This Week in Milford

April 7, 2021

Two Nights – and One Mouth – Running

In the days before the Internet when dinosaurs roamed the earth and yhs was a teenager, part of my weekday routine during sportsball season involved walking uptown from the high school to the public library after classes ended, studying and doing my homework there, then walking back to the high school for late afternoon/early evening sportsball practice. After practice I either hitched a ride home with an older teammate who had his license and lived near me or called my folks from a pay phone at the convenience store nearest the high school and waited there for them to come pick me up. (Oftentimes dinner on those nights would consist of a Stewart hot sandwich and a Coke with salted peanuts in it. Training table of champions.) Same thing applied on game days/nights, though my folks almost always came to games even when I wasn’t a starter or guaranteed to see any playing time.

Guess what I’m trying to say is that the public library’s busiest hours don’t always come in the evenings. Not that it matters to old culo rojo Abel here. Nope, if that place ain’t hummin’ when he’s there, it ain’t hummin’. Speaking of which, why isn’t he there during normal business hours if he needs online access for work? Pulling on his widow’s peak to make it peakier? Oh wait, the pandemic hasn’t hit the Thorpiverse and neither has the concept of working remotely (though that’s what Abel’s doing at night, isn’t he?).

I’m sure that router will be delayed by another day – long enough for Sr. Brito to go back to the library and find out from Dr. Pearl-with-a-dye-job that there’s an opening on the Milford Library Board which he can fill. (Damned if this comic strip isn’t filled with boards and board meetings! You’d think Milford’s adults would find other ways to make life difficult for their children pass their time.) He’ll be slashing budgets and locking doors in no time flat.

Not sure what Sra. Brito is reading but it could be one of many books titled Blue Moon or this. Wonder if she got it at the library.

April 6, 2021

Brito, Unfiltered

See Abel Brito.

See Abel Brito’s tiny body.

See Abel Brito’s tiny briefcase.

See Abel Brito’s tiny bolero jacket.

See Abel Brito’s huge ego.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Abel Brito?

We saw yesterday that Abel Brito is just a step or two behind the times when it comes to internet connectivity and the finer points of working remotely. Maybe even more than a step or two, since he feels the need to print out his work. Good thing Dr. Pearl with a dye job is there to tell him where the printer is. (What? You can’t tell me that’s not Dr. Pearl with a dye job! Things are tough all over, especially since the Milford School Board froze faculty and staff salaries a couple of years ago.) She didn’t tell him how much it costs to print; prolly 5 or 10 cents a copy but free for Milford Library Board members. He did hear there’s a vacancy on the Library Board, didn’t he?

Abel Brito might be a step or two behind the times when it comes to teenage relationships, too. He’s obviously not happy about his daughter Katy’s dating Zane Clark. Can’t be ’cause the kid is a slacker; he’s hard at work at that very same library Abel’s forcing himself to use. Must be because of his home life, some aspect of which must be making Zane unworthy of his daughter. Wouldn’t it be convenient if the Library Board found a way to keep kids from spending too much time at the library, forcing them to, I dunno, study at home?

meta: Thanks @tdrewhardin for covering for me on Saturday’s post.

March 29, 2021

Congratulations, Debbie

…and we’re moving on.

We open on the lovely porticoed entrance to Milford’s Library where the Library Board is meeting. (The Library Board is comprised of the Library Board, get it? See, the Library Board can both refer to the board as an entity as well as the members of the board collectively. Panel one has a little fun with that. Isn’t that fun? C’mon folks, help me out. I’ve got nothing to work with here. Actually, this is less than nothing, but I digress.)

The Board has just concluded one piece of business (probably a resolution to torch all those little free libraries springing up all over town that are “very bad for business”) and our chair, Linda, is throwing open the floor for other business. Now look at Karen, seated next to Linda. She’s leaning forward because she’s about to launch into one of her frequent interruptions about Linda’s lax adherence to Robert’s Rules of Order and insist on a vote on something or other, but before she can get a word out…

Joe, who has been waiting through numerous boring agenda items that he clearly hasn’t been following, drops a bombshell on the Library Board. Debbie has been offered a great job in Denver…and they’re moving! So suck it, fools. Joe will miss working with the Board but he’s outta heeeeere (like Doug from when the strip was kinda sorta trying to be about sports).

March 6, 2021

Saying the Quiet Part Loud

Odds are you heard this phrase a lot in the news over the past year. It has its origins in an episode of The Simpsons I referenced once a couple of years ago.

Now in a heel turn the lies of which would have made Andre the Giant proud, Tessi says the quiet part loud.

To be honest I think Tessi’s remained quiet on the really quiet part. Using a guy’s car as an excuse to go out or not out with him might’ve been a thing back in 1958 when this strip started and it might still have been a thing for quite a few years after; now, not so much. It probably started becoming less of a thing after the OPEC embargo in 1973, but I could be wrong. In today’s world where fewer teens are getting drivers’ licenses, it’s become even less of a thing. Maybe that’s why girls don’t compete with Goats for Doug Guthrie.

I doubt it’s fear of being seen in Vic’s GMC (Grandpa Motors Corporation?) van – or of what could happen to her inside it – that keeps Tessi from accepting his invitation. But even Tessi can’t state the obvious and she can’t be entirely wrong in P2, either. Those dueling exploding eyes with a head bobble are part “Oh no she din’t!” and part “She says what we’re all thinking!” If any of those Lady Mudlarks’ eyes should not be exploding, it’s Corina’s. It’s impossible that a tank town like Milford didn’t get the news about her little ménage à trois with the dueling QBs last fall.

Tune in on Monday when we see how high off the floor and onto a horse Corina gets at that postgame pizza party. Let’s hope she takes that flyswatter off the pizza first. (What? You can’t tell me that’s a spatula!)

December 21, 2020

Vic’s Pitch

Vic Doucette has finally tracked down Gil, who looks appropriately dazed and confused from chilling in the teacher’s lounge. Now it’s time to find out what Vic Doucette’s burning desire is. It’s not an assistant team manager gig, nor statistician, nor Mudlark sports brand manager/social media strategist. Vic wants to be the public address announcer at basketball games. It remains to be seen whether Vic wants to do a straight ahead type of P.A. announcing or put some kind of idiosyncratic spin on it to hog attention from the athletes. We will wait and see if Gil is into this idea.

We’ve never heard of Mr. Staley, the former P.A. announcer. Was he a hot dog? What’s he doing in Montana? (What does “same concept” mean, by the way Gil? Just like, some place far away where nobody will ever here from you again?)

I think this train is headed to snoozeville.

December 16, 2020

Make Vrooom for Dougie

Boy, that was a great move by Gil, benching his first- and second-string QBs out of spite to let his emergency QB play out the string and get injured so he can’t play basketball. Stroke of genius there, Arschloch.

That walking boot isn’t enough to keep poor Fleming from hobbling to The Bucket for a beverage and a communal basket of fries. (The heat must not be working well there since yet another kid with keyhole bangs won’t take his toque off. Then again, that may be a watch cap and pea coat he’s wearing and he’s soon off to take first watch. Does Milford High have a JNROTC?) Doug Guthrie, on the other hand, isn’t hobbling or walking to The Bucket but announcing his arrival with a VROOOM! Could this be shades of 1958, when Gil’s biggest challenges to Mudlark success weren’t his shitty coaching ability and dim-witted players Milford’s rivals in the Valley but hot rods and jobs to pay for hot rods? We’ll know for sure when Gil tells his players to start taking more set shots and underhanded free throws. A call (and another shout-out of thanks) to TWIM‘s Sports Information Director billytheskink may be in order.

November 30, 2020

How Long Is A Quarterback Summit?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, huge earrings — nedryerson @ 4:21 am

We’re all bored with this.

Maybe the Milford Police Dept. has a sniper on a roof across the street and is waiting to get a clear shot to end this standoff. Maybe Gil will randomly wander in and assume responsibility for his team and put an end to this stupid Team Thayer/Team Rapson nonsense. Hahahaha!

November 27, 2020

I dont care period.

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 9:15 pm

3 more panels of nonsense from these 3 clowns, We get absolutely nowhere from 2 days ago, but at least Rubin didnt have them change clothes. Again, at this rate, theyll still be sitting in the house next Wednesday. Get the hell out of that house both of you and forget this girl ever existed.

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