This Week in Milford

January 30, 2023

I Thought Gil’s Tongue Was Frozen To The Flagpole Again

Filed under: Cami Ochoa, Dr. Pearl, Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 4:27 am

Check it out. Gil, Dr. Pearl and Coach Cami all have flag duty. Maybe Gil and Cami have flag duty and Dr. Pearl supervises all flag duty? At any rate, all are assembled by the flagpole to discuss the dire fiscal situation which has been hanging over the basketball season.

Coach Cami has a plan to raise money by having sponsors pledge money to have student athletes lift stuff. Like any stuff? Like here’s ten dollars, can you lift this economy sized bag of kitty litter into the back of my Pacer? I suppose what Cami has in mind is something more organized, but the odds are we’ll never really get the fleshed-out scheme fully explained, but we will see lifting. Maybe they’ll raise enough money to pay the legal fees when this vaping thing blows up in their faces. Ever mindful Dr. Pearl wants waivers signed. She’s got enough process servers hanging around outside her office as it is.

Isn’t panel three a thing of beauty? Canada geese flying over Old Glory while Dr. Pearl angles for minimal legal liability for the latest hairbrained scheme to endanger the students.

January 23, 2023

Jami Don’t Vape

Filed under: Jami Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:51 am

Here we have Jami Thorp and maybe one of the Martinez kids in what looks to be a school cafeteria doing a little gaming. I still don’t know what the situation is with the Martinez kids and if they go to school with Jami. Maybe it’s some other kid we don’t know. Jami could have many friends who like to magic blast with him. I suppose Jami and friend take care of their nutritional needs elsewhere so they can game during their lunch period. I don’t recall having enough time during school lunch periods than eat and trade a few insults with other kids, then it was back to being indoctrinated.

Along comes a kid who is going for a Shaggy from Scooby Do look named Nick. Nick identifies Jami and friend as nerds. I guess playing a Silver Sea God card in the school cafeteria is pretty nerdy, but Shaggy Nick with his Rick & Morty t-shirt is giving nerdom a run for its money.

Well, lookah here! Nick seems to be part of the growing vape distribution ring here in the greater Milford area and he’s excited to introduce Jami and pal to the exciting world of illicit teen vaping. C’mon kids, ya gotta vape for the caus. (The cause vaguely being something to do with budget shortfalls for Milford athletics which we needn’t question.) Jami’s no fool. He don’t mix his gaming with vaping because he clearly knows what’s cool.

It wasn’t clear what Jami was playing when he was casting his magic blasts all over the Martinez dining room, but today he has identified what he and his friend are playing as Magic, which I believe is short for Magic: The Gathering.

Magic:The Gathering is something I’ve been aware of for a long time but have never partaken in. My first exposure to Magic: The Gathering was thirty years ago when I was in graduate school. This was the first time I ever had an email address. (To really date this recollection, the email for the university was run on a Pine email server.) There was one guy in my program who also had a part time job as an assistant in our computer lab. This guy was tech savvy (or nerdy, if you will) enough to know how to create a custom signature block on his Pine emails. At the bottom of all his emails was his name, some other data and below that was the phrase: “Will play Magic:The Gathering for food.” That sounded like Greek to me because I had no idea what the heck Magic was. I think I saw this guy with his cards spread out somewhere engaged in some gathering with a fellow nerd but I didn’t ask questions or hang around to figure out what was going on. I saw no evidence of vaping, but I don’t think it had been invented yet.

January 16, 2023

In Bench We Trust

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 12:32 pm

This is the second strip of a two-strip basketball game. Milford gets a win over Salem. Tobias has a cold night and gets testy when Gil sends him to the bench. It’s just all Toby all the time. Was the game even in jeopardy when Gil made the substitution? All we have is a final score that wasn’t terribly close and see that Tobias, despite being Mr. Prep all of the sudden, can get lost in thought instead of having his head in the game.

This strip is ticking me off. One panel to say goodbye to Kaz, then three strips in Scottsdale to insinuate that Mimi can still pull a young golf coach, and then this “game” to showcase the new kid with all the feels.

January 9, 2023

We Don’t Need No Water!

Filed under: Bonfire!, freak hands, hideous scar faces — nedryerson @ 7:03 am

Despite the fact that all the clothing colors have been changed, I’m actually able to keep all the people straight as we pick up where Saturday’s strip left off. We’ve got Rod, who is Tobe’s friend who, like Tobe, wants to avenge Milford’s loss to Valley Tech in football via basketball.

The hiccupping, drinking kid is Darius. I guess that’s Darius Simmons who we saw as a senior getting his shot blocked by a junior (or was he the junior doing the blocking. This is unclear.) But Darius is among “The Rookies”. There was a TV series about freshly minted cops called The Rookies back when I was little. Shout out to them, wherever they are. Is Darius, junior or senior, truly a rookie? Is he also among the wave of new recruits looking to settle a score with Valley Tech? It’s a shame none of this talent stepped up before.

Rod is concerned about these rookies getting their drink on and sullying the squeaky-clean tradition of bonfires. Everyone knows that bonfires are for making s’mores. Giant towers of flame are always surrounded by people roasting marshmallows. Rod needs to get Tobias, Manbun and Other Scarface out of there before there’s trouble with the law, the school or the integrity of the s’mores. Rod needs Tobe to help with this mission, but Tobe is already in S’mores Mode and everybody knows that Dorothy will not be denied her s’mores.

I came back to add something that escaped me while doing my typically rushed early morning post. The recent film, The Menu has a particularly incendiary take on s’mores. Deranged chef (basically named Chef), played chillingly by Ralph Fiennes has this to say about s’mores:

…the s’more, the most offensive assault on the human palate ever contrived,
unethically sourced chocolate and gelatinized sugar water imprisoned by industrial grade graham crackers. It’s everything wrong with us and yet we associate it with innocence, with childhood, Mom and Dad, but what transforms this fucking monstrosity is fire, the purifying flame. It nourishes us, warms us, reinvents us, forges and destroys us…

Okay, so maybe I thought I knew what was going on but nobody ever really knows. Let’s just hope everyone gets home safely.

I don’t remember much about The Rookies, but it had a classic 70’s theme song with some infectious wah wah guitar, and a few recognizable faces.

January 2, 2023

New Year, More Balls

Filed under: basketball, Coach Ochoa, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 7:41 pm

Can someone remind me if we’ve learned who this assistant coach is who is doing the actual coaching. Can MHS afford her, what with the budget cuts and all? Also, are there enough basketballs for everyone to be handling two at a time?

Let’s ring in the new year as we find out that Toby and other guy are going out for basketball as a way to get back at Valley Tech. That’s a big commitment even before you factor in all the car washes and bake sales they’ll need to do just to keep the coaching staff in jorts.

December 26, 2022

Part Two (No Gil, Don’t Read That Part!)

Filed under: Dr. Pearl, Gil Thorp, Pissy faced Gil, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 12:59 pm

Something is out of Dr. Pearl’s hands. It’s some aspect of the budget. Gil understands. Dr. Pearl manages to avoid spilling coffee on herself despite her awkward coffee cup handling. Whatever is happening to the budget, Dr. Pearl seems sure she can make up the shortfall through fundraising.

Gil doesn’t look like he wants any part of fundraising, even though it would seem that Gil will be somehow affected by the budgetary shortfall. Why else would Dr. Pearl bring him the news in person? Who knows. Gil is thinking about basketball season and doesn’t care. It’s all cryptic.

Finally, Gil picks up his cue card. Part Two “The Only Game in Town.” Ah, so that’s why it’s cryptic. Expect to see all sorts of info dumped on us this week as “The Only Game In Town” is slowly introduced through a series of thinly connected plot elements.

Happy Holidays!

December 19, 2022

Goodnight, Milford

The big gamble didn’t pay off for Coach Thorp. Tobias Gordon’s leap of faith failed and their hopes were dashed in the finals.

Look at the contrast of Coach Luke and Coach Kim basking in glory while the pissy faces of Gil and Kaz tell the story of defeat, humiliation and probably an utter lack of football intelligence. I mean, maybe they should have tried something even trickier like a rainbow flick lob or, ya know, kicking an extra point for the tie. Oh heck, Milford probably would have lost on penalty kicks anyway. Also, there may have been more stoppage time than we had been led to believe, so they could have tried pulling their goalie for a man advantage. Next time, Gil should try the 9-iron and a triangle defense. And that’s why they call it cribbage.

Kudos for the colorist for staying consistent for a whole game.

Hey guys, yhs is really not feeling great today. Please have at it in the comments and I’ll see you next week as we throw out the first shuttlecock.

December 12, 2022

The Finals!

Filed under: football, Marty Moon, Valley Tech — nedryerson @ 7:14 am

Those of you who have been concerned that pacing of this strip might not allow a wrap up to the football arc within the traditional calendar period for football can now rest easy. We are at The Finals! What Finals, you ask? It’s The Finals of football, duh. It’s just like every year when some format of regular season games leads to playoffs and then The Finals. Seriously, don’t you all remember how there are Finals? Here’s another one!

As alluded to, in order to keep us on a real-world calendar, we don’t know what route was taken to get to these finals, but as luck would have it, Milford will be taking on Valley Tech and a champion (of something) will be crowned. The Valley Tech cheerleader is appropriately excited that the match up we all wanted is happening and the band is pumping up the volume to elevate the intensity. I think there’s even a fists raised, woo hoo guy doing his thing at the top row of the bleachers. Either that, or he’s going to take a swan dive to the ground below because the intensity is just too much! (It is The Finals afterall!)

Since it’s the Finals, the burden of such an auspicious event is too much for one man to broadcast, Marty Moon has a partner in the booth. (This looks more like a real booth of some sort rather than Marty’s usual crate. There’s ceiling tiles and overhead lighting and room for the renowned Lachlan to help capture THE moment.) This should be a special broadcast. I hope someone is taping it!

The world famous Lachlan is hyping up the big showdown of coaches for today’s Final. He’s on board with Coach Luke Hernnadez’s Martinez’s moniker. He’s probably listened back to Marty’s podcast.

Let’s get down to business and turn it over to the Blue Lives Matter referee to officiate the coin toss. Valley Tech wins the coin toss! This means that Milford has to get the special teams. Of course, but where from? Were they still sitting on the bus? What personnel will Valley Tech use to field the kickoff? Does coaching wunderkind Luke “The Sherriff” Martinez have some radical alternative to special teams?

I’m sure all questions will be answered. Let’s sit back and enjoy The Finals!

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