This Week in Milford

September 19, 2017

No More Awkward Middle Panel Extreme Close Ups For Mike Anytime Soon

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, general nonsense, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 9:49 am

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We don’t have a tag for it but, jeeze, that is a hell of a mug on Mike. I recognize it’s hard to draw differentiated characters absent giving them wildly varying hairstyles – befitting the spirit of youthful experiemntation – but I’m not sure just what the heck Whigham is going for here.

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September 7, 2017

This Had the Potential to be Interesting

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Wow, is this the ultimate in laissez-faire or what? Not only does Gil deliver a contrived platitude, we don’t even get to see him do it. Gil should’ve told his football team that if they had the potential to win back-to-back state championships, they didn’t need to prove it to anybody else. They’d already be back-to-back state champions!

Maybe this portends a new turn in Gil Thorp. Young athletes or wannabe athletes do or do not do something, followed by an exposition panel where the athlete/wannabe says that that’s what Coach Thorp told them to do/not do, or maybe they should’ve listened to Coach Thorp when he told them whatever off-panel. Or something.

Hopefully after Saturday we won’t hear from Jaquan for another five or six years, when he returns as a history teacher/life football basketball coach who gamely coaches his team to fall just short of the Mudlarks.  Then he can thank Gil profusely for all of his advice and for telling him he had the potential to be a history teacher/basketball coach and didn’t have to prove it to anybody else.

metapost: That whole “new turn” thing is stuck in my brain, as this Hurricane Irma prepares to turn and deliver a blow to Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, and maybe more. I’ve got a lot of friends and family potentially in the path, and it’s kinda messing with my concentration to deliver a daily dose of mirth via Milford. (You’re thinking, “Why should today be any different?”)  Just as with you TWIMers in Texas last week, you TWIMers in the affected areas please check in with us and let us know you’re safe.

 

September 6, 2017

Or, You Know, Varsity Soccer…

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Specifically, the friend at Iowa wants to fill you in that classes have already started and they easily handled Wyoming last Sunday during their home opener.

Bonus Point: Nice spiral on that ball, Jaquan! Have you considered becoming a Pro-Bowl Quarterback at the age of 30? Get out there and explore!

Minus Point: Heather looks way out of position to catch that throw. Don’t give up on catching it! Or Anything.

September 5, 2017

NBA Swingman, History Professor, NFL Wide Receiver, These Are All Merely Branches On The Career Tree.

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Josh Fruhlinger had some pretty hilarious commentary on pursuing graduate education in History the other day. I myself hold a degree in history but went to many too many professional graduate schools thereafter. (Like Vaganova and concussions, after your first one or two, you really don’t remember the third and fourth).

I don’t have much to say about today’s strip other than I guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow for Jaquan’s next stunning reveal.

September 2, 2017

Making Calls, Squeezing Balls

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“Hey! Hey Heather! Remember me? Remember Kevin, the guy you were supposed to be coaching to become a fullback?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. About that. You couldn’t hang onto a ball if it was tied to you… and almost nobody uses fullbacks anymore, not even Coach Thorp. You can tackle and ballhawk and you’ve got long hair, right? Worked for Polamalu and Matthews. Now go wash that greasy mop of yours and get back on D.”

Poor Pelwecki, looking like a lovesick calf and so starved for attention since Jaquan and Trey showed up he’s resorted to hugging a football like a Pillow Pet. Maybe Trey will take him back to his folks’ house-cum-satellite training facility and give him a pity drink on the back porch.

Meanwhile Heather’s hitched her wagon to a bigger star, who seems to be looking out for her as much as she for him. We’re left with the cliffhanger of to whom and for what were those calls made.

Unseen panel 4: “Jinx!”

 

September 1, 2017

The only thing persistent is the pounding of my headache

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, boring memories, football, general nonsense, lessons learned — robmize2013 @ 7:52 pm

So after all the talking and running catching and drinking and resting and more talking, its back to home base with Trey to discuss this long convo that accomplished … hardly anything.

Just blows me away that we’re still at loggerheads over at least 3 things –

Can Case still play basketball? (Thats what Trey was helping him with before he went home to drink a shandy)

Can Case play pro football? (Thats what Heather is trying to tell him he can do if he works hard enough. But we thought he was rehabbing for basketball)

What is Heathers level of competence in deciding Cases’ future? ( Both she and Trey dropped what they were doing originally when something better came along, she dropped Pelwecki and helped Case, Trey and Pelweki went home to stew about things, Gil went to the golf course, and True? Yep, he dissappeared too after his minor contribution of playing QB to Cases WR.)

Now even Heather doesnt know what she wants to do. And yes we’ve conveniontly forgotton about that. Unless in P3 she’s on her laptop hunting for a journalism job because Case rekindled her interest in it.

Hey, how about Trey saying he needs to be around sane people for a while, then he’s sitting by himself drinking at home. I guess he’s the only sane person in the strip.

And if it wasnt for Case, Heather would be doing what she didnt really want to invest her future in, coaching football and meddling in athletic training. And by the way, she’s missed about 3 weeks of class at this moment. Nice that she has time to look for a job.

Maybe the moral of this plotline is Heather and Jaquan both discover what they really want to do because they met each other, while the though-to-be principal characters in their respective lives wind up only being window dressing.

Bring on the bonfire!

 

 

August 17, 2017

Muff Big or Go Home

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There’s been a lot of turmoil along Tobacco Road this past week, pretty much none of it good. You’d think the syndicate color monkeys would’ve had the decency not to add to it yesterday by rendering True’s Wake t-shirt in UNC colors.

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That said, I can appreciate Eight Elbows’ efforts to bring this wacky subplot to an end by having Milford’s Goldenest Child dash Jaquan’s far-fetched hopes to make the switch from pro basketball to pro football at age 30. I don’t even mind Trey’s little spaz dance there at the end.  However, I have no clue why Gil brought Mimi out to watch this spectacle, unless watching all those hot sweaty mens would put her in the mood for more than just sipping cocktails back at Casa Thorp.

August 12, 2017

Killin’, Wishin’, Hopin’

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I’m not gonna engage in mental gymnastics today beyond guessing what Jaquan has backward is that he wishes Heather (or Trey, or Pelwecki, or someone) would tell him they wished he coached basketball.

There’s been too much suspension of disbelief required to hang with this summer plot. An NBA star rehabs an injury under the supervision of one of his old high school opponents, in a gym he converted from his parents’ old house?  That old opponent is now some kind of master trainer with more than one client? The ex-soccer player, ex-undersized tight end is now a coaching genius? The greasy-haired big lunk lineman is suddenly gonna turn into a skilled ball carrier/receiver? The greasy-haired big lunk lineman’s regular-season coaches are gonna note this and give him touches (but not like the touches the coaching genius has been giving him)? Stop this crazy train, I wanna get off.

What I do find remotely plausible is that Jaquan wants to coach. We’ve heard nothing about his NBA career post-draft. Even after donning a hoodie in the middle of summer, he’s drawn only the attention of the cook at Janet’s Diner (via the waitress who looks like Claude Akins). Maybe he’s not the superstar we’ve been led to believe and has just been eking out a living on a string of 10-day contracts between stints in the D-League. Maybe he’s seen enough of how Gil skates by in Milford to want a taste of that life. Maybe I’ve run out of theories and just wish Herk the Mauler would show up again.

metapost: Even as I try to get back into the habit of posting the B&W version of the strip, it’s been pointed out to me that the color version contains a fairly egregious error.

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Musical inspiration for the post title:

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