This Week in Milford

October 25, 2021

Well, Since You Scored That Nifty Pen Light

Filed under: Milford Idiots, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 6:04 am

That’s right, Right Guard Tommy Serrano is NOT ready to move along. He wants to get into the hypnotism action since YouTube certified hypnotherapist Boyd Spiller has a penlight and no waiting. He using one of Gil Thorp’s (the comic strip) four thousand remaining time outs the prolong this digression. It’s is a digression, right? There won’t really be a payoff to this silly exercise, will there? Wait, did I just see a turkey?

Right Guard Tommy Serrano is willing to take a seat in the hypnochair because he’s been having confusion about his blocking assignment. Hmm, I wonder what formations Gil runs his Wing T out of and if any of them would be compatible with a jet sweep. I’m not going to opine about it because I will probably make a fool of myself since I lack the football strategy acumen of say, your Heather Burns type. Maybe she will tweet about it to help explain it or maybe she’ll tweet about Boyd and Tevin doing the funky chicken in the huddle after Boyd Spiller’s hypnotism goes horribly wrong.

October 18, 2021

Bye Bye Boydie!

Filed under: Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 3:16 am

Boyd Spiller refuses to back off of his stance that Tevin has a choking problem. I suppose, based on the scant evidence we were shown that the last game’s choking was the pass that was tipped and intercepted? Gimme a break. Is Boyd just looking to get shoved into a locker? We know Gil Thorp isn’t going to address this issue because he’s nowhere to be found this early in the season. The rest of the team is used to ignoring Boyd’s crap by now, so I guess it’s up to Tevin to shut Boyd down. Maybe Tevin gets a kick out of this nonsense. I’m over it.

So Boyd’s “cure” revisits his stupid motivational tactic from the bonfire. Tevin should be seek out hypnosis so he won’t have his passes tipped or he won’t get the ball knocked out of his hands when his linemen allow defenders so swarm all over him?

Oh brother. Shut up already, Boyd.

October 11, 2021

Goshen Time. Sorry, No Song For That.

Filed under: actual action, football, shadow figures — nedryerson @ 5:57 am

Look, The Great Chance Macy doesn’t want to talk about college and which programs might or might not be recruiting him. If he wants to you to know what he envisions as his future in athletics, he’ll tell you. At this moment, he’s concentrating on the next game against Goshen, so back off, Tevin. Also, check out that shadow person! It could be one of those creepy horror movie nuns! Halloween is approaching. Is Rubin gonna go John Carpenter on us? Of course not. Nothing exciting will happen. It’s just more dithering high school students.

Let’s get to the action, shall we? Goshen is in Carolina Blue unis, just like the last opponent. Can you imagine how nerdy the colorists would have to be to maintain a coloring bible for the different Valley Conference teams? Of course they wouldn’t do that. It’s enough for them to interpret the narration correctly and keep not male everybody red.

Goshen’s ball carrier is levitating over the goal line for a score. Why he was diving for the pylon, we can’t know. Goshen jumped on top. Will the Great Chance Macy go beast mode and power the Mudlarks. Nobody cares.

Happy Columbus Day.

October 4, 2021

Spiller Pokes The Choker

Filed under: actual action, football, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 3:27 am

This concludes the second game of the season at Kettering. Kettering tried to get fancy with a sweep but there was the games unsung hero, Steve Lehto, again to sniff it out and finish off the drive that had just started on the recovery of QB Tevin Claxton’s fumble. Marty Moon finishes doing something (opening a pill bottle?) while he concludes his broadcast to three listeners.

After the game, the real drama resumes. Tevin Claxton had a history of choking in JV, or so we heard earlier from Boyd Spiller. It looks like ol’ Boyd is there to remind Tevin of this and needle his quarterback about his almost costly fumble in this game. Well done, Boyd. You’ve solidified your role as this season a-hole newcomer.

Heather Burns Twitter feed has remained silent. Maybe she’s only going to work home games. Who needs a media strategy?

October 2, 2021

Actual Action Saturday

Filed under: actual action, football, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 7:42 am

You wanted actual action, you got actual action! We’re down to the wire at Kettering. We pick up the action with a curious panel of a Pioneer with his feet out of bounds, with his hips and shoulders sort of squared to the sideline, facing the center of the field. How did he get there? What led up to that? Was he moon walking with the ball to egg on the Milford player? Is this on the same play as the fumble or is it on a Kettering offensive possession after the fumble? We don’t know. We can’t know. It’s static sports action and at least the colors are correct.

Marty Moon calls the action. There are 62 seconds to play and Kettering is knocking on the door. None of the windows open on Marty’s laptop have any porn on them as far as we can see, but maybe some of those are his Valley Conference fantasy league stats. Man, it’s getting harder and harder to be interested in Marty Moon lately. I thought he was gonna hulk out yesterday, but he’s just a dude in a crate with a laptop and a microphone. True tales from Snoozeville.

The Kettering Pioneers are running the ball. The Milford defender looks sad. Does he have a shot at a tackle or is he flat footed and out of position as the Pioneer whizzes past? Don’t know. Is paydirt in sight or is the Pioneer about to encounter actual contact? I’ll tell you more on Monday when one presumes we’ll know something.

This strip was a disappointment. It gave me nothing to chew on except confusion about the drawings and boredom with meek Marty. But it’s Saturday and I’m not in my usual Monday morning hurry to post something and turn my attention to the grueling hellscape that is my forty hour work week. What shall we talk about?

I used the word paydirt. It’s a curious old term with origins in prospecting for precious metals, but it became associated with football at some point, representing the idea of the rich reward waiting in the grass beyond the goal line. When I was a kid, there was a football game called Paydirt! that I remember from toy stores. I never knew what the game entailed, but it looked enticing with a Sports Illustrated style dramatic photo on the cover. Perhaps it was something cooler than those disappointing electric football games if you wanted to get your fix of football for the six days a week you couldn’t watch football. It turns out it was more of a stats driven game like strat-o-matic baseball. That probably wouldn’t have thrilled me as a ten year old. Paydirt! sounds like a lot more fun than Data Driven Football. That’s some Marketing 101. In retrospect, there was probably some Parenting 101 involved if I ever expressed an interest in this game. If I ever asked about getting it, I’m sure my dad could have quickly assessed that this game would bore me in about 62 seconds and that a Nerf football was a much better return on investment.

Anybody ever play Paydirt!?

September 27, 2021

Moms Over Madden

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Walking and Talking — nedryerson @ 3:55 am

It’s another walk and talk Monday. Today’s walkie talkers are Tevin Claxton and Boyd Spiller, our wing-t QB and visualization enthusiast respectively. The topic is the new Madden game for the WiiCubeStationBox or whatever it is the kids use these days to facilitate numbing their brains while they OD on Mountain Dew. Okay, nothing makes me feel like more of a dinosaur than video games. I still own a PS2, which is likely the last gaming system I will ever buy. (There is still a golf game that came out for that platform that will scratch my gaming itch every couple months.) Madden 22 is unfathomable to me. I think it’s come up on TWIM before, but I think the pinnacle of football video games was Tecmo Bowl for the original Nintendo, not that that was the best football video game, but it was the last one I had the time to play and the patience to figure out how to play. I guess there was a certain sweet spot for me beyond which these games got more and more complex and also time consuming. If all the fellas are headed over to Boyd’s place to play this new game, you just know it’s going to kill a whole afternoon. Hours and hours of watching other people play video games while you look for something better than Sunny D to drink sounds like hell to me. But what do I know? Also, just a random thought here, but isn’t odd that the Madden name is still the branding EA Sports goes with? Will they ever update that to keep up with the times? I guess there’s still an older crowd playing these games, like folks in the Villages with nothing else to do all day but smoke pot and give your granny an STD. Maybe most kids have moved on to something new, like shooting hoops in the driveway. But this is Milford, so it’s mostly the 50s with some things Neal read about in the 90s.

Well QB Tevin’s got something else to do and that is a weekly hang with his mother. That’s nice. I can’t wait to hear what that entails. I’ll just take a wild stab and say that Mrs. Claxton has a pottery studio and they throw pots together.

The third panel of Tevin entering a vehicle is odd. He’s maybe not quite sitting but not quite standing as the car door is seeming only slightly open. It’s awkward looking. I cam imagine that presents a challenge to draw, having a figure in the act of getting into a car. But what side of the car is he getting into and is he getting into the front or back? How does that door open? Is the car facing the same direction as Tevin? It’s just another in an endless string of things that puzzle me about Gil Thorp.

September 20, 2021

Call It Milford Blue

Filed under: actual action, Colorist Error, football, Oakwood — nedryerson @ 3:20 am

More Oakwood action!

Tevin Claxton’s throwing motion looks a little odd. The Milford helmet behind him is also odd. It turned Oakwood Blue. I guess someone defected because they didn’t like sloppy joes and cleaning up after massive bonfires (of inanity).

As Gil predicted, it’s turning into the Chance Macy Show. He’s got a receiving touchdown and is breaking loose for a long punt return. It’s probably a score, but we’ll find out more tomorrow.

This blistering pace is wearing me out. I think I’ll go back to bed.

September 13, 2021

Reading People Step One: Locate People

Filed under: Boredom in Milford — nedryerson @ 3:52 am

Dammit! I thought Boyd would be done reciting his listicle, but he hasn’t even started yet. We have now established that Left Guard Boyd Spiller is an annoying douche, but we’ve only seen small doses of douchery since we’re in whiplash story mode. No time to talk about Boyd as we smash cut to another table and an overhead announcement.

Chance Macy, who Gil has high hopes for, needs to get to The Main Office (how may offices are there?) Uh-oh, what has Chance done? Is is ketchup packet related. Perhaps some other condiment.

Today’s strip is a snooze. I think I’d rather hear how to read people.

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