This Week in Milford

December 20, 2017

Gil Thorp – Ventriloquist?


OK, Rubin, you got me to google “Internet Ninja.”

It so happens that I am rather familiar with many regional and national dialects of English and also with the many different ways it sounds when spoken as a second language. With all respect due to the entrant, that doesn’t sound like it was written by someone remotely familiar with idiomatic English.

Panel Two takes the cake for inanity. Why talk about ‘all that’ Kelly found when you can talk about whether it took her a long time or a short time and when she managed to find the time… Meanwhile, is that an aged Han Solo in the background of this stylish pub with its exposed brick walls and industrial grade window muntins?

I’ve never seen a ventriloquist act in person. Can they really do that trick? I mean, just how persuasive is the illusion in the presence of the performer as opposed to watching on TV? I gotta hand it to him, I did not foresee witnessing this side of Gil. Day drinking? But of course. Vaudevillianism? Well, I guess he did have that act with Herc the Mauler.


December 19, 2017

So, Does That Make Uncle Gary An Internet Pirate?


Oh boy is Panel One ever so helpful in bringing us all up to speed. Thanks for the refresher Whigrub. Little Ricky’s bald spot seems to have migrated to the side of his head so that will bear monitoring I suppose.

I would like to point out all of the things which astound me about Panel Two but there’s no time as one’s attention is immediately captured by the magnificent bricks of the Ioan Anderson Travel agency. Besides which I believe the quoted text is more hilarious than anything which I’m likely to conceive.

Bonus commenter challenge: Identify each spectacular vacation vista beckoning to the odd passerby who might, on the spur of the moment, step into the office and embark on the voyage of a lifetime far from dreary and dilapidated Milford.

Metapost: We don’t have a tag and I can’t recall Kelly’s last name but this post should be tagged for her.  (I almost slipped and created a tag with a former colleague’s last name which was alliterative with her first name. Gonna guess that person doesn’t read the blog but still…)

Update: Tag for Kelly Krystek added thanks to the always reliable Maintainer of the Milford .xlsx, billytheskink!

Inspiration for today’s post title.

December 16, 2017

Sluggy in the Rain

Filed under: actual action, big arms, Coach Kaz, football, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 4:38 pm


“Kaz, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Gil, but me and Marjie Ducey I mean, what would the children look like?” 

Why are Kaz and Gil cut off at the ankles? Oh, it’s because we’re looking up at them from a POV somewhere down a flight of stairs. Uncle Gary’s, after Kaz pushed him down them? We should be so lucky. What an anticlimax.

Gil’s worried about Rick now? He wasn’t when he got clocked a couple of weeks ago? If his concern is about Rick’s manipulative uncle and spineless mom, why didn’t he lower the boom yesterday? Already armed with the lowdown on Uncle Gary’s Astroturfing campaign, Gil had every opportunity to expose the goateed one for what he is but chose to punt. The Mudlarks will be doing the same – both in the game and with their season – directly.

Today’s post inspiration:

December 5, 2017

With Or Without You (Rick Soto)


So, is Rick Soto good enough that there should (not to give Rubin even more to juggle) be an element of him being recruited? All of a sudden, it seems that everything hinges on him so you would think that he must have some D1 interest…

Meanwhile, Connie Soto (nee Gary) and her brother, Uncle, are becoming one of the most annoying brother and sister combos since Wynn and Wendy Wiley.*

Metapost: Inspiration for today’s post title was released over thirty years ago! Please excuse me while I go take my hypertension medication and look into transitional bifocals…

* For those that don’t recall, Wendy wasn’t too bad in that she behaved relatively inoffensively even though, as is typically the case with this strip, she mostly had things happen to her. Meanwhile, Wynn was a paternalistic nut-job with serious anger issues… (Also, too, he was the protagonist.)

December 4, 2017

Such A Fine Head


Prince Valiant stops by to fill in for Connie Soto in the first panel. Rick doesn’t notice. Is this a concussion symptom, when a comic strip character pretends to be your mom and you don’t notice? I tried calling the Mayo Clinic to see if their neurology department would weigh in, but they keep hanging up on me.

There’s a semi-mysterious object on top of the Soto refrigerator. It reminds me of the folded towels that can sometimes be spotted on the top of the lockers in the Milford locker room. Maybe it’s a sad cookie jar. When I was a kid, our refrigerator was out in the open like that and all sorts of stuff got stowed up there, e.g. the phone book. I guess it made sense because the phone was in the kitchen. I digress because I don’t really want to address…

the second panel. Okay, so Connie is back and now she’s giving Ricky a mysterious look. It’s not really a mother concerned about son’s concussion look, but I’m not sure what it is. As to what Connie means by second opinion, well, that’s not clear either. No doubt, UG is standing just outside of frame waiting to give his opinion, which is no doubt medically sound and unbiased. Thankfully, we were spared from UG tipping down his glasses again.

The subtext of the last panel is Gil’s pissiness because he thought he and Kaz were both going to dress up today, but Kaz  just went with the traditional black t-shirt. “No, you know I can’t wear dress shirts, Gil. My arms are too big and my waist in so narrow, but purple is a great color on you.”

November 22, 2017

Extra-Smart Lawyer Uncle


The wheels really turn slowly here. Two strips were spent so Gil can find out what has been happening for the last two months and then turn around and fill in Kaz. But that’s nothing new. This isn’t a novel complaint. What’s really interesting is that Gil has relocated his office to a Burger King. That’s what I thought looking at the Tuesday strip on its own, without the context of seeing the story continue into the Wednesday strip. So the building isn’t talking, it’s the car talking, and the car contains the players who are going through the drive through so they can drive down to the park and eat burgers on a picnic bench, where Rick can reaffirm that he wants to play football and not sing.

I’ve obviously been reading this strip and puzzling over its shortcomings for so long that maybe obvious things elude me, but I swear I just pieced this together just now as I was writing this. Seriously Rubin and Whigham, if you’re going to smash cut from one scene into another in mid-strip, it’s not a great idea to try and establish the new scene with a talking car.


Metacomment: I hope I’m not stepping on anybody’s toes by posting. I didn’t see any emails about spelling Tim this week, but he did mention a trip to the desert last week and delayed posting. I hope it’s nice and peaceful there, Tim.  I have a light schedule today, so what the heck.

Hey, gang, do you mind if I break form here for a second and tell you a personal story? No? Okay here goes: I got my first job at sixteen working at a Taco Bell in Winter Haven, Florida. This Taco Bell location was unique in that for some reason having to do with zoning, permitting, etc on the lot where the building stood, the drive through was seriously flawed. When you pulled your car up to the window, the building was on your right instead of your left. If you didn’t have a front seat passenger to assist you, you had to lean all the way over your passenger seat to pay and collect your order (unless you had a European car with the driver’s seat on the right, which I think would get you run out of Winter Haven, Florida.) When you worked the drive through, 99% of the customers felt compelled to tell you, “Hey, your drive through is on the wrong side!” I tried to joke with people about it, but it got pretty wearisome after a while. (There’s a zillion other bizarre and annoying things that come with working a drive through window.) A sports columnist from one of the Boston papers wrote a column about Winter Haven when he was covering the Red Sox spring training, detailing what a slow and backwards place the city was. The f’ed up drive through at Taco Bell was one of his chief complaints.

October 27, 2017

The .. whaaaaat???

So now that Gil has all these plans to overhaul the offense and put in the veer, which I’m sure requires him to be on the job almost 24/7, he suddenly worries about … Rick singing the national anthem before the game??

WTF? why the hell does Gil give a flying fuck who sings the national anthem before the game?? He’s got plays to teach, Players to teach them to, practices to run, and now he gets emails about this distraction? Every week its something else thats more hair-brained then the last week. Its as if they cant get enough to do before they have to worry about something else thats 10 times as trivial. They take 2 months to play 2 games then decide they need a new offense after the defense gets its doors blown off. Now its this crap.

And all because Rick sang a song at the cafeteria last month! That he didnt want to sing anyway. Now he’s turned into Wayne Messmer overnight. (He’s an anthem singer in my hometown)

P3 – Dr. Pearl wrote the note; and she sounds like a fan, but again, doesnt she have better things to do? I already ranted in my metapost last Monday  (hope y’all had time to read it, I had too many thoughts to just comment)  about them farting away the summer on Jaquan Cases football dreams instead of delving into this sexy new offense that’ll debut just in time for snowflakes on the ground.

Well, after saying all that, I’ve decided who should really sing the anthem at the next game. Its someone they truly deserve, and couldnt be more fitting for the meatheads in charge of this school:……………

Roseanne Barr.

October 16, 2017

No Time For Duck Jokes


Oh, Uncle Gary. You’re unrelenting in your disdain of football. Don’t let the Millard West Wildcats hear your dismissive jabs, or they’ll drive up(?) from Omaha, Nebraska show you what it’s like! Sit over there with your coffee cup and your barbs, we’ve got other things of import to untangle here today.

What the hell? Coach Kaz went and got a black/blue dye job? (Okay, so this is why I used the color strip today. I kind of feel like colorist mistakes are maybe the easiest and most painfully obvious things to snark on, but on some most Mondays, I’ll take just about anything I can get.) Well, Kaz, what can we say? It looks great on you. Combined with the backwards clergy collar/black tee, it’s a bold new look for you. I guess the rest of the coaching brain trust (Coach Shaw! Steve Boone! Gilbot 3000!) is too absorbed in game video to take in your bold new choices. I predict Kaz will go and rinse that color out of his hair in time for his next appearance.

So we began with a goateed a-hole and now we end with the OG goateed a-hole, Marty Moon. Marty is doing his usual, the journalistic equivalent of stepping on a gardening rake. He lobs a presumptive question at Gil. In this cliffhanger style presentation, Gil gets a whole day to formulate a snarky and insultingly dismissive answer.

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