This Week in Milford

October 23, 2021

“I love the Delaware Wing-T. It is much better than ‘Cats.’ I’m going to run it again and again.”

Spiller invites Claxton to his place over to get hyp-mo-tized to fix a nonexistent problem. Teammates Serrano and Achebe come along for moral support, or material witness, or something.

Spiller brings Claxton out of his hypmotic state. Claxton is rested and ready. Satisfied with his results, Spiller is ready to leave. Can you imagine being so boring that you forget you’re in your own house?

Maybe Serrano will remind him, after raising the Whigham-required gratuitous finger. (Someone forgot to tell Serrano the correct phrase in Milford is “Ease up,” not “Hold up.”) What could be so crucial that Serrano needs to drag out this charade? Did Spiller forget to give Claxton a trigger word?

What word might that be? Have at it in the comments, gentle readers. Post title inspiration below.

October 20, 2021

You Can’t Make Chicken Salad Out Of Boyd Spiller

We’re deep in “teenagers are dumb and do dumb things” territory so I guess we have no choice but to suspend disbelief and see how this unfolds. Why Tevin feels the need to not only tolerate Boyd’s taunts but also encourage his schemes to fix a problem that doesn’t exist is beyond me.

What exactly is the goal of Spiller’s hypnosis? To get Tevin to tuck the ball and run whenever he sees an open receiver? Or to see nothing, thanks to the retinal damage done by staring at Boyd’s MagLite? Better to squawk like a chicken than squeal like a pig, which is what I think Boyd’s teammates are gonna do to him after this little parlor trick backfires.

Pantheon of Hair tag today for Tevin, whose ‘do is starting to reach Esquerita heights. Don’t know who Esquerita was? Time to find out!

October 16, 2021

Is Everybody Happy?

Filed under: Brown Hair, Goshen, Heather Burns, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 9:33 pm

Sorry I’m so late with today’s post, y’all. I’ve been feeling like my posts have been kind of slapdash, written in haste. I feel the need to step back, remember the early days when I just joined the rotation, and focus on the core of what makes Gil Thorp Gil Thorp: the sportsball.

What’s been at the core of Mudlark football this season? The Delaware Wing-T! Where best to brush up on the Delaware Wing-T? Why, Delaware of course!

So tonight’s post comes to you from the heart of Blue Hen Country itself. On to the postgame report…

Well that was anticlimactic. With Milford up 13 in the third quarter, Tevin Claxton had a pass tipped and picked off. Was Goshen able to capitalize on the turnover? Doesn’t look that way; they ended up losing by 24! From midway the third, Milford outscored Goshen 21-10. When did Goshen think kicking another field goal made sense? Only if they actually did score off that pick and hung their ten to get within 23-20 before Milford reeled off three touchdowns. Otherwise it’s garbage time stuff to beat the spread.

Trying to play Saturday night quarterback and figure out how the rest of the game played out is about as productive as trying to figure out who this rando brunette is why Gil feels he needs to fluff Goshen in his postgame presser with Heather. Beating your opponent by four scores is solid but come on, Goshen hasn’t been good in ages. Let’s go to where the real action is – the Milford locker room.

Tevin’s a cool customer; he didn’t let that pick bother him and he drove the team onward to victory. He doesn’t even let this undersized beady-eyed punk lineman get to him. The only problem Tevin really has is trying to make time with burn-the-candle-at-both-ends Kianna. Boyd Spiller is intent on making himself a problem for Tevin, though. Tevin might laugh it off but it won’t be long until the rest of his teammates won’t.

What havoc they may wreak on young Spiller remains to be seen. I’m just waiting for the reveal of why Boyd feels compelled to call Tevin a choker every time a play doesn’t go as planned. Did Tevin ignore him while a bunch of other jocks were bullying him? Steal the pudding cup off his lunch tray, or what?

October 13, 2021

Anywhere’s Better Than Delware

Filed under: actual action, Colorist Error, football, Goshen — teenchy @ 7:49 am

Well this is a bit of a cluster, innit?

Besides the obvious spelling and naming errors in P3, we also have a Milford player colored as a Goshen player at the bottom of the pile. Don’t think so? Look at the dark numbers on his back. Faithful TWIMer hitorque noted yesterday that no teams in the Thorpiverse ever wear white uniforms. I think that when Whigham draws these strips in black & white, he intends the teams with dark numbers on their jerseys to be in white. There have been a few color-on-color games in college and pro football in the recent past (the WLOCP comes to mind along with those NFL “Color Rush” games) but, with a few exceptions for the red/green colorblind, most provide enough contrast to tell the teams apart.

Good thing that Delware T-Wing is clicking. Odds are it’d click even better if Milford had more than ten men on the field.

Then they might not only be in sync but also able to move in one direction.

Post title from the occasional live lyrics to this song. Couldn’t find a clip meeting those criteria so here’s the original.

October 9, 2021

#truerthantrue

When it comes to convos, does depressing beat boring? Tevin’s fixing to find out! He might’ve found Kianna depressing, but Chance Macy has already put the kid sitting next to him asleep before Tevin even showed up.

Let’s not mince words, gentle readers: as Milford sports stars come, Chance Macy has been a pretty boring one. Except for getting situationally mad and going off on a Tilden cheap-shot artist, he’s been completely low-key. The whole Charlie Roh/Chet Ballard thing barely fazed him, and nothing else has since.

Maybe that’s by design. Have we seen someone so explicitly anti-their own postsecondary educational and athletic futures since Golden Boy True Standish’s #gottabetrue campaign attempted to set the college recruiting machine on its ear? Why yes, I think we have. Just like Little Miss Fire Hydrant this past spring, Chance will have his future decided for him by his parent/guardian and a coach named Thorp.

I can only imagine Rubin keeps feeding us these aw-shucks types ’cause he imagines his GRIT-reading base eats ’em up like flapjacks, but for once I’d like to see a college prospect in the Thorpiverse whose approach falls somewhere between this faux humility and the Jaquan Case hype machine.

October 6, 2021

There’s a Certain Aurora Around Milford Volleyball

Tevin Claxton is either shaping up for a career in the diplomatic corps or one as a weatherman, as Boyd Spiller’s constant insults about his so-called “choking” roll off his back like so much rainwater. Time will tell if Claxton’s teammates will take up his case and put Spiller in his place (e.g., taped to a locker). How’s Gil gonna quash this dissent on the football team? He doesn’t have a spunky little libero to tease Boyd over to her house with the promise of her mama’s brownies this season.

Speaking of brownies and snack foods generally, where and when are Tevin and Gordon getting those post-game Blastos? Is this happening Friday night, on the way back from Kettering? Or is it happening early on Saturday, at the Milford Swifti-Mart? I don’t recall my high school sportsball activity bus stopping for food anywhere on the way back from a road game.

On to actual Saturday, early, where Mimi leads a busful of girls to something called “The Aurora Invitational – Powered by Coffee.TM” I suppose Coffee is the paid sponsor for the Aurora Invitational. That looks like Marty Moon’s sippy cup Mimi is clutching, so odds are there’s something else besides coffee in it. How she ended up with Marty’s cup would be a red herring worth exploring.

I’m assuming this is a volleyball thing? The girls are wearing Milford warmups so it’s nothing to do with gymnastics. The only volleyball Aurora Invitational I could find online was a tournament in Missouri over a decade ago. Pity it’s not in Illinois; Mimi could treat the girls to a round of Stan Mikita’s Donuts with that coffee.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c-LRR2cYqY

meta: Thanks to Ned, tdrew and rob for rearranging the deck chairs to cover for my absence on Saturday. Sorry so late with today’s post. Juggling too many things at work.

September 29, 2021

Sympathy for the Waning Moon

Time for the annual f-t-f pissing match between Gil and Marty. Marty asks a legit question of Gil and gets a pissy backhanded insult in return. Sure, Gil wins this one on paper, but come game time he might be singing a different tune.

Marty is absolutely not wrong in putting this question to Gil. Thorp started running his Delaware Wing-T again last season, and is still running it this season. He’s surprising exactly nobody with it. There are a plethora of YouTube videos on how to defend against the Wing-T, many of them quite lengthy. Here’s one of the briefest for your perusal.

A team that is regularly exposed to a Wing-T offense (as Kettering supposedly has been) will be better prepared to defend against it, even if it is “a little different,” as Gil claims. In this case “a little different” looks like it’ll translate into “a passing game where our receivers don’t look the ball into their hands.”

Kettering was a Detroit high school in a very tough neighborhood. It was closed about ten years ago due to declining attendance, a crumbling physical plant, low academic performance, and gang activity. The former Kettering site, first re-imagined as an urban farm, is now going to become a manufacturing plant for an auto parts supplier. As a shout-out to a Detroit long past, how will Rubin reimagine the Kettering team? Urban tough guys or something else?

In the grander scheme of things, we can see Marty becoming ever more irrelevant on the Mudlark sports reporting scene. Heather’s quick thumbs can spew out tweets as fast as he can call play-by-play, providing the analysis in real time that he might otherwise have to do between snaps. Having also been Gil’s protégé, Heather has the inside line to locker room scoops that Marty never will. Since he’s lost the journalistic high ground, Marty should have free reign to wallow deeper in the Milford mud. He can begin on Friday night into Saturday morning once Kettering has shut down Gil’s predictable old-school offense.

September 25, 2021

Where Were You the Day The Bucket Got Its Liquor License?

teenchy here. Dunno where robmize is. I’ve got a busy afternoon and evening ahead of me so I’m not gonna wait any longer and put up a double post. I’ll be traveling next weekend so hopefully rob, or Ned, or tdrew can cover for me then. Heck, maybe even timbuys could pop back in for a cameo. (Tim, you out there bud? Miss you here in the rotation.) Anyhoo, on with the show.

September 24, 2021

No clue who Chance’s blocker Gordon Achebe is IRL (any relation to the famed author of Things Fall Apart?) but Kimberly Gordon-Achebe is Program Director of the University of Maryland Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship and consultant of the Programs for Assertive Community Treatment (PACT)-child division.  There was a Gordon Achebe on the team last year, but he looked a little different back then. This year’s Gordon isn’t about picking sides in a QB controversy but more about covering for his triple-threat backfield teammate, Chance Macy.

Chance has been around since 2019 so we really shouldn’t be learning much of anything new about him. He lives with his grandparents; his parents haven’t been in the picture and he doesn’t hold them in high regard. He has (or at least had) anger management issues. He got plenty of exposition during that season while Chet Ballard tried to smear him to win his stepson some playing time and his love.

Heather was in Iowa while all this was happening, so it’s news to her. Maybe she should take that superfluous finger off her temple and use it to Google some of Marjie’s old articles from the past two seasons before she decides it’s news for Star readers. Off to The Bucket for postgame festivities…

September 25, 2021

… and a surprise appearance from Kianna Bello, who apparently had back-to-back sports practices but got to catch the Mudlark football game. Guessing volleyball practice came first; there’s no way Mimi would schedule an event that conflicted with Gil’s! No, Mudlark sports reign supreme, and Mudlark football reigns the supremest. It doesn’t take an Alexa Watson to figure out that Kianna will be dropping gymnastics quicker than you can say “I’ll take my Bucket Daiquiri in a go-cup, please and thank you.”

Passed out face-down in a booth isn’t a good look on a star athlete. Either learn to hold your liquor or stop burning the candle at both ends. All that’s missing from this amusing scene is a puddle of drool coming from Kianna’s mouth.

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