This Week in Milford

April 15, 2019

Knit One, Plot Zilch

Filed under: huge earrings, huge hats — nedryerson @ 3:38 am

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Jocelynn Brown knit her own hat! That’s what we’re working with today.

So it looks like after a softball games, the girls go back to the locker room and change back into business casual clothes along with all their accessories. Seems a bit extreme. But anything is possible in a world where a slugger and leader knits her own hat.

Will she knit hats for everybody on the team? Will she start a hat knitting seminar series where she teaches the other players to knit their own hats? Let’s all head down to the Yarn Barn and we can learn about fiber. Scrimmage? No, thanks.

Knitting is a magical thing. All those mysterious, repetitive hand movements with pointy implements making an infinite number of loops, turning yarn into a textile. In the popular culture I consumed as a youth, a knitter was usually an old lady who would chant “knit one, purl two” as she worked those needles. Sometimes, they had their own sheep.

 

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April 8, 2019

Yada Yada Yada…You Gonna Finish Those?

Filed under: actual action, baseball, freak hands, google nonsense, huge earrings, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 3:35 am

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The results of the Linda Carr and David Walter Convention are in. Linda is pooped. Sometimes, saying you were tired is just making an excuse for being a real B without admitting that you’ve been a real B. (Why do I hesitate to refer to a fictional teenage girl as a bitch? How about a shrew? Whatevs.)

Linda is tired. Too many activities, too much homework and those loads of carbs from the Bucket will do that to you. Wow, look at the meaty cleft of her palm. Her chin just sinks in there! Does she even need a glove at short?

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Carbs. The Bucket has them and David Walter, put upon boyfriend will put them away. He runs on carbs. They fire him up!

…and we’re off. Game action. Boys first, naturally. Jay Bhatia has become the opening day starter? He has achieved the goal he set last year. Also, he must have gotten contacts.

What’s this? The Burke Bulldogs are from Charleston, South Carolina, the “Final Destination” of the mysterious Mr. Bakst? Circles in circles, wheels in wheels.

Be sure to try the tasty burgers at SLOPS. SLOPS, our beef will make you see stars.

 

April 1, 2019

Could You Describe The Family Stuff?

Filed under: softball — nedryerson @ 6:13 am

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It looks like we are going to get some increased focus on the girls’ softball team this spring. That’s great, but it would be nice if we could move past the recriminations of violating sacred trusts in presenting excuses for not attending a hastily scheduled scrimmage.

Linda Carr is running her yap in practice about Molly Hatcher’s synchronized skating. (Is Molly at this practice? If not, has her excuse been thoroughly fact checked?) She’s still seeking allies in her anti-Molly stance. Will she find an ally in Nancy Kaffer? (Yes, we are getting our first look at Nancy Kaffer now. Are we sure this still isn’t just the most poorly paced roster introduction sequence in Gil Thorp history?)

Nancy is having none of it and throws it right back at Linda (who didn’t make the scrimmage either).  How will Linda react? With more righteous indignation? But I provided a factual excuse, unlike that LIAR Molly Hatcher! (Again, is Molly within earshot of this? They are all infielders.) Will Linda go on the counterattack against Nancy? What was YOUR family stuff, huh Nancy?? Will we have to adjudicate the legitimacy of Nancy’s excuse?

Will Linda get taped to a locker this season or is that just a boy thing? This reminds me of an early Seinfeld episode which flashed back to George Costanza getting wedgies in junior high gym. Jerry asked Elaine if wedgies were employed by the girls in her class. She said no, the girls just “teased someone until they developed an eating disorder”.

March 25, 2019

A Frolic Of (Her) Own

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Where are we going with this softball scrimmage situation? What bearing could this possibly have on a season that is going to start no matter what, whether they can get enough players to participate or not? We’re not even really sure why Mimi suddenly decided a scrimmage was required. She had some impressive infielders and a catcher that was struggling to handle a gimmicky pitch. Big whoop. Tell the pitcher to stay away from the pitch in game action and work it out in practice. Next time Mimi, put the scrimmage on the schedule in advance. Your kids are over-scheduled and can’t be available on short notice when you cook up something on the couch during cocktail hour.

Surely the idea that many kids have something scheduled on a Saturday can’t be an actual plot point, right? A thought emerged while I was trying to recall who everybody is. Is this just an expository exercise to further introduce us to the team? We’re seeing Jocelynn Brown again (reminder, she’s our catcher) and now we know another infielder, Nancy Kaffer. It sure is a complicated way to do this. It reminded me reading novels by William Gaddis. It could make you crazy reading passages that detail conversations between multiple characters with no attributions or helpful exposition about who the hell they are talking about or to.

Sorry, for the highfalutin literary reference which may or may not even be apropos. The bottom line is Mimi’s last minute scrimmage was a bad idea and the scheduling conflicts that high school kids might have on a Saturday are pretty weak sauce as far as plot goes.

March 18, 2019

Search Mode

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Pointy Fingers — nedryerson @ 5:45 am

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It looks like scrappy scrappers David Walter and Linda Carr are friends. Is Linda’s storyline already compromised? We’ll have to wait and see.

I can’t remember how much time we had to “hang around” before school in high school. Classes started before 8 am, so I know I was always dragging ass, especially when I drove myself to school. I guess transportation schedules or other factors dictated some students getting to school earlier. I think there was a period of time when the media center (aka library) was a decent place to “hang” as hijinks were kept to a minimum compared to the jackassery that happened in outdoor spaces.

 

 

 

March 11, 2019

Let’s Hear It For The Girls

Filed under: Marjie Ducey, Mimi Thorp, softball — nedryerson @ 6:52 am

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Spring is in the air! It’s time to kick off our new plot. (What’s that? The last plot was an unsatisfying mess that barely limped over the finish line while puking its guts out all over the spectators? Welcome to Milford!)

For the purposes of today’s strip (colorized version) Mimi Thorp will be sporting chestnut hair. It looks nice on her, coordinates nicely with her similarly colored  bat and batting gloves and the all red uni. I’m going to assume that the colorist made this choice to keep from flooding the strip with blonde due to Marjie’s appearance.

Since we’re starting out with softball practice, can we expect to spend some time with Milford Girls Sports and some female student athletes? Nothing is guaranteed (except disappointment, mostly).

If we are going to focus on a female Mudlark this season, it will be our infielder who makes diving stops on sharp grounders in the hole. (If you are taking grounders, do you wear a batting glove? I never thought about it, but I guess it makes sense from an injury prevention standpoint.) Do we know her? Probably not. But Marjie Ducey appreciates her skill so we will be hearing a lot about her (until focus is pulled away by some nimrod on the baseball team).

March 4, 2019

Hot Mike!

Filed under: Marty Moon, Pointy Fingers — nedryerson @ 7:49 am

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Marty really stuck it to RobbyBobby. He let RobbyBobby express his true feelings about the dump that is Milford and all eight phone lines lit up as WDIG’s audience went “nuclear”. Sigh.

Milford is a unique place. They have a commercial radio station that appears to be devoted exclusively to local high school sports. There is a devoted audience of said radio station who seem to enjoy Marty Moon’s daily broadcasts which frequently call Gil Thorp’s athletics program into question. The audience does not take kindly to the town of Milford itself being criticized, however.

You simply can’t analyze the actions of WDIG management using principles that exist in the “real world” of media. If you do so, you quickly find yourself asking how this station manager keeps his job if when he clearly prefers Marty Moon’s predictably mediocre following to the white heat generated by RobbyBobby’s anti-Milford tirade. It would seem we clearly have a WKRP scenario where WDIG’s station manager is the son of the station’s owner and WDIG is part of a larger portfolio of business and as such is expected to operate at a loss.

February 25, 2019

Hello, Ladies

Filed under: google nonsense, huge earrings, Marty Moon, Mimi Thorp, Pissy faced Mimi — nedryerson @ 8:11 am

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Hey, check out Mimi’s gal pal who’s throwing shade at Marty as his beer foam drips all over her. It’s a middle aged version of Velma from Scooby Doo!

velma*

I hope she doesn’t lose her glasses, forcing her to crawl around in the puddles of beer and ketchup on the floor of Barney’s!

So Marty needs a minute of Mimi’s time. Whatever for? Does he want to convene an impromptu focus group consisting of Mimi’s circle of friends? He could be fishing around for a new audience niche in the Milford’s media landscape. He must sense that he could be once again in danger of being replaced by younger talent in local sports talk on AM radio. Does Marty have anything to offer middle age women who like wine and chunky earrings (as a media property or just in general)?

 

 

*If you do a google image search for Velma, you get about 10% cartoon images from various Scooby Doo iterations, 20% images of that actress from Freaks & Geeks playing the cute live action Velma from the Scooby Doo movie and the other 70% is women doing totally sexed up Velma cosplay.

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