This Week in Milford

January 11, 2020

Now Featuring The Incredible Shrinking “GIL” Mug

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After a week of actual action and actual coaching in practice, we were overdue for some actual off-court wackiness in Milford. Where else would we have expected it than the teachers’ lounge?

Today’s strip finds Gil with a horribly dislocated hip and holding a stack of papers with what looks like a pile of French fries. Cue this MHS administrative type lady coming to him with news of player grades, presumably in his role as AD. Would this have not mattered more at the beginning of the season, when grades might determine eligibility? Or does Milford have some arcane rule that if your grades start dropping, you get kicked off the team?  That might explain the underachievement all these years.

Now what is it about Alexa’s academic issues that has caused Gil’s head to bobble and his coffee mug to shrink? Could it be that Mimi’s sudden emphasis on her playing offense has Alexa distracted from the books? Or was it Mimi’s playing grab-ass and the thoughts of blowing the whistle that have shaken her? Maybe Miss Watson is tired of the computer/virtual assistant jokes and is thinking that tanking a few grades may make those jokes go away. There’s never a good reason for sabotaging your chances of leaving a tank town, so the latter is kind of doubtful.

January 8, 2020

Susan Gets the Cherries, Alexa Gets the Pits

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What else do Alexa Watson and Chris Schuring have in common besides being in competition for Milford High valedictorian? A reluctance to take shots, apparently.  If not for the media relations director of the National Cherry Festival (at least I think that’s who she is; fits Rubin’s MO of Pure Michigan shout-outs), the Lady Mudlarks might not have been able to hang on to beat the Lady Raiders.

Phoebe manages to elude the disembodied fist threatening to bonk her on the head to deliver the message to Alexa. Dunno if that was spontaneous or if Mimi planted that bug in her ear. Pulling kids out of class for 20 minutes then making them dress out and stand in front of her while she lectures them is not a Mrs. Coach Thorp thing, but if the Milford girls don’t start putting up more points Mimi may be forced to follow Gil’s lead and actually do a little coaching.

 

November 27, 2019

Hasn’t There Already Been an Investigation?

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Excuse me but haven’t Marjie, the superintendent and Captain Man Bun already investigated Ballardgate?  What’s left to investigate?  How about some of the details in today’s strip?

P1: How much squirming must it take to get your forearm in front of you to facepalm at that angle?  Careful Chet, you’ll poke your eye out.

P2: We’re on to the third day in a row where people are just reading Marjie’s article aloud to other people.  I can see why Gil looks a little pissy, especially since Mimi’s leaning over him to point at what she’s reading.  (Bet she’s one of those people whose lips move when they read to themselves.)  It’s enough to distract him from his carbo loading. Must have a heavy day of lifting with Kaz on the agenda.

P3 triggered a lot of childhood memories for me, as I remember fondly the day my father bought me a Howard Elston catcher’s mitt. Superintendent Elston looks like a lot of recycled art pasted together: Lee Corso’s head with Paulie Walnuts’ hair spliced atop a  torso Walt “No Neck” Williams style, an odd suit jacket with contrasting lapels and a pocket square but no necktie, and topped off with Whigham’s signature gesticulating hand.  He gets the “immediate” part of the investigation; not so sure about the “thorough” though, as he sends his female charge off with no real direction.

That’s all I have to say about that.  Tip of the hat to Rubin for reminding me of the first black Yankee and the man who had the unfortunate task of having to fill Yogi Berra’s shoes.

 

October 26, 2019

So You’re Telling Me There’s A… Aw, Never Mind

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Just in time to coordinate with the return of The Addams Family to theaters, we get a cameo from Thing in today’s strip. Don’t tell me that disembodied left hand in P1 belongs to Gil or Chance Macy’s grandpa.  Too small and far away to be grandpa’s, too close and at an impossible angle to be Gil’s. Wait, wasn’t grandma sitting in between them yesterday? Maybe that’s her hand and she’s telling her husband to lay off the cookies. Don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night with heartburn, not when you have this whodunit to keep you up instead.

This could wrap up PDQ if Marjie saved the odd voicemail and Gil gives it a listen (or, as robmize pointed out yesterday, simply reverse looks up the number). He’d recognize that it was Chet Ballard from the Tiki Jansen fiasco* and the rest would be history. Still, that’d be too quick, wouldn’t it?

From the sound of things, Gil’s not gonna change his game plan as a result of the anonymous tip. It’ll be left to Chet to seek other means to discredit Chance, maybe by trying to make him “blowtop mad.” If this leads to Ballard childlishly taunting Chance on the sidelines then being thrown bodily out of the stadium by Kaz, it will have at least been worth a few laughs.

 

*Which would have made more sense in hindsight had Charlie Roh been a safety and not a running back.

 

 

September 21, 2019

Talk to the Hands, Maybe

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Chance Macy: introvert, or just antisocial?

Bob “Kaz” Kazinski: actual coach, or Gil’s Boy Friday?

Gil “Gil” Thorp: protective of his players, or control freak media manipulator?

Hey, Rubin can write a cryptic strip, why can’t we post cryptic blog posts?

At least the Chief can indulge his hand fetish illustrating this little tête-à-tête. Either Gil has six fingers on his left hand or one of them’s his thumb peeking from between the others. Both Gil and Kaz look to have overdeveloped right hands, IYKWIMAITYD.

 

 

August 31, 2019

The Milford Playbook: Student Body Left

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Just when we think we’re getting a deeper dive into the blended Ballard/Roh family dynamic, quick cut to Marjie in Gil’s office getting the roster rundown she should’ve been getting last week when everyone was stuffing their face with sloppy joes. What’s up with Marjie’s manicure? Did she tell the nail technician to paint everything but her lunulae? And how many left elbows does she have such that she can line that notepad up directly under her right hand?

That Finn kid getting sick gave Gil enough time to think up witty repostes to divert attention from the fact his team’s gonna suck and he can’t coach them to play any better. Maybe the Mudlarks need a motivational speaker to come talk to them. One like “Teen Expert and Motivational Speaker” Gabe Salazar. After namedropping Salazar, Gil spouts doublespeak and practically dares Marjie to write anything negative. At least he doesn’t outright insult Marjie the way he did Marty; maybe those sloppy joes were insult enough.

Added new tag “Peering Over Eyeglasses” since that’s what everybody in the Thorpiverse who wears them does with them. It may take a while before we can retroactively tag every instance.

July 31, 2019

Meet the Flemings

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Just in time for the dog days of summer, this dog of a strip. This right here is some boring stuff.

That’s Reid Fleming, World’s Toughest Milkman and his dad, former NBA point guard Vern, on the receiving end of a Hadley deposition that’s not a deposition. Too bad dad Fleming isn’t actually Vern, ’cause Hadley could’ve let Jaquan tag along and have quality time with him. He does earn the Pantheon of Hair tag for that luxurious nostril hair he’s artfully groomed into a mustache.

Trying really hard to figure out the number and location of Hadley’s elbow joints such that she can get her hand that close to her shoulder and at that precise angle to roll up and flick a booger at the Flemings. Also trying to figure out why Papa Fleming shushed Leonard when he said the Mudlarks need Tiki. Is Leonard implying that Milford needs to attract players from other schools in order to field a competitive team? Given how much effort the Coaches Thorp and their assistants have put into developing and coaching up talent compared to the instant impact transfer students have made on their respective teams, I’d say the answer is a qualified “yes.”

June 21, 2019

Catch of the century.

Filed under: actual action, anatomically implausible, lessons learned, Mimi Thorp, softball — robmize2013 @ 6:36 pm

Are you kidding? A sure home run is snared out of the sky by a player who had to have Flubber in her shoes. Her back to the field, she jumps at least 2 feet in the air, timing her leap perfectly as she  backhands the ball into her mitt and  apparently slams into the fence hitting her midsection square. No way her momentum doesnt cause her to topple over the fence, which would mean its a home run, but somehow she stays in the field, and shows the ice-cream cone proudly. All I can say is – Wow. I never saw a high school play like that.  Nice looking arms too.

All you can do in this instance is tip your cap, and there’s no reason for the Milford girls to be so sour. They just practically had a parade for you for winning the conference despite all the distractions, and now your down because that CATCH beat you? Great job, both teams. Go enjoy your summer and all will be forgotton in 2 weeks.

Next time we see that Wellington girl will be in the NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

 

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