKE IT TO-

Charlie Brown Padilla is escorted exit left by the Boston Police. Yeah, I think James Brown (don’t get me started, gang, LOVE The Godfather of Soul) does it better.

And you whippersnappers and long-suffering Moody Blues fans are in for a treat. Because this plot is ALREADY getting on my nerves and with the recent induction of the Moody Blues into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (about damn time), I thought I’d kill 2 Padillas plus a Moose with 1 stone.  From their album “The Present”, sung to the tune ‘Sorry’, take ‘er away, Ray Thomas (flutist on “Nights in White Satin”, saxophonist on “I’m Just a Singer (in a Rock ‘n’ Roll Band)”, BTW)

Just hope that they leave

I’m glutted of their presence

Just maybe Snuffy Smith

Will brook their adolescence

I am willing to trade

Their butts for Hi & Lois

They’re grating my nerves

This plot’s in reverse

Soon it’ll swerve

My sanity’s left out to dry

for the last time

I’ll tell you up front, DAMN STRAIGHT,

it’s for the last time

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-Ramble

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-Wear the plot thin

Pointless-a word that’s aptly used to sum up what’s going down

Pointless is the way they steer this frickin’ bumper car into the ground

Do we dare pursue a whim

They’re laying useless BS on us

I can smell it across the gym

The odors shot from their lips

With them it always did

I think we’re hanging Marty Moon

for the last time

Padillas and Moose skip town

vamoose for all time

(The London Philharmonic Orchestra, Vienna Boys Choir, Milford Pirate Network cheering section, John Lodge, Justin Hayward (keep in mind, Graeme Edge is on drums, unable to stand in choral pews), the parrot contributing the falsetto voice, and 10,000 angels join Ray)

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-stink

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-bite the big one

Pointless-we’ll never see the light of day in this plot for fools

Pointless is the way they go from A to Z through a broken slide rule

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People, whoa, Nelly, if I keep this going, I’ll become one of them. No sense in winning the lead role in The Myth of Sisyphus.

If ya smuggle yore Falls City Beer across the border because ya don’t feel like paying duty on the merchandise at hand, stashin’ it under the steering column but later discover it’s the wrong country but find out it’s just as fun ta git rowdy and drunk with the Eskimos, ya might be a redneck.

A scene on the Ken Burns’ Jazz Special

“…Flat Foot Floogie with the Floy, Floy

Flat Foot Floogie with the Floy Floy

Floy-doy, Floy-doy, Floy-doy, Floy-doy

When you’re feelin’ low-down

You don’t know what to do

And you wanna show-down

It’s The Dance, The Dance, The Dance to doooooooooooooo

THAT’S IT, MCVOUTIE BROWNIE PADILLAROONI, NOW YOU ROLLIN’ LIKE A TRUE VOUT-A-HIPSTER, ISN’T HE, TINY? OH, YOU’RE STEPPIN’ SO VOUT-A-REENIE!!!!!!!!!!! WELL, ALL REET, YARDBIRD-A-REENO, TAKE THE NEXT CHORD BEFORE YOU CUT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The world of Slim Gaillard (see James Brown Godfather comment) was forever altered that night at the Milford Jazz Club.

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Charlie Brown Padilla in ICU at Milford General Hospital, Requires 42 Stitches in his Cheeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Overextended himself trying to play ‘Ool-Ya-Koo’ on ‘Tribute to Dizzy Gillespie.”

Speaking of Ray Thomas, I sadly announce his passing. His rapport with the crowd when I saw MB in concert was fantastic. He really knew how to work the crowd at Mesker Outdoor Amphitheater in the Ohio Valley humidity with that heavy British accent. He was an excellent jack-of-all-trades, playing many instruments (as previously mentioned) and contributing many songs, all with an excellent cherubic feel to them. I miss you, Ray. RIP, My Man.

I would like to break a rule and extend Black History Month by expressing my UTTER JOY over the induction of Nina Simone into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Guys, what were you THINKING? I VERY reluctantly set aside my anger at the crock of justice to note that she had an impressive resume, “Silk & Soul” her calling card that bowled over the critics many times over. She also wowed the crowd with “My Baby Just Cares For Me” and “Young, Gifted and Black”. She ran the gamut from Soul to R & B to Jazz to Rock and Roll and could transition them quite deftly. A Civil Rights activist, arguably to the bitter end (who could blame her?), she lived in France for the remainder of her life. But her influence was felt worldwide and still is. As Justin Hayward, guitarist for the Moody Blues, said during his acceptance speech at the R & R HOF Induction, “Nina Simone showed us how it should be done.” I knew I loved your music for a reason, Justin. Please join me in saluting a worthy member into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and PLEASE spread her name. She deserves it.

Gang, fire away. I don’t think Moose’s buddies are sold on his concept. Maybe if kept his elbow up when he teed off on Dog Leg Right at #13, par 5, at the Milford Golf Course, oh, never mind.

April 17, 2018

Ohhhhh, Marty, you bankrupted this plot. But you have a free spin token, so spin again!!!!!

Filed under: Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Mimi Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — tdrewhardin @ 1:54 am

gt04172018

WHEEL!!!!!!!!!!! OF!!!!!!!!!!!!! FORTUNE!!!!!

That’s right, gang, Pat Sajak and Vanna White have invaded Milford High School Gymnasium to promote the famous game show. And what better way for WOF to nurture a grass-roots feel than to invite Milford’s own to be contestants? Once a Mudlark, always a Mudlark, even if they have to spin a gigantic wheel to win thousands of dollars/vacations to The Bahamas/consolation prizes to prove it. The screening process turned up 3 worthy contestants, Marty Moon, Mimi Thorp and Vince Packard, and this should be interesting, given all that Marty has endured. C’mon, gang, Marty can’t be crying in his beer at the Milford Lounge forever and does anybody honestly picture him next to Humphrey Bogart at the Boulevard of Broken Dreams? Didn’t think so. I wouldn’t even paint him in that portrait with those dogs playing poker that gets sold on a roadside stand somewhere. Marty puffing away on a Muriel cigar next to some ruffian boxer who’s also smokin’ a stogie? Marty better have a winning hand.

Especially when we’re still attempting to dig ourselves out of this plot via the-parking-lot-aka-bargaining-table method. Hey, I guess NAFTA, SALT II, and the Yalta Conference (“Sure, Josef, you can have Czechoslovakia if we can take Austria. Oh, damn, I lost the keys to my Ford Explorer. No problem, I have a spare in my briefcase.”) were discussed in the asphalt jungles of your nearest soon-to-make-history-in-encyclopedias-everywhere city, so why not Puerto Rico and/or the fate of Marty’s radio career? And why not the asphalt jungle of Milford?

Before Gil and The Dove, with HOR-hay as an Official Witness, sign ANY agreement (Marty Moon’s broadcasting career realigned in exchange for world peace, I’d say that’s fair), let’s NOT KID OURSELVES as Gil and Mimi are doing in P3. As they walk down the streets of perhaps the Business District of Milford, after intense negotiations in the asphalt jungle (we’re talking Milford, I understand, but work with me), they apparently need to be reminded of the raison d’etre of WDIG. The station isn’t throwing a lifeline to a fellow shark because WDIG is compassionate to a JAWS who forgot how to swim. Peace, Love, and Happiness is for the ’60’s, concepts that don’t apply to a muckraking operation that is ‘DIG. Unless Peace, etc. is subordinate TO the profit ledger. Then Flowers in your Hair is OK as long as the utilities in the building are paid. PEACE and PROFITS walking hand-in-hand, Gil? Did you ever see JAWS and Lassie walk down the aisle of a chapel to exchange wedding vows (…’til death do you part?”     “I do.”)?

Therefore, if anybody’s been dying to know what Marty’s been up to when he’s not feeling sorry for himself, I mean, okay, so nobody’s losing sleep over this one but, hell, I’M DYING TO KNOW, how’s that? You think I like Gil in a parking lot doing a sting operation with The Dove and Jorge CONCERNING MARTY??? Surely Marty kept himself busy. Actually, believe it or not, he did.

“So, Marty, tell us a little about yourself.”

“I’m a DJ and sports announcer for a radio station. I do play-by-play for high school sports.”

“Wow. That’s interesting. There’s an ugly rumor you got suspended?”

“Totally false. I have been on the job for 60 years and only called in once. My jeep broke down out in the woods and my CB player was on the frizz and I forgot my CB handle. A farmer in a nearby soybean field gave me a lift on his combine and I eventually made it back to Milford.”

“Good deal!!!!!! BTW, what is your CB handle?”

“It’s an original. Just call me ‘Dead Flowers'”

(Awkward pause)

“Well, Vanna, when we take a tour of the town after the show, don’t forget to put roses on HIS grave. Oh, you’re still alive(nervous laughter from the audience, Vanna impatient to turn the letters. It’s a Phrase). Marty, why don’t you get us started and spin the wheel?”

TH– —T R—– —K-

“200 dollars.”

“Is there a ‘Z’?”

“I’m sorry, Mimi, there’s no ‘Z’. Vince, it’s your turn.”

Sppppiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

“Wow, big money, 800 dollars.”

“Is there a ‘C’?”

“YES!!!!!! There IS a ‘C’. If Vanna will get her ass over there, okay, that’s better. We only have a 1/2 hour in this gym.”

TH– —T R—– –CK-

“I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

“Sure.”

“THEY SHOT RIBALD COCKS.”

“Nope, I’m sorry, that is incorrect. Marty, back to you.”

If ya lost that vacation to Acapulco, complete with dancing senoritas that sing like Speedy Gonzales and hotels that cost the GNP of Guatemala with beaches so pristine that you CAN drink the water, because ya lost on “Wheel of Fortune” because ya forgot there’s a ‘C’ in MEXICAN REDNECK, ya might be a redneck.

Gang, I’m a Classic Rock junkie but I have a special addiction for my Rolling Stones. From the album “Sticky Fingers”(the one that shows Coach T.’s crotch shot once you unzip it) comes a song that sums up the relationship between Marty and Ernie. As Ralph Kramden once said to Norton, awaaaaaayyyyyy we go

While you’re sitting there

In your silk-upholstered chair

Broadcasting live for WDIG

I hope you won’t see me

In my ragged company

The parrot done left me in abject poverty

Take me down, Little Ernie

Take me down

I know you think you’re the king of

the high school grounds

And you can send me dead flowers

When I am fired

Send me dead flowers on the radio waves Send me dead flowers

When I retire

And I’ll never forget to put roses on

your graaaaavvveee.

Well, while you’re sitting back

In your rose-pink Cadillac

Calling the game on Milford Playdown

dayyyyyyyssssss

I’ll be at the Milford Lounge

With a needle that I scrounged

And a Natural Lite to take my pain

awaaaaayyyyyyyy

Take me down, Little Ernie

Take me down

I know you think you’re the king when

I’m not around

And you can send me dead flowers when I’m buried

Send me dead flowers on the radio waves

Send me dead flowers when I’m married

And I’ll never forget to put this plot into the grraaaaaaaaaavvvvvvve.

TH– —T R—-Y –CK-

Sppppiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn

“500 dollars”

“I’d like to buy a vowel.”

“Go right ahead.”

“Is there an ‘E’?”

“YESSS!!!!!! There is one ‘E’. Vanna is there to get it turned around.”

TH– —T RE—Y –CK-

“I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

“I’m with you. Solve it.”

“THE BLOB REALLY ROCKS.”

“Uh, no, Mimi, you might wanna check the board again on that one. Vince, over to you.”

“Hi, this is Coach Steve Boone, speaking on behalf of Milford Gentleman’s Club. Practice can get real intense and the plot, as you can see, can be pointless. Sometimes I have to work overtime, with basketball overlapping into Opening Day of my beloved Cubs. That’s why I love the lap dances of Milford’s finest ladies. They help me unwind and forget about the game films Coach is incessantly showing. I’m a Cameo Coach, not Dick Vitale. But rather than lose my job and say “Freeze it, Gil!!!!!”, I turn to the hottest acts in Mudlarkland with ladies like Annie Aardvark cha-chaing on stage, twirling her son’s coxcomb to “Don’t Leave Me This Way” or Penelope Pearl proving age is just a state of mind, gettin’ it on to “What Have You Done For Me Lately?” How she boogies and keeps her beehive is a club secret. While you’re scratchin’ your noggin over that one, check out the club’s 1/2 price daiquiris from 7-9 PM every night. I’m thirsty already. And you’ll also be hungry for love and get it satisfied at the place that’s literally hoppin’ for your business. Come check out the ladies at the Milford Gentleman’s Club and as a bonus catch Hellfire Heather lap dance the owner while twirling a football. Just call her the Meadowlark Lemon of the Gentleman’s Club. She never fumbles!!!!!! Us Cameo Coaches taught her well. And if you poop out from the ladies like Hellfire, and who doesn’t occasionally, there’s wide-screen TV’s all around the club. It’s nice to know that when Gil can act out of character and be a donkey about the Veer offense or a generic play like the double out right, split formation, halfback wishbone option left, single screen off the right tackle, that I can flush that down the toilet and go watch my beloved Cubs. They have toilet paper too, 2-ply jumbo rolls at that, in case you’re wondering. But don’t take my word for it, come on down to the one place exclusively for men where playmates are not restricted to the basketball court and their uniforms really give you a reason to cheer on the team.”

TH-S —T RE—Y S-CKS

Spppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn

“Hey, ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!! You landed on ‘Win a Trip to Mudlark Lake Resort'”.

“Is there an ‘L’?”

“YESSS!!!!!!!!! THERE ARE THREE OF THEM!!!!!!!!! If Vanna will get there in time. That’s what happens when they only pay minimum wage. And LUCKY YOU!!!!!! I hope you have a special someone in mind.”

TH-S -L-T RE-LLY S-CKS

“Peaches, if you’re watching this, I’m willing to kiss and make up.”

“And Peaches, whoever you are, if you can rescue Marty from the Milford Lounge and land him to safety at this resort, you deserve this trip. Just don’t take the Titanic to get there(audience laughter, Marty shooting daggers at Pat). All right, Marty, what do you wanna do?”

“I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

“Why not?”

“THIS BLOT REALLY SOCKS!!!!!!!!!”

“Noooooooo, I’m sorry, Marty. Mimi, it’s your turn, spin the wheel.”

Spiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnn

“Oooooohhhhhh, just passed that ‘Bankrupt’ sign. Lay it on me, Mimi.”

“Is there a ‘P’?”

“YESSSS!!!!!!! One ‘P’.”

TH-S PL-T RE-LLY S-CKS

“I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

“GO AHEAD!!!!!”

“THIS PLOT REALLY SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!”

“YESSSS!!!!!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!!! Johnny, tell Mimi all the fabulous prizes in store for our contestant!!!!!!!!!”

“A BRAND NEW BRUNSWICK BAYLINER MOTORBOAT!!!!!! Yes, dump that Radio Flyer of a craft that your husband’s been sandpapering for the last 25 years when he’s not teaching his daughter how to putt…”

Gang, fire away. Marty’s consolation prize is 2 free passes to the Milford Gentleman’s Club. Marty wanted me to tag along. Being a Christian, I had my reservations. But Jesus drank wine with the sinners plus I’ve never seen Hellfire Heather twirl a football to “Sweet Georgia Brown” while lap dancing. The talents we never knew we had.

March 20, 2018

Which Came First, The Chicken or the Basketball?

gt03202018

Awrright, Moon, where’s your hall pass?

Now I’ve seen everything. Since WHEN did WDIG suddenly get concerned about decency and taste? Aren’t we out of character here, given the nature of the radio station? And who is this guy that’s telling Marty that he crossed one line too many? The husband of Sister Mary Elephant? Mr. Weatherbee’s second cousin, twice removed? Is he the equivalent of Dr. Pearl at Milford High School? “Did you hear ol’ Moon got sent down to the principal’s office? He got caught chuggin’ spit wads at the sound board.” Gang, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

“And furthermore, Coach T is a wienie and needs to get a life!!!!!!!!!! His wife is a second-rate basketball coach whose team shows up every other month—”

“We interrupt this broadcast so that we might bring you “Art Blakey and his Jazz Messengers, Live at Minton’s Playhouse”.

Seen spray-painted on the outside wall of a wing of Milford High School:

“Clapton is God!!!!!!!!”

Seen just below:

“So is Marty!!!!!!!!”

If ya wind up in the ICU of Milford General Hospital because ya smeared too much Tex-Mex on your barbecued iguana and ya forgot to wash it down with a cold Mr. Pibb, ya might be a redneck.

Now, not only has WDIG inexplicably taken the high road (wash your mouth out with soap, Marty), MARTY NOW HAS COMPETITION. A pirate trying to be Rodney Dangerfield who is the spitting image of Buddy Holly (or Ernie Douglas, hey, gang, I won’t pull teeth in this one). Whoa, Marty, not only did the zombies tail your ass to Goshen to eat your flesh, THEY WANT YOUR JOB ALSO. Idaknow, Marty, aside from the fact that you may wind up in the Milford General Hospital being roommates with the careless redneck who ate one barbecued iguana too many and forgot his Rolaids you also got bills to pay. Are you up to the task? I would have stomped YES in times past but since that paddling in the principal’s office by Anonymous Cameo Dude Who Just Happens To Be The Husband of Sister Mary Elephant In Case Anybody Starts Snooping And Wondering How The Hell He Made It On The Set, I am left with more questions than answers. Marty about to get upstaged by a ragtag teenage unit bent on going neck-and-neck with him to call the game fairly and with malice towards none? Pass that Rolaids, please. Hey, I’ll admit his comedy routine might need some brushing up(“Milford PIRATE Network, Goshen, ya know, Jolly Roger on my hat, I look like Judge Reinhold from Fast Times at Ridgemont High? That’s a funny, Goshen”). He might go over their heads in Goshen(we’re talking a Mudlark opponent, they’re trained to roll over and be outclassed, not digest comedy schtick) with humor involving  pumped basketballs vs. stuffed basketballs, but in the end, the clock is ticking on you, Marty. Will the pendulum swing back?

Gang, I’m still in shell-shock over Marty Moon doing his best imitation of Bart Simpson. I thought being chewed out by the principal was reserved for Milford Elementary. Guess not. Ah, but not to worry, music ALWAYS solves my life’s conundrums. C’mon, you ’70’s crowd, yeah, you know who you are, join me in Brownsville Station’s “Smokin’ in the Boys Room”, Marty Moon style(anybody remember those Roy Orbison glasses that Cub Koda, the lead singer, used to wear? Wouldn’t they look sexy on Dr. Pearl?)

Hey, how’s it goin’ out in Mudlarkland? You ever have one of them days where it seems like EVERYBODY’S getting on your case from the Director at WDIG on down to the student body at Milford High School? Well, ya know I used to have ’em just about all the time. And this is what me and Anonymous Calculus Dude and the rest of the WDIG staff did to get out of ’em.

Sittin in the sound booth, tearing down ol’ Gil

Watching him coach, well, y’know that ain’t a thrill

The Noon tone rings, ya know that’s my cue

I’m gonna meet the staff at stall #2

Smokin’ in the men’s room

Smokin’ in the men’s room

Mr. Director, doncha fill me

up with your rules

But everybody knows that smokin’ at the ‘DIG ain’t cool.

Looked out the studio, the coast was clear

Checked in the storage closet, ain’t nobody here

We put a hold on the telephone calls

To get caught at The ‘DIG would be the death of us all

Smokin’ in the men’s room

Smokin’ in the men’s room

Mr. Director, doncha fill me

up with your rules

But everybody knows that smokin’ at the ‘DIG ain’t cool

I get assigned to read farm yield reports.

Oh, God, I mean to tell ya, I got bored

Mr. Director was looking for me all around

Two hours later, ya know where I was found

Smokin’ in the men’s room

Tokin’ in the men’s room

Mr. Director, don’t lecture me

UP YOURS with the rules

Cuz everybody knows that Marty Moon is really cool

Today’s Woman’s History Month entry is Bilinda Butcher, guitarist/vocalist for the group My Bloody Valentine. Though the group itself was sometimes beset with strife, make no mistake, her contributions and her talent kept the group on the forefront of the rock music world. MBV was part of a movement called shoegazing that involved obscure lyrics, guitar distortions that were wrapped up in a surreal atmosphere, basically music you would hear if you were dreaming. They made it work and she was a BIG part of it. Her haunting crooning and her Kate Bush persona propelled the music to great heights, not to mention her stellar and timely guitar-playing. MBV’s album, “Loveless” is on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums of all time and “Isn’t Anything” is on many “1000 Albums Ya Gotta Hear” lists from SEVERAL influential publications. The Edge, from U2, is a HUGE fan of their music. Again, she’s a BIG part of that.

Take her away, gang. I’ll be giving comedy pointers to Buddy/Ernie. We should have a comedy routine ready by tipoff.

March 8, 2017

Wait, Was Ken Supposed To Be Holmes?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 7:11 am

030817

Panel one: Ken ‘Colombo’ Brown looks like he’s had just about enough of this.

Panel two: Mike ‘Hercule Poirot’ Granger is not at all happy about that awkward touch on his shoulder by what appears to be the hand of god.

Panel three: I say, with his sneer and peek a boo bang thing going on, AAAA is being revealed as the true villain here. As the saying goes, eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, is likely going to make more sense than the latest plot twist in Gil Thorp.

July 19, 2016

Brown v. Bader

Filed under: Just plain sad — timbuys @ 6:58 am

071916

Brazen But Buff Barry Bader Barely Bumped By Brawny Bully… Ah, forget it.  Hey wasn’t there someone else whose name started with a B?

Oh yeah, Ken Brown. He sure doesn’t look like he’s going to sit through much more of this.

Bonus Point: Isn’t this technically Barry’s second day back?

January 7, 2016

Young Miss Kenzie

tmgil160107

Young Miss Kenzie wants to be a ball player
First she’s got to learn to box
Gonna lay in bed with no socks
Flexes her elbow, taut and free
(Mimi’s folly) wait and see
Drink up the lake, Kenzie’s awake
(Mimi’s folly) Mimi’s mistake?

Young Miss Kenzie, used to playing rugby
First she’s got to watch Ken Brown
Wellington team comes to town
Rosters to be named and name-dropped
(Bobby Mitchell?) Tracy Schroeder?
Mike, Max and Ken, here we go again
(Mimi’s folly) we’re ready to go

Young Miss Kenzie wants to be a power forward
First she’s gotta learn defense
She’s gotta make this plot make some sense
Film to be watched; practice? nah!
(Mimi’s folly) I believe
Here we go again, Mike, Max and Ken
(Mimi’s folly) Mimi’s mistake?

Young Miss Kenzie, THUD! to the head
(Mimi’s folly) we’re ready to go
Mimi’s mistake, THUD! to the head
(Mimi’s folly) we’re ready to go

(apologies Ayers, Berry, Buck, Mills, Stipe)

March 7, 2015

It Takes Bacon to Make a Hot Brown

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 9:22 am

March 7, 2015

tmgil150307

Louisville, Kentucky is known for a number of things, including a pretty decent college basketball team. The city has also made its mark on American cuisine via the Hot Brown, the signature sandwich of the Brown Hotel (and one of the better ways I can think of to use up leftover Thanksgiving turkey).

Just as bacon is one of the key ingredients of a good Hot Brown, Max Bacon’s passing will be key to a hot Ken Brown sinking the winning shot against Jefferson. As discussed on Thursday, why the Jeffs are leaving Ken open when he killed them in their last meeting is beyond me. Then again, so is Gil essentially handing the tactical reins of his team over to his student manager.

Wonder what the statute of limitations is on resting on your laurels after winning a championship in another sport? That question could be asked of this strip’s creators as well.

Older Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.