This Week in Milford

December 21, 2020

Vic’s Pitch

Vic Doucette has finally tracked down Gil, who looks appropriately dazed and confused from chilling in the teacher’s lounge. Now it’s time to find out what Vic Doucette’s burning desire is. It’s not an assistant team manager gig, nor statistician, nor Mudlark sports brand manager/social media strategist. Vic wants to be the public address announcer at basketball games. It remains to be seen whether Vic wants to do a straight ahead type of P.A. announcing or put some kind of idiosyncratic spin on it to hog attention from the athletes. We will wait and see if Gil is into this idea.

We’ve never heard of Mr. Staley, the former P.A. announcer. Was he a hot dog? What’s he doing in Montana? (What does “same concept” mean, by the way Gil? Just like, some place far away where nobody will ever here from you again?)

I think this train is headed to snoozeville.

December 16, 2020

Make Vrooom for Dougie

Boy, that was a great move by Gil, benching his first- and second-string QBs out of spite to let his emergency QB play out the string and get injured so he can’t play basketball. Stroke of genius there, Arschloch.

That walking boot isn’t enough to keep poor Fleming from hobbling to The Bucket for a beverage and a communal basket of fries. (The heat must not be working well there since yet another kid with keyhole bangs won’t take his toque off. Then again, that may be a watch cap and pea coat he’s wearing and he’s soon off to take first watch. Does Milford High have a JNROTC?) Doug Guthrie, on the other hand, isn’t hobbling or walking to The Bucket but announcing his arrival with a VROOOM! Could this be shades of 1958, when Gil’s biggest challenges to Mudlark success weren’t his shitty coaching ability and dim-witted players Milford’s rivals in the Valley but hot rods and jobs to pay for hot rods? We’ll know for sure when Gil tells his players to start taking more set shots and underhanded free throws. A call (and another shout-out of thanks) to TWIM‘s Sports Information Director billytheskink may be in order.

November 30, 2020

How Long Is A Quarterback Summit?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, huge earrings — nedryerson @ 4:21 am

We’re all bored with this.

Maybe the Milford Police Dept. has a sniper on a roof across the street and is waiting to get a clear shot to end this standoff. Maybe Gil will randomly wander in and assume responsibility for his team and put an end to this stupid Team Thayer/Team Rapson nonsense. Hahahaha!

November 27, 2020

I dont care period.

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 9:15 pm

3 more panels of nonsense from these 3 clowns, We get absolutely nowhere from 2 days ago, but at least Rubin didnt have them change clothes. Again, at this rate, theyll still be sitting in the house next Wednesday. Get the hell out of that house both of you and forget this girl ever existed.

November 15, 2020

Soggy Milford Breakdown

I was out of town yesterday so wasn’t able to get a post up until now. Mea culpa. I spent most of the day in Delaware, where I didn’t find a Wing-T but I did find a Milford. Doesn’t look like Gil found a Wing-T either.

Thankfully Whigham cut away from Marty’s bukkake video on Friday to show us this grind. Wing-T or no, the run-heavy Mudlarks should have thrived in these conditions, no? No! One has to wonder if this was due to fallout from Gil’s little reaming out of his QBs last week. Team Rappson may have thrown lookout blocks when Thayer was under center while Team Thayer did the same for Rapp. The Jeffs laying a WWE-worthy body slam on either Rappson or Thayer is just icing on the cake.

Doubtful we’ll hear any analysis on the bus ride home, not with it raining inside the bus like it is. (Nice of Weird Al to body double for Rapp so he wouldn’t have to make that trip.) Monday-morning quarterbacking will come on Monday, if it comes at all. With a second conference loss, winning the Valley is out of reach for Milford. How will Gil save face, salvage the season, and stifle the controversy? I wouldn’t bet against emergency QB Leonard Fleming starting from here on out. Then the Mudlarks can truly be called Leonard’s Losers.

October 28, 2020

Dueling Bad Jokes

Hard to believe there could be a worse team than Milford in the Valley, innit? Yet here we are. Wonder why we never see anyone else in the conference use some archaic formations, defensive schemes or kung fu treachery to make up for their shortcomings against Milford. Most likely because Gil hasn’t updated his playbook for this century and would be equally ready for those plays.

How will this play into our blossoming quarterback controversy? Easily. The Thayer-led Mudlarks will open up a big lead on Central, then Gil will relent and put Rapson in to mop up. Still trying to convince Gil he’s the better talent, Rapp will again defy Gil, call an audible and run a big-yardage play for a score. Gil benches Rapp permanently, Central’s coach accuses Gil of running up the score after the final whistle, and things get ugly.

At least that will offer up more excitement than Friday night at Casa Karenna, where mom and daughter are caught up in a high-stakes game of gin rummy or Uno or something. Probably Uno, since Corina might want to keep mom away from the gin and rum and steer her toward the Yoo-Hoo. Hiyo! (Calling it “a duel of their own” implies that the Milford-Central game is some kind of duel which seems kind of off given Marty’s description of the game turning into a blowout.) Corina cares more about her mom’s mental health than Milford football, which is certainly understandable given this past summer’s backstory. Now if only she could allude to that without being a jerkface to everyone she meets…

September 28, 2020

Stare Into The Granite Pit Of Bubbling Lava

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, huge earrings — nedryerson @ 5:44 am

I have to you all up on Saturday because I flaked, I spaced, I just totally forgot I said I was gonna fill in for my esteemed colleague. Then, it just didn’t feel right to post on a Sunday. So let’s just review this in one go.

It’s all Will Thayer and Corina doing some Hepburn and Tracy stuff. (No not the famous actors who traded witty dialog. I’m talking Dee Hepburn and Tracy Morgan.) Will begs off of some good natured ribbing from some rando named Gordon to stalk Corina because he’s into her thousand-yard-stare-I’m-walking-down-the-center-of-the-hallway-like-a-psychopath vibe and her commitment to a both straps backpack look.

Let’s face it. Will Thayer’s game is weak and if you bring that kind of trash into Corina’s house, you might as well show up with a red rubber nose because you’re gonna look like a clown. But Corina doesn’t seem to want to just punk Will. She seems to be trying to challenge his lazy proposition that football is the be all and end all of the social lives of Milford teams. Every hear of volleyball, sporto?

So will Will show for volleyball and then ask for a cookie for his troubles? Will Corina pants him on her turf to humiliate him and solidify her roastmaster status? Who knows where it will go, but I guess this dumb couple will be on center stage for the next few months.

September 21, 2020

Bonfire?

These are the two quarterbacks, right? I don’t remember what they look like. Let’s say they’re Rapson and Thayer, but I’m not gonna swear I know which is which. The point is that one of them has now caught a glimpse of Corina and he’s interested. The other one wonders if he might get a leg up on the QB competition if his rival is smitten by the Milford “it girl”.

It’s all about Corina, friends. We’d better just get used to it. She’s sassy and brassy, she’s a catcher, she’s a prospective volleyball player, everybody’s talking about her and she’s just getting warmed up at Milford High School.

So could we tear our attention away from Corina for one panel so we can show this flippin’ bonfire? We can cut back to Corina afterwards as she stares into the flames, consumed with impulses to make the world BURN!

ETA: I just read of the sudden passing of Bill Bickel, aka CIDU Bill, who wrote the Comics I Don’t Understand blog. (It’s been over there among the Comics Mockage Posse links since the early days of TWIM.) I was not a regular reader, but I dipped in from time to time and enjoyed Bill’s unique angle on comics blogging. RIP CIDU Bill.

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