This Week in Milford

April 8, 2020

Breakfast in Milford

Filed under: baseball, big arms, Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp, Pantheon of Hair — teenchy @ 9:02 am

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Random thoughts today:

It appears Rubin is doubling down on making one of the plot lines this spring “What is The Mayor eating for breakfast, and what kind of container is he eating it from?” How he plans to make this relevant is beyond me this morning. Are Knappe’s chronic lateness and need to talk to everybody in the halls symptoms of ADHD? If so, did B/Robby Howry leave some Adderalls stashed in the Mudlarks’ equipment room that could help?

What’s going on with the Milford baseball jerseys? Baseball uniform numbers aren’t usually centered below the team name. Maybe these are leftovers from Milford’s aborted lacrosse program. And what’s with dude whose number ends in “2” behind gesturing speaker guy’s uni? Is he wearing his jersey tucked into a skirt like in A League of their Own or into shorts like the ’76 White Sox?

Finally, poor Hiawatha James, the Pete DeWindt of his class. ‘Watha looks like he wants to be anywhere but in the Milford locker room. Maybe it’s the prospect of catching only one pitcher all season (Gil didn’t mention any others besides Godleski). Maybe it’s the hairdo he’s been saddled with. Maybe he cares as much about The Mayor’s breakfast choices as the rest of us do.

April 4, 2020

Short Seasons Mean Less Coaching

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“Winter is over.

We’re playing outside. Any-

thing is possible.”

 

Oh the irony

Of Gil’s haiku when we all

Must shelter in place

 

Meanwhile in Milford

Marjie Ducey waves her pen

Ready for roll call

 

But first a softball

Question for the Gilmeister:

Best opening day?

 

Football means the most

To Gil; it gives him more time

To play Mary Worth

 

Then a reminder:

Sometimes it snows in April

Yeah, we miss Prince too

 

April 1, 2020

What’s in the Bottle? Probably a Plot Device

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 7:46 am

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Ah the heady days of a new season, when anything is possible. In the Thorpiverse, the anticipation of a coherent, realistic plot that manages to deftly incorporate sports as an integral element is always tinged with the lingering dread that Rubin will almost invariably send that plot into a death spiral away from reality in the most convoluted way possible while somehow sticking to the same tired half-dozen or so tropes about teens and adults.

But let’s not kill that buzz too soon, shall we?

Speaking of buzz, whaddaya think’s in The Mayor’s sport bottle?

a. Yogurt and OJ, chia seeds, and a raw egg

2. Vodka and OJ, to bribe Gil into giving him a starting spot on the baseball team

iii. Hand sanitizer (look how far ahead of the curve Rubin’s thinking!)

(d) Straight Everclear, to kill birds 2. and iii. with one stone

 

Talk amongst yourselves.

March 28, 2020

Siriously?

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Four months’ setup for this. One of the lamest intros since “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.” Alexa is left with a deer-in-the-headlights look the likes of which we haven’t seen since Boo Radley had an unfortunate run-in with Del Bader and a pickup truck.

Although some sources say it’s legit, I have never heard anyone named Serena given the nickname “Siri.” In all the years I’ve followed tennis I’ve never heard it used on the greatest female player in recent times. I never heard called Samantha Stevens’ evil cousin called “Siri.” I never heard Sifl and Olly’s fantasy girl referred to as “Siri” either, but supposedly it’s of Scandinavian origin and that’s her mother’s given name. Okay, fine.

There are still a couple months left in most school years. Many of them will be completed via distance learning, which starts on Monday where I live. Another plot should be starting on Monday in the Thorpiverse as well. Newspaper syndicate lead times being what they are, it will probably not involve distance learning. Some elements of this plot may continue over into the spring. Chris and Alexa may still duke it out for valedictorian.  We may find out Siri’s parents are named Cortana and Mercedes.

Siri and Alexa have nice boots on. Maybe they’ll go ride horses together at the afterparty.

Chris gives this plot the finger. So do I.

March 25, 2020

In Which Chris Schuring Indicates How Much We Still Care About This Plot

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That, or he’s just finished watching a Get Smart marathon.

I’ll admit I’m not much of a TV watcher anymore. Outside of baseball season, it’s mostly nature shows on BBC America or an oldie on Turner Classic Movies for me.  So I’ve gotta hand it to astute TWIMer franku2016 who noted in yesterday’s comments:

This entire plot was on a Modern Family episode a few years ago with a GPA tie between Alex and her academic rival Sanje, and yes, they started dating, much to the dismay of Sanje’s old-world parents.

Despite being on the air for over a decade, Modern Family has flown completely under my radar, so I had to look it up. For those of you who were as clueless about it as me, this show features Ed O’Neill (better known to some of us as would-be patriarch Al Bundy in the 1990s sitcom Married with Children) as would-be patriarch Jay Pritchett. Part of Pritchett’s extended family includes son-in-law Phil Dunphy. A real estate agent, Phil often finds himself losing business to his arch-rival… Gil Thorpe.

Gentle readers, this cannot be mere coincidence, can it? All I know is I’m gonna start checking Modern Family plot summaries for comparison from now on.

+++

Now that that another installment of “teenchy Is Old and Out of Touch” is out of the way, let’s focus on what’s happening here. It looks like basketball season will be coming to a blessed end this weekend. Chris seems to think the school year will be, too, or at least the spring will do nothing to change the current academic rankings. Alexa’s dislike for him still holds true regardless of the sensitivity of his sarcasm detector. Chris’ altruism comes off to her as condescension if not something even less benign. I don’t think these two are becoming a couple anytime soon, but if this part of the plot continues into the next arc (think True/Boo from a few years back) it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

 

 

 

 

March 21, 2020

The Bad Touch

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What is it about Alexa Watson that makes Milford High female faculty and staff want to touch her? First it was Mimi smacking her backside in practice; now it’s brown haired guidance counselor type lady making goo goo eyes while reaching in to caress the back of Alexa’s (much larger) hand. Is this her way of helping Alexa land her coveted valedictory prize? Not sure what’s odder: that Alexa appears to lack nail beds, or that Rubin finds all this touching of students appropriate in this day and age. (That’d be true even given these strips were submitted to the syndicate well in advance. Too soon for jokes on our current situation, and the toilet paper memes ceased being funny after about the 450th one.)

On to our usual underwhelming little Saturday cliffhanger. This is gonna end up like that old Warner Brothers cartoon The Dover Boys at Pimento University where the goofy running gag background character ends up with the girl, isn’t it? Phoebe will be your valedictorian without ever having to go upside anyone’s noggin.

 

March 18, 2020

Smack My Snitch Up

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Sorry to be so late on today’s post. We may all be confined to quarters but our work hasn’t stopped.

Rubin’s poor clock management has pushed him further into the no-huddle offense. We jump from Gil giving Dr. Pearl her marching orders out of the star chamber to the results of those orders: Teddy on lockdown at Casa DeMarco. Chris may not be there to beat up on Teddy, but Hiawatha, Marcel and Tom hiding behind the door there might be a bit more willing.

At least we finally get hints as to what bug Teddy’s had up his ass about Chris. It’s been six years shorter than the one Alexa had for Chris, so unlikely it had anything to do with Jeopardy! Did Chris pass over Teddy when picking sides for flag football in PE class? Make fun of his hair? Or is it just ’cause Chris is a good team player and just so goshdarn smart?

Whatever its I’m sure it will be as stupid and underwhelming as every other plot device we’ve seen this winter. Bring on baseball, as this’ll be the only place we see it for a while. Can’t wait to see if Valley Tech will put someone in their scoreboard to steal the Mudlarks’ signs and beat on a garbage can.

 

March 14, 2020

“Mimi and I washed our hands. Here, Alexa, smell ’em.”

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Well, rob went there yesterday. I was beginning to wonder how long we at TWIM could go without making mention of the current global crisis, one that could end up making the crisis that gave us the Padillas story arc a couple of seasons ago look relatively minor in comparison.

As I write a good many of us may be working from home, either by choice or by force. Some of us may already have been working from home, but travel restrictions may be keeping us from visiting our clients or customers. Rob works for the USPS, so I doubt working from home is an option for him. (Be careful out there, rob.) Some of us may see our work cut back or lost entirely. Too soon to tell.

Less than a month ago I was planning on playing hooky taking the day off from work and going into DC to see something no one has seen in ninety-five years: a major league baseball team that calls Washington home raise a world championship banner. Then the Nats announced they wouldn’t be selling single game tickets for Opening Day, that the tix would only be available as part of a season ticket plan or partial plan. (Ah yes, the sweet smell of success.) Okay, whatevs, I’ll hit StubHub. It might be another ninety-five years before it happens again.

In the words of Gilda Radner’s Emily Litella, “Never mind.” MLB cancelled the rest of spring training and postponed the start of the season by at least two weeks. The NBA, NHL, MLS, and Premier League have suspended their seasons; the XFL (look it up) canceled its season outright. The Masters, PGA and LPGA tours, and most motorsports events have been postponed. The NCAA has cancelled all remaining winter and spring sports championships; any March Madness we see will not be on a basketball court.

Where I live the schools have been closed for at least the next two weeks. The SATs scheduled for today have been postponed. High school sports have been cancelled for the remainder of the academic year, including the basketball playoffs. I guess it’s a good thing Rubin and Whigham have helped prepare us for our immediate sports-free future by turning away from sports to a few weeks of he-said, she-said about academic cheating.

Just wait until the spring story arcs start in a week or two. They’ll make the Thorpiverse look even more like a fantasy land than it already does. Stay safe, TWIMers.

Update (5:25pm EDT): In all the gloom and doom I forgot to wish you all a happy Pi Day. I took time out of my day to bake a pie – an old school Florida favorite, sour orange pie. Here’s a pic so that you may enjoy vicariously. My meringue styling skills could be better.

orangepie

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