Color Me Inconsistent

Yesterday and Thursday it was Zane changing outfits from one panel to the next (not to mention Katy’s eyes changing from blue to brown). Before that, it was Mama Brito’s constantly color-changing hair. Today it’s the always-red Mudlarks in black and chartreuse. There’s a lack of institutional control in the Thorpiverse and it’s throwing everyone for a loop. Hell, even Marty’s so pissed that his notebook is bleeding out onto his shirt and he’s karate chopping his pencil. Then again, his sippy cup’s nowhere to be seen so he might just be having a case of the DTs.

The Mudlarks have apparently traveled to Austin, Texas, to face Crockett. (There are no doubt other Crockett Highs; as this one hasn’t been identified by nickname yet, I reserve the right to come back and edit this post.) After his shaky bullpen outing, Zane Clark has somehow earned a right to a start, and he almost immediately goes all Robin Roberts Max Scherzer and gives up a gopher ball. He’s not throwing strikeouts like Mad Max, unfortunately.

Gil and Kaz laugh this off Bull Durham style. Surprised Kaz didn’t make a crack about the ball having a stewardess.

They must figure if Zane digs a hole early, he can’t blow a lead.

Seriously, though. There has got to be someplace that still runs this strip in black and white, doesn’t there?

If There’s a Celebration at The Bucket and There’s No One There to Hear It, Does It Make a Sound?

Boy that was some post-game celebration, huh? Weren’t you just waiting for Corina to go off the rails on Tessi’s lack of defensive skills then throw a milkshake at her? Yeah, me too. This chipper demeanor and lack of a salty comeback to even the most innocent of questions makes me think that she’s been secretly replaced with Folger’s Crystals…

… except that the question here may not be so innocent. Doug Guthrie has been one of the biggest red herrings in a Gil Thorp arc in recent memory. All that car talk – the hot-ass Tri-Power GTO, the speeding through Milford in a Jeep only to be let off the hook by a cop because his old man teaches pursuit driving skills to the Milford blues, the kart racing that took precedent over playing basketball until it didn’t – where did it all lead to? The Mudlark boys sucked no matter if Doug suited up or not. So how, exactly, does Chekhov’s Gearhead fit into this plot?

His “devious conspiracy” probably has little to do with rigging elections, kidnapping governors or spiking the water supply. No, most likely Doug’s gonna get Corina to take Vic Doucette out on a pre-prom date to get his tux fitted while Doug and his dad pimp Vic’s ride. Just how much pimpin’ can get done during that time remains to be seen.

One And Done

The Lady Mudlarks were no match for Burr and Burton Academy. Burr and Burton are moving on and the Milford squad has to take a morose bus ride back to Tank Town (but not before Mimi Thorp has to plaster a smile on her face to shake hands with the smug faced coach of B&B).

Mimi is adamant that the team must celebrate at The Bucket because they had a great season. (Did they? I didn’t notice. billy can fill us in later.) So Mimi can’t be bothered to go to The Bucket, but she will drive by after she picks up a couple boxes of wine and a carton of Ring Dings from Costco.

Playin’ Burr, Sir!

Off to Vermont we go where we find the Lady Mudlarks playing a team that would seem better suited to be a rival of St. Fabian’s. (Burr and Burton’s most famous alumnus is Bill W.) The Chief has drawn Neal’s buddy at the Detroit News pretty accurately and has her throwing no-look passes and setting fruity picks. (Meanwhile, Louis C.K. is picking up the scraps of his career in stripes, though doing it a girls’ basketball games isn’t the best look.) “Toyota” Cressa Baxter’s efforts are quickly for naught as Milford quickly begins to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory… and oh, look at whose feet Rubin has chosen to lay the defeat: this season’s designated heel and shallow girl. Doesn’t take much to imagine a conversation like this:

Pardon me.
Are we playin’ Burr, sir?

…and Burton. Who’s asking?

Oh, well, sure, sir
Tessi “The Contessa” Milton, I’m at your service, sir
I have been looking for you

I’m getting nervous…

Sir…
I play the game at Milford.
I was seeking some attention for the Lady Mudlarks
When I got sort of out of sorts with a buddy of Doug’s.
I may have teased him. It’s a blur, sir.
He handles the announcements?

You teased Vic Doucette.

Yes!
I wanted him to call for us.
Rile up the crowd, then give us silly nicknames.
He looked at me like I was date bait; I’m no prom date!
So why’m I so bad? Why ride in his grandpa van?

You shouldn’t flirt with nerdy boys just ’cause you can.

I’m a player. Of course, I’m a player!
God, I wish that I could score
Then I could prove that I’m worth more than Corina Karenna (whore!)

Want to hear what I think?

That would be nice

While we’re talking
Let me offer you some free advice.
Shoot less.

What?

Block more.

Huh.

Don’t lead on that kid Vic Doucette; he’ll go with four.

You can’t be serious!

You wanna get ahead?

Yes –

Girls who can’t play defense will get read.

Time to Tidy

We’ve come to that time in the arc where there’s a week, maybe two left and Rubin has to hastily come up with a way to tie all his little subplots neatly together. Multiple games are condensed into a single strip and the outcomes are told, not shown. Everybody’s little personality traits get lip service whether or not they actually advance the plot. A pun, a smirk, and a freeze frame exit down a corridor, then it’s on to the next season.

Yesterday’s seemingly random three panels are a prime example. So little ink has been spent on actual sports action this winter that only then did we get a hint that the Lady Mudlarks have a coach are in contention to win the Valley. Given how often Milford teams have lost the Valley through crazy flukes, it’s about time that a conference rival has defeat snatched from the jaws of victory – even if it’s completely via exposition. Marjie Ducey apparently had enough free time on her hands to call Mimi and inform her of Madison’s choke job at Oakwood; did she do the same today for their meltdown against weaksauce Valley Tech? Oh wait: it wasn’t Madison that melted down, it was Mimi’s face! Didn’t need Marjie to make that obvious.

The Lady Mudlarks’ on-court success has come in spite of being less than harmonious off-court. (Well, I guess if you can say the entire team vs. one player isn’t harmonious.) Milford’s version of the Bronx Zoo has won despite that one player’s lack of defense, so it may be safe to say that while Tessi Milton may not be the straw that stirs the Mudlark drink, she’s not the turd in the punch bowl either. That role falls on Co-co-rina who, as the self-styled Greek chorus and observer of Tessi’s every flaw, would probably be cast as the Sparky Lyle of the group. Now if only she’d sit bare-assed on her teammates’ birthday cakes, that’d seal the analogy.

meta: Apologies for the late post: early and long day on the job.

Time for Some Whompin’ Action!

**THIS IS THE SATURDAY POST**

The Lady Mudlarks go all West Virginia Ninja on Oakwood…

… but not before dropping some heavy hints on now-designated Shallow Girl Tessi Milton.

I’ve admired Whigham’s shot-blocking artwork in the past and here again, he delivers. I gotta say Becca’s stuff on that Oakwood girl is pretty sweet but how high is she that she can make that block with her arm out almost horizontally? Maybe the Oak is just that low – more like an acorn, amirite? In any event Milford gets the W though I wouldn’t exactly call six points a whompin’.

Minus the Contessa (hey, that’d make a good band name!), the Lady Mudlarks corral Vic at the announcer’s table. What’s next for young Mr. Doucette may be best left to the imagination, or at least until Monday. Will he roll up to the prom in his GMC Safari with a harem posse? Stay tuned…

Mayor Tessi? We’re all in

More questions from Vic about Tessi to Doug, and he supplies more nonsense as he infers that a high school girl who plays hoops is the mayor of Milford. I think a while back I made a list of ‘mayors’.. Harry Carey of Rush Street, Hank Sauer of Wrigley Field, etc. (if I find the link I’ll insert it later) but those people had some chops. Tessi?? A mayor?? Of ‘That town’? Doug musta breathed too many exhaust fumes lately and its affecting his cognitive thinking.

So if Doug is saying Vic is not shallow, or as shallow, he’s saying that Tessi IS shallow. So how is she also a mayor? I thought mayors were… deep. Meaning, having enough leadership skills to influence people. How the hell would you elect a shallow mayor? I wanna say Tessi is closer to a dumb blond then any kind of mayor, but Doug knows her better then I do, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but suffice it to say this situation is just overblown. And P2 gives us another plot angle that we dont need. Just spit it out Doug– if she dont like him, thats that. Pour your coffee and move on to someone else– there’s plenty of others.

P3 gives us a phrase that has been said by the following people:

1. A player in Texas Hold Em who is putting all his chips on one hand to either stay in the game or be eliminated. He either has a cant miss hand or he’s down to so few chips he must play them. I know the feeling.
2. A bar owner on an episode of Bar Rescue who mismanaged his bar so badly that he wound up quitting the job before the bar could be rescued. His pet phrase was “All In”. John Taffer was so sick of hearing All In he said he would walk out if it was said again.
3. Illinois governor JB Pritzker, who came up with the phrase to emphasize his stay at home order early in the pandemic. He said “We’re all in in Illinois.” Meaning everyone was inside, all the time. Which was nonsense. Like most of what else he said.

So we wait to find out what the girls mean by the phrase. Those who have peeked at the Saturday strip may have an idea.

Done and Dusted? Not Yet

Between the four members of our TWIM blogger rotation and our astute readers, we’ve dissected the character of Corina Karenna six ways from Sunday. Suffice it to say that any sympathy the hive mind may have had for her once her backstory was revealed during the spring and summer 2020 arcs dissipated in the fall as quickly as the Nats’ hopes of defending their 2019 World Series title. By painting her as some kind of voice of unvarnished truth, Rubin has also painted a corner for her in which she fits nicely: as the bearer of unvarnished truths no one else at Milford High would rather deliver. Need someone to tell somebody something they need to hear ’cause you don’t have the guts to tell them yourself? Go get Corina! She lives to burst people’s bubbles and besides, no one likes her anyway!

Having been so anointed, Corina is now compelled to report back to the troops on the outcome of her little mission. Is this happening at practice, or during a game? In either case, wouldn’t Tessi be there too? Rubin, if you’re reading this (and we’re already getting strong hints that you are), please let this devolve into the kind of hair-pulling slapfest of a catfight the readership has been longing for for some time. We’d even be okay with you assigning seconds. That limp-wristed girl down in front with the hand as long as her forearm would be a good stand-in.

Quick cut to the Coffee Cantina and a really awkward POV across the bow of an anonymous coffee drinker to the “he said” side of this subplot. Doug and Vic agree on the weakness of Tessi’s blowoff but then Doug throws Vic the hanging curveball (wait, wrong season, wrong sports metaphor; how about “gives Vic the lane for an easy lay-up”?). Vic’s reply will likely fall along the lines of “Tessi’s the first girl to actually speak to me,” at which point Doug will either point out either (a) there are other fish in the sea or (b) why not just ask someone who’s not interested in girls but has expressed an interest in your van? At that point Doug’s and Vic’s eyes will lock over a steaming hot latte and we’ll get a plot twist no one saw coming.