This Week in Milford

February 25, 2017

Marginally Adequate, Unlike This Plot

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Good grief, now Rubin’s really phoning it in. So tempted to do the same but you all have been pretty kind to me since my return so, gentle readers, I must make the effort. I do appreciate the rabbit hole of old candy bar ads yesterday. I don’t remember Chocolatey Pay Days very well, but Pay Days themselves were pretty popular where I grew up. Then again I grew up in a part of the country where people were wont to throw salted peanuts in a bottle of Coke or Pepsi so there’s that.

It would be nice if “marginally adequate” was defined, especially given that no other Mudlark’s stats have been mentioned. It would be “marginally adequate” to tell us who Milford’s opponents were and the game result, but I guess if your only goal is to show us that a couple of nosy parker players have turned their coach into a nosy parker then, hey, mission accomplished. Also, mighty nice of Gil and Mimi to leave the house to get their drink on once in a while. No probs hiding a flask in the jacket pocket to sneak into the Coffee Cantina.

My highlight of the day: back dimples on raver at P1, lower left. She’s gone all Mardi Gras in her party bra on us. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

February 23, 2017

Nuttier than Nutboys

Filed under: basketball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 7:52 am

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What’s with this product placement? And here I thought Nutboys were the official candy bar of Gil Thorp.

I suppose the conclusion Rubin’s trying to lead us to is that Quadruple A sandbags unless Mom’s getting paid the next day, and the family Aagard banks something out of that arrangement. I’m starting to reach the conclusion that Ken and Mike are turning into the winter Milford power couple. I’m also starting to reach the conclusion that the thing Ken Brown makes happen is gossip, rampant speculation, and locker room dissent. Way to be a team player, Big Ken.

A thought on yesterday’s strip: Did anyone else hope for a Kenzie Hanley cameo when reference was made to “a linebacker in short pants”?  For that matter, where has all the Bacon gone? Wasn’t he still an underclassman last year? Did he drop out of Milford and follow Kenzie and USA Women’s Rubgy around the country? That would’ve made for a more compelling story arc than this dreck.

February 18, 2017

Ain’t No Answer in Me

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As expected, today’s installment reveals nothing except a potential physiological cause for Aaron’s inconsistent play: his horrible, horrible hip dysplasia.

What else to highlight? EES from some Milford rando, the usual shiny floors and Prairie Style windows, a couple other Milford randos shrinking back in fear from Raging Aaron? I’m going for Ken Brown’s nasty Gillette Fusion cut while maintaining his sideburns. Y’know, I’d kinda like to examine what Rubin’s done with Big Ken’s character over the past couple of seasons but I think that could get touchy. I think for now we can all agree that he’s been given feet of clay.

Post title came to me before anything else this morning. Rather than the more obvious invitation of comparisons between Gwen’s cover and the original, I thought of a more confrontational response.

February 16, 2017

McShane’s, Come Back!

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Pitchers and catchers reporting this week, so I reckon it’s time to move this wagon train along.

Gil does what Gil perhaps should’ve done already once Brown and Granger started snooping around Aaron’s personal life. Why this couldn’t be accomplished with a phone call is beyond me. My money’s on Gil wanting to see the poor side of town as a reminder of what might happen to him if the Milford School Board ever truly gets wind of his coaching abilities.

In any case we see that McShane’s Hardware is kinda run down and Tina Aagard keeps the books there. Though we don’t learn details, Tina of course thinks Aaron did something wrong and the sparks begin to fly. Tomorrow* we’ll learn that Aaltruistic Aaron’s performance is all a function of his worry about his overworked, underemployed mom and the guilt rays will emanate from Tina’s forehead. After that she’ll be ready to come back to the mind-numbing number crunching at McShane’s.

Way to sow the seeds of domestic discord, Gil. Now, can somebody help me roll the batting cage out to the field?

*or the next day, or the next day, or the next day…

February 11, 2017

The Red and The Black

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Slightly meta: While I was away from the TWIM rotation there was a big change to Gocomics, where I used to crib the strip for my posts. You can no longer zoom on a strip, right click/save as, and insert into post anymore. I haven’t yet mastered the screen grab and resize to fit to my satisfaction – the strips always end up too big for my liking. Instead I’ve been saving the zoomed strip from various Comics Kingdom sites, which I don’t particularly like using because of the color monkeys’ slipshod work.

For example, whenever a Milford team is drawn in light uniforms, they invariably get colored red, which is very unlikely to happen IRL. Most teams wear white (or at least a light color) at home for contrast. Color-on-color games are more the exception than the rule, and when they do happen there’s usually a fair amount of contrast between the colors.  Having gone to a red-and-black school, I can say I’ve never seen black numbers on red jerseys without a white outline.

I’m bringing all this minutiae up because I don’t have a lot to say about today’s strip which, after a week of promising but not delivering on Mother Aagard’s mysterious line of work, promises but doesn’t quite deliver actual basketball action. Panel 2 gives us a couple other oddities: Whigham’s typical tonsure on the unnamed Mudlark gets colored brown, and the ref gives an atypical hand signal for the digit “zero.” I’m used to seeing a clenched fist represent that digit; this ref’s version could be interpreted as code for “I saw Aagard toking up behind the bleachers before the game. Don’t expect too much from him tonight.”

Song for today:

February 9, 2017

Sherlock Plays the Dozens

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“Is your mom still an… um… is your mom still so fat her ass got two zip codes?”

So this is it – the start of the big reveal (well, besides the big reveal that Aaron Aagard’s Molly is a girl, not the recreational drug) that will tell us what’s truly behind Aaron’s inconsistent play. Mike Granger couldn’t start it off any more awkwardly. Sure, let me start talking about my plan to pump Aaron for mom info out loud in this shiny tiled echo chamber where Aaron’s already sitting. I can already see this devolving into a poorly played game of The Dozens.

“Mike, you’re so stupid you can’t even remember what I told you Aaron’s mom did for a living a couple of days ago.”

“Ken, your mama’s the judge, not you, so shut the hell up. So Aaron, is your mom still an actuarily?”

“Sort of. She lost her actuary job, though.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so poor she can’t even pay attention?”

“Nah. She still plays the numbers. That’s why I help her… by shaving.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so hairy, you shave her with a weed whacker.”

“No. I shave points so Milford can’t cover the spread.”

“Oh. So your mom’s like chunky peanut butter: greasy, full of nuts and easy to spread…”

 

February 4, 2017

Pride (In the Name of Aaron)

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 3:17 pm

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“I don’t want Aaron to think this is about one mistake…but yeah, this is about one mistake.” In laying out his coaching plan (!!!) to Kelly, Gil draws the fine distinction between not starting and benching (not playing at all). Let’s not give him too much credit just yet, as Gil goes on to show that he’s not above that long-cherished chestnut of coaching, “shame the player into performance.”

Apropos of nothing: Wasn’t Kelly sitting across from Gil yesterday, and now appears to be sitting at his right elbow today? Maybe Gil, Kaz, Mimi and Kelly have some swinging thing going on. I don’t want to expend too much mental energy on that idea but it could help explain why we’ve seen nothing of Mimi and the Lady Mudlarks this winter.

Finally, that tenacious gumshoe Mike Granger gets us ready for Monday’s clue, which will doubtless have something to do with whatever Mother Aagard (or the as yet unseen or unheard of Father Aagard) did for a living when Aaron & co. were in the sixth grade. Clearly it had to be something lucrative and/or risky, and the Aagards’ fall from financial grace (and/or possible loss of their patriarch) will turn out to be another factor in Aaron’s inconsistent play. Will the junior detectives clue Gil in before it’s too late and Aaron rides the pine permanently?

February 2, 2017

“Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?”

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Y’all know who should really be doing today’s post, don’t y’all? Not just because of his screen name, but because this strip is starting to resemble that movie.

With all this repetition – the junior sleuth thing, the apple-juggling bit, the keyhole bangs on every white Mudlark hooper not named Aaron Aagard –  I’m really starting to think Rubin’s trolling us.

I reckon tomorrow we’ll find out why Those Apartments on Poplar (besides being a jumping-off point for a spinoff of Gil Thorp) doesn’t make sense, but then when has anything about this arc made sense?

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