This Week in Milford

April 1, 2023

Hrraaaking Up

Hrraaaking up
Only four minutes to go
Had enough
I can’t take any more
No shit
This seems so fake
This is unreal
Ain’t no sense it can make
Don’t know the players
Don’t know the score
Who’s playing? I don’t know!
Everybody all around me
Changin’ unis on the daily

I don’t think it’s funny no more

Hrraaaking up
Like a worn out shoe
On the
Foot of Leo A’ta’zhóón
He’d run
But he’d lose a piece
Tays laughed
But it’ messed with him, messed with him

They bought some Jammers, they brought Kareem
He made them runners
It’s like a bad dream
Everybody liftin’ weights
Makin’ money selling vapes

‘Cause I don’t think it’s funny no more

Then out of nowhere
An old reference
It comes upon us without warning
It’s a bone tossed to all us olds
I’m only hopin’ TWIM don’t fold
I’d take a knife to all these new strips
Paste them back together, see if I can make them make sens

I don’t think it’s funny no more
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up

(apologies Nicholas Drain Lowe)

March 6, 2023

Can I Get A Lift?

Sorry, no commentary from me today. If any team members want to chime in and/or tag this post, feel free.

March 3, 2023

Guess Luke is a midget

Filed under: big arms, dopes, Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 9:35 pm

I guess the Lift-A-Thon is outside, on a nice day I might add. Its only early March; out here and in the Midwest in general the weather is way too iffy in March to have an event of this type outdoors. But on we go. Of course Luke acts stand-offish when Gil merely states his name, as if Luke expected Gil to be shocked at his presence at this event, even though we all knew damn well that these 2 were gonna run into each other here and have a showdown like the OK Corral in the old West.

P2- why is Gil lifting the weights behind his back? Sure seems harder that way. Just clean and jerk over your head doofus. Like this–

501 pounds. Take that you wimps of the comic strip. Gil wouldnt be talking in mid-lift if he was really lifting some serious weight. Vasily is a study in concentration back in the 70’s as he got it up to 528 pounds over his head. He probably couldve lifted 600 but he wanted to break his own record slowly.

March 1, 2023

“Know who else cleans and jerks? My mom!”

Finally, a strip we can snark on! The last several strips have been straight up serious as they brought to attention a serious imbalance on the benches and sidelines and in the dugouts. I was halfway expecting acknowledgement that Gil was doing his part by bringing in Emmett Tays, but then he’d have to sheepishly acknowledge that Emmett was getting paid half of what Kaz was getting paid – and that half of nothing is nothing. Was Kaz really volunteering all these years?

Time for the big Milford Lift-A-Thon! Gil has been putting in all the hard work while Mimi’s been off polishing her tonsils golf game. Nice to see he’s been spreading the weight around. For a moment there I thought that big hand was his, not Mimi’s, and that he’d been going at it Quagmire style while she was in Arizona.

What could go wrong here? Which one of Gil’s basketball players will suffer a season-ending injury during this fiasco? How stripped down and greased up will Luke Martinez be when he makes his grand entrance? We’ll see soon enough. In the meantime, I’m content to drop another Regular Show reference and see if Mimi plays Starla to Gil’s Muscle Man.

February 22, 2023

What’s the buzz, tell me what’s a-happening?

When do the Mudlarks ride into Jerusalem?

Not until they’re done in Pueblo.

There are multiple high schools in Pueblo, Colorado, none of which are simply named “Pueblo.” This leads me to believe that Milford is playing at Pueblo High School in Tucson. Nice road trip, and no one suspects Gil scheduled it so he could peel off and pay a surprise visit to Mimi in Scottsdale (not that it’s around the corner but, you know, closer than Milford).

Coaches Ochoa and Tays’ presence (or Gil’s lack of same) could be why the Mudlarks are playing with more urgency; that, or a lack of toilet facilities in the Pueblo visitors’ locker room. That grunt at the buzzer came from more than just the effort to get off the shot, IYKWIMAITYD. Did he get the shot off in time? Not as drawn but scoreboard don’t lie and we don’t review video in high school.

Who’s been narrating all of this? My best guess is the newly reintroduced Heather Burns. Appreciating the exposition and continuity Barajas has been bringing us the past few days; hoping he’ll keep it up and help us understand how Heather and Marjie coexist in the nu-look Thorpiverse given Heather took Marjie’s old job.

Now, to answer the rhetorical question: How long can Milford keep this winning streak going? Until the lid gets blown off Rod and Tobe’s fundraising-via-vapes efforts and they get benched/kicked off the team by Gil.

Reference for today’s post title.

February 8, 2023

Taysed to Meet Me

Here’s the new Interim Assistant Coach, Emmett Tays, to whom we were introduced at the very beginning of the Barajas Era. Presumably Interim Assistant Coach slots in below Head Assistant Coach, at least in seniority if not in experience. Based on the team’s reaction in yesterday’s strip, there’s gotta be more backstory to Emmett between his Milford High days and now.

Head Assistant Coach Cami looks honestly relived to have Emmett there. Her lack of expertise was beginning to show during drills. Now she can step back and turn her focus to the Milford girls’ team, where she has more experience and will receive less attention. What’s that you say? Milford has no girls’ basketball team this season? I wasn’t wrong about getting less attention then, was I?

Although he looks a little deflated, Gil wastes no time in presenting Coach Tays as power bottom, a position Kaz would never take for him. The balance of power should soon shift, however, once Emmett gets wind of the salary history of his position. Looking forward to the upcoming strip, EEOC v. Milford School District, Pearl, Thorp, et al.

January 14, 2023

Not at the Bonfire, He Didn’t

Another smash cut, back to Milford and boys’ hoops action. In the course of hammering Tobias/Toby/Tobe/Toebeans, the Salem player gets a look of consternation as he player he hammered feels… somehow… different.

If Toebeans is getting mugged in P1, is Keri getting mugged in P2? Kudos to the Chief for the arms wrapped around neck poses in parallel. No clue why we’re getting the rando Milfordian showing us his choppers in the foreground, though.

Problems at the charity stripe, Gordon? You need to track down good old Kenzie Hanley to show you how it’s done. But why so distracted by Pedro on Keri like white on rice? Thought Dorothy was your babe and Keri was your bestie when you and they were kids. Have we been thrown from Mimi’s potential girl-on-girl tension to a potential bizarre love triangle?

Talk amongst yourselves. It’s late and I haven’t put a lot of deep thought into this. teenchy out.

January 4, 2023

Marty can’t tell front from behind. Should we worry?

The Mudlark boys’ basketball opener is under way and, as it’s a non-conference game, it falls upon us to try to figure out where it’s happening. Judging from their bird mascot and that Forest View is two words, not one, I’m venturing a guess that this is the no longer extant Forest View in the Chicagoland region. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen a shout-out* to a defunct high school, though I’m not gonna comb the archives to find the example (it was a Detroit-area school IIRC).

Marty’s looking a little thicker around the middle and in the hand, which must be a side effect of his continued sobriety. Milford was shown yesterday in its road black-and-reds, so why is Forest View wearing what looks like the old “Block M” jerseys Michigan trots out from time to time (and which Milford also wore BITD)? Bigger question: where is this behind-the-back pass Marty’s calling happening, in his mind? Why is Marty continuing to call out uni numbers for the Mudlarks? Is the game being simulcast on TV2 and WBIG radio?

All that aside, how ’bout this NBA-style halftime score! Have both of these teams broken out the run-and-gun or forgotten how to play defense? At the risk of repeating myself, I appreciate Barajas incorporating the trans kid into the strip fairly seamlessly, with virtually no reaction from anyone in Milford, but making the kid magically become a star athlete on every sports team he goes out for strains credulity just a little bit. Can’t wait until baseball season when he breaks Joe Sharkey’s and Kevin Pelwecki’s long-ball records.

*I’m not sure if Mudlark big man Darius Simmons is also a shout-out to a friend, Rubin-style, but sadly the first hit I get when searching for him is a 13-year-old kid who was murdered in front of his mother in Milwaukee about a decade ago. There’s also a Darius Simmons playing football at McGill, where he could be a teammate of Chance Macy’s.

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