This Week in Milford

February 22, 2021

Until The Fools Get Wise

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Pointy Fingers, Trainer Rick Scott — nedryerson @ 2:19 pm

Mr. Muench says he’s ready to go, but apparently Trainer Rick Scott needs to sign off on this before Gil makes a decision. Sorry, Tom, but you don’t have a gold watch so your opinion is not part of the decision process.

Trainer Rick Scott reads lots of William Blake between appearances so he has a quote ready to go to override Tom Muench in a cryptic fashion. Then Gil gets to show off his education by identifying the source of the quote. They’ve probably been using this schtick since the fifties, or since whenever Captain Picard fell through the wormhole which led to him becoming an athletic trainer for a high school’s sports program. Who are you kidding, Gil? You’re more likely to quote Robert Blake than William Blake and that’s the name of that tune.

Heck, I’d rather binge watch Baretta myself than dive into this stuff:

“Proverbs of Hell”:

In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy. Drive your cart and your plow over the bones of the dead. The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Prudence is a rich ugly old maid courted by Incapacity. He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence. The cut worm forgives the plow. Dip him in the river who loves water. A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. Eternity is in love with the productions of time. The busy bee has no time for sorrow. The hours of folly are measur’d by the clock, but of wisdom: no clock can measure. All wholsom food is caught without a net or a trap. Bring out number weight & measure in a year of dearth. No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings. A dead body, revenges not injuries. The most sublime act is to set another before you. If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise. Folly is the cloke of knavery. Shame is Prides cloke. ~ Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion. The pride of the peacock is the glory of God. The lust of the goat is the bounty of God. The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God. The nakedness of woman is the work of God. Excess of sorrow laughs. Excess of joy weeps. The roaring of lions, the howling of wolves, the raging of the stormy sea, and the    destructive sword, are portions of eternity too great for the eye of man. The fox condemns the trap, not himself. Joys impregnate. Sorrows bring forth. Let man wear the fell of the lion, woman the fleece of the sheep. The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship. The selfish smiling fool, & the sullen frowning fool, shall be both thought wise, that    they may be a rod. What is now proved was once, only imagin’d. The rat, the mouse, the fox, the rabbit: watch the roots; the lion, the tyger, the horse,    the elephant, watch the fruits. The cistern contains; the fountain overflows. One thought, fills immensity. Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. Every thing possible to be believ’d is an image of truth. The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the crow. ~ The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion. Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night. He who has suffer’d you to impose on him knows you. As the plow follows words, so God rewards prayers. The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction. Expect poison from the standing water. You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough. Listen to the fools reproach! it is a kingly title! The eyes of fire, the nostrils of air, the mouth of water, the beard of earth. The weak in courage is strong in cunning. The apple tree never asks the beech how he shall grow, nor the lion, the horse,    how he shall take his prey. The thankful reciever bears a plentiful harvest. If others had not been foolish, we should be so. The soul of sweet delight, can never be defil’d. When thou seest an Eagle, thou seest a portion of Genius, lift up thy head! As the catterpiller chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on, so the priest    lays his curse on the fairest joys. To create a little flower is the labour of ages. Damn, braces: Bless relaxes. The best wine is the oldest, the best water the newest. Prayers plow not! Praises reap not! Joys laugh not! Sorrows weep not! ~ The head Sublime, the heart Pathos, the genitals Beauty, the hands &    feet Proportion. As the air to a bird of the sea to a fish, so is contempt to the contemptible. The crow wish’d every thing was black, the owl, that every thing was white. Exuberance is Beauty. If the lion was advised by the fox, he would be cunning. Improvement makes strait roads, but the crooked roads without Improvement,    are roads of Genius. Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires. Where man is not nature is barren. Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believ’d. Enough! or Too much!

Here’s a song by Felt that popped into my head. Maybe Lawrence, the enigmatic singer and lyricist was thinking about Blake, or maybe not. I think he was more into Rimbaud (and smack).

February 15, 2021

That’ll Be All, Tom

Filed under: Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 1:16 pm

Doug Guthrie’s dad teaches pursuit driving to cops. I heard that before somewhere but it bears repeating because the stultifying pace of this plot is enough to make you beat your head against the wall until you forget everything. So Tom and Doug are out cruising around in Doug’s all weather vehicle and…wait, are they gonna get pulled over again?? Did Officer Wilbon forget to check Doug’s fluid levels and give him his green stamps.

Meanwhile Vic is hanging with, wait are these two guys Vic’s “go-to’s:? They’re suddenly showing up wherever Vic goes. If these guys are Vic’s pals who sit around playing grab ass under the pretense of gaming, they’re gonna be out on there ears when Vic has Tessi over for some Netflix and calculus. Anything can happen!

February 8, 2021

And The Crowd Goes Eh

Oh boy, Tessi Milton is really laying it on thick. She’s of the opinion that what the Lady Mudlarks really need is a generous helping of Vic Doucette magic. It appears that Vic can’t deny Tessi anything at this point. Will that 2004 GMC Safari be a rockin’ at some point?

So what is Tessi short for? The Contessa? ‘The Contessa’ Milton? Or just Contessa Milton? Oh Vic, I hope you haven’t gotten in over your head.

February 1, 2021

Doug Could’ve Had A V8!

Filed under: Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:49 am

Doug Guthrie’s divided attention is causing problems. Has Gil been paying attention to Doug’s comments about his racing schedule vs. his basketball schedule? Will Gil call Doug out on his lack of commitment to Sparkle Motion Mudlark Basketball? Yeah, right. Gil is absent and our boy Vic Doucette is available to help motivate Doug “Motorhead” Guthrie.

Vic has done a deep dive into Formula One trivia in order to connect with Doug, because that’s the way Vic rolls. He’s cooking up a heavy duty sports analogy that’s sure to knock our socks off.

Panel one reminded me of these commercials that ran constantly when I was a kid:

January 25, 2021

Sign My Bruise?

Filed under: huge earrings, metapost, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 7:15 pm

It’s Bucket time. Let’s drink milkshakes out of the highball glasses like ones in Mr. and Mrs. Robinson’s groovy drinkware collection. I get lost in all the lines and angles of The Bucket. Do those windows lean out or lean in? If you wear a wide check pattern you might blend into the background. Can I get a seat where I can stare out the window with my back to the room so everyone can stare at my bald spot? All this thinking is making me thirsty. Another round of rum & chocolate malteds here, my good man!

Okay, let’s get down to it. Corina thinks Tessi doesn’t work hard enough on defense. Her friends (are these the girls she got all her intel from on the volleyball team?) listen to her break down Tessi Milton’s tale of the tape. Hey what’s this? Corina is aware of Tessi’s deficiencies, but what really grinds her gears is the way Tessi presents herself as an achiever! Poor Corina. Mimi isn’t invested in developing well rounded players, nor does she care if anybody on the team needs an attitude adjustment. Looks like you’ll just need to get creative to take down big headed Tessi. Perhaps you should just tease her about her weight until she develops an eating disorder. (Yes I stole that joke straight from a Seinfeld episode. It’s not the first time.)

eta: I’ve added Mopped Up Thorp over in the links lists. You’ll see it under Comics Mockage Posse and Mudlarkish links. All hail Mopman!

January 18, 2021

We’re All A Little Scared, Gil

Filed under: freak hands, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 12:30 pm

There you have it. Vic Doucette styles his PA performance after Detroit Pistons PA announcers. Yeah, we’re way ahead of you, Neal.

January 11, 2021

Let’s Talk Accessibility Vehicles

Filed under: huge glasses, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 10:40 am

I think Rod Whigham really wanted to draw some cars, but not just muscle cars like Doug Guthrie’s GTO. He lovingly recreated a GMC Safari, a sexy wheelchair-accessible light-duty vehicle for the ages. Look at it parked under the bright lights of The Bucket, gleaming like a pearl. Nice.

Gearhead Doug Guthrie is not just into high performance vehicles, but he also seems to have an interest in wheelchair-accessible vehicles. He’s up on the latest trends in such vehicles so he wonders if Vic has considered the MV-1. That’s a wheelchair-accessible light-duty vehicle from Mobility Ventures, which isn’t currently in production but must have caught Doug’s eye in Car and Driver a few years back. I don’t know Doug, the base price on those was around 40K and Vic, who couldn’t have been driving for too long, is cruisin’ around in a sixteen year old van. I’d say he didn’t consider the MV-1.

The boys in The Bucket are ready to move on from this fascinating topic. No, wait, someone wants more details on the MV-1. Fasten your seatbelts and swivel your seats. This is really going to get interesting.

January 4, 2021

Dressing Them Down Fires Them Up

Gil’s halftime talk fired up the Milford squad. They’ve come out blazing in the second half, led by #34 who hustles to knock the ball away from a Rogers Ram. Is #34 Marcell Irby? Vic Doucette announced the name in a panel where #34 was standing there staring at him. But then #45 (or #49 maybe) is slamming the ball in the hoop when Vic Doucette catches the spark (because it’s contagious) and puts some flair into his announcing. Is the slamming guy Marcell Irby or am I being to literal in reading the panels. I sure hope the Vic has been given some better roster information than we have or his sparked up announcing is gonna get embarrassing in a hurry. He knows trivia about the eighties NBA, so he should be good, right?

Ultimately, there’s never enough “actual action” for us to ever really be certain who is who, so my beef is just grist for the mill. Knock yourself out, Vic! We’ll never be able to fact check you.

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