This Week in Milford

November 18, 2017

Life-Changing Foreshadowing

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Wow. Take away the dialogue from today’s first panel and you’d be hard pressed not to think Uncle Gary was fixing to slap the hell out of his sister Connie. I’m sure it’s really meant to be more of a “talk to the hand” gesture, as in “What Rick thinks (or you think) of my grand scheme to make him famous is of no consequence to me.” Or, in the words of someone I alluded to in my last post:

The only person’s life in need of obvious change here is Uncle Gary, but not in the way he thinks.  What does dad in Dubai think of this? Why haven’t we seen or heard diddly from him? Wouldn’t Connie or Rick have mentioned Gary’s scheme to him already? Wouldn’t he be back on the next Emirates nonstop into Milford International Airport to beat creepy uncle to a pulp? Meanwhile…

“We’re here at Milford High School, where we’ve secretly replaced Rick Soto’s head with one off a broken Rock’em Sock’em Robot. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!”

Rick is not getting the gist of veer blocking from Coach Steve Boone. Maybe Uncle Gary’s little scheme is proving too much of a distraction. Maybe the fake concussion Uncle Gary claimed Rick had will turn into a real concussion next week. Then the real life changing may begin.

 

 

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November 16, 2017

Football Season! Music Season!

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Ricky Ricardo Soto: Would you like me to sing now or wait till football season’s over?

Uncle Gary: Sing now! Sing now!

RRS: You keep outta this! You don’t have to sing now!

UG: I do so have to sing now!

I demand that you let me sing now!

Let’s run through that again.

RRS: Okay. Would you like me to sing now or wait till football season’s over.

UG: Sing now. Sing now.

RRS: You keep outta this. You don’t have to sing now.

UG: Ha! That’s it! Hold it right there!

<Pronoun trouble.>

It’s not: “*You* don’t have to sing now.” It’s: “*I* don’t have to sing now.”  Well, I say I do have to sing now!

TWIM bloggers and readers: So shoot me now!

***

Andre “Hands of Stone” Ruffin, erstwhile backup tight end, has a name ripped from the police blotter.

Recycled art tag: Casa del Soto.

November 9, 2017

Nice to Know Somebody Likes Something About All of This

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There’s an underlying aura of creepiness that I can’t exactly put my finger on about today’s strip. Is it Trainer Rick Scott’s “I like what I see here” as he lovingly cradles Rick’s bare foot and calf? Is it that Uncle Gary (and his enormously oversized Bluetooth earbud) has a posse of the equally underemployed to roll out YouTube videos at his command? Is it Rick waving his arm like Evita Peron* as he sings the national anthem? Or is it the idea of rando Milfordian’s grandpa’s browser history that led him to Rick’s performance?

*It doesn’t take much to imagine Rick singing “Don’t cry for me, Milford High School…”

metapost: Weird double post this morning. Hopefully I fixed it.

November 4, 2017

The Easily Swayed Dr. Pearl

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….Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re right back where we were last Saturday. Gil can resist Uncle Gary’s relentless Astroturfing, but Dr. Pearl apparently cannot. One might think that the administrator, with her fancy book-learnin’ and cushy desk job, would cast a more jaundiced eye toward the email campaign – starting with finding out who is sending them.

Makes me wonder what Uncle Gary’s firing off in those missives on his teeny tiny laptop with his freaky deaky hands:

Pearl, Pearl, Pearl,

Come be my lovin’ girl

Don’t you marry Lester Flatt

He slicks his hair with possum fat…

 

November 2, 2017

I Was Hoping It Was His Gary, Too

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Milford was up 10 on Madison day before yesterday. Did they score to make it closer? We’ll never know. We’ll miss out on a trip to The Bucket too since we have to ride home with Rick Soto’s mom and Uncle Astroturf. Fill in the blank: what was Uncle Gary’s glad it’s not his? Talk amongst yourselves.

Rick will get his big chance to sing the national anthem at next week’s game since he can’t play in it. (Nice cameo today by the late Bernie Casey as Rick’s real doctor.) Hopefully it’s a home game or else Gil, Dr. Pearl & co. will have to go through more machinations to help Rick pull that off. Such suspense!

October 28, 2017

The Mudlarks Won’t Play on Astroturf

Filed under: Dr. Pearl, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces — teenchy @ 10:52 am

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Nope nope no nuh-uh. Not if ol’ Gildeaux has his way. Five emails from Uncle Gary’s spoof email accounts aren’t gonna convince him in the least. Kudos to Gil for not giving in to the Astroturfing. Players – especially skilled players – will be at a premium over the next couple of weeks as Gil introduces a totally new offensive scheme that promises to expose his ballcarriers to significant injury. Fifth-string QB Pelwecki might finally get his chance to go under center after all.

An obvious response from Gil, absent from this convo: “Because he hasn’t asked me to.” Maybe he’s saving that for Monday.

October 26, 2017

Thinking Big ≠ Cat Videos

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If Uncle Gary’s idea of “thinking big” is going viral in a YouTube video with a cat, maybe Rick should stick with football. At least find a better agent – one that doesn’t think of himself in the third person – or a cat. Doesn’t the cat at least have to be grumpy?

For such a hotshot lawyer, Uncle Gary’s been spending a lot of time on his sister’s couch for the past two months. Shouldn’t he be billing hours, or organizing a cancer fun run, or something?

October 21, 2017

They’ve Got Prairie Style Windows in Omaha, Too?

October 20, 2017

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I got the spirit (Hey!)

It’s in my locker (Hey!)

A bottle of vodka (Hey!)

And if we win (Hey!)

We get some gin (Hey!)

And if we lose (What?)

We get no booze (Aww!)

And if we tie… (Yeah?)

We still get high! (Woo!)

— an actual chant by teenchy’s high school football team, long ago and far away

Uncle Gary just doesn’t get it. Win or lose, shared goals and camaraderie are two important lessons that can be learned from playing team sports.  In recognizing that, the teenaged Rick Soto shows himself to be far more mentally mature than his cardboard cutout shyster of an uncle. We haven’t seen team player behavior like that from a Milford athlete since True Standish, The Golden Child, let Jarrod Hale score the winning touchdown in the state championship game. So ease up, Uncle Gary; Rick might just be lining up his future roadies for when he hits it big on the Midwestern fraternal organization open mike night tour. He hasn’t even been concussed yet.  That dubious honor looks like it might fall to…

October 21, 2017

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… Mike “Don’t call Me Castle” Fillllllllllllion. Well here’s a surprise – a strip featuring neither Rick Soto nor Uncle Gary but Gil flexing his old school jockocrat muscles (and his right arm with two elbows) by pulling his QB out of this unknown teacher’s class.  I can see Filion’s eyes clouding up already – oh, wait, they’re just exploding.  Making a kid nervous by yanking him out of class then telling him to relax is just the kind of mind game you’d expect from a coach whose one trick on the season is putting a linebacker in at fullback. Wonder if Gil’s gonna tell Mike that Pelwecki’s getting some reps under center next week?

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