This Week in Milford

June 3, 2017

What It Is Ain’t Exactly Clear

gt06032017

Ladies and gentlemen, today’s strip offers classic laissez-faire Thorp coaching at its finest.  Ryan “Hurricane” Van Auken is getting rocked like a, uh, well, you know, while Gil leaves him in there to twist in the wind.  This prompts random Milford guy – is it the same one who answered the phone in the Journalism Office? – to run and tell Dafne, who’s at softball practice. (Interesting that there are ads on the practice field outfield fence; must be a lot of marketing money to spare floating around in Milford.)

The now elfin Dafne, looking a bit the daughter of Namor, suddenly finds herself incontinent drops everything and runs off to see what’s going down.  Does Mimi even acknowledge Dafne’s defection?  Hell no!  She doesn’t even look so much Dafne’s way! Mimi needs to grow a pair like that Coach Dawes and tell Dafne to go do what she loves but never darken a softball field again.

May 13, 2017

The Dreaded Call to the ‘Pen

gt05132017

Today we get another one of those frequent time dilation events that tend to happen in the Thorpiverse.  Sometimes this isn’t such a bad thing: when several days are spent on a single play or sequence of events in a single game, the pacing of a typical high school sports season gets thrown off.  Other times, it feels really forced, especially when the events of the stretched out game could have an impact on the events of the speeded up games.

That’s what’s happening here. It feels like Ryan Van Auken’s lost cool that led him to getting yanked from his first start is being completely glossed over. We can only assume everything went Ryan’s way and that his dumpster fire of a temper has been left smoldering, only to be touched off again by, perhaps…

… a mysterious phone call, such as the one a young Stephen King is fielding in the Milford High Journalism Office(!).  On the basis of one exposé, Dafne Dafoe Dafonte Dafunk has gained a reputation as a hard-hitting reporter, one who’s ready to blow the roof off a subject once given a hot lead.  Wanna bet this call’s from the Fun Girls from Mount Pilot* – er, Central City – with the juicy backstory as to why Van Auken’s now plying his wares in Milford?

*One of The Fun Girls was named Daphne. Coincidence?

May 11, 2017

Shakes, the Clown

gt05112017

So Jimmy Caruso has eyes on Dafne Dafonte and Carrie Hobson has eyes on Rex Hudler Hurdler Gary Meola, who doesn’t have eyes on her but is gonna pretend to have eyes on her to help Caruso out in true wingman fashion, or something like that.  If we didn’t have all that exposition leading up to today, we might be led to believe that Dafne and Carrie only have eyes for each other.  Dafne has already made her disdain for track and field well known, so why is she going along with this ruse?  To play wingwoman for Carrie, of course, and to mooch a free post-game milkshake off Caruso at The Bucket.

Ah, post-game milkshakes at The Bucket: not just for no-hitter batteries anymore! Then again, were they ever? Considering the last time that happened one of the batterymates got killed, I doubt that’s a tradition that will be revived in Milford anytime soon.  Gotta find the silver linings in the cloud that hovers over Milford softball in the post-Boo Radley era where you can, and if they come in the form of budding romance I guess that’ll have to do.

March 23, 2017

Gil once begat Keri and, uh, some other kid

gt03232017

“Seriously? With us? Haven’t we spent the last eight years or so removing any evidence that children once lived in this house?”

Maybe Mimi’s not as keen on having a live-in boy toy pool boy as we previously speculated. Fact is, I’m not even sure that’s the Thorps’ house, as a quick ‘n dirty search of the archives doesn’t conclusively show that they live in a split-level. Nonetheless I get the feeling that we’re going to be denied that long-awaited retcon of Gil and Mimi’s kids.

Dodging that bullet Gil, now pissy-faced for ever having taken that bait from Aaron, shows him the door. Maybe Aaron can walk through it and shout out what was just discussed to his teammates same as he did yesterday. Tune in tomorrow when Marty Moon finds a new boarder in his mom’s basement!

metapost: Completely unrelated but it’s nice to see Mr. Bakst giving back to his adopted community.

March 11, 2017

Come for the Gun Show, Stay for the Hypotheticals

Filed under: big arms, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 12:02 pm

gt03112017

I know Kaz is on record as regretting getting his tat, but if it has the power to migrate from one arm to the other, it must be pretty special. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t had it removed. Not sure what’s got Gil lathered up more: Kaz’s gun show, his own puny bicep curls, or memories of Hobart, Bill “Wildcat” Maris or some other pains in the ass on the Booster Club/School Board who’ll try to meddle in his efforts to help Aaron get those three squares he so desperately needs.

After the workout it’s off to the shiny halls of Milford High, where Gil and the COUNSELOR continue to speak obtusely past each other about Tina Aagard. Maybe Tina’ll get some dinner (if not some jail time) out of the deal, too.

February 22, 2017

A Linebacker In Short Pants

Filed under: ?, basketball, big arms, Coach Kaz, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 10:01 am

022217

Panel 1: I almost want to run the color version of today’s strip as the electric blue over black shirt under with tie look is quite a striking look on Kaz.

kaz-suit

Oh yeah… Don’t even ask me what is going on with Kaz’s collar or how he knotted his tie.

Panel 2: Julius needs to layoff the Nutboyz and the Freezi Bombs if he wants to look good in those short pants.

Panel 3: Mike and Ken really should keep this thing to themselves rather than just blab on and on in the locker room. Their fixation on Aaron is starting to get rather unhealthy it seems…

February 9, 2017

Sherlock Plays the Dozens

gt02092017

“Is your mom still an… um… is your mom still so fat her ass got two zip codes?”

So this is it – the start of the big reveal (well, besides the big reveal that Aaron Aagard’s Molly is a girl, not the recreational drug) that will tell us what’s truly behind Aaron’s inconsistent play. Mike Granger couldn’t start it off any more awkwardly. Sure, let me start talking about my plan to pump Aaron for mom info out loud in this shiny tiled echo chamber where Aaron’s already sitting. I can already see this devolving into a poorly played game of The Dozens.

“Mike, you’re so stupid you can’t even remember what I told you Aaron’s mom did for a living a couple of days ago.”

“Ken, your mama’s the judge, not you, so shut the hell up. So Aaron, is your mom still an actuarily?”

“Sort of. She lost her actuary job, though.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so poor she can’t even pay attention?”

“Nah. She still plays the numbers. That’s why I help her… by shaving.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so hairy, you shave her with a weed whacker.”

“No. I shave points so Milford can’t cover the spread.”

“Oh. So your mom’s like chunky peanut butter: greasy, full of nuts and easy to spread…”

 

January 17, 2017

Is Marty Holding A Pencil Or A Stylus?

Filed under: actual action, basketball, big arms, freak hands, Marty Moon, Pantheon of Hair — timbuys @ 7:16 am

011717

Putting quadruple-A in for a Pantheon of Hair nomination now that it’s clearly the case that its posture is proportional to his perceived performance.

I tried, and failed, to line up all of the high fives with the arms in panel three. Nevermind that, however, because what is the deal with AAAA’s left arm? I think this is the first time I’ve used the ‘big arms’ tag but there it is.

Older Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.