This Week in Milford

October 23, 2021

“I love the Delaware Wing-T. It is much better than ‘Cats.’ I’m going to run it again and again.”

Spiller invites Claxton to his place over to get hyp-mo-tized to fix a nonexistent problem. Teammates Serrano and Achebe come along for moral support, or material witness, or something.

Spiller brings Claxton out of his hypmotic state. Claxton is rested and ready. Satisfied with his results, Spiller is ready to leave. Can you imagine being so boring that you forget you’re in your own house?

Maybe Serrano will remind him, after raising the Whigham-required gratuitous finger. (Someone forgot to tell Serrano the correct phrase in Milford is “Ease up,” not “Hold up.”) What could be so crucial that Serrano needs to drag out this charade? Did Spiller forget to give Claxton a trigger word?

What word might that be? Have at it in the comments, gentle readers. Post title inspiration below.

October 9, 2021

#truerthantrue

When it comes to convos, does depressing beat boring? Tevin’s fixing to find out! He might’ve found Kianna depressing, but Chance Macy has already put the kid sitting next to him asleep before Tevin even showed up.

Let’s not mince words, gentle readers: as Milford sports stars come, Chance Macy has been a pretty boring one. Except for getting situationally mad and going off on a Tilden cheap-shot artist, he’s been completely low-key. The whole Charlie Roh/Chet Ballard thing barely fazed him, and nothing else has since.

Maybe that’s by design. Have we seen someone so explicitly anti-their own postsecondary educational and athletic futures since Golden Boy True Standish’s #gottabetrue campaign attempted to set the college recruiting machine on its ear? Why yes, I think we have. Just like Little Miss Fire Hydrant this past spring, Chance will have his future decided for him by his parent/guardian and a coach named Thorp.

I can only imagine Rubin keeps feeding us these aw-shucks types ’cause he imagines his GRIT-reading base eats ’em up like flapjacks, but for once I’d like to see a college prospect in the Thorpiverse whose approach falls somewhere between this faux humility and the Jaquan Case hype machine.

October 6, 2021

There’s a Certain Aurora Around Milford Volleyball

Tevin Claxton is either shaping up for a career in the diplomatic corps or one as a weatherman, as Boyd Spiller’s constant insults about his so-called “choking” roll off his back like so much rainwater. Time will tell if Claxton’s teammates will take up his case and put Spiller in his place (e.g., taped to a locker). How’s Gil gonna quash this dissent on the football team? He doesn’t have a spunky little libero to tease Boyd over to her house with the promise of her mama’s brownies this season.

Speaking of brownies and snack foods generally, where and when are Tevin and Gordon getting those post-game Blastos? Is this happening Friday night, on the way back from Kettering? Or is it happening early on Saturday, at the Milford Swifti-Mart? I don’t recall my high school sportsball activity bus stopping for food anywhere on the way back from a road game.

On to actual Saturday, early, where Mimi leads a busful of girls to something called “The Aurora Invitational – Powered by Coffee.TM” I suppose Coffee is the paid sponsor for the Aurora Invitational. That looks like Marty Moon’s sippy cup Mimi is clutching, so odds are there’s something else besides coffee in it. How she ended up with Marty’s cup would be a red herring worth exploring.

I’m assuming this is a volleyball thing? The girls are wearing Milford warmups so it’s nothing to do with gymnastics. The only volleyball Aurora Invitational I could find online was a tournament in Missouri over a decade ago. Pity it’s not in Illinois; Mimi could treat the girls to a round of Stan Mikita’s Donuts with that coffee.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c-LRR2cYqY

meta: Thanks to Ned, tdrew and rob for rearranging the deck chairs to cover for my absence on Saturday. Sorry so late with today’s post. Juggling too many things at work.

September 18, 2021

Minor Threat?

Filed under: actual action, big arms, football, Highlight reel, Oakwood — teenchy @ 6:53 pm

All action today with little dialogue to snark, so let’s get all Heather Burns-y and study the film.

P1: Where is #32’s thumb? It’s possible to carry the ball without one, but it’s a little awkward. Oakwood’s defender has Kaiser Wilhelm arms.

P2: Is the Mudlark blocker holding? Looks like he’s got a hand on that Tarheel Owl’s shoulder. The ballcarrier looks to be running into the block just the same.

P3: Chance Macy’s mailbag’s gonna get a lot smaller – and his calls to the office fewer – if he keeps toting that rock like that. Even those scrawny defenders will be able to strip that.

Today’s post title a nod not only to Chance Macy but to a longtime fixture on the DC punk scene.

August 28, 2021

He Made Her an Offer She Could Refuse

The transformation is well under way. Heather has swapped her slightly orange-tinged hair color for Marjie’s light blonde. Now she just needs to get her ponytail lopped off and shaped into a bob and then, after a visit to Milford Opticians, no one will know the difference.

Of course Gil sees Heather’s new role as a blessing in disguise; he’ll neither have to provide her a concessions stipend nor defend to the Mudlark Booster Club his decision to put a woman on his football coaching staff. Still that doesn’t stop him from trying to hit her up for volunteer work. “Are you kidding?” Heather must be thinking. “Your pay is so bad, you not only have to teach little kids golf in the summertime, you have to go stock shelves at Target afterwards!” (Seriously, never wear a red polo shirt when shopping at Target.)

Thankfully we can put this dud of a summer plot behind us – a plot that, except for the writing out of Marjie Ducey, was as boring and predictable as the high-five from Gil that Heather can return with her eyes closed.

What a poor sendoff for Marjie, huh? I’m gonna rectify that in a separate post.

August 4, 2021

“I’d keep playing. I don’t think the heavy stuff’s going to come down for quite a while.”

It’s a day full of cliches at the MCC, but why blind pigs and acorns? Why not blind squirrels and nuts? Blind pigs and acorns make the best jamón ibérico de bellota, but with size of the bets Carter’s been making I think squirrel jerky Underwood Deviled Ham is more in line with his budget.

Meanwhile, something mysterious appears on the horizon. Funnel cloud? Vic Doucette’s grandpa van? Hendricks’ crappy shot to bluff Heather and Gil? Why not all of the above? Will this group call it quits before they get to see the true nature of the sandbag, or will they play through and tempt the wrath of higher powers?

meta: Wasn’t Local H a topic of discussion on a Rock ‘n Roll Thursday some time back? I’ve lost track of those ever since I switched from posting Thursdays to Wednesdays. In any event I just stumbled across Local H’s cover of TV On The Radio (a band I’ve really been into for the past year or so)’s “Wolf Like Me.” Sharing it here with the original to jog memories and invite comparisons.

May 5, 2021

Highlanders: There Can Be Only None

Filed under: actual action, big arms, Brown Hair, Highlight reel, Neal's friends, softball — teenchy @ 7:48 am

That rarest of strips today, nothing but solid sports action, but here’s a twist: Milford’s opponent represents a school that no longer exists.

Finney High School in Detroit closed in 2009 and was merged with Crockett High School to create the East English Village Preparatory Academy. EEVPA calls its teams the Bulldogs, but at least the colorists got close here. Finney’s namesake was a prominent Detroiter who played a significant role in the Underground Railroad. So consider this a nostalgic shout-out for Rubin’s readers in the Detroit Free Press.

With bags full of Highlanders and the potential tying run at the plate, Landry Carlson gets out of the jam thanks to a diving stop by Katy Brito. Postgame, Landry will go back to, uh, Montana? and Katy will be off to The Bucket the Milford Public Library for coffee and snogs with Zane, that is if daddy dearest hasn’t immediately joined the Library Board and padlocked the place.

April 12, 2021

Pitching Therapy

Filed under: baseball, big arms, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:35 am

Zane Clark has been pitching to his little brother. That’s how he’s maintained his stuff. In today’s strip, we also find out what’s been up with Zane Clark (who we didn’t know before, but no biggie). Zane’s Dad has been having a series of strokes and has been unable to work. That’s why Zane goes to the library, I guess. This really doesn’t sound like it adds up to a scenario where Zane absolutely couldn’t play ball, but there must be more going on that we don’t need to be troubled with, so Zane’s back and let’s all go nuts. Let’s also get Zane’s little brother in for a tryout. Great catchers are just falling off trees in Milford so what are you waiting for, Gil?

First thing is first though, so Gil has to go lift with Kaz to stare at those sweet biceps fill Kaz in on Zane’s dramatic story. Careful with that barbell, Gil. If you lose balance, you’re gonna crash through that window!

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