This Week in Milford

April 23, 2018

A Soggy Start

Filed under: Coach Kaz, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 5:38 am

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Baseball season is beginning…in the gym. The team is suited up and ready to get out there and start shagging flies and playing pepper, but the weather isn’t cooperating. Gil and Kaz muse about the team and the tight bonds formed between these young men. The young men, as usual, are talking smack about their own. That’s the way it works.

The first player named this spring is (dun dun DUN!) Kevin Pelwecki. Of course Kevin’s claim to fame is that he was a lineman on the football team with dreams of quarterbacking who eventually played some at fullback. I forgot all about his baseball roots. He first appeared as a backup at second for loudmouth Barry Bader. Now he’s boring his teammates talking about launch angles.

Play ball.

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April 9, 2018

The Best Part Of Waking Up Is Pouring Half a Pot Of Coffee On The Floor

Filed under: Coach Kaz, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 5:45 am

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I’m still a little unclear on Gil’s role in brokering some sort of reproachment between Marty and the Padillas. Since Marty’s gonna be Marty and not own up to his troublesome behavior, what’s it to Gil? He was supposed to have done something before? Okay, I guess he could have paid a little more attention at what was going on at games he was coaching and flexed even the slightest administrative muscle to get the MPN to stop dicking around. But, Marty’s the one who screwed up there and at that point it had nothing to do with the Padillas. The Padillas want a sincere apology. Gil’s just flailing around here delaying the start of baseball season. Where’s Marty? I don’t want to think about this anymore.

So Panel 3 is a fun way to stop sifting through the dregs of this plot and just focus on good old fashioned giant hands and awkward pouring of coffee. Kaz has replaced his right hand with a child’s foot and is using it to kick himself in the head.

April 4, 2018

It Could Happen To You

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P1: Thanks for the exposition, Kaz. How much gel does Kaz have to use to get all of his sideburn hairs in parallel do y’all reckon?

P2: Is that even Paloma in the foreground hug with, uh, Karina I guess? Because the brunette in mid-panel looks closer to Paloma. Also, too, wasn’t this whole thing pretty much a Karina/Duncan joint with Jarrell ‘Spielberg’ Atkins directing?

P3: Jeeze, Mimi with a devastating toting the laundry walk by zinger. Meanwhile, Gil looks incredibly constipated as he just cannot deal with it that people keep bringing up this Marty Moon bullshit to him. It’s bad enough he has to show up at the games but he sure as hell didn’t sign up for talking about them for days afterwards.

Minus point: Karina has a terribly advanced case of trigger finger there in P2. Perhaps the Spring arc could help inform us about this potentially crippling condition and the plight of so afflicted high school athletes.

February 20, 2018

She’s So Hiigghhhhh, High Above Me, She’s So Lovely, She’s So…

Filed under: basketball, Coach Kaz — tdrewhardin @ 4:47 am

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CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

“The Dove hit the ground again. We’ll have to do another take, Gary.”

“Daggone it!!!!!!!!! Can anybody around here make wings that’ll actualy fly??? Go see if she’s OK.”

“Oh, we got plenty of padding. The Mudlark wrestling team is at a tournament in West Falls this weekend so we’re using all their mats. She should be fine.”

Well, ya gotta have Plan B. What if Uncle Gary WON the standoff with Rick’s dad??? Naturally, in the Thorpiverse, the script calls for Snidely Whiplash to hit the road, Jack, after Sniddles has dragged everybody through the mud, including the readers, for God-only-knows-how-many endless, pointless months. And the script proved correct. BUT, in coaching sports, I learned to expect the unexpected. I had the reserve script ready.

Wow, gang, you know the doggie doo is hitting the fan when our leading characters for this plot metamorphose into silhouettes. Sure-fire indicator the plot is thickening. Fireside chats are usually drawn out, pimples and all. Hitchcock Theater couldn’t mastermind this any better. I don’t think ANYBODY is really fixated on Mr. T and his teammates headin’ to the jump circle for the opening tip though I will never understand why objects further away from the matter on the present table are clearly drawn out but the price you pay if you want the Nielsen Ratings to remain strong which, I reckon, is how Hitchcock went from a draftsman at Milford High to hosting his own show. Horatio Alger couldn’t rise to the top any better. Anyway, let’s peep in on the conversation

“…like Cleopatra, Mimi Thorp, or Aphrodite/ do do, DO, DO…”

Oops, I got MTV by mistake. Let’s try this again

“Hey, Mr. T got a haircut!!!!! I like it!!!”

“Yeah, he says the Mohawk was getting in his face. Got tired of brushing it away and hair getting tangled up in his earrings.”

“And he can find his way to the jump circle!!!!!! Well, anyway, you tell that no-good slime of a broadcaster, ol’ DIGGY-poo, that you got your pride, Federico.”

“Fine. Now if you don’t mind, Coach Kaz is throwing down his Le Tigre jacket. I think I better strap on my Game Face.”

“Hey, did they move the basketball goal again?”

“Yeah, there was a water leak by the 3-point line and the Milford Sewer Department had to rope off the area. Paloma, PUH-LEASE, it’s showtime.”

P3 courtside perspective was undoubtedly the inspiration for “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”(basketball goal practically straight down the hallway?). Unless the Milford bench is situated at the half court line. Checking into the game oughta be fun. Heck, you’re already on the court. Why bother with the scorekeeping official. Still, you got your choice here, gang, although I’ll gladly accept write-in votes.

“She bitches endlessly/She cussed and railed at me

Unfurled my masculinity

I hope that I can check in and tune her out when I’m on the court

She can get on your nerves and annoy you like a 3-day wart, a wart, A WART

cuz SHE’S SO HIGGGHHHHH, HIGH ABOVE ME, SHE’S SO LOVELY, SHE’S SO…”

If yore name has a Spanish flavor to it and consequently, while being listed on the roster, takes up 1/3 of the program with all the “del’s” and “de la’s” but the play-by-play announcer still just calls ya “Bubba” when calling the game, ya might be a redneck.

“…like Cleopatra, Krusty’s niece, or Aphrodite/do do DO DO…”

Heard on the radio while driving on the Milford Turnpike

“And that ends the 3rd quarter as Milford has put on an 8-2 run, courtesy of a couple of Bubba Padilla putbacks, to extend the lead to 15, and after 3, it’s Milford, 57, and Oakwood, 42. We’ll be right back after this commercial break. You’re listening to exciting Mudlark Basketball on WDIG, a division of Learfield Sports.”

“Here’s what Coach Shaw had to say about our clinic:

‘My doctor told me there was nothing I could do about my erectile dysfunction. I told my wife and she was supportive but deep down I knew she was disappointed. I felt less of a man. I was embarrassed!!!!!! And the players on the football team, after practice was over, would ask me if I was OK. I guess I looked pretty bummed out. But what do you tell a 16-year-old linebacker? The truth? Then I saw the Milford Men’s Clinic across the mall while I was slurping my raspberry yogurt in a booth at Orange Julius. I decided to give it a try. What did I have to lose but my sex life? I could still cameo from season to season depending on where Gil needed me, if nothing else. I’m glad I walked in. Now my wife and I have restored our intimacy. I have eliminated my ED and have been restored back in good standing at the Milford Holiday Inn.’

Thousands upon thousands have engaged in the plan and have recovered their dignity as well as their desire. If Coach Shaw can walk out a new macho stud, you can too!!!!!!!!! Call today!!!!!!!! 1-800-SEX-GOOD or you can stop by our clinic in the Milford Mall and set up a free consultation. You can also visit us online at coachshawfoundlostmanhoodatmmclinic.com. You have nothing to lose but a whole more to gain!!!!!”

Today’s Black History Month person is Ronnie Mack. He was a songwriter and producer back in the early ’60’s. He somewhat paralleled Eddie Rabbitt as both were talented but wet-behind-the ears musicians and songwriters. Ronnie wrote “Puppy Love”(although not the Paul Anka version, the more popular one) while Eddie wrote “Kentucky Rain”, both sold for a song and a dance, the latter bought, loosely speaking, from Colonel Tom Parker(DON’T get me started on Parker’s ruthlessness) for Elvis to sing. Both Ronnie and Eddie got wise to the game, Eddie having a productive career with songs like “I Love a Rainy Night”, “Drivin’ My Life Away”, and “Every Which Way But Loose”. Ronnie went on to produce and write songs for The Chiffons, including the smash hit “He’s So Fine” and also wrote songs for The Tokens who had earlier fame with “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. Tragically, Ronnie died of cancer in 1963 and a VERY productive career was cruelly cut short. The songwriting team of Lamont Dozier, Eddie Holland, and Brian Holland, Motown heavyweights in the ’60’s with hits such as “Stop! In the Name of Love”, wrote a song about Ronnie, entitled “Jimmy Mack”, performed by Martha and The Vandellas. Oh, Jimmy Mack, when are you comin’ back indeed. Please spread the word about a man who deserved more and is VERY dear to my heart.

Gang, it’s your turn. Got any questions or comments, I’ll be on the other end, away from The Dove. I get a sick gut feeling she has more on her plate with a one Marty Moon.

January 6, 2018

Look for the Union Label

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Jordy Castillo was Milford baseball’s best story almost three years ago, but his story was never told.  Now it might be – or at least his backstory since then.  I think Kaz is trying to tell us Jordy went to play junior college (a/k/a “juco”) baseball, since junior chambers of commerce don’t typically have baseball programs.

Looks like Jordy’s already joined the union, if I read the lettering on his jacket correctly. What brings him to Gil’s office, and what’s captured his attention there?

“Say, Coach, that’s a nice team photo of your state football champions you got there. Looks like there’s some substandard wiring behind it, though. I heard the Milford School Board went with the lowest bidder when they upgraded, went with some scab – I mean, non-union – outfit to do the job.  It’d sure be a shame if it shorted out back here.  You could lose all these nice pictures, and that coffee pot, and your mug with your name on it… Oh, where was I? So, yeah, I’m an apprentice electrician now.”

It’s way too early to tell if Jordy is Chekhov’s electrician, but if this arc turns into a story about the current job market and the pursuit of a trade versus a college degree after high school it could be interesting, if not ham-fisted as per usual.

January 5, 2018

Primo!

Filed under: basketball, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 8:05 pm

So now Gil finally realizes its January 5 and he has no idea who will be on his basketball roster. Hey Gil– use one of the centers as a power forward. Then take the biggest guard and make him a small forward (like I was. My game was most like Brad Sellers – good outside shot, good free throw shooter, didnt rebound or play much defense except for some rough fouls that made up for my lack of talent in that area.)

So yesterday Gil told Marty he had 5 football players on his roster; now he tells Kaz he only has 2 football bodies. What happened to the other 3 between last week and today? Did they shrivel up overnight like old pumpkins? ( Reminds me I need to throw out my pumpkins from Halloween that are still sitting in the garage) And what about Rick Soto? Not a football body? What the hell was he on the football team for then??

And a new character – Primo – reminds me of my dads old friend Primo Ribeck. His name meant ‘First’. I didnt know him from Adam til my dad retired in 1982 and started playing in 2 golf leagues a week. I joined him when I could, as my job at the time was mostly evenings. The Friday group included Primo, who was a short guy who could putt better then me and gave me some good golf tips I still remember. He also had an electric cart that would ride ahead of him as he strode down the fairway with 3 clubs in his hand. He played fast for a short guy. But he always told me – “We wait for everyone else then we hurry. We’ll make them (the group behind us) wait for us.” Good advice. Rest in peace Primo. Your name lives on in Gil Thorp.

January 4, 2018

Hoops Analysis This Soon? Why Bother?

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Every now and then an astute TWIM commenter brings up the notion that Neal Rubin’s Milford, in which high school kids go out for, make, and play regularly on teams in multiple sports, isn’t necessarily an accurate reflection of the current state of youth sports in the US. We occasionally get a glimpse into that world – the summer 2015 arc being a prime example – but by and large it’s a phenomenon that gets overlooked in the Thorpiverse. Given that the deepest drink of success juice Gil’s had in along time came by way of a kid whose sole focus up to that point had been a single sport, you’d think he’d be more amenable to the idea. It might even make for a more intriguing story line than we’re used to seeing. (Me, I was wondering if there’d be some ramifications from Jaquan Case walking around Milford in a hoodie in summertime, but Rubin spit that bit.)

But the Gil Thorp model of team-building probably plays well in places where they still read GRIT Gil Thorp in print. It keeps Gil in a coaching monopoly and Marty in a spiffy crate. So maybe we’ll get treated to a quintet of lunky hoopers dishing out elbows and concussions whilst setting picks for A.A.Ron Aagard (whose splintered home life will hopefully get picked up on as the arc progresses) and another wispy guy in the Max Bacon/Lini Verde mold.

January 2, 2018

Is It Just Me Or Did I Miss The Grift?

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Seriously, though, other than a little concussion scare mongering in furtherance of Rick and UG’s careers, in addition to some professional and financial distress, UG didn’t seem to be all that nefarious, goatee notwithstanding.

And it looks like we’ll be kicking the New Year off with Aaaaaaron Aaaaargard and continuing with Rick Soto. I vaguely recall Gil’s intervention there being similarly sensitive and compassionate. C’mon, Gil. You just fractured a household. Don’t strain yourself patting your own back. And, Kaz, c’mon, keep that kind of talk for back in the coaches’ offices.

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