Some Wak! Haiku

Tom Muench on the bench

And Doug Guthrie off his game:

Central by thirteen

But it’s not a bench

It’s only a folding chair

Thanks to budget cuts

“Everything happens

For a reason” – Grandma Muench

Like ankle sprains

Anytime Doug makes

Car-related decisions

Mudlarks always lose

Vic Doucette could see

Doug was no Schumi when he

Smacked him on the ass

Clearly Doug isn’t

Firing on all cylinders

He needs a tuneup

Gil needs to send him

To a garage upstate where

He can drive all day

And The Crowd Goes Eh

Oh boy, Tessi Milton is really laying it on thick. She’s of the opinion that what the Lady Mudlarks really need is a generous helping of Vic Doucette magic. It appears that Vic can’t deny Tessi anything at this point. Will that 2004 GMC Safari be a rockin’ at some point?

So what is Tessi short for? The Contessa? ‘The Contessa’ Milton? Or just Contessa Milton? Oh Vic, I hope you haven’t gotten in over your head.

Sometimes, the Lyrics Write Themselves

Want a guard who races? I tell you I’m your man
I play some, skip some, all the same to me

What do you wanna bet, am I blond or a brunette?
The Bucket’s where I feed, my car is all I need, I’m Doug Guthrie!
I’m Doug Guthrie!

Restoring a barn find, rebuilt it with my dad
Got my GTO, I don’t need girls you see

Showing up for Oakwood, Gil is watching me
Pick a sport or quit, I don’t give a shit, I’m Doug Guthrie!
I’m Doug Guthrie!

My tailbone’s on the ground, I’m goin’ round and round
But that’s the way I like it baby
I don’t wanna win the Valley

And don’t forget Vic Doucette!

Pushing up the roundball, the defense gotta see me
Reach in and weep, slapped out my hand again

You see it in my eyes, I’ve let practice slide
We’ll blow this game you’ll see, it’s gonna be on me, I’m Doug Guthrie!
I’m Doug Guthrie!

CK Likes It Rough!

Nice bit of analysis from Rob yesterday, and a bit prescient too. Walking fire hydrant Corina convinced Mimi to let her slide over and guard the Central forward while Tessi (she does have a first name) Milton presumably shifted over to cover the off guard Corina had been covering. The strategy pays off as Corina’s presence so flusters the Lady Bobcat that she dislocates her right arm at the shoulder and recalls Alexa Watson a former Ottawa Senator clangs a shot off the underside of the rim.

It’s not entirely clear how Corina, now dubbed CK, ended up with the shiner, but the Central girl’s elbow probably had something to do with it. Taking one for the team seems to have put her back on the good side of her teammate whose eyeball exploded when she called Tessi by her last name. It also saved her having to put it on CK’s face herself during practice. Now let’s see if the Lady Mudlarks run with this idea, letting CK bang into the opponent’s star players while freeing up Tessi to shoot rainbows.

metapost: Late in the day and it’s not news anymore but I can’t let the death of Henry Aaron pass completely without comment. There’s nothing I can say about the Hammer that hasn’t already been said more eloquently by someone else (his NYT obituary, for example). As can be inferred from a lot of my posts, yhs spent a number of years living in Georgia. I got to know a number of people associated with the Braves during that time but, unfortunately, Hank was not one of them.

Henry Aaron was the target of a lot of racial hate in the early ’70s as he closed in on and surpassed Babe Ruth’s home run record. Sadly the news of his death is being similarly clouded, as he died less than three weeks after receiving the COVID-19 vaccine. Along with former Atlanta mayor Andrew Young, Aaron got vaccinated in public as a means of showing the vaccine was safe and of encouraging the public to get vaccinated. I haven’t seen that the cause of his death has been announced, but there are plenty of rumors flying that the vaccine played a role. Many people are skeptical of the vaccine’s efficacy and safety, and memories of the Tuskegee Experiment have created distrust of government-provided medical care among the population Aaron and Young sought to reassure. Until we know more about Aaron’s passing, we shouldn’t speculate, nor should we draw conclusions about the vaccine’s safety and efficacy regardless of his cause of death.

That’s about as much of a soapbox as I will get on tonight. The world has lost a great ballplayer, a great civil rights activist, and a great man.

Matchup time

Basketball is a game of matchups. Good coaches recognize quickly when their players are at a disadvantage with who theyre guarding and will either sub in a bench player who can handle the player better or switch assignments with who’s on the floor. A famous example is the 1991 NBA Finals which turned when , after losing Game 1 with Magic Johnson able to distribute the ball effectively to the Laker scorers, Phil Jackson put Scottie Pippen on Magic for the rest of the series and the Bulls swept the next 4 games, with Scottie much more effective guarding Magic and stalling the Laker offense. ( Hey Gil you reading this? Coaching matters!!)

And they also switch from man to zone when the situation dictates; (NBA was different for years with its illegal zone until I believe they relaxed it a bit) and a lot of times a zone will help with controlling a big center or forward who is scoring inside, packing the lane with bodies and daring the opponent to beat you from the outside with guards shooting 3’s or longer jump shots. Pick your poison, basically. You make your opponent beat you with its weakness and you’ll come out on top more often then not.

So in this case if I’m Mimi, its ok to listen to players input as theyre the ones out on the court and they have a sense of how they feel guarding someone, but.. Corinna doesnt get to decide who Tessi should guard. Thats Mimis call. Of course we have the last name thing causing some fracture of team unity that will be dealt with eventually, but for now Mimi has to decide who guards who, and not be afraid to use a zone if Corinna turns out to be a turnstyle as well. I have a feeling she will get physical with 21; (hey they give you 5 fouls for a reason) and if C gets in her head like that, just make the free throws and you’re good. Of course we have no score visible, and that dictates how you play on D too. Appears to be a close game, so an exciting finish looms.. Earn that paycheck Mimi!

I Got It from You, Gil!

Back to Maumee at Milford and I don’t know what the hell’s going on here but it’s gotta be more than what the narration box describes. No idea where the ball went (and, judging from the fans in the stands, they have no idea either) but that Panther has done more than knock it out of bounds, he’s shoved a Mudlark by the head to the floor. Captain Kangaroo Pimp is having none of it and is ejecting the Maumee miscreant on the spot.

The whole scene has sent Vic Doucette into a rage and has him channeling the Pistons’ PA guy (and Detroit radio host) John Mason.

No clue who won this game but since Gil’s not looking pissy I’d venture it was Milford. He’s pretty amused by Doucette’s shtick, at least for now. Gotta wonder when Gil handled a mic like that – and when he’ll get tired of Vic’s ruffles and flourishes.

Throw some ketchup on that hot dog

****THIS IS THE FRIDAY POST*** SATURDAY POST WILL BE LATER TODAY BY THE ONE AND ONLY JOAN RIVERS!! ***** THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!!***

I’m assuming Vic has a tutor for some of his classes as in P2 (after studying and prepping for the game like ALL announcers do, even though he’s only a PA announcer) he’s walking on an ice rink past a sign that says READ. Did anyone ever see a sign that says READ?? The whole idea is to READ the sign, right? Reading a sign that says READ is,, superfluous, to put it mildly.

Hope they dont slip on the ice while skating to their next class, which may require reading.

Maumee High School http://www.maumee.k12.oh.us/ is located in Maumee, Ohio, and its enrollment was 693 students in 2017, so they only count head every 4 years or so when a new crop of kids come in. Why count every year when its the same old kids?

Does Vic do road games too? PA announcers only do home games in my world, so looks like we found the first hole in the plot. He’ll need an upgraded vehicle for all that driving. How many states does Milford need to go to for non-conference games for crying out loud? Perrysburg is also in Ohio, and only 6 miles from Maumee, but I thought they played Rogers last game? Theyre from (holy) Toledo Ohio, so either everyones coming to Milford from the Buckeye State or Gil won free gas from Speedway for a year. Hard to believe you play 3 straight games against new opponents. I’m needing some Goshen in my soup pretty soon.

Vic Doucette, Firestarter

Lots of fire metaphors at work today. Wonder if Corina’s mom is on the scene?

Looks like faithful TWIMer hitorque was correct in yesterday’s comments: strip Vic Doucette fancies himself another Chris Berman. He’s getting quickly full of himself and embellishing his calls, and odds are he didn’t clear any of this with Gil or his players. (I mean, why play off “fear of God” and not “Godleski, King of the Monsters“?)

When and how will Vic’s mouth get the Mudlarks in trouble? We may soon find out as a Ram knocks the slobber out of a Mudlark’s mouth. Did the Ram charge or was he blocked? Will Vic announce the wrong call or inject his opinion over the mic? Will he cause Milford to get charged with a technical?

Vic’s Bermanism hands us an audience participation opportunity: What Bermanisms would you lay on Gil Thorp characters? I’ll start:

Marjie “Acey” Ducey

Marty “How High The” Moon

Hadley V. “Wink” Baxendale

Bob “The Unabomber” Kazinski

Have at it in the comments, y’all.