This Week in Milford

August 5, 2019

Jorts Law

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What the hell is going on here??

If they are going to decide Tiki’s case, they need to apply their policy. The decision and the policy are both subject to challenge, whether they do it in public or not. I guess these guys are just amateurs and they don’t grasp this, or they just aren’t used to Chicago lawyers getting up in their business. Tank townies just bend to their will and Ballard gets paid to be on the school board just by making calls from the offices of Ballard Insurance while Carol calls a meeting once in a while.

What a shit show.

 

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July 29, 2019

Pissy Faced Ballard

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Pissy Faced Ballard — nedryerson @ 6:12 am

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The heck with making Pissy Faced Ballard a tag, I’m just titling the post that (and then tagging it, because we may see that pissy face again before the bonfire).

So here we are, smack dab in the midst of nothing solid. Hadley V. Baxendale did make some noise to the school board, via school board member, Mr. Ballard. Could you describe the noise? No, it’s not important, but she’s such a crackerjack lawyer, it must have been some magnificent noise.

As far as panel three goes, I’ll take it that this is how the School Board conducts its business, by its members chatting on the phone. They should probably put this on the agenda for their next public meeting.

July 22, 2019

Quasi-Eligibility Rules

Filed under: freak hands, Piss faced Tiki, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 6:25 am

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It looks like we are finally circling back to the letter from the school board informing the Jansens that they are “violating the spirit of the rule”. Will Hadley be able to make hay with the contents of the letter, given the use of the equivocating language in the school board’s official communication? I don’t expect to get a clear answer because this is Gil Thorp.

The Jansens can’t afford to keep paying rent so Mama Jansen seems willing to go along with a scheme for Tiki to live with another family (Introducing The Flemings!) in Milford. That seems rather extreme. Also, what will the school board think of that? Will they want to see some documentation showing that the Flemings are serving as guardians for Tiki?

Is anybody down at the school board aware of the problems at New Thayer, where gangs were pummeling Tiki on the daily? Do they have any interest in addressing that?

None of these questions will be answered because Hadley V. Baxendale is riding in on a white horse (with an aimless NBA player riding behind her) to Clarence Darrow the shit out of this thing.

 

July 15, 2019

Careful With That Pizza, You Could Put Somebody’s Eye Out

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Brief observations:

The pizza at Ricozzi’s is nice and stiff. It has dry, yellow cheese. Yes, color is at the mercy of some hacks at the syndicate, so that’s not all on Whigham. (The colorist used Zippy the Pinhead‘s mumu for reference when doing the pizza.)

The colorist is also not sure what to do with Hadley’s hair.

Yes, Hadley wants to do some lawyering while she’s hanging in Milford.

Panel 3 appears to be a scrimmage. Maybe a seven on seven. I don’t think we’ve seen schools competing in scrimmages.

July 8, 2019

1-800-ASK-TIKI

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands — nedryerson @ 5:46 am

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The Jansen’s are in a real pickle here. The School Board is having none of their residential ruse to keep Tiki from his daily ass poundings at the hands of New Thayer thugs. If I were the Jansens, I’d get an attorney to look at that letter from the School Board. I’m no lawyer, but I would think that an official letter seeking to codify “the spirit” of a rule is an open invitation to litigation.

Gee, I wonder if there’s a hot shot lawyer around whose firm told her to take it easy after winning a big case and who might not be willing to offer up a little pro bono representation to a fellow Mudlark. Keep in mind, a hot shot lawyer might suggest that any family that’s willing to pay rent on an apartment just to bend the rules might sufficient resources to pay for legal services to make sure the rules stay bent.

You know, I may have a history of using the Freak Hands tag here liberally, just to point out an overemphasis on hands. In Panel 2, for instance, hands are prominent and fill the panel, but they are well proportioned and not very freaky. However, Panel 3 is what I focused on today. Look at Mama Jansen holding that letter. It looks like the bottom of the piece of paper is resting in the crook of her thumb while the tip of her thumb is about a half to two thirds of the way up the page. Now that is freaky.

July 1, 2019

Gil Is Parched!

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Milford CC — nedryerson @ 5:43 am

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The surprise of the visit from Jaquan Case and Former Point Guard (is this really relevant?) Hadley V. Baxendale has surely dissipated  now. It is now in the Gil sees an opportunity to leave the junior golfers to their own devices while he slips over to have a few beverages at the club phase.

The conversation shows that Jaquan is not quite sure what lawyering is and what his fiancée does. As they work out the dissonance in their relationship, Gil enjoys his long island iced tea and tries not to think about what kind of mayhem Kylie & Co. are getting into. The smart money says the junior golfers are teeing up snow cones smashing them with drivers.

Fore!

June 26, 2019

The Plot Congeals

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf — nedryerson @ 6:55 am

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The mystery couple in the Audi will be dealt with later and we’re going to settle down into some sweet little girl golfing action. Check out Kylie and her follow through! This should keep us entertained all summer, no problem! What? We need something more for to make summer tolerable? Yes we do.

Just in time, here comes our old pal Jaquan Case, interrupting yet another future LPGA champ in the making. We last saw Jaquan way back in the summer of 2017 when he and his trainer Trey Davis wandered into Milford to get Jaquan back into shape for the NBA. They ran into The Secret Pelwecki (or True was still around, maybe?) and quarterback whisperer/coaching savant Heather Burns. Jaquan ran a few pass patterns and started dreaming of going to the NFL before Heather guided him to graduate school.

So I take it that now Jaquan has a master’s degree in history and he must be basking in the glory of that achievement, ready to tell Gil all about his exciting life in the history game. That’s just great, because Gil has been coaching golf for all of five minutes and he needs a distraction (until an unattended Kylie starts swinging wildly and shanking balls all over the driving range while the other junior golfers dive for cover).

So now the “golf story” has two subplots “brewing”. Sorry Kylie, you’re just going to have to figure golf out on your own.

 

June 24, 2019

Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Play Golf?

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf, Mimi Thorp — nedryerson @ 5:53 am

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Here begins the summer plot with Gil and Mimi sipping refreshments on their deck. The adirondack chairs are a nice touch as are the lemon slices on the rims of their drinkware. It’s almost as if the Thorps are in an advertisement for the latest pharmaceutical. Ask your doctor if Whigrub is right for you. Be sure to tell your doctor if you are allergic to bottom shelf vodkas. Stop using Whigrub immediately if you begin to develop range balls or TCFS.

In predictable fashion, Gil and Mimi are discussing Gil’s Summer Junior Golf Program, which Gil does practically every summer after bitching that it really eats into his sitting and drinking related summer plans. It truly does seem to be a ceremonial event, hence the fancy garnish.

The transition to panel 3 raises some questions. Is this Gil and Mimi on the way to the Milford CC to kick off the Summer Junior Golf Program?  Would Gil really be concerned if they (presumably the junior golfers) would “love him”? Would Gil and Mimi be carrying on a playful conversation like this? I don’t know if that fits, so maybe there are other people in the car who have more sensitivity than GilBot and Mimi 2000.

Stay tuned.

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