This Week in Milford

January 18, 2023

You Can Call Him “GilPa” But You Doesn’t Have to Call Him “Gil Exotic.”

Times are tough in Milford. Unspecified budget cuts have had some kind of unspecified effect on Mudlark sports. Kids are being forced to sell cheap substandard chocolate in front of grocery stores. Now Gil himself has stooped to debasing himself in, of all things, a spot for a used car dealer. Not just any used car dealer, mind you, but one whose appearance is explicitly based on Joe Exotic a/k/a The Tiger King. If Joe wasn’t behind bars I’d expect him to come after the Chief for appropriating his likeness.

Of course, GilPa* might not be doing this for the Mudlarks. Mimi’s little jaunt to Scottsdale hasn’t paid for itself yet! The fact that she’s been able to take it may imply that it was her job – and Milford girls’ hoops – that were the victims of the unspecified budget cuts. Then again, GilPa might need to pay a retainer to a divorce lawyer. He could be doing ads for the Foley Law Group before it’s all done. Maybe he could call in a favor from Hadley V. Baxendale.

*Gentle readers, never let it be said that your input falls on deaf ears. Today Gil refers to himself by a nickname used here and in just about every other Gil Thorp comments section known to man. (Me, I’m holding out for “Kaiser Gilhelm.”)

October 21, 2022

Friday night fever

Going camping this weekend to Coloma Michigan, so back in our old writers stomping grounds again. Thorp is really gonna sub for a French teacher?? Bou jour is about all I know, I took 3 years of Spanish.

Mon deu means My God. Dr. Pearl doesnt even wait for his answer, just throws it at him. My Spanish teachers never called in sick, but if they did, no way in hell could I look at my gym teacher who also coached football with a straight face.

Just have em study the next lesson on their laptops Gil, and the 45 minutes will be up before you can say Bon Vivant!

October 8, 2022

A Mudlark Victory, Both Literal and Symbolic

Milford, having dropped its opener due to a Kaz spaz playcalling error, came into the Goshen game as rare underdogs (right? Hasn’t Goshen been historically a bottom dweller in the Valley?). The Mudlarks pulled off the upset win thanks to a play obvious to Marty in the press box but not to Goshen and the toe of new kicker Tobias Gordon. Now for a rare look into the stands post-game, pre-Bucket.

The entire Thorp family is in the stands in a rare show of support – but for whom? Apparently less so for Gil than for Toby and his mom, Mel. The current incarnation of Mel Gordon has been known for wearing t-shirts of metal bands, which makes her choice to wear the AC/DC shirt again bit less fraught with meaning. Keri’s choice – that of a vigilante anti-hero embraced by the military, the police and the far right – is a bit more confusing…

… but no more confusing than Keri flashing the love hands to Tobias. Is it her way of saying “I’ve been supporting you since I was a kid and you were a fetus“? We’ve already seen a bit of awkwardness on Keri’s part where Toby is concerned. Why encourage it, especially now that she’s been shown to be moist for Pedro Martinez?

Maybe we could ask Henry Barajas himself, as Whigham appears to have drawn him into the stands in front of Keri. When the snarkers suggested that Barajas should actually watch a couple of football games before he starts writing about them, I don’t think this is what they had in mind.

November 18, 2020

I’m Just Saying, But Did Milford Cover the Spread?

All action – well, almost all action – today as Milford dominates Tilden. Tom “Don’t Call Me Butt” Muench is all over the field, stripping oversized footballs and causing Theismannesque leg injuries.* Chance Macy, perhaps the most realistically drawn player we’ve seen in some time**, racks up the yardage and probably scores some points. Quick cut to the sidelines where a lineman who appears to be part flounder makes an aside to a young Sylvester Stallone that maybe the Mudlarks should have run up the score.

The Chekhov’s guns left strewn about over the past few strips are leading us to a logical conclusion that the Valley title will boil down to point differential. Either out of a sense of sportsmanship or of continued punishment, Gil will keep Stallone Rappson on the bench when his free-wheeling style of play would be more likely to help Milford obtain those margins of victory necessary to win the Valley. Someone will have learned a lesson, though I’m not sure who will learn it or how valuable that lesson will be.

In any event, it’s more entertaining than watching Corinna be a bitch to everyone she meets.

*Thirty-five years ago today. What a coincidence.

**Sticking with the NFC East theme, whenever I see a running back wearing #31 and an OPO-DW style face mask my mind goes immediately to Wilbert Montgomery.

May 15, 2020

Dont give up. Dont ever give up.

Ah, the words of Jimmie Valvano at the ESPYs when he was dying of cancer back in the 90’s. He wasnt one of my favorite coaches (and if you read the excellent book Personal Fouls https://www.amazon.com/Personal-Fouls-Promises-Shattered-Basketball/dp/0881845264 you’ll see an even seedier side) but in the end he had everyones sympathy for his handling of terminal cancer that took his life way too soon.

 

 

Mike’s mom wants to fight the good fight for her son understandably, but the time frame for this is fuzzy. Its May 15. Im not sure what grade Mike is in, but if he’s a senior, forget it. Heck even if he’s a junior, by the time any court hears this and renders a positive decision, school will be out for summer.

So Mikes dad sees the lawyer and she recommends appealing to the school board. Why cant this be done without seeing her? Lawyers arent cheap you know. Besides wasting a panel (and God knows we’ve blown a shitload of them on repeating statements) all we get is a rehashing of facts already known. He meant no harm, and the schools policy is zero tolerance. Thank you sir may I have another.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIZoVO8ZyyQ

So at this rate we may be in court all summer. Or at least til the 4th of July. By then I’ll be able to get a haircut in my state and even eat at a restaurant.

PROGRAM NOTE: I will be taking a long-overdue vacation next weekend camping and kayaking. So I’m leaving the Mayors whereabouts to whoever wants to fill in next Friday. See you all in 2 weeks.

 

 

 

April 22, 2020

Watch Out for That Tree!

gt04222020

“I’m halfway to a smoothie, Muench. Now all you gotta do is hit some potholes. Oh, and watch out for that tree.”

 

Are you as sick of The Mayor’s breakfast surprises as I already am? Of course you are. I’m still waiting for some sort of elaboration as to why this is an important plot device. We’ve had little if any indication of Knappe household dysfunction which might manifest itself in Mike’s choice of breakfast items and delivery system. For the moment I’m willing to chalk it up as another facet of his narcissistic personality.

Interesting details on display in the Muenchmobile today. The duct taped driver’s seat bolster is a nice touch of realism and reinforces the notion that kids in the Valley drive beaters. The slabs for sun visors are curious, though: what’s holding them in place in the center? And how are those Post-its staying stuck to them?

Questions to be answered another time as we quick cut to the Milford diamond for the conference opener vs. the yet to be named Valley rival. Celebrity cameo in P3 as Tom Berenger sheds the tools of ignorance to take some practice in the field. Tom’s got some odd follow-through on that throw; with a splayed hand like that he must be tossing a Wiffleball.

June 28, 2019

When your name is a Case why not marry one?

Filed under: bizarre cameos, Gil Thorp, golf, Milford Alumni — robmize2013 @ 4:52 pm

Boy nothings changed in 14 years — who the hell calls people by their full (including middle initial) name?? Just say -Hadley!! Good to see you! Just weird. Does Jaquan have a middle initial? Why not use that too?

Hadley says Jaquan has already seen her hometown. What the hell does that have to do with anything? First, he saw it last summer didnt he? When his overpaid trainor wound up observing him working with Heather Burns on football moves after he was supposed to be training for the NBA? Maybe Hadley moved away since then which is fine, but why does he have to move to her location instead of vice versa? If he wants to play pro ball, they should move to the city he plays in right?

What if he hates her hometown? There’s a town near me called Rockdale. It literally stinks. I mean it smells bad everywhere for whatever reason. What if she lives there? He’ll need a lifetime supply of nose clips to go outside.

https://www.rockdalenewtoncitizen.com/news/local/rwr-working-on-wastewater-smell-in-north-rockdale/article_491db2c5-5720-5ed5-a049-ae7ba823ed41.html

Just laying the groundwork for the next storyline but these 2 are an odd couple so far. Maybe they’ll help Gil teach golf to midgets. At least theyre not too cool for school.

 

June 12, 2019

Soon It Won’t Matter Anymore

gt06122019

Called it, I think. Mimi’s weak-assed reverse psychology is about to claim an innocent victim. I half expect that David will reveal an ulterior motive for casting FUD in Linda’s head because reasons.

Style points for Linda for breaking up in person a/o/t the ghosting referred to in the comments to the above-linked strip. I suppose we should be grateful the Thorpiverse isn’t  Lynn Johnston’s Ontario in which everyone ends up with their high school sweetheart.

Dunno who this rando burger eating girl is in the foreground but with hands like that she could spell Jocelynn Brown behind the plate.

Today’s bizarre cameo: Wilbur Weston from Mary Worth in the role of David’s dad.

Today’s title inspiration is as short and sweet as today’s post.

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