This Week in Milford

October 12, 2019

Maybe that pissiness would be better channeled into helping your kid rake leaves.

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Late start to the day as yhs stayed up late last night to watch Game 1 of the NLCS. With a DeJong and a Bader in one lineup and a Soto in the other, I was getting a very Milfordian vibe. There were no nosy-assed, pushy players’ parents/school board members or hidden backstories (well, one team’s relief pitcher did miss the game on paternity leave) and the announcers didn’t seem like particular homers for either team, so I guess the similarities ended there.

But I digress, mainly because I feel like we’ve trod this well-trodden trail before. Having a player’s past anger management issues thrown up in his face has been done, and the outcome was resolved to the player’s benefit. The difference here is that it wasn’t one of Van Auken’s teammate’s parents throwing his past anger management issues up in his face in an effort to get him benched (or worse) in favor of their less-talented stepchild. News flash, Ballard: these shenanigans won’t guarantee Charlie will start over Chance, they won’t make your stepson a better player, and they sure as hell won’t get him to stop calling you “Chet.”

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October 9, 2019

Rock Around the (Poor) Clock (Management)

Filed under: actual action, exposition comics, football, Gil Thorp, Just plain sad, Tilden — teenchy @ 8:36 am

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WDIG Newsflash: This just in: As a gesture to honor the memory of the late Bull Bushka, Milford High to change the nickname of its football team from the Mudlarks to the Scapegoats… Wait, what’s that?… They’re only giving that nickname to their backup running back? Never mind. Back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

Geez, good thing Rubin remembered to give us the score yesterday, a week and a half into this game. We never saw any scoring plays so how we got to 19-14 is anybody’s guess. We also never saw Gil burn through all of his second half timeouts, or implement the game plan for the second-string running back to get the ball on every play.  He might have had Schuring look a little further downfield on fourth and long, but maybe Charlie saw Gabe Salazar overrule Gil’s play call in the huddle and thought he’d do the same thing.

No matter. Charlie missed it by that much and now that the Tilden game is over, the blame game can begin.

October 5, 2019

Steamed Gams

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“I was so steamed, I didn’t even feel it. Those little green pills you gave me before the game helped, too, Mr. Scott.”

Yeah, I couldn’t figure out why Chance’s grandparents were looking up either. I figured from the way his helmet was popping up Rock’em Sock’em Robots style, Chance might’ve started his transformation into The Hulk. Maybe they were transfixed by the sight of Marty Moon rising up from his crate to deliver a benediction. (Mighty nice of Marty’s mom to put a vanity mirror in there; makes it easier for Marty to shave.)

Good thing Chance sprained his ankle. Now Gil won’t make him run bleachers as punishment for retaliating for Tilden’s Bill Romanowski wannabe’s personal foul. Macy will miss next week’s game, either because his sprain won’t have healed in time or because Gil will bench him for the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. It’ll be interesting to see the role Chance’s anger management problems play in this arc (compared to, oh say, Barry Bader’s).

Looks like Rick Scott didn’t get the memo: this season it’s not “Uh-Oh,” it’s “Rut-Roh!” – and it’s Charlie’s cue to get into the lineup and finish the drill.

 

October 2, 2019

Knocked Him Back 11

Filed under: actual action, football, Gil Thorp, Highlight reel, lazy artwork, Tilden — teenchy @ 8:43 am

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Damn, Gabe Salazar hit Tilden #53 so hard he turned the double sixes on his jersey into double fives! (Tearaway numbers, perhaps?) Still that doesn’t stop #53’s jawing; it’s a wonder he can see who he’s jawing at with that helmet slammed down so far over his eyes. Between calling the audible and mouthing off at the opponent, Gil has lost control of Gabe. Usually that results in a benching followed by the Mudlarks quickly packing in their season but hey, this show must go on at least for the remainder of this game.

Any momentum Milford had will soon be swept away when dirty #53 takes a dive at Chance Macy. No doubt Chance will be injured severely enough for Charlie Roh to come off the bench and replace him. No doubt, too, that whatever Charlie does or doesn’t do will be met with some passive-aggressive criticism from chirpy Chet Ballard, who will direct that passive aggression toward Gil. Careful, Chet: unless your name is Marty Moon, everyone from Hobart to Wildcat Maris to B/Robby Howry who takes on the Gilfather eventually gets banished to the cornfield.

 

September 28, 2019

With A Great Ground Game Comes Great Responsibility

Filed under: Coach Kaz, exposition comics, Fat Guys, football, freak hands, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 2:29 pm

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After a hot sweaty workout complete with gun show, Gil and Kaz towel down and make a little pillow talk. His guard down, a dreamy-faced Gil lets slip just exactly who it is he fantasizes about during these training room sessions. Kaz pretends not to notice, instead continuing his amateur private dick schtick and nosing around for more info on the tight-lipped Chance Macy.  There are as many valid reasons for a high school student with otherwise good grades to be a year behind other students his age as there are readers of this blog.

Speaking of Chance, quick cut to his dinner table where Macy dwarfs his grandparents and where there’s also an empty chair. Grandpa follows Gil’s lead and adds another to the pile of cryptic comments in the fall arc thus far. Where are Macy’s parents? Is he gonna have a similar backstory to Silent John Pascoe? Will it make Chance’s grandparents his equivalent to Aunt May and Uncle Ben? Will he get bitten by a radioactive spider next?

September 25, 2019

Beat the Devils

Filed under: actual action, football, Gil Thorp, Highlight reel, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 6:27 am

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Rubin has taken the Mudlarks on a road trip to South Carolina once again. (Starting to think he must have a timeshare there.) Dreher – the only Dreher High School in the US – is in Columbia. It has some nice looking prairie style windows even though Columbia is about as far from the prairie as you can get. The Blue Devils football team has a Twitter feed but I don’t see Milford on that schedule. Maybe they got fit into that bye week between Gilbert and Lower Richland.

To the action: Charlie Roh (and I still can’t get over the fact that Rubin has named this kid of apparent Southeast Asian origin “Charlie”) manages to pick up a first down despite having a Blue Devil take a bite out of his left thigh. Holding that football like a loaf of bread might give us a clue as to why he fumbled in the opener. You’d think Kaz would’ve worked with him on that in practice yesterday. At least douchey Chet Ballard is happy for the moment.

That happiness is bound to last only for that moment as Charlie’s backfield rival, the introverted Chance Macy, reels off a touchdown run. No doubt Chet will have a hissy thinking that touch should’ve been Charlie’s. Chill out, Ballard! Go to the concession stand and grab a nice barbecue sandwich or something. If that doesn’t help, leave the game early, take that two-hour drive down I-26 and bend elbows with Mr. Bakst in Charleston. I’ve been known to do that on occasion.

 

 

September 21, 2019

Talk to the Hands, Maybe

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Chance Macy: introvert, or just antisocial?

Bob “Kaz” Kazinski: actual coach, or Gil’s Boy Friday?

Gil “Gil” Thorp: protective of his players, or control freak media manipulator?

Hey, Rubin can write a cryptic strip, why can’t we post cryptic blog posts?

At least the Chief can indulge his hand fetish illustrating this little tête-à-tête. Either Gil has six fingers on his left hand or one of them’s his thumb peeking from between the others. Both Gil and Kaz look to have overdeveloped right hands, IYKWIMAITYD.

 

 

September 18, 2019

The Air In the Front Yard Is Cooler Than the Air Coming Out of You*

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Back from a brief hiatus and feeling a bit refreshed. Know what else would be refreshing? A story arc about a player who just wants to get better and actually gets better through coaching. A kid whose parents are simply supportive of his or her interests and not trying to live vicariously through them or project their own shortcomings onto them.

But that would be asking too much, wouldn’t it? Far easier to trot out the cardboard villain adult who puts it where it doesn’t belong to try to advance their kid’s causes for their own selfish motives. Here busybody Ballard feels that need to for reasons known only to him. Where does he plan to use his observation about Chance Macy? As evidence that the kid is too gassed/hurt to come out to party** and, as such, deserves to be benched in favor of Charlie? Or that his not coming out to party is evidence that he’s not a team player and, as such, deserves to be benched in favor of Charlie?

Either way, it’ll be another strike against Ballard, whose big swing and a miss on Tiki Jansen makes this strike two.

*Alternate title: Chet Ballard, Backdoor Man. Is that an actual transom above the Schuring’s back door?

**Pretty confident of the Schurings to plan a postgame victory party at their house, innit?

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