Bob Kazinski, Headbanger

No pussyfooting around this fall: Gil Thorp is tackling today’s tough issues head-on. No wannabe junior detectives nosing around about some kid’s mom’s job, no protesters in the bleachers protesting what may or may not have been domestic abuse. Nope, we’re cutting straight to the chase, starting by looking at the life of one of Milford’s earliest concussion victims, Coach Kaz.

Although “accidently [sic*] bang[ing] helmets with Harry Bull” sounds like something that happened not at practice but in the showers afterward, said Mr. Bull is indeed not only a real person but also a school superintendent in Colorado with a lengthy list of career achievements and who attended Northern Colorado, where Kaz allegedly played college football. Whether Harry or Kaz came out on the short end of that collision I leave to the readers.

*BTW Rubin or his letterer needs to invest in a spell checker.

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Exploring New Lows In My Cynical Appraisal Of Gil As An Authority Figure

There’s so much to cover today. For example, I do my work on a laptop, in a t-shirt, with a cup (non-personalized) of coffee to the side.

But, I work from home. As casual as I like to be, when I go into the office, I at least put on a shirt with a collar out of respect for my colleagues, unlike Kaz apparently. That said, let’s go panel by panel to tee it up for our commenters.

P1: You could crack a coconut on Gil’s nose.

P2: Kaz engages in some fundamental questioning of standardized testing.

P3: Might? I’m just gonna leave this here.

 

Establishing The Baseline

Hey it’s a lineman who wants to be something else. No, wait. It’s his uncle who wants him to be something else.

Bonus point: If you like sideburns, today’s strip is for you.

Did Someone Say Track?

Hey remember how there was a whole thing about one of the girls liking one of the guys on the track team? Yeah, me neither.

Bonus points:

Kaz’s barbed wire tattoo peeking out beneath his sleeve that he still regrets getting but can’t afford to get removed.

Why Would The Central Coach Apologize For A Disruption On The Road?

With his first appearance in his namesake strip in nearly a month, Gil is apparently already halfway to cracking the case of the protesters who basically held up a sign silently for a half inning or so.

Clearly, the Central coach (Is he named Skip or is Gil calling him Skipper?) is about as clued in as Gil typically is. It must be nice coaching in the Valley…

Just to summarize the advancement of today’s plot: We now know ‘those girls’ are Central Students and that Ryan left after the game… Also, when Gil drinks his coffee right handed he has the L in Gil staring him in the face…

Only a matter of time..

Well its nice that Gil and Kaz need to look at the stat sheet (where the hell do they get one at a high school game, unless its the actual scorebook, and I doubt it) to figure out how Raging Ryan pitched and how long. They dont bother to count pitches, or count to 2 innings without paper help.

Good ol Barry Bader still bitching about his spot in the order — I’m sure I told a story last year about my  similar experience coaching pony leaguers in the 90’s. But I cant find it now so trust me – –

And back in Trouble (Central) City, we have girl softball players discussing Ryan at Milford, as if they think he should be somewhere else.. stay tuned, my nose detects some interesting times ahead in the near future..

We’ll be calling him “The Friendly Brain”

Today the high-rolling Milford School Board veep gets a mashup name from the famed comic and cartoon character and the famed pro wrestling heel manager but one that yields no Google results on its own.  He looks like a slightly paunchy version of Gil, and the trifecta of head bobble, exploding eye and freak hand (missing an amputated sixth digit between index and middle fingers) make him right at home in Milford.

He’s clearly capable of picking up a phone and calling Dr. Pearl who, with that broken right wrist of hers, may have had to put him on speaker.  The good doctor relays his message to Ms. Rizk, who replies with a deft pop culture/product placement zinger of her own.  She may not be much of a journalist, but she knows where she stayed last night.

A couple of cameos to report: the Funkyverse’s Les Moore joins the Milford faculty after having his face slapped for being such a pretentious douche, and an off-camera cameo by Rex Morgan, MD‘s daughter Sarah, who obviously hand-lettered Dr. Pearl’s name plate.

Southpaw Ex Machina

“He’s poised, he’s been well coached, he throws hard.  You can tell he’s not from Milford.”

Just as with True Standish in 2014-15, Gil’s chestnuts will be pulled from the proverbial fire by a transfer student. No need to develop this guy as a player or as a character.

But just how impressive is he?  Sure you’re gonna make the catcher’s mitt vap pop (vape? I thought Milford High was a no-smoking campus) if you’re throwing from 20 feet away.   Back up to a regulation distance and let’s hear what happens.

As for his name, when I saw it first it made me think of two 1930s-era pitchers, Johnny “Double No-Hit” Vander Meer and Elden Auker, but he appears to be in sales or engineering.  So how does Pete de Windt know him?  Maybe they ran into each other at the Tulip Time Festival.  Wonder if they know the DeGroots…