Dear (Kaz’s) Penthouse…

Well look who’s back. It’s our old pal Bob Kazinski – and now he has a penthouse. Did he move to North Carolina in the interim?

Oh. It’s not Gastonia, it’s The Gaston, Milford’s premier luxury high-rise. We visited Kaz and his new squeeze Rachel in the penthouse for the seudah hamafseket before Yom Kippur. Never mind.

For a moment there I was thinking that Kaz’s Penthouse was a new comedy club and Kaz was polishing his new standup routine. Hey, a Milford Juvenile Sports Program Manager can’t be making that much more coin than a Milford High assistant coach, can he? The Gaston can’t be rent-controlled, can it? Kaz has to have some kind of side hustle going on, amirite?

All of this is conjecture and backdrop for why Kaz feels the needs to regale his audience with a joke that’s even more dated* than Cami’s A League of Their Own line and somehow at Gil’s expense. (Anyone wanna guess what the setup was for the Cab Calloway punchline? Feel free to take a stab in the comments.) Gil “I don’t drink” Thorp finds it most amusing as he continues his lying sack ways – lying, that is, unless he’s still nursing that HooDad’s he had at the hospital while visiting Rod.

There’s gotta be some more exposition down the line this week. Why else would be seeing Kaz for the first time this year? I for one would welcome Kaz’s Penthouse as the Gil Thorp spinoff we all need.

*Cab Calloway’s last public performance came in 1992 at a benefit for the Associated Black Charities in Baltimore. His last public appearance was at the White House in 1993, when President Clinton awarded him with the National Medal of Arts.

Riding On The Bus With Gil

Welcome aboard the Milford team bus. Spread out, there’s plenty of room. There’s room for maybe Marjie, too! (We established that Marjie is back in one strip of the Barajas. This model has no glasses. Maybe she had lasik surgery?)

Marjie wants to know how the team is doing now that Kaz is gone and Gil’s answer is more about how Gil is feeling. (Devastated and lonely, of course. He’s probably not allowed to get all sweaty in the weight room with Coach Cami.) The team probably barely noticed since most of them are fresh recruits or barely sentient minor characters in this story.

As always, Gil is looking to the future, as in those two guys who got muscled off of the chocolate sales turf by those Valley Tech Sharks. I think it’s those guys name Leo and Darius. L&D are low men on the totem pole so they must share a seat, but they seem pretty content with it. Will they be part of a bright, Kaz-less future or will they be casualties of the impending Chocolate War?

eta: Alright, so I misidentified the sleepy people on the bus. Gil’s musings make more sense in reference to Tays and Coach Cami, but get a room, amirite? Yeah, I forgot we had also seen Heather at some point. Marjie’s too smart to hitch a ride on the school bus since she’d have to smell Gil’s Lavoris breath for two and a half hours each way…..also, Heather Burns eats worms!

Clap Hands For The Mopman!

Times really are tough at Milford High School. Dr Pearl is swabbing the deck. Either that or she didn’t like the way the janitor was mopping and decided to give him a lesson in how to mop a floor. Mopman? That’s a little condescending, isn’t it? Wait a minute…Mopman? Oh Henry, I see what you did there!

Once Nancy’s done schooling the Mopman, it’s of to the cafeteria to make sure Lunchlady Doris isn’t being too generous with the tater tots. As tight as the belt is, it can always be tighter. Ol’ Penny Pinchin’ Pearl is on the case!

Oh, yeah. In the middle of this episode, Gil swings by to try to get another buddy on the payroll. Dr. Pearl can swing the deal if the unnamed buddy will work for peanuts and presumably agree to clean out the toilets on a “volunteer” basis.

Mele Kalikimaka ‘n stuff

Season’s greetings, gentle readers. I’m here from another hemisphere to take us into the transition out of football and into whatever comes next. Let’s check in with the Thorps to see what’s been going on off the field. I’m not gonna attempt to touch Festivus but I recommend that you check out the Mopped Up Thorp Festivus post; it’s awesome.

December 23, 2022

Oh my goodness this is getting sad fast. Meemaw appears to have left the nursing home to be in home hospice care. A detached-looking Gil stands in the doorway. I wonder if he ever knew how much Meemaw wanted Mimi to divorce him and try to revive a golf career we never knew she had. At least the Thorp kids are providing us the look at a Milford bonfire we didn’t get during football season.

KXCI is a community radio station in Tucson. It also streams online. There’s no reason to wonder, then, whether Milford has moved west of the Mississippi, or get into the matter of those stations east of the Mississippi beginning with K (e.g., KDKA in Pittsburgh, KYW in Philly) or those west of the Mississippi beginning with W (e.g., WHO in Des Moines).

In case you were wondering, The Both was a duo consisting of Aimee Mann and Ted Leo (but no Pharmacists). They’ve recorded a single , self-titled album to date, in 2014. The lyrics are from their song “Nothing Left To Do (Let’s Make This Christmas Blue).”

December 24, 2022

Now we get the triple-header Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa strip. I am not a member of the tribe so I did not know that ugly Hanukkah sweaters are a thing. I did, however, know that Hanukkah menorahs have nine candles, not seven as appear on Rachel’s sweater. I also did not know that Tobias and Mel were canonically Jewish. Kaz is looking a little distracted tbh. Probably thinking about his upcoming bris.

The Thorps manage to smile for their family photo save for Keri, who’s showing off her knuckle dusters and the reason Pedro Martinez has been hanging around. (meta: Moon Mullins points out Keri is flashing the universal symbol for eating at the Y, so not completely out of character.)

Finally we have… who? I honestly do not know and I feel guilty for not knowing. This isn’t the Brown-Hiatt family from a few years bock.* Is it one of Keri’s volleyball teammates? Help me out here, please.

It is now after midnight where I am and so, while you may have several hours to go, it is already Christmas Day here. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and we’ll see you again on Boxing Day.

*This should read “a few years back,” but I’m leaving this typo in since that’s what I was drinking on Christmas Eve.

Goodnight, Milford

The big gamble didn’t pay off for Coach Thorp. Tobias Gordon’s leap of faith failed and their hopes were dashed in the finals.

Look at the contrast of Coach Luke and Coach Kim basking in glory while the pissy faces of Gil and Kaz tell the story of defeat, humiliation and probably an utter lack of football intelligence. I mean, maybe they should have tried something even trickier like a rainbow flick lob or, ya know, kicking an extra point for the tie. Oh heck, Milford probably would have lost on penalty kicks anyway. Also, there may have been more stoppage time than we had been led to believe, so they could have tried pulling their goalie for a man advantage. Next time, Gil should try the 9-iron and a triangle defense. And that’s why they call it cribbage.

Kudos for the colorist for staying consistent for a whole game.

Hey guys, yhs is really not feeling great today. Please have at it in the comments and I’ll see you next week as we throw out the first shuttlecock.

Clean, Old-Fashioned Hit

What a genuine surprise to see today’s strip in good old-fashioned black and white. For once we can imagine Milford in traditional road whites and New Thayer in something other than light blue. Of course we’ll also have to imagine white froth around the mouth of Danny Maivia, too. Wait…

…Danny…Maivia? As in the Maivia and Anoaʻi family of pro wrestling fame? Are we getting set up for Danny to recur a few years from now as “Little Rock” or a new Wild Samoan? Could Hairy Hercules come back and manage him? If these are seeds being planted, let’s do our best to nurture them.

Know what else is old-fashioned? The entirety of P1. Start with the hairstyles: Kaz has gone full Sha Na Na up front with his mullet and the Mudlark to his left is sporting his best mohawk. Milford has also put a mascot on the sidelines, a mashup of the Notre Dame leprechaun and Ernest T. Bass from The Andy Griffith Show. Finally, nothing is as old-fashioned as literally calling out your plays from the sideline without code words, hand signals* or cryptic sign boards. New Thayer a school for the deaf now, Kaz?

I think we know why Danny Maivia is frothing at the mouth, though. Milford-New Thayer has morphed from a football game to a track meet. We’ll see if Gil and Kaz have put an S&C program in place to keep the Mudlarks in this shootout. As for yhs, too many old fashioned references make me want to go mix one up for myself. Too early for day drinking?**

*Kaz might be throwing the Hook ’em Horns in anticipation of Texas joining the SEC for all we know.

**Thanks to Ned and you faithful TWIMers for calling out Marty’s Illuminati token AA chip in Monday’s post. I appreciate the background and respect you for rising to your challenges. I don’t know that I’ll feel as comfortable attributing Marty’s dialogue to Johnnie Walker in his sippy cup again, however.

Terriors! Come out to play-ay!

meta: I missed communication with Rob so neglected to cover for him yesterday. Mea culpa. Friday’s strip doesn’t really advance the plot(s) IMO but I’m adding it at this late time on Saturday night to maintain continuity, something not often achieved in the nu-look Gil Thorp.

December 2, 2022

There’s no “I” in “team” but there is in “Milford Food Bank.” Gil leads the Mudlark gridders in a team building exercise that may help them execute a two-minute drill hurry-up offense somewhere down the line. Keri is there to contribute to the process and keep the guys in line with the threat of a knuckle sandwich. Gil wields a butter knife as a silent reminder that she was lucky to avoid Mike Knappe’s fate. Meanwhile, Kaz shows up channeling his inner Apple Mary (who may or may not be Mary Worth).

December 3, 2022

Seems I already did a variation on this title a few years ago but the joke just writes itself, n’est–ce pas?

We’re getting the setup for some actual action next week, and in a way that a background check is in order. Presumably this is Milford’s first game against New Thayer this season; so whoever is speaking in P1 must be implying that the Mudlarks have a five-game losing streak against the, um, Terriors?

Is that a typo for “Terriers” or a new nickname entirely? A portmanteau of “Terriers” and “Warriors,” or maybe New Thayer is now a school that trains vintners and wine stewards? I can only think of two school with Terriers for a mascot: Boston University and Wofford. Marty repeats the nickname for emphasis. Funny that he sets up the action in terms of NT ending the Milford win streak rather than Milford keeping the streak going, given that he’s the Milford announcer. Take a couple more hits off the sippy cup, Marty, you’ll find your rhythm.

Back to that streak, tho: If memory (or the search function) serves, Milford played NT twice in 2021, the last season in the Rubin era. They rallied from a 17-13 halftime deficit and won 40-24 in October, but lost to them in classic Rubin tell-don’t-show fashion, 27-21, in the season finale in November. (FWIW, behind its “out-of-nowhere” Delaware Wing-T, Milford beat NT by 18 in 2020.) So the losing streak is one. Exactly one.

So much for continutity. Let’s try to let that go and enjoy the on-field action we’re sure to see next week. Maybe New Thayer will win in extra innings or Milford will keep their win streak going while ending NT’s over them on penalty kicks.

גמר חתימה טוב

“G’mar chatima tova (גמר חתימ טובה)” is, of course, the traditional Hebrew greeting given on Yom Kippur, which began at sunset yesterday evening. It translates roughly as “a good final sealing,” as in the Book of Life, in which observant Jews are inscribed on Rosh Hashanah and sealed on Yom Kippur.

The Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur is, among other things, a day of fasting. Before starting the fast at sunset, a meal called seudah hamafseket is served. Seudah hamafseket is considered festive and may include meat. So there, Keri.

We were getting set up for this for the past two days, what with the bagels for dinner and Kaz’s new SO being named Rachel. This strip has been serving up Christmas Day strips since forever, and the David Greene arc in fall 2001, hinging largely on Greene’s Jewish faith, woke up echoes of Hank Greenberg.

A strip involving Judaism, then, is in relative keeping with the history of Gil Thorp. I can’t think of any other strips that wove Judaism into its fabric beyond the departed Edge City, but I am welcome to have my memory jogged.

G’mar chatima tova to all you gentle readers who observe.