The Return of the No-Name Defense…

… and the No-Name Offense too while we’re at it. Whoever is calling this jayvee volleyball game in front of a packed house of 5 (and since when do jayvee volleyball games merit announcers?) wasn’t given or can’t be bothered to find the Milford or Central rosters. It’s a little refreshing, really, not having to Google which of Neal Rubin’s friends was getting a shout-out by having a players as a namesake. Still if we’re gonna have a narrative about a specific Milford team during a season, we’re gonna need some names before long.

Is this Central the same Central that’s in the Valley Conference? Or, with the nickname “Bobcats,” is it the one in Knoxville, TN? If the latter, then Milford has stolen its team colors. Maybe it’s the one in Phoenix or in San Angelo, TX. Seeing a team in mauve, pink and black is also a little refreshing though I’ve gotta wonder how their boys’ teams pull it off. I don’t know squat about volleyball uniform numbering so I can’t vouch for whether 64 is an appropriate number for a volleyball player. I have a hunch it’s some kind of secret message, kind of like Rubin’s goodbye and Prisoner reference in the July 7 strip. The number 5, of course, refers to the number of people in the stands and the number 17, dunno, maybe the number of people who read Gil Thorp on the regular?

Anyhoo, here’s a pic of the original No-Name Defense. See if you can name any of them without Googling. I’ll post the answers on Wednesday.

Are these guys all gonna go join John Pascoe at State?

A little over a week in and Barajas has run out of dialogue? Five straight panels of nothin’ but action? How are we supposed to respond to this?

I suppose by nitpicking the artwork to begin with. It’s an “unforgiving Milford night” that looks like daytime. That’s another one that’s on Whigham and/or the colorists. Ditto with the Milford and Oakwood uniforms. As I’ve often railed on in the past, color-on-color games are rare at any level with only a few exceptions. Finally, if this is a flashback, when did this game occur? (I think a call to TWIM SID billytheskink may be in order.) Did Milford’s uniforms canonically look like that that season? Take a look at these examples from the Berrill and McLaughlin eras – or, heck, from the earlier Rubin & Whigham era. Canon is important in the Thorpiverse, except when the matter of the Thorp kids comes up.

The next thing to nitpick is the lingo. “It’s good!” usually refers to a kick attempt for a field goal or PAT, not a touchdown. Since the Mudlarks were down by six, presumably Tays’ TD catch tied the score and it was the point after kick that was good. But what’s this “State” thing? It’s “playdowns” around the Valley and don’t you fergit it!

Call it whatever you will, we come away from today’s strip knowing that Milford made the football postseason in whatever season this represents. Why does Gil look so pissy, then? Is it because the player behind him has started bonking him on the head, or is it his typical response when he figures out he’s gonna have to do more coaching that he thought would be necessary during a season?

Please Tays, Don’t Drop It!

We are now back to game action within the story Tays is telling at the coach of the year banquet. In Tays retelling, he has now become white and has fleshed out his story with commentary from Marty Moon. I knew we were getting some different story telling, but I didn’t know we were going full Inception. (I think we’ve established that the color change is not part of the narrative, but a quality control issue at GoComics, from Andrews McMeel Universal, the largest independent syndicate in the world and a leading digital entertainment provider of humor, comic strips, political cartoons and gaming content for print, Web and mobile devices. The creatives have no idea why Tays has shed all his melanin.)

What is Marty saying in this retelling? It’s fourth and fifteen and Milford has the ball. The play hasn’t started yet, but Marty is projecting that if Tays drops this, the game is over. Does Marty know what the play calls are? What if Tays “drops this” and somebody else scoops it up and gets the first down. What if Marty isn’t even talking about the ball. What if Tays drops a tab of yellow sunshine? would it be “game over” or would he expand his consciousness?

I guess we’ll just snap the ball and find out what the hell is going on..

Old days, good times I remember…

I dunno what to make of the new writer so far; I know its a small sample size but… we havent done a thing to advance the plot again; all we’re doing is reviewing some old stories ex-players are telling to prove what a great coach Gil Thorp is, when the reality is he’s pretty much sucked eggs since most of us have started writing this blog. and if he thinks I’m giving him a pass he’s in for a rude awakening.

Of course they didnt have red uniforms years ago either but we wont dwell on that stuff. I suppose the writer is establishing Gils credibility as a leader of young men, so further stories have some weight from the past. I dont think any regular readers need made-up old situations that may or may not have actually occurred in the strip, and Lord knows there’s no way the writer had time to read through all the old strips available in book form or online. So he’s kinda winging it as if we dont notice nothing is happening for a week. Ha..

Anyway.. it appears the player Tays may have had some domestic issues, but, Gil, other players hit too. And we just got through a story where Gil was the last one to notice a players shortcomings, and now the writer thinks we’re gonna make a hero outa Gildo because of some old story that NOBODY can vouch for except Tays and Gil??

Not in this blog pardner. We need to see what you’ve done for me lately. Hey, a song!

Tommy Can You Feel Me?

“If we bunt, it’ll only be when the situation calls for it.”
“When do you think the situation calls for it, Tommy?”
“Whenever we’re at bat, Gil.”

Looks like we’re in for another episode of Chain Link Fence Theater. Mighty magnanimous of Coach Luigi Tommy from Goshen to not take advantage of The Hammmmer’s failing eyesight. Guessing his team sucks so hard they’re not in contention for the Valley title. Fear not, Tommy boy: Gil will still be able to join your foursome on Monday.

Does Scooter like to pat Gregg’s ass or what? No wonder we’ve seen so little of Charis the tennis player. We haven’t seen or heard much from Scooter Pie lately either (is he still telegraphing the pitches to Gerg?) and I kinda liked it that way. I know it’s not a carbon copy of the 6/6 strip but close enough that I’m calling it recycled. Where those bleachers came from and the direction in which they’re pointed is up for interpretation.

Rubin’s got exactly two more strips after today to wrap up Milford’s baseball season before his traditional lessons learned/walk away through a doorway strip, so the Mudlarks are about to sink faster than the Lusitania in real time. Fact of the matter is Ggerg is as shy of the limelight as his plagiarizing old man. Expect some lame pun about both of them seeing the light on Saturday.

meta: Thanks to my colleagues for stepping up in my absence. I’ll be glad to rejoin the rotation on or about July 20.

Marty Wakes Up Just In Time For…Wait For It…

Well, look who woke up from a long winter’s (and spring) nap! It’s our old pal Marty Moon, the king of all Milford media (except, not anymore, or ever for that matter). Marty’s gotta get some sound for his “show” and he hasn’t been roasted by Gil in a good while. He picked a great day for a roasting. Gil’s gotta be cranky sitting in his office this late into June, plus he’s all warmed up from tearing into parents, umps and other media personalities like Al Drake from Channel 6.

Marty goes into his wind-up, lobs in his little dig and…..uh, well, Gil kinda half-asses it. Oh well, he’s tired. Marty’s tired (that crate is no place for a long winter’s nap). We’re all tired. If we had more time, Gil and Marty could do some improv games and workshop their little two hander, but we simply must move on.

Speaking of moving on, three games?? Are you kidding me? Well, we know we’ll only see Gregg’s next start since those are the only ones that count this season. Cut to…the camera man from Channel 6 getting some great footage of Gregg dislocating his elbow. Or maybe Gregg is reaching back into a wormhole in the multiverse to shove a tiny baseball into Gil’s ear. Yep, that’s absurd, no two ways about that!

Meanwhile, Scooter’s a little hurt that he’s not getting some pub. I thought he wanted to set a record or host Jeopardy or something. I guess his dreams had to get jettisoned like everybody else’s to make room for Hamm.

Say, did that cameraman have to lug that beast all the way to Madison for this? Wait, Madison? Is it…could it be…Madison Time??

Ggerg’s Impressive Feature

We’re in a real wash rinse repeat situation with Reggg Mahm. We’re at another one of his starts, skipping right past any other starts. How many games are the Mudlarks playing this season? Do we figure this out by multiplying Hamm starts by the number of players in the Milford rotation (which is unknown also, so forget it…we just play until Rubin gets bored or remembers that it’s summer). At least someone else on the team gets credit for something. It’s RF Nomar Ramos launching bombs. Good job Nomar, now scurry away and make room for the Reggg Mahm Show….and here’s your host, Heather Burns. Heather lost the Milford Starr’s legacy video camera so it’s back to paper and pencil.

So, Erggg, tell us a little about yourself. Who is your daddy and what does he do?

His Good Side Is… Straight Ahead?

Looks like we’re only ever gonna see games where Ggerg starts from here on in. No need to bother with details like a rotation when they don’t serve the square peg of a story getting hammered (pun intended) into the round hole of realism.

The Central kids either didn’t get the Oakwood memo or got it and promptly forgot about it, bunting the ball almost straight back to – or only slightly left of – the mound. (Seems like that memo should’ve included a note to hit back to the pitcher on a line drive, not on the ground.) How the Hammer ended up over there after his follow-through is unclear except as a device for the Chief to indulge in his recent shoe bottom fetish.

Boy, Ggerg’s teammates sure like patting his bottom. They must realize they won’t have many more chances left. Speaking of bottom, what’s that white thing hanging off of Ggerg’s rear end? Speculate away, gentle readers.