This Week in Milford

July 7, 2021

You’ve Got Other Things to Jab, IYKWIM

Looks like Paul Muench wasn’t long enough, if you know what I mean.

More like Zane Clark came up a little short, if you know what I mean.

I think Katy Brito’s ready for him to jab her capulets anyway, if you know what I mean.

But if Zane wins the Library Board position, he’ll have to sharpen his own pencil, if you know what I mean.

But if Katy’s dad wins the Library Board position, Zane won’t be logging on, if you know what I mean.

Either way, Zane will become a two-time loser in one day, if you know what I mean.

Not if Gil’s bribe pays off, if you know what I mean.

Twenty-nine years is a long time to be eating pie, if you know what I mean.

Betcha that old codger won’t be eating pie on the Library Board anymore, if you know what I mean.

Too bad Zane won’t be needing to use the library once his senior year’s over, if you know what I mean.

Too bad Gil didn’t grease the skids for Zane to get into college like Mimi did for that Corina kid, if you know what I mean.

Maybe Zane should have run for library janitor, if you know what I mean.

[long, drawn-out pause]

Say, that stairway at Milford High looks like it was designed by M.C. Escher, if you know what I mean.

July 5, 2021

Like A Tragedy

Katy and Zane are still riffing on this Romeo and Juliet nonsense? Sheathe your weapon Katy, Chief Lind expressly hath forbidden bandying in Milford streets. Did we really have to check in with these star crossed idiots again for a single panel accounting for half the tags on this post. Katy has all the chunky accoutrements and is posing in front of a prairie style window. It’s enough to make you plotz.

There’s more baseball to be played. Oh joy. Marty has to drag the crate out in the summer heat and document Zane Romeo Clark’s exploits on the mound. He’s probably sitting on a cooler full of iced cold Schlitz.

Round about the time Marty is cracking open his tenth beer, Valley Tech gets on the board and we watch a relay throw coming in from the outfield. Yawn. Is there any of that pie left?

Scott Kempner of The Dictators and The Del Lords, take it away:

June 28, 2021

Lukewarm? All The Heat Has Escaped By Now

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Oakwood, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 3:47 am

There was another baseball game against Oakwood. All we are shown is victorious fist bumping after a win. That’s actual action…of a sort.

There isn’t time or space to give us a glimpse at the post game festivities at The Bucket. The narration box suggests that Zane Clark attended the festivities at The Bucket before heading to the library for more studying. I wonder if Mr. Brito drives by to see how late the library stays open and counts cars in the parking lot.

Well, look who’s bringing Zane some of that (tepid) Coffee Cantina brew. It’s Katie Brito! So things are good between these two. Zane references his coffee idea for the library*. Ha ha ha. Can we freeze and roll credits on these lamoids now.

*Yeah, the library should be operating and staffing a coffee stand that will be open just in case Zane (or the homeless guy who sleeps behind the unplugged microfiche reader) needs a caffeine fix. That’s a great use of community resources.

June 7, 2021

KRAK! Attack At Madison

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Madison Time, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 10:25 am

Hey, look! It’s Marty Moon, who has been keeping a pretty low profile of late. He dragged his crate over to Madison and he’s giving us an update on what’s been happening on the diamond. A whole host of also rans have been doing baseball things. Gonzo has been pitching a “dandy” and, looking to start an offensive charge, we have Dallas George and Curtis Charles getting on base, setting the table for DUN DUN DUNNNN, Zane Clark! As you recall, Zane started in right for this game. His work on the mound has been shaky of late, but now it’s time to see how he’s doing at the plate.

The Madison pitcher throws Zane a high fastball and KRAK! Zane stings it! A stinger. Oh boy, oh boy. Did he sting it hard enough to get in at least the tying run? We’ll leave it right there for now. Hey, isn’t this better than Library Board shenanigans and Mimi forcing college down Corina’s throat? Um, maybe?

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Madison Time video. I thought maybe I had mined all the interesting (a relative term) clips from YouTube, but here’s one that showed up in the last year. It’s the standard Ray Bryant Combo recording but it features film of boring white people, Joan Darby and Joe Cash, demonstrating all the intricate Madison Time moves with plenty of close ups for those of you that haven’t been able to pick up the steps so far. Wow, look at their “Rifleman”! That oughta clear the dance floor! Their “Wilt Chamberlain” could use a little work though. Enjoy!

June 5, 2021

Zane Isn’t Focused on Some WAP

It’s official: The Gil Thorp colorists are phoning it in. We’ve had players throwing the ball to players on the opposite team and opposing players in the outfield when their own team is batting, unless the Mudlarks have been changing unifroms on the fly. Now we appear to have someone else besides Gil coaching for Milford. Even Kaz is dumbfounded by the presence of this imposter in a Mudlark uniform. Doubtless this interloper is supposed to be the Madison coach and he and Kaz are going to hand their lineup cards to an unseen home plate ump…

… who is later seen wearing a wristwatch?!? I do not recall umpires ever being allowed to wear watches, but I do recall them using stopwatches to mark the time between pitches and between innings. Maybe some of you TWIMers who have been closer to a diamond in the past decade than I could weigh in. Talk amongst yourselves.

Said umpire is ringing up an unseen batter as a catcher in Madison’s traditional sage and plum frames a called strike three while name checking Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. Could that batter be Zane Clark? Gil shared Zane’s line with Mimi while they were piddling around in the garden, but the only person called out as unfocused was Katy Brito, by Mimi. Gil’s comment to Zane that Zane wasn’t focused in his last outing wasn’t his observation, then, but Mimi’s. Between Kaz handling the messy details and Mimi providing the strategy, maybe Gil could get a head start on teaching golf to preteens and getting hammered on Long Island Iced Teas at the MCC.

June 4, 2021

Throwing to a recycled panel

Filed under: actual action, Central, Mimi Thorp, Recycled art — robmize2013 @ 6:55 pm

And the stupidity continues, with Corinna throwing the ball over the fence into a clearly recycled Panel 2, which was used for a home run some time ago. Why the hell would a Milford fielder suddenly change uniforms mid practice?

May 24 – the game with Central- close enough. Unreal how Whigham thinks we cant remember anything before last week.

On April 29, Mimi first asked Corinna about college, while having cupcakes with her. Corinna basically said her mothers mental health came first, so not interested. 5 weeks later, and we’re still beating the dead horse. Its either this or the Library Showdown. Pick your poison folks. Why we cant have a number of storylines that take a week or so instead of a death march for months going over the saaaaaame stuuuuf. Then on to the next bunch of miserable characters for 3 months of summer fun.

But perhaps P3 offers a chance for Corinna to switch positions, to pitcher. Just idiotic enough for this strip to give it a whirl. Strong arm, yeah. I could fill Yankee Stadium with strong armed players who got their ears knocked back either for lack of control, or lack of command of a second pitch to throw off the batters timing. Dont let that arm fool you, Mimi. For gods sake, if we see Corinna on the mound next week, we’ll know the inmates are running the asylum.

Finally— I will be taking a much deserved week off next week to return to Myrtle Beach for golf, the ocean, and the beach. Of the 8 trips I took last year, that was my favorite; its like paradise to a golfer, and I never get tired of the ocean and its views. . So giving a heads up for a fill- in in case Joan Rivers isnt available..

May 24, 2021

Getting Rocked and Rocking Back

Filed under: actual action, Central, softball — nedryerson @ 9:39 am

I don’t have much to say about this actual action softball strip. Landry Carlson is getting rocked, hence some kinda play at third(?) When Milford rocks back, I guess Corina hit the ball over the head of a clueless Central player. Then a sinker in the dirt, which eludes CK and looks like it is going to hit her in the facemask.

Actual action: be careful what you wish for.

May 12, 2021

Duck! No, Pizza!

Sorry for the late and brief post: my laptop crashed and I lost my draft. At least Zane didn’t take the L thanks to his teammates’ bats, but thanks to Morton Levi he didn’t take the W either. (No idea who this Levi kid is, but Levi Morton was a Republican congressman from New York and Vice President of the United States under Benjamin Harrison. Here he’s a kid who came close to taking a comebacker to the head.) Those runners were inherited from Zane so a no-decision for him and a blown save for Morton.

Cut to the bleachers where once again we have a Milford team that’s been practicing in their game unis unless, like the boys, they just got done playing multiple games off-panel. Katy Brito unnecessarily points to herself and to – who? what? where? the general direction of Ricozzi’s? – while inviting her teammates to go get pizza with Zane and her. The two girls at far right look a bit taken aback by the proposition. They know The Bucket is the traditional post-game hangout and besides, they don’t want to watch Katy and Zane in another PDA. Corina on the other hand cocks an eyebrow in interest; she’s all about free eats and she must know about Zane’s backstory so she must figure this one’s on Katy. Wait ’til Abel finds out Katy’s been picking up the tab for not one but two freeloaders! That Milford Library Board job doesn’t pay, dontchaknow.

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