This Week in Milford

March 17, 2018

Look Out Marty, ‘Cause I’m Using Technology


As has been pointed out in yesterday’s comments, this arc is becoming less and less about two Puerto Rican high schoolers’ adjustments to life post-Hurricane Maria and more and more about how the people around them react to them.  Ernie from My Three Sons Duncan and Karina are getting more character development than Jorge and Paloma at this point. Duncan is suddenly becoming a broadcaster and Karina is growing a ginormous man hand. I’m calling recycled art on that paw.

Meanwhile Marty finally gets confronted by someone at WDIG other than the sales guy. Is he the station manager or somebody else in a position of authority over Marty? If so, why is he just now calling Marty out about his mouth when he’s been doing his derogatory schtick for several games now? And why would Marty assume (a) he has any listeners (b) those listeners love him (c) that objecting to his schtick is somehow “P.C.”?

I still maintain that if Milford was anything other than 1959 with cell phones, Marty would have been buried in a tweetstorm as soon as he overpronounced Jorge’s name during the game after Karina and Duncan visited him and would’ve been at least suspended and more than likely fired.  Whatevs; I’m looking forward to the first installment of Mudlark hoops starring Duncan Levin, livestreamed over tin cans and sponsored by Los Morenos (who boycotted WDIG).

I had to scrap my first draft title for today’s post because I used it once already. Here’s the inspiration for its replacement:


February 15, 2018

Nevertheless, He Persisted


Boy, is Rubin laying it on thick with Marty or what? P1: Karina already pronounced Jorge’s first name correctly; Marty blatantly ignores her and tells her to talk to the cardboard hand behind his cardboard back.  P2: Marty throws out an excuse for mispronouncing Jorge’s name on the fly, which just serves to make him look even more ignorant. (Note that this is a complete 180 from Uncle Gary’s attempt to make Rick Soto more marketable.) P3: Marty then puts his feet up on the desk and shows the kids the soles of his feet, a gesture considered the height of rudeness in many parts of the world.

I appreciate the naiveté Rubin has built into the Karina Hartley character. I’m sure she’s meant to be nervous about confronting Marty, which is why Silent Duncan Levin is along for the ride. I’d have picked Rick Soto, myself, since he knows a thing or two about concussions and is probably better-equipped to deliver one to Marty. Duncan appears to be another name-dropped lawyer in the pantheon of Neal’s name-droppings, and one with a pretty stellar CV. Maybe he’s here to teach Marty a little bit about asset forfeiture.

I also appreciate the naive tack these two have taken to trying to set Marty straight. Approaching the offending speaker directly is the polite way to go about it, but not the most likely one in today’s climate. Since it looks like it’s gonna be ineffective, I expect Nina, Silent Duncan, Paloma and the rest of the Milford Politically Aware Contingent® to go after Marty the way they might have in the first place: with articles in the Milford Trumpet and Milford Star (by going to Marjie Ducey with the story), with protest posters at the games (worked on Ryan Van Auken, didn’t it?), and with a violent Tweetstorm. What kind of tweets do you all think would take Marty down? I’ll throw out a few hashtags:




February 10, 2018

I tried to sing along, But damn that radio guy


Alright alright alright! Let’s settle in and get ready for the write-in/call-in/March on WDIG to get Marty Moon canned! I’m a little surprised Knit Cap Girl hasn’t traded in her black knit cap for a pink one with ears. Maybe it’s actually a ski mask and she’s gonna roll it down over her face, tuck her hair up in it, march over to the station and take Marty hostage. Maybe she can cover that foam pointy finger (no way that’s a real finger, it has no joints) with it and pretend it’s a gun. Maybe her face will be rendered in three dimensions by the time we’re done with this scene.

Now, where’s that Dafne Dafoe when you need her?

Post title inspiration from these guys, whose name we were tossing around day before yesterday. (BTW, shout out to TWIMer Jive Turkey for hipping me to Local H.)

February 1, 2018

In Control, Until They’re Not


Okay, nothing too out of the ordinary to start off with today.  New Small Mudlark Jorge Padilla gets vertical and grabs a board. Gil sticks with his hyphenated game plan and Milford gets the W.  Playing at higher altitudes didn’t give La Junta the advantage at presumably closer to sea level and oxygen richer Milford. Maybe it was the size-shifting basketball that gave them trouble.  They have a long train ride ahead of them.

Panel 3 provides us our Whisky Tango Foxtrot moments of the day. This was a home game, and Milford has banners. How long have they been there? When was the last time we saw a Milford hoops team win the Valley, or anything more? And what’s with that out-of-control, writhing mass of humanity? I need to post up the color version to try to sort them out.


Who are these people? Is that Jorge doing the jazz hands thing in the back? Where’s Aaaaron Aaaagard? Being so much taller than the rest you’d think he’d stand out. Is that Big Ken Brown, still with the team front and center? Who is this freakishly large guy at front right, and what is he doing to front-and-center guy’s left arm? Looks like he’s trying to break it. I’m throwing the Recycled Art tag on him; his profile looks an awful lot like the generic Whigham everyguy profile. Heck, the whole panel just looks like Whigham cut and pasted every rando player he’s drawn for the past few years, with no regard for scale, proportion and perspective.

December 21, 2017

I Need to JO


Jo Dawg, I heard you like joe so I put “JO” on your joe mug so you can read “JO” while you drink joe



Well, the talk on the street
Says you coach Rick Soto
This brother of mine
Says he shouldn’t play no mo’

I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
If you think he shouldn’t play
Then you better say so
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
Because I don’t know who’s wrong, him or my son
If I’m needin’ to wait, if I’m needin’ a spine
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)

Who would’ve thought that
I’d listen to this guy?
I’ll be right back
I gotta call Dubai

I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
If you think he oughta play
Then you better say so
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
Because I don’t know who’s wrong, him or my son
If I’m needin’ to wait, if I’m needin’ a spine
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)

*apologies to the late great TP

Wish I knew how to get my thumb to migrate to the other side of my palm like Gil has. He must be double-jointed and Hungarian.

December 12, 2017

Thank Goodness She Didn’t Refer To Friday’s Game As A Match


So does anyone ever wonder if Uncle Gary arrived in Milford as a level headed, vaguely successful professional but, after a few days of drinking the local unfiltered tap water, he morphed into this?  Just me? OK.

Minus points: What sort of quasi-Australopithecene noggin is the erstwhile Dr. Joane Gerstner, M.D., displaying on that chart there? That, coupled with her game retort to Crazy Uncle Gary, raises more questions than have been answered (i.e., that Little Ricky definitely, almost positively doesn’t have a concussion-in-fact-they-(concussions)-are-not-even-really-so serious-so-why-would-we-even-need-to-look-at-that-baseline-testing-we-established-earlier-in-the-arc?)

Again, I leave this here.

Bonus Point? The detail on the radiological waste bin warning sticker.

Edited to add this:

October 21, 2017

They’ve Got Prairie Style Windows in Omaha, Too?

October 20, 2017


I got the spirit (Hey!)

It’s in my locker (Hey!)

A bottle of vodka (Hey!)

And if we win (Hey!)

We get some gin (Hey!)

And if we lose (What?)

We get no booze (Aww!)

And if we tie… (Yeah?)

We still get high! (Woo!)

— an actual chant by teenchy’s high school football team, long ago and far away

Uncle Gary just doesn’t get it. Win or lose, shared goals and camaraderie are two important lessons that can be learned from playing team sports.  In recognizing that, the teenaged Rick Soto shows himself to be far more mentally mature than his cardboard cutout shyster of an uncle. We haven’t seen team player behavior like that from a Milford athlete since True Standish, The Golden Child, let Jarrod Hale score the winning touchdown in the state championship game. So ease up, Uncle Gary; Rick might just be lining up his future roadies for when he hits it big on the Midwestern fraternal organization open mike night tour. He hasn’t even been concussed yet.  That dubious honor looks like it might fall to…

October 21, 2017


… Mike “Don’t call Me Castle” Fillllllllllllion. Well here’s a surprise – a strip featuring neither Rick Soto nor Uncle Gary but Gil flexing his old school jockocrat muscles (and his right arm with two elbows) by pulling his QB out of this unknown teacher’s class.  I can see Filion’s eyes clouding up already – oh, wait, they’re just exploding.  Making a kid nervous by yanking him out of class then telling him to relax is just the kind of mind game you’d expect from a coach whose one trick on the season is putting a linebacker in at fullback. Wonder if Gil’s gonna tell Mike that Pelwecki’s getting some reps under center next week?

September 30, 2017

Before the Concussion Protocol, the Tackle-Eligible Protocol


If you watched last Thursday night’s Packers-Bears game you no doubt saw one of the  dirtiest hits in recent memory. Even if you disagree with that assessment Danny Trevathan’s hit on Davante Adams did not separate Adams’ head from his body, as Oakwood #24’s head appears to have been done by his own teammate. I reckon if I my head separated from my body I’d stiffen eventually, too. Gil’s left palm has also stiffened as he shouts out instructions to his team and introduces us to another of his players. The backup guard may be named for a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any number of people but is not a member of Split Enz or Crowded House. You’d think he might not want Oakwood to hear that, wouldn’t you?

Downpuppy, you called it! Three yards and a cloud of hair grease as The No Longer So Secret Pelwecki pounds it up the middle.  But wait: wasn’t Pelwecki wearing #11 in practice just a few days ago? Gil should know that players with uniform numbers between 50 and 79 are ineligible receivers in US high school football. They can, however, run or pass the ball so Pelwecki’s okay wearing the same #55 he wore last season (yay continuity!), at least on this play. Will Gil’s brand of smashmouth football win the game and send his players home? And will any of them get a concussion in the process? Stay tuned!

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