This Week in Milford

August 8, 2017

Maybe I’ll Start Making Puns On His Last Name

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P1: Overdramatic much, Jaquan?

P2: Excuse me.. Mr. Case? I’ve been listening to you humblebrag for a good five minutes now and I’m just now putting it together that you’re some kind of celebrity.

P3: ?

 

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August 5, 2017

Return to Janet’s Diner?

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We have left the
Field in Milford
for the diner
Named for Janet
‘Least I think it’s
Janet’s Diner
‘Cause it don’t
Look like The Bucket

Who is in this
Bunch of losers?
Now we’ll learn
Of their backstories
Or as Gilda’s
Baba Wawa
Might say,
“Wet’s wisten in”

Let’s start out with
The big hoopster
He once played
for Bishop Tardy
He’s rehabbing
After knee work
So he’s hooked up
With Eight Elbows

And I think
It kinda odd
That he’s eating
Diner food
And I’m thinking
A pro athlete
Could spring
For healthy grub

He’s working
With Trey Davis
But they keep it
On the down low
Is Trey more
Than just a trainer?
Jaquan said
He was “full-service”

And I’m thinking
Of perversities
That go on
In Trey’s folks’ house
Has he filled it
Full of Muscle Marys?
How I
Wish I had brain bleach

‘Cross from Jaquan
Sits this geezer
All his shirts
Are labeled “Monmouth”
He’s indulging
Daughter Heather
But he
Sucks at throwing footballs

And I couldn’t
Help but notice
That Heather’s now stuck
In the corner
How did this
Turn into mansplaining?
How did
This go so wrong?

What about
The kid Pelwecki?
Oh, I didn’t
see him still here
Do you think
He’ll play at fullback?
Only if Gil’s
Passed out drunk…

And if all the rest are hurt…
And if Milford’s out
Of the playdown hunt…

To the Milford Country Club
Let’s watch Gil berate some kids

July 12, 2017

That’s Not How Journalism Works

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Looks like we’re tying up loose ends left and right. Let’s have at it:

P1: How often have you high-fived someone across your body? Carrie’s pose is just all wrong.

P2: If DD can find a few experts she might get this onto some obscure online content mill. “Two Milford girls discovered this one weird trick that’s revolutionizing the Billion dollar anger management industry!”

P3: Did Alison Bechdel key Rubin’s car or what?

July 6, 2017

The Hits Keep Coming

July 5, 2017

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July 6, 2017

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Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso better be glad that Milford ain’t old school Westview, else he’d be getting shot at for mouthing off at a hall monitor like that. How plausible is Jimmy’s defense, anyway? If we look at Tuesday’s strip we can see a dark object with a protruding right angle at Jimmy’s face height, but that angle is about level with his shoulders. Chekhov’s cabinet door…

…or Chekhov’s black eye?  Whichever, they fall into place for the logical conclusion of this arc. Braying Daftpunk, flashing her best Biting Pear of Salamanca leer, chooses her words carelessly. Anybody with an ear could draw the conclusion that she intended to hit Jimmy and, even if she didn’t, that she moved past him with such force that he fell into Chekhov’s cabinet door. And you know what? Anybody will. Daffy will soon find herself in Ryan Van Halen’s shoes, which will lead her begging to Ms. Rizk to be let back on to the Trumpet staff to defend herself and Ryan. Lessons learned, fade to silhouettes, walk through a doorway and we’ll see you on the Thorps’ back porch.

Think we’ll ever see any sports being played in this arc again? Maybe that Van Halen kid will play some chin music on some Central batters and cow them into being no-hit. Then he can get killed off like the last Milford pitcher who threw a no-hitter.

July 1, 2017

We hate to see you go but we love to watch you – oh, never mind

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Poor Carrie Hobson. First she gets shellacked by Jefferson in the first game of the post-Boo Radley era, then she gets soundly rejected by Hurdler Gary Meola. Another spring arc, another tearful exit for Carrie. What did she ever do to piss Rubin off?

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Dafne finds herself having to fend off Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso’s poorly aimed Vulcan nerve pinch. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn into a bad touch.

Wishing our friends to the north a happy Canada Day on the 150th anniversary of your confederation. A bit of hardball nostalgia for you today as a lagniappe:

June 29, 2017

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dafne

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It’s been over a month and a half since the Milford softball girls have seen any action, so at least one of them is hoping to see some off the field.  Turns out Carrie had better save that sliding for the softball diamond, if she ever gets back there. Pissy faced Gary is just not into her.

Meanwhile in the kitchen the unwanted advances are fixin’ to swap genders. Dafne raises a dainty pinky and flashes some midriff as she reaches for the pause that refreshes, whilst Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso tries to figure out when and where to put his shot. Unlike poor misguided Carrie, Dafne has the journalistic talent to turn the episode into something print-worthy.  Her grand return to the Trumpet will read along the lines of “I got hit on last week. You know who else got hit on, too? Ryan Van Auken’s ex-girlfriend!” Naw, it’ll be more like “I almost gave someone at Milford High unwanted attention, and now that I’ve gotten unwanted attention too, I can empathize and will now shut my trap.”

June 28, 2017

So, Are They Just Going To Stand There In The Kitchen With Their Drinks?

Filed under: Bare Midriffs, Chunky Bracelets, general nonsense — timbuys @ 9:06 am

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Panel one: That sound bar thing is pretty groovy.

Panel two: Try not to spend too much time with what’s going with Carrie and Gary’s respective postures.

Panel three:  I already used my panel three ‘joke’ such as it is so I will simply compliment the Caruso’s on their lovely tile backsplash.

June 27, 2017

Slowest-Mover-Ever Mode?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Chunky Bracelets — timbuys @ 8:07 am

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Sometimes the post titles write themselves. I guess I did anticipate developments in this direction, but now that it’s happening I can’t say I’m all that interested inasmuch as we’ve been given almost nothing to go on regarding their relationships.  Well, now we know that Gary and Jimmy are especially close to each other.

Were I a bit more creative, I’d say that panel three’s depiction of returning a tray of tepid cafeteria leftovers is some sort of metaphor for writing TWIM posts, but I just can’t quite get it to work.

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