This Week in Milford

September 14, 2017

Bob Kazinski, Headbanger

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No pussyfooting around this fall: Gil Thorp is tackling today’s tough issues head-on. No wannabe junior detectives nosing around about some kid’s mom’s job, no protesters in the bleachers protesting what may or may not have been domestic abuse. Nope, we’re cutting straight to the chase, starting by looking at the life of one of Milford’s earliest concussion victims, Coach Kaz.

Although “accidently [sic*] bang[ing] helmets with Harry Bull” sounds like something that happened not at practice but in the showers afterward, said Mr. Bull is indeed not only a real person but also a school superintendent in Colorado with a lengthy list of career achievements and who attended Northern Colorado, where Kaz allegedly played college football. Whether Harry or Kaz came out on the short end of that collision I leave to the readers.

*BTW Rubin or his letterer needs to invest in a spell checker.

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September 11, 2017

Rickey Don’t Get That Number

Filed under: exposition comics, football, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Recycled art — teenchy @ 4:41 am

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Rick(ey) Soto (related to Mario? If so, shouldn’t he have been in the spring arc?) will be our fall protagonist.  He looks to be yet another child of the Thorpiverse growing up in a non-traditional household. (I’m throwing the Recycled Art tag ’cause I could swear we’ve seen that house before. It’s not the Brown-Hiatt split-level but maybe it’s in Gil’s development.) He also looks to be yet another child of the Thorpiverse being pushed in a direction he doesn’t necessarily want to go by a parent/parent figure.  Will Rick(ey) turn out to have a bankable talent, on or off the gridiron? I’d say there’s a slim chance.

The entire fall will turn on the ongoing, David Greene-like conflict between Rick(ey)’s football prowess and whatever talent he turns out to have.  Stick around ’til Friday when Gil says “Rickey, you cannot go to the club!” Any major dude will tell you that’s what’s gonna happen.

September 9, 2017

Trey Facepalms for Us All

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What more need we say?

P1: If Jaquan was a star these past two months would’ve been moot. Not all who wander are lost – except for Rubin, who was lost.

P2: Albrecht Dürer meets Roy Lichtenstein, Whigham style.

P3: Freeze-Frame Ending. If you listen hard enough you can hear the theme from “CHiPs.”  Here are a few more to hold y’all over until Monday.

September 7, 2017

This Had the Potential to be Interesting

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Wow, is this the ultimate in laissez-faire or what? Not only does Gil deliver a contrived platitude, we don’t even get to see him do it. Gil should’ve told his football team that if they had the potential to win back-to-back state championships, they didn’t need to prove it to anybody else. They’d already be back-to-back state champions!

Maybe this portends a new turn in Gil Thorp. Young athletes or wannabe athletes do or do not do something, followed by an exposition panel where the athlete/wannabe says that that’s what Coach Thorp told them to do/not do, or maybe they should’ve listened to Coach Thorp when he told them whatever off-panel. Or something.

Hopefully after Saturday we won’t hear from Jaquan for another five or six years, when he returns as a history teacher/life football basketball coach who gamely coaches his team to fall just short of the Mudlarks.  Then he can thank Gil profusely for all of his advice and for telling him he had the potential to be a history teacher/basketball coach and didn’t have to prove it to anybody else.

metapost: That whole “new turn” thing is stuck in my brain, as this Hurricane Irma prepares to turn and deliver a blow to Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, and maybe more. I’ve got a lot of friends and family potentially in the path, and it’s kinda messing with my concentration to deliver a daily dose of mirth via Milford. (You’re thinking, “Why should today be any different?”)  Just as with you TWIMers in Texas last week, you TWIMers in the affected areas please check in with us and let us know you’re safe.

 

September 2, 2017

Making Calls, Squeezing Balls

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“Hey! Hey Heather! Remember me? Remember Kevin, the guy you were supposed to be coaching to become a fullback?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. About that. You couldn’t hang onto a ball if it was tied to you… and almost nobody uses fullbacks anymore, not even Coach Thorp. You can tackle and ballhawk and you’ve got long hair, right? Worked for Polamalu and Matthews. Now go wash that greasy mop of yours and get back on D.”

Poor Pelwecki, looking like a lovesick calf and so starved for attention since Jaquan and Trey showed up he’s resorted to hugging a football like a Pillow Pet. Maybe Trey will take him back to his folks’ house-cum-satellite training facility and give him a pity drink on the back porch.

Meanwhile Heather’s hitched her wagon to a bigger star, who seems to be looking out for her as much as she for him. We’re left with the cliffhanger of to whom and for what were those calls made.

Unseen panel 4: “Jinx!”

 

August 31, 2017

Not-so-fast Times at Milf High

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Oh snap! You mean a 30-year-old is able to give an 18-year-old some career advice for once? Is the Thorpiverse becoming less parallel? Somebody pinch me!

When did Heather and softball ever appear in the same sentence in this strip to date? Did the fact that, in Milford, you can ditch softball practice for “journalism” with no ill effects influence her decision? Or is it her understanding that softball and soccer are the only coaching options for women in this country? What about, you know, basketball? You can coach that in Milford without experience; just ask Steve Luhm and Bobby Howry. Maybe Jaquan wants her to coach him.

We’ve had a field day with the badly drawn vehicles in the strip this week. Today Heather’s car looks like the love child of a last-generation Ford Focus and a Subaru Baja.  I’m never quite sure if this is cartoonists’ way of avoiding IP infringement claims, but Rex Morgan‘s Terry Beatty seems to be able to draw a reasonable facsimile of a Mercedes-Benz GL-Class SUV, so take that however you will.

Enough for today; I need to find a sports bar with ACC Network Extra so I can watch True Standish’s Demon Deacons host the mighty Blue Hose this evening.

August 26, 2017

Today’s Guest Writer: Bob Dole

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Why else would we have all this third-person navel gazing?

Jaquan is 30.  If we’re to believe the narrative, he’s been in the NBA for about eight seasons.  Next LeBron or not, he could still earn a pretty damn good living, even at the league minimum – enough to fill his giant paws with tiny water bottles for years to come. Does he want to quit pro sports altogether, get an M.Ed., and become a high school history teacher and basketball coach?  With that atrophied right thigh and messed up ankle, he could be a lot closer to that reality than he thinks.

From the Dept. of Regional Accents: Reading P2 makes me wonder if Heather isn’t originally from New Orleans.

August 24, 2017

Or Is the NBA Tired of You?

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“Must be nice. When I was 18 I was fending off ‘consulting’ from washed-up 30-year-old hoopsters. At least you might’ve made some money off the deal.”

I really feel like something’s been missing from this whole arc: the arc of Jaquan’s NBA career. We know he had star potential BITD, but is he going from 10-day contract to 10-day contract now?  Do the Sixers Trust the Process enough to not even touch him?

Since when did Heather get a set of delts like Jaquan’s?  They weren’t there yesterday.  Did they pop out when her neck got longer?  Stay on model, Whig!

 

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