This Week in Milford

August 26, 2017

Today’s Guest Writer: Bob Dole

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Why else would we have all this third-person navel gazing?

Jaquan is 30.  If we’re to believe the narrative, he’s been in the NBA for about eight seasons.  Next LeBron or not, he could still earn a pretty damn good living, even at the league minimum – enough to fill his giant paws with tiny water bottles for years to come. Does he want to quit pro sports altogether, get an M.Ed., and become a high school history teacher and basketball coach?  With that atrophied right thigh and messed up ankle, he could be a lot closer to that reality than he thinks.

From the Dept. of Regional Accents: Reading P2 makes me wonder if Heather isn’t originally from New Orleans.

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August 24, 2017

Or Is the NBA Tired of You?

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“Must be nice. When I was 18 I was fending off ‘consulting’ from washed-up 30-year-old hoopsters. At least you might’ve made some money off the deal.”

I really feel like something’s been missing from this whole arc: the arc of Jaquan’s NBA career. We know he had star potential BITD, but is he going from 10-day contract to 10-day contract now?  Do the Sixers Trust the Process enough to not even touch him?

Since when did Heather get a set of delts like Jaquan’s?  They weren’t there yesterday.  Did they pop out when her neck got longer?  Stay on model, Whig!

 

August 23, 2017

I’m Starting To Wonder How He Got His BA In Three Years…

Filed under: Bare Midriffs, general nonsense, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 7:52 am

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Back up a second or two, Jaquan. You may be crazy to consider the NFL (you totally are), but first the NFL, or personnel decision makers therein, would have to be absolutely bonkers to consider you. Anyway, let’s run through today’s panels.

P1: Who says cc instead of country club? Regardless, that is a classic Gil move.

P2: Least structured knee rehab ever… also, has anyone in the history of forever said the phrase ‘Say, you’re Switzerland in all this’?

P3: Heather clearly hasn’t learned from the master, Gil, that running is for the trainee, not the trainer.

August 22, 2017

Taking Jaquan For A Ride

Filed under: ?, Bare Midriffs, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Mimi Thorp — timbuys @ 7:54 am

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P1: Also, he’s in his early thirties or so. Perfect time to jump into the pros.

P2: He may be out of the league, but I would like to put True’s proposition to the test.

P3: Yep, everyone is just standing around listening to this dumb conversation.

June 29, 2017

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dafne

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It’s been over a month and a half since the Milford softball girls have seen any action, so at least one of them is hoping to see some off the field.  Turns out Carrie had better save that sliding for the softball diamond, if she ever gets back there. Pissy faced Gary is just not into her.

Meanwhile in the kitchen the unwanted advances are fixin’ to swap genders. Dafne raises a dainty pinky and flashes some midriff as she reaches for the pause that refreshes, whilst Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso tries to figure out when and where to put his shot. Unlike poor misguided Carrie, Dafne has the journalistic talent to turn the episode into something print-worthy.  Her grand return to the Trumpet will read along the lines of “I got hit on last week. You know who else got hit on, too? Ryan Van Auken’s ex-girlfriend!” Naw, it’ll be more like “I almost gave someone at Milford High unwanted attention, and now that I’ve gotten unwanted attention too, I can empathize and will now shut my trap.”

June 28, 2017

So, Are They Just Going To Stand There In The Kitchen With Their Drinks?

Filed under: Bare Midriffs, Chunky Bracelets, general nonsense — timbuys @ 9:06 am

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Panel one: That sound bar thing is pretty groovy.

Panel two: Try not to spend too much time with what’s going with Carrie and Gary’s respective postures.

Panel three:  I already used my panel three ‘joke’ such as it is so I will simply compliment the Caruso’s on their lovely tile backsplash.

June 14, 2017

The Full Story

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Panel two is nearly the full Milford… Prairie style windows? Check. Freak hands? Check. Chunky Bracelets? Check. The rare bare midriff? Check. If only Dafne was registering her dismay with a case of EES, we’d have perfection.

Bonus pat myself on the back: I have continued to avoid the temptation to make a Risky Business joke based on Ms. Rizk’s name…

February 25, 2017

Marginally Adequate, Unlike This Plot

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Good grief, now Rubin’s really phoning it in. So tempted to do the same but you all have been pretty kind to me since my return so, gentle readers, I must make the effort. I do appreciate the rabbit hole of old candy bar ads yesterday. I don’t remember Chocolatey Pay Days very well, but Pay Days themselves were pretty popular where I grew up. Then again I grew up in a part of the country where people were wont to throw salted peanuts in a bottle of Coke or Pepsi so there’s that.

It would be nice if “marginally adequate” was defined, especially given that no other Mudlark’s stats have been mentioned. It would be “marginally adequate” to tell us who Milford’s opponents were and the game result, but I guess if your only goal is to show us that a couple of nosy parker players have turned their coach into a nosy parker then, hey, mission accomplished. Also, mighty nice of Gil and Mimi to leave the house to get their drink on once in a while. No probs hiding a flask in the jacket pocket to sneak into the Coffee Cantina.

My highlight of the day: back dimples on raver at P1, lower left. She’s gone all Mardi Gras in her party bra on us. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

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