This Week in Milford

August 3, 2020

Do Cleats Get Tougher As You Use Them?

Phoebe is now giving Corina the nickel tour of Milford High School. Over there is the flagpole where Barry Bader was hoisted by his underwear. Over there is where Daphne Dafonte tripped on her own haircut. That small section of chain link fence stands as a memorial to Clambake. etc. etc.

Phoebe wants the real lowdown on Corina’s mother’s arson wrap. Did she really do that? Corina doesn’t answer definitely, but doesn’t dispute the story either. Corina’s mom is tough and she’s been through some shit, alright? This probably isn’t her first Phoebe Keener who finds the stories of Corina’s family’s struggles so colorful and shocking. Corina’s already wondering how much gossip is going to spread in Milford in advance of her going to school there (if we are going there).

August 1, 2020

In Which Phoebe Keener Taps Her Inner Horatio Caine

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(must… resist… urge… to… write… another… “Tom’s Diner”… song… parody…)

Maureen the waitress has become the Milford equivalent of Mayberry’s Sarah. How else does she have her finger on the pulse of Milford’s past, present and future jockocracy? Piecing this together the best I can, I’d conclude that:

1. Maureen knows Phoebe’s mom if not Phoebe

B. Phoebe told her mom that she was gonna be hanging with Corina, whose background Phoebe told her mom about as well

iii. Pheeb’s mom told Maureen about Corina’s background

d. Maureen knows True from way back

(5) Maureen called Pheebs’ mom with the deets re True’s needs

Besides slingin’ gossip, Maureen’s also slingin’ some substantial hash. Corina looks to have put on 20 pounds since the Valley Mod/Milford scrimmage cum picnic. Good thing she’s bulking up if she expects to catch True’s heater!*

Seriously, though: why couldn’t True have just asked Gil if Hiawatha James was available during one of their meet-ups at the MCC? Why couldn’t Maureen have told True of ‘watha’s whereabouts, she knows so damn much? This whole setup is weird, and Pheebs knows it. Y’all can’t tell me Whigham hadn’t been watching CSI: Miami before he drew today’s strip.

 

*What? Get your minds out of the gutter! Either True’s a true gentleman or we’ll find out more than we ever expected about statutory rape and the age of consent in the Valley.

July 29, 2020

That’s No Catcher’s Mitt, That’s Our Waitress

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Alright TWIMers, I think we can start connecting some dots here. Corina has been casing set her sights on Milford as a place to go commit crimes to school next year. If that happens, she’ll end up another in a long line of talented Mudlark athletes the Coaches Thorp didn’t have to coach to end up that way. The fact that she’s doing this opens things up for a lot of exposition that we may or may not get. Is going to Valley Mod a sentence that a student has to serve, and that student is free to go to whatever school in the Valley s/he chooses once time has been served?

She’s already trying to fit in by donning the Milford uniform of chunky bracelets and huge earrings – the same earrings as her waitress, Maureen – after sporting demure studs previously. She’s also trying to fit in by eating mass quantities of greasy diner food. I mean, look at the size of that burger! Wait, that’s not a burger but a catcher’s mitt? Who puts a catcher’s mitt on the table they’re gonna be eating from? And why, if she’s talking about said catcher’s mitt, is Miss Pointy Fingers Phoebe pointing to her left and not down and in front of her where the catcher’s mitt is sitting?  Maureen’s fourth wall-breaking glance says it all. Nobody expects waiting tables at a diner in Milford to be glamorous, but she certainly didn’t sign up for this kind of insult. I mean, come on! She may not be very pretty now, but she was someone’s baby once.

I’d be much more interested in learning about the path Maureen took to end up waiting on Corina and Phoebe. Something tells me she’s been around the Valley a time or two.

July 27, 2020

Let’s Focus On Poles And Underboob

Filed under: basketball, Boredom in Milford, Chunky Bracelets — nedryerson @ 5:40 am

We join our story with Phoebe and Alexa shooting some hoops as Phoebe recounts her meeting with Corina. The recounting is bare bones, so we know nothing more about Corina or the purpose of her visit to Milford. I’m curious about the very ornate pole onto which the backboard is mounted. I’m looking at the detail midway up this thing and it looks like maybe it’s supposed to be height adjustable, but the bottom of it doesn’t look like the whole thing is portable. The pole is definitely more interesting than the conversation is what I’m saying here.

So we switch to Corina returning home after her visit to Milford and filling in her mom, the arsonist, on the details of the outing. I’m assuming that this is her mom. Maybe if that arson crack was real, Corina’s mom is a guest of the state somewhere and this is a different caretaker. Either way, I find her underboob shading line weird.

The objectives of Corina’s mission to Milford still remain unclear and that’s the gist of this strip.

July 25, 2020

They Tried to Make Me Go to Milford

Well robmize gently reminded me that I was covering for him this week, so let me get on the stick and give you a twofer.

July 24, 2020

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You know, if this whole summer plot turned out to be nothing but Corinna tossing off one-liners about her family’s criminal past, I could live with it.

Speaking of burning things, Mimi’s gonna end up with some pretty serious burns herself if she doesn’t stop choking up on that spatula. The handle’s there for a reason, Mimi! Luckily she appears to be grilling on a Hammond B3. In any event, Gil is too hammered to notice.

July 25, 2020

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You know, if this whole summer plot turned out to be nothing but drunk, glassy-eyed Gil tossing off Captain Obvious one-liners, I could live with it.

“True should be in rookie camp but the minor leagues have been scrapped this season due to the pandemic he has some lame-assed excuse to come back to Milford.” Quick cut back to the MCC where Gil, with yet another drink glued to his hand, gets the beginning of True Standish’s sob story. Hard to believe it’s been almost five years since True led the Mudlarks to a football state championship and, aside from that little mishap with his girlfriend BFF, had the world on a string. How far and how fast can True fall? Will he be selling industrial solvents on the old Del Bader route before we’re through?

Let’s not cast True aside so quickly. Maybe he can hook up with Trey Davis. I hear Trey’s full-service.

July 22, 2020

Les Expos(ition) sont là, part deux

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Called it! Well, kinda sorta, except for the wearing one’s employer’s uniform in public part.

Phoebe has a habit of pointing at everything and everybody a lot, even by Milford standards, so pointing to the diner door to call out True seems a bit belabored. Corinna’s words say “big whoop” but her rapidly swelling hands say otherwise. Careful, Ms. Karenina: sassy, athletic girls who get involved with True come to bad ends.

Corrina’s zinger in P2 pretty much sums up every summer Gil Thorp arc ever and, in a more normal world, should’ve been today’s post title. But nothing is normal these days. Major League Baseball is getting ready to kick off its regular season tomorrow evening, with a 60-game schedule, new rules straight out of the sandlot, and no fans in the stands. Anything and everything that happens in the game this season will be forever tagged with the mother of all asterisks. Besides, it also gives me an excuse to post this, again, something that every wise NL East scoreboard operator should play when the Nats come to town:

Now let’s sit back for the rest of the week and wait for True to explain how he went from being Wake Forest’s QB of the future to a potential future playing in front of sparse crowds in the worst stadium in the majors, and somehow giving Gil credit for it.

July 20, 2020

Kinda Sorta

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, Milford CC — nedryerson @ 8:22 am

Phoebe and Corina are stopping for a Coke before they start their serious crime spree. Mystery person who may be True Standish is leaving the Milford Diner after finishing a late breakfast with crispy hash browns. These two stories intersect with a mild I think I know that guy. The storytelling here dazzling.

The crime spree will have to wait so the car probably containing the mystery person who may be True Standish can enter the Milford Country Club. That’s where Mr. Predictable himself, Gil Thorp, is likely to be in the Summer. Who could’ve seen that coming?

Mystery person who is probably True Standish is musing about “an uncertain world” and returning to Milford (or Gil Thorp in particular) as a guarantee of order and consistency. You won’t be disappointed, mystery person. See Gil teach junior golfers which end of the club to hold tomorrow,

July 18, 2020

Thirsty Week in Milford

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Look out, Milford! Corina and Phoebe are off to do some crimes! Will they go get sushi and not pay?

Not at the Milford Diner, they won’t! They’re gonna get coked up first. Is all this talk of crime and confrontation getting Corina thirsty for more than just a Coke?

Perhaps this chivalrous gent in the Tampa Bay Rays cap can slake that thirst. Alert TWIMers (i.e., most TWIMers) have speculated said gent is unicorn in cleats True Standish. True left for Wake Forest in the fall of 2016 where he was slated to compete for a quarterback spot. He did wow some scouts during his brief stint as Mudlark bullpen ace, but was that enough to lead him down the path of a baseball career? Even if it was, True was shown not to be the kind of guy to call attention to himself by wearing gimme gear, even if it’s from his employer.

So there’s your Saturday cliffhanger, gentle readers. Comment away and don’t be like me  – stay safe, cool and hydrated.

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