Somebody Could’ve Used a Magic Peacock

Admit it, gentle readers: Unless you’re a fan of one of the other remaining teams in the Big Dance, you’re all St. Peter’s fans now. March Madness has its own magic peacocks this year, and they have nothing to do with an imagined reincarnation of a player’s recently deceased sibling. Not the Catholic university in North Jersey anyone would have expected to shine in the tournament, is it? Always great to see a Cinderella in March, and yet another reminder that it’s easier for schools to be competitive in college basketball that they can be in college football.

It’s also something to talk about besides this arc-ender that feels like a mistake. This story feels like it should have ended yesterday, with these two mooks hanging Pranit Smoothie upside down by his ankles in front of a stunned home crowd an emptied-out gym. (A shame Pranit Rock couldn’t have them doing the same to his welchers. It would’ve made more sense than that cockamamie bunch of lies he cooked up.) Betcha Gil wasn’t expecting his hired muscle to flex on his own teammates.

Reading today’s strip give me the feeling that Rubin & Whigham intended yesterday’s strip to be the last in the arc, then realized that they had not only counted the days incorrectly but also forgot to end it with their signature touches:

Lame joke? Check!

Main character exiting through doorway? Check!

Awkward high-five/fist bump? Check!

Jazz hands? Check!

Hey, did anybody notice they’re playing baseball again? With more wacky rules to make the game more attractive to the attention-span challenged? Wonder how Rubin will approach the season. Another spunky, talented out-of-towner moves to Milford and joins the Mudlarks? The team rallies around a stuffed animal or some other superstitious good luck charm? A slight infraction leads to the benching of a star player until the last game of the season, when nothing’s on the line? What’s the over/under on any of these happening?

See you Monday to find out where it all starts. Until then, go Peacocks!

Thats all folks!

What a crock of crap this Prannit is. Did we really need a followup to yesterdays explanation of his collected bet money? I half expected all the money to fall out of his pockets when they flipped him upside down. When I was a kid our dad had a friend who would stand on his head and a bunch of change would fall out of his pockets, and we kids could scoop it up.

So he had to be dishonest to get people to be honest. Sheesh. Why would they give a crap whether he could go to school or not?? YOU CAN PAY SOMEONE ANYWHERE! Why does it necessarily have to be on school property?

And I thought he was just suspended from the basketball team, not from school, period. Big difference.

AND — he’s a dope for not collecting the damn money in the first place. Why make everything so difficult?

And who said anything about “all these poker sites” before? I thought it was SportsDuke or nothing. Another piece of BS from Mister BS.

And if any of these morons who didnt pay him before had a brain, they wouldnt believe his story about listing names on a betting website, because THERE IS NO SUCH LISTING ON ANY OF THESE WEBSITES NOR HAS THERE EVER BEEN!

Take this guy to the woodshed stat.

A Good Season? Guess We’ll Have to Take Gil’s Word for It

Boy that Hollis sure took some tough stands, didn’t she? Calling out teammates who sipped hard seltzer and twisting Mimi’s arm to get more playing time and fluff up her resume was tough. Speaking of tough stands, tough guy Gil finally eases up on Pranit Hollywood when nothing’s on the line…

… or at least we’re being led to think that. A quick scan of the game results and I see Milford’s at 4-2, 2-2 in the conference, with 1 unknown outcome.* More than one conference loss usually implies no playdowns, so it’s safe to say the Mudlarks are playing out the string. And of course Milford was out of it because Pranit didn’t play. No one ever steps up for Milford.

Now, with nothing on the line and Kaz pulling the baseball gear out of storage, Gil relents and lets Pranit Smoothie back in the game. A meaningless win, some platitudes for the next two days, a lame joke on Saturday, and then time to pound that Budweiser hit the old batting cage. Wonder if Pranit will ever collect on the gambling debts owed him. Guess we’ll have to wait and see if he shows up for baseball with all his limbs intact.

What a wasted use of Marty this season. No way he wouldn’t have gotten word of Pranit’s suspension and run with it like a drunk with scissors. Even the Chief is phoning it in. He’s put Tevin’s head on Gordon Achebe’s Ted Kluszewskiesque body.

* The season so far:

@ All Saints W, 57-56

Redford W, 60-54

Jefferson L

Goshen W (“a bounce back”)

@ New Thayer W (“comfortable”)

@ Madison ???

Central L, 58-60 (notice how a three would’ve won it? Pranit the implied scapegoat)

Poke Sallet Cressa*

Late in the day and I don’t see Rob’s Friday post so I will double up here. Apologies if I’m stepping on toes.

March 18, 2022

We’ve reached the point where Rubin realizes he didn’t pace the plot very well, so he crams multiple games into a single strip and makes it clear that no Milford team will make the playdowns. We’ve also reached a point where we realize that Whigham can’t draw lower body parts very well. Mimi has a case of the gone-ass while Central’s coach has stovepipes for legs and earrings that can be seen from orbit.

Knowing her team is playing out the string, Mimi has decided to play musical guards, with the previously maligned Maddie Bloom now taking the place of Cathy Sasaki in the backcourt. Cathy, ever the team snitch player, isn’t bothered by this. The only person this doesn’t seem to sit well with is…

March 19, 2022

… Cressa Baxter, who’s lucky Gil isn’t the Thorp coaching her team. That whole hard seltzer fiasco would’ve had her expelled and banished to Valley Mod, where she could’ve replaced Corina as the girl with a chip on her shoulder. And what exactly is the source of that chip? Did Cressa get passed over for a service academy appointment? Does she feel she should’ve been made captain over Hollis? Come on, Rubin, don’t leave us hangin’. Did Hollis ignore her when she was being bullied or something?

BTW, I know the song is “Polk Salad Annie” but the plant it’s made from is pokeweed and the actual dish is poke sallet. Learn more about preparing it without killing yourself here.

“Coaching”? Bwahahahaha! >snort<

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to post today’s strip but I can’t stop laughing at it. Will update directly. >snort<

Phew! That took longer than I thought.

Of all Milford’s rivals Valley Tech is always the chippiest, and the girl with the blue ponytail does her best to keep up that tradition. First with the reach-in, which begs the question: If someone fouls Hollis, does that make her a Talley whacker? Then, having heard all the on-court talk about Hollis being a selfish, bossy snitch, VT girl fires off a sarcastic fascist salute. Heil Hollis!

All that pales in comparison to the chef’s kiss that is the last panel. Acquiescing to a player’s request to change positions and, well, letting her succeed there is considered “coaching”? Pretty low bar to clear in Milford to be sure, but that’s no bar at all. Maybe Gil agrees and he’s the one being sarcastic.

Oh, and when was the last time you saw anyone play racquetball? For me, I think it was during Poppy Bush’s administration. Even then, everybody’s racquets had strings.

Even a Broken Coach Is Right Twice a Day

Today’s post title originally had something to do with hogs or squirrels, but I was informed that using that language is considered ableist. Suffice it to say that Mimi got lucky in Madison when Hollis stepped up and into the guard slot with some success. So what if some of her teammates are yapping about her cutting in on someone else’s playing time? That’s part of Mimi’s job – not the job of some first-year zoomie-in-waiting – to nip dissension in the ranks in the bud.

Besides lucky Mimi, everyone else in today’s strip appears to be some kind of rando. These two Lady Mudlarks in the foreground aren’t any we’ve been introduced to by name. They don’t seem too pissy about Hollis’ playing time or lack thereof; they just seem happy to have beaten Madison, even if their handclasp/high five/whatever seems a bit awkward.

This dark blonde/light brown-haired woman Mimi’s chatting to about Hollis’ game: gotta be Heather Burns, right? Who else would give a rat’s about how Hollis played and, what’s more, who else would Mimi give a rat’s to share her thoughts on Hollis’ game with? Hollis’ mom?

Not much else to add today since this is sort of an anti-cliffhanger. Nice set of posts by my fellow bloggers and nice, insightful comments by you gentle readers this week. Hope your team gets selected on Selection Sunday tomorrow. If not, hope they get selected for the NIT. If not, hope they find a decent replacement for their canned coach (at least that’s what I’m hoping).

Who wants some playing time?

Oh I just knew there’d be unrest on the team over a Coaches Decision. Playing time is dictated by ability and matchups. You play more when you face a team that cant handle your skill set. Doh.

But number 40 is worried about 3 other girls PT instead of worrying about Her game. Even better, she does it while she’s playing. P2 is weird to begin with, 2 players arent even looking at the ball as its being passed to someone off-panel, and Hollis’ arms are oddly placed as if she’s waiting for the Madison player to jump into them to lift her up like a cheerleader mount. And that basket right behind 40 better be Milfords, otherwise she’s passing up a chippie, and Hollis should be running the other way down the court instead of doing the cheerleader thing.

Then in P3 Hollis turns back into the forward she really is by going to the basket and (see above) using her skill set to make a play. Yeah I know guards go to the rim too (Exhibit A: Michael Jordan) but any defense with a brain would quickly switch assignments near the basket and defend Hollis more easily then this little guard is.

I read a book years ago about how girls basketball used to be played. It seems they used to play 6 on 6, but the guards could only play defense, and the game was basically a series of 3 on 3 matchups, with the half-court line being a divider that couldnt be crossed by anyone; you stayed on your side of the court the whole game, and a guard in those days would graduate with a lifetime scoring average of 0.0. It was in the days where it was thought too much exercise was bad for girls, so they mimimized running that way. Such primitive thinking that I’m glad has long been abolished. Anyone else remember that? Or was it just in certain states? Just some food for thought..

So we’ll see how Madison adjusts to the big guard going to the hole, and if Hollis isnt a forward, whoever is in her old position has to be shorter right? Then go at Milfords weakness.

A Growth Opportunity?

Gene Rayburn: “Self-anointed Captain Selfish Hollis Talley is so selfish…”

Studio audience: “How selfish is she?”

Gene Rayburn: “Self-anointed Captain Selfish Hollis Talley is so selfish, she asked Coach Thorp to [BLANK].”

Gary Burghoff: “She asked Coach Thorp to make everyone pass her the ball?”

Brett Somers: “She asked Coach Thorp to put a hard seltzer dispenser in the locker room.”

Charles Nelson Reilly: “She asked Coach Thorp to pass her the loofah in the shower.”

Patti Deutsch: “She asked Coach Thorp to make her assistant coach.”

Richard Dawson: “She asked Coach Thorp to put her on the rack.”

Betty White: “She asked Coach Thorp to move her to guard, even though she’s taller than most of her teammates, so that she could get experience at the position so that she could try out for the Air Force Academy basketball team.”

With that ultimate Frisbee crack, you think Rubin’s aiming for a crossover with Mary Worth?

(apologies to tdrew for using the Match Game schtick)