This Week in Milford

June 8, 2022

His Good Side Is… Straight Ahead?

Looks like we’re only ever gonna see games where Ggerg starts from here on in. No need to bother with details like a rotation when they don’t serve the square peg of a story getting hammered (pun intended) into the round hole of realism.

The Central kids either didn’t get the Oakwood memo or got it and promptly forgot about it, bunting the ball almost straight back to – or only slightly left of – the mound. (Seems like that memo should’ve included a note to hit back to the pitcher on a line drive, not on the ground.) How the Hammer ended up over there after his follow-through is unclear except as a device for the Chief to indulge in his recent shoe bottom fetish.

Boy, Ggerg’s teammates sure like patting his bottom. They must realize they won’t have many more chances left. Speaking of bottom, what’s that white thing hanging off of Ggerg’s rear end? Speculate away, gentle readers.

May 4, 2022

From a Slick Stop to a Meal Stop

Time for a break from the Milford Witness Protection Program for some actual action.

Central tries to mount a late rally against the Mudlarks by putting on Milford’s uniforms and crowding the plate. This ruse fails as Gonzo Aceves gets the batter in disguise to ground into a game-ending double play. Surprising that Gil and Kaz left Gonzo in to pitch a complete game; maybe they were also too busy watching Mama Hamm take a bullet for Papa Hamm to pay attention to the action on the field.

Menawhile Marty’s in his crate, calling the game using the CB radio he pulled from under the dash of his car and taking notes using a carpenter’s pencil. Guess Marty got it from Heather that everyone’s calling Aceves “Gonzo” now. Though he and his butter knife are long gone The Mayor has left his mark, at least for the rest of this season.

Now it’s off for postgame junk food, either at Ricozzi’s or The Bucket. Will the Hammmmer walk into a pane of glass as he joins the rest of the team? Will Papa Hamm be stuffed in the trunk of the Hammmobile when Mama Hamm comes to pick Gregg up? Will Scooter be too busy bragging about the twin killing he turned to bore everyone to tears with baseball trivia? So much to anticipate for the rest of the week!

April 30, 2022

Marjie Ducey Never Lugged a Monster Camcorder Around. Neither Should You.

If you told me today’s strip had been written and drawn twenty years ago and fished out of a drawer for today, I wouldn’t have been surprised. Wonder what was going on in Milford twenty years ago today? I don’t even think this blog had been started yet.

April 30, 2002

Well whaddaya know, Milford was playing Central then too. The laws of gravity weren’t quite as rigid then as now. Okay, what about ten years ago, then? Well thankfully TWIM was in existence, and we were getting to know young Scooter Borden Jaxxxon Kiser.

Back to the present day and still trying to figure out this nonsense. Amazed to find out there’s an online version of the Star, and that it has employees who are dedicated to capturing video for that online version. That’s probably a lie the editor-in-chief told Heather to cover up the fact that it’s not only payroll but also headcount that’s been slashed since Marjie’s retirement. Probably told her this dinosaur of a camcorder was state-of-the-art, too. How naive is she to think that the “beast” takes better videos than today’s smartphones?

Naive enough to know that the only VHS player in town belongs to the Milford High Athletic Department. Between her and Kaz, they’ll go to the videotape and discover the little ruse G-Hammm, Scooter and Wilson have going on. That’s the only way this strip of anachronistic non sequiturs has any relevance to the plot.

meta: Thanks to tdrew for covering for me on Thursday. I owe you one.

March 19, 2022

Poke Sallet Cressa*

Late in the day and I don’t see Rob’s Friday post so I will double up here. Apologies if I’m stepping on toes.

March 18, 2022

We’ve reached the point where Rubin realizes he didn’t pace the plot very well, so he crams multiple games into a single strip and makes it clear that no Milford team will make the playdowns. We’ve also reached a point where we realize that Whigham can’t draw lower body parts very well. Mimi has a case of the gone-ass while Central’s coach has stovepipes for legs and earrings that can be seen from orbit.

Knowing her team is playing out the string, Mimi has decided to play musical guards, with the previously maligned Maddie Bloom now taking the place of Cathy Sasaki in the backcourt. Cathy, ever the team snitch player, isn’t bothered by this. The only person this doesn’t seem to sit well with is…

March 19, 2022

… Cressa Baxter, who’s lucky Gil isn’t the Thorp coaching her team. That whole hard seltzer fiasco would’ve had her expelled and banished to Valley Mod, where she could’ve replaced Corina as the girl with a chip on her shoulder. And what exactly is the source of that chip? Did Cressa get passed over for a service academy appointment? Does she feel she should’ve been made captain over Hollis? Come on, Rubin, don’t leave us hangin’. Did Hollis ignore her when she was being bullied or something?

BTW, I know the song is “Polk Salad Annie” but the plant it’s made from is pokeweed and the actual dish is poke sallet. Learn more about preparing it without killing yourself here.

June 4, 2021

Throwing to a recycled panel

Filed under: actual action, Central, Mimi Thorp, Recycled art — robmize2013 @ 6:55 pm

And the stupidity continues, with Corinna throwing the ball over the fence into a clearly recycled Panel 2, which was used for a home run some time ago. Why the hell would a Milford fielder suddenly change uniforms mid practice?

May 24 – the game with Central- close enough. Unreal how Whigham thinks we cant remember anything before last week.

On April 29, Mimi first asked Corinna about college, while having cupcakes with her. Corinna basically said her mothers mental health came first, so not interested. 5 weeks later, and we’re still beating the dead horse. Its either this or the Library Showdown. Pick your poison folks. Why we cant have a number of storylines that take a week or so instead of a death march for months going over the saaaaaame stuuuuf. Then on to the next bunch of miserable characters for 3 months of summer fun.

But perhaps P3 offers a chance for Corinna to switch positions, to pitcher. Just idiotic enough for this strip to give it a whirl. Strong arm, yeah. I could fill Yankee Stadium with strong armed players who got their ears knocked back either for lack of control, or lack of command of a second pitch to throw off the batters timing. Dont let that arm fool you, Mimi. For gods sake, if we see Corinna on the mound next week, we’ll know the inmates are running the asylum.

Finally— I will be taking a much deserved week off next week to return to Myrtle Beach for golf, the ocean, and the beach. Of the 8 trips I took last year, that was my favorite; its like paradise to a golfer, and I never get tired of the ocean and its views. . So giving a heads up for a fill- in in case Joan Rivers isnt available..

May 26, 2021

Blood Is Thicker than Coffee

Filed under: Central, High Five Fail, Just plain sad, Mimi Thorp, talking hand — teenchy @ 9:39 am

So that’s how it’s gonna be.

Katy knows her father is trying to get on the library board to defund the Milford Public Library solely because he went there once and saw that there were computers not in use at that moment. This even after Zane showed up for dinner and explained how having those computers available benefited people like himself – a kid whose family has become financially strapped due to his father’s crippling disability and the subsequent loss of income. Now Zane’s gonna stand up to Abel and for the library by running for the same library board seat and, knowing the entire backstory, Katy’s gonna distance herself from him and side with her dad? Even when she knows what will happen to Zane if Abel has his way?

Time to rethink my stance on Katy Brito.

Thank goodness there’s still a sympathetic female character to get behind in this arc, a creature of pure light and supernatural talent so gifted that her sharp tongue and penchant for targeting people for public humiliation is readily overlooked. What amazing strings will Mimi pull for Corina to get into State U and have a full-time caretaker look after her mom while she attends? Here at TWIM, come for the softball, stay for the gymnastics!

May 24, 2021

Getting Rocked and Rocking Back

Filed under: actual action, Central, softball — nedryerson @ 9:39 am

I don’t have much to say about this actual action softball strip. Landry Carlson is getting rocked, hence some kinda play at third(?) When Milford rocks back, I guess Corina hit the ball over the head of a clueless Central player. Then a sinker in the dirt, which eludes CK and looks like it is going to hit her in the facemask.

Actual action: be careful what you wish for.

February 20, 2021

Some Wak! Haiku

Tom Muench on the bench

And Doug Guthrie off his game:

Central by thirteen

But it’s not a bench

It’s only a folding chair

Thanks to budget cuts

“Everything happens

For a reason” – Grandma Muench

Like ankle sprains

Anytime Doug makes

Car-related decisions

Mudlarks always lose

Vic Doucette could see

Doug was no Schumi when he

Smacked him on the ass

Clearly Doug isn’t

Firing on all cylinders

He needs a tuneup

Gil needs to send him

To a garage upstate where

He can drive all day

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