This Week in Milford

March 17, 2023

No, call me Moron.

Pretty sad that after a kid misses ONE shot in a Pop-A-Shot game where you normally get a bunch of shots and try to make as many as possible in 30 seconds or so, Gil has to step in and instruct him on proper form. Hey Gil, your 2 feet taller at least, so your perspective on the rim is quite different. Its kinda like me teaching a little kid how to dunk a basketball on a 4 foot rim. Im 6’3. Dont even have to jump for that. And little kids cant hold a ball like that – they need to push the ball with 2 hands or else it wont make it to the basket. Doh.

Then we have P2 where the ball is suddenly smaller then the beach ball drawn yesterday. Great Gil you made ONE shot. The object is to grab the ball again and make MORE shots. One is shit in that game. A line drive style works best in Pop A Shot, as the ball come back faster after it goes through. Gil wants him to shoot moonballs. The way Gildo is shooting, the ball will hit the fuckin ceiling before the net.

P3 – Little Luke thanks Gil the way a kid addresses an adult, but ol Gil wants him to pretend he’s an adult already. As a kid I only called adults by their first name when they were my relatives (Aunt Murial, Uncle Ben). What happened to “Coach Thorp”? You mean to tell me all the kids Thorp coaches call him Coach Thorp and this tike already is on a freakin first name basis with him??

Nobody reading this will argue with P3. Generations come and go, but familiarity rules are timeless.

And Gil just broke them.

March 15, 2023

At Least They’re Not Tokens

After yesterday’s detour to pay tribute to Jack Berrill, we’re back to… where, exactly? And when, exactly?

P1: Is this an actual arcade or an arcade museum? It features a Pac-Man machine and runs on quarters rather than tokens. Since when did either exist in Milford or anywhere else in the Valley? Did Gil take the kids there in a time machine? The car parked out front looks a bit dated, but then again this is Milford, where seeing a ’66 GTO on the streets isn’t out of the ordinary. Seems like it exists only to reinforce Gil’s image as reinforcer of (somehwat) old-fashioned values, like…

P2: … carrying cash and change. No falling prey to cryptocurrency scams for old Gil, nosireebob. Besides, while you kids are mashing buttons (unless that narration box in the previous panel is self-referential on Barajas’ part), Gil’s gonna slip outside to buy some vapes from some new dealers in town. He’s never met these dealers but they sent him a text left him a voice mail that they’d look familiar and that they don’t take plastic.

P3: “Thanks, Mr. Thorp.” “Sure thing, kid whose name I don’t know and can’t be bothered to remember.” J/k: this has gotta be little Luke Martinez Jr., who has become one of Jami’s few friends. When Luke Jr. gets home and tells his parents how Gil gave him quarters to play video games, it’s sure to touch off some heated conversation between Luke Sr. and his cardiac surgeon wife about who’s responsible for sending Junior off with everything he needs for a play date, followed by Luke Sr. chaperoning the next play date and renting a mobile video game trailer to park in the driveway (or engaging in some other sort of macho one-upmanship).

The outcome of last Sunday night’s Oscars pretty much guarantees that Everything Everywhere All At Once will become the new normal in visual storytelling, at least for a while. We can thank Barajas for helping us prepare for that, I reckon.

March 13, 2023

Monday blowout

Hey gang – its Rob here on a Monday- if you havent heard, the usual Monday poster Ned Ryerson is stepping down from his post after a long and successful career writing this nonsense due to to personal reasons, and we all wish him well. For the time being I will do this job twice a week, with my usual Friday post continuing as before; and we may or may not find a replacement for Ned, but until then, as the circus people say, the show must go on. So here we are…..

Doesnt take long to find something wrong with P1– Leo with his new kickers somehow can jump 6 feet in the air and dunk. Milford is playing what amounts to a stooge team in New Britain, which is located in Connecticut

and obviously is just learning to play basketball as the Larks go on to win by 50, but normally the defenders are at least trying to stop a potential dunk, and the Britain guy not only doesnt have his hands up, his eyes close at the prospect of the thundereous dunk thats to follow.

Marty excitedly describes the Milford surge which is somewhat realistic in high school, but not like anything we’ve seen lately.

Then in P3 Cami overreacts to the game situation- and no coach who ever coached yelled Dont blow this lead! Good coaching is about accentuating the positive; with a big lead, most coaches say play like its zero-zero, to keep the team focused, but the enthusiasm is a bit phony IMHO. ( Yet another tick against the writer for not knowing the sport he’s writing about )

So we’ll see if it was the shoes, or Leo’s emergence as a confident scorer, or more likely just a great game against a pushover opponent that Little Sisters of the Poor coulda beat. (Got that reference from my old college dormmate)

Lets close it out with a song huh?

January 27, 2023

Gil, would that be your starting pitcher?

Lots to get to as usual so lets get it on….this strip is resembling water in a toilet bowl swirling down after a flush…lets count all the mistakes shall we?

P1- I know of no basketball announcer who uses full names during the action. Especially a name like that! And whats the big ass deal about 6 rebounds?? Get to 20 and then we’re talking.. and the ceiling looks to be a foot above the rim… the ball could almost be stuck on the beam just above Atazhoons hands. The defender should have his hands up and his eyes open. Error total : 5

P2 – Nice to applaud your team after a win but isnt that the fans job?? Are the coaches watching the game or coaching it? Fellas are older people, not high school kids… and the winning score should be listed on top in a strip; this isnt a TV broadcast where the home team is shown on the bottom. Gil also looks like he’s attending a wedding, not coaching a basketball game. That suit looks like it came from Just For Men. Error total: 3

P3 – Yes Gil I know its a play on words, but geez, you just had a blind person on your fucking baseball team last year and you decided he could safely pitch. Hope he wasnt in earshot of that remark. And YOU DONT GIVE OUT GAME BALLS IN BASKETBALL. I HOPE YOU’RE IN EARSHOT OF THAT, DOPE! At least Leo was humble enough to admit he wasnt the whole reason they won. Good boy. Error total: 2

That makes a grand total of 9 errors in one 3-panel strip. If that wasnt a shitfest one doesnt exist.

Our song today is by someone who fits what Gil was referring to.

February 20, 2021

Some Wak! Haiku

Tom Muench on the bench

And Doug Guthrie off his game:

Central by thirteen

But it’s not a bench

It’s only a folding chair

Thanks to budget cuts

“Everything happens

For a reason” – Grandma Muench

Like ankle sprains

Anytime Doug makes

Car-related decisions

Mudlarks always lose

Vic Doucette could see

Doug was no Schumi when he

Smacked him on the ass

Clearly Doug isn’t

Firing on all cylinders

He needs a tuneup

Gil needs to send him

To a garage upstate where

He can drive all day

February 13, 2021

Hey roadhog, ease up!


Only in Milford can it snow on a clear blue day. But Doug is still speeding, and the cop pulls him over. Hey, if my car took up the whole road and no one else was on it, I’d pay no attention to the speedometer either. And apparently the cop knows him well enough that he addresses Doug by name without asking for his license. Yes its just a friendly warning, but if I’m Tom I’m a little nervous that Doug converses with policemen on a regular basis. In other words, he speeds regularly in his GTO, on or off the racetrack.

P2 the 2 boys seem way closer to each other then should be normal in a car like that. Obviously Doug couldnt pay for extra width in his 2nd car.

The cop not only has on a tie, which I never see on cops around here, but his outfit is a bit colorful for a policemans; he looks like he’s ready to enter a race himself. All he needs is a Pennzoil label above his breast pocket and he’s good to go.

December 11, 2020

Aliens landing

Cant believe a whole week later and I’m AGAIN describing the last game of the season. Like shooting a dead horse to put it out of its misery, the Larks manage to run out the clock instead of risking a heroic pass like Dickhead Lineman suggests in the huddle. But they take so long to end the season that alien ships have time to get to earth and pull them all into orbit, never to be seen again.

If you think I’ll miss these morons, you got another one coming. Good riddance. Hope they took Gil with em too. Hows that Delaware T gonna look on Mars, Gildo??

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