This Week in Milford

January 2, 2018

Is It Just Me Or Did I Miss The Grift?

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Seriously, though, other than a little concussion scare mongering in furtherance of Rick and UG’s careers, in addition to some professional and financial distress, UG didn’t seem to be all that nefarious, goatee notwithstanding.

And it looks like we’ll be kicking the New Year off with Aaaaaaron Aaaaargard and continuing with Rick Soto. I vaguely recall Gil’s intervention there being similarly sensitive and compassionate. C’mon, Gil. You just fractured a household. Don’t strain yourself patting your own back. And, Kaz, c’mon, keep that kind of talk for back in the coaches’ offices.

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January 1, 2018

Happy New Year

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 7:53 am

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Happy New Year to all you Thorpsters!

It looks like Gil and Kaz are ready to turn the page and start fresh with basketball. We are all looking forward to another journey on the hardwood and the exploits of the youthful Mudlark cagers. 2018 is going to be a great year. I’ve got a feeling about this.

Oh, but first there’s one more turd left over from 2017 and it’s today’s insufferable, self-congratulatory stinker! The previous strip told us there were two more football games and a talent show. We learn via post season hive fiving that Milford won the final game at Valley Tech by 20. That’s it. The record book entry for the 2017 football season will be brief and sketchy.

As far as the Sotos go, all we need to know is that Gil helped solve their problem. Yeah, whatever. He waited until the last minute, got Kaz to ask Kelly to google Uncle Gary and then apparently reminded Richard Soto Sr. that he needed to participate in raising his son because Connie was basically useless.

Oh, how proud we are of Gil!

achiever

By the way, Gil, is that an ANUS brand laptop on your desk? Seems fitting considering where most of your coaching and mentoring wisdom originates from.

 

December 25, 2017

Time Out

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Here we go. Rick Soto is walking in to this improbable confrontation to put the final nail in Uncle Gary’s coffin. The only way this would be interesting is if it’s not Rick, but the guy whose couch Gary slept on rent free for months. That couch was expensive and Gary’s gonna pay!

That’s all neither here nor there. It’s time for the Christmas greeting. It looks like Kelly and Bob get to participate this year. It’s only fitting as it was Kelly’s internet ninja skills that finally nudged this stupid plot from it’s endless torpor. As far as the Thorp kids go, just forget about them. They’re never coming back.

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

December 21, 2017

I Need to JO

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Jo Dawg, I heard you like joe so I put “JO” on your joe mug so you can read “JO” while you drink joe

*****

 

Well, the talk on the street
Says you coach Rick Soto
This brother of mine
Says he shouldn’t play no mo’

I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
If you think he shouldn’t play
Then you better say so
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
Because I don’t know who’s wrong, him or my son
If I’m needin’ to wait, if I’m needin’ a spine
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)

Who would’ve thought that
I’d listen to this guy?
I’ll be right back
I gotta call Dubai

I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
If you think he oughta play
Then you better say so
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
Because I don’t know who’s wrong, him or my son
If I’m needin’ to wait, if I’m needin’ a spine
I need to know (I need to know)
I need to know (I need to know)
Wow!

*apologies to the late great TP

Wish I knew how to get my thumb to migrate to the other side of my palm like Gil has. He must be double-jointed and Hungarian.

December 20, 2017

Gil Thorp – Ventriloquist?

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OK, Rubin, you got me to google “Internet Ninja.”

It so happens that I am rather familiar with many regional and national dialects of English and also with the many different ways it sounds when spoken as a second language. With all respect due to the entrant, that doesn’t sound like it was written by someone remotely familiar with idiomatic English.

Panel Two takes the cake for inanity. Why talk about ‘all that’ Kelly found when you can talk about whether it took her a long time or a short time and when she managed to find the time… Meanwhile, is that an aged Han Solo in the background of this stylish pub with its exposed brick walls and industrial grade window muntins?

I’ve never seen a ventriloquist act in person. Can they really do that trick? I mean, just how persuasive is the illusion in the presence of the performer as opposed to watching on TV? I gotta hand it to him, I did not foresee witnessing this side of Gil. Day drinking? But of course. Vaudevillianism? Well, I guess he did have that act with Herc the Mauler.

December 19, 2017

So, Does That Make Uncle Gary An Internet Pirate?

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Oh boy is Panel One ever so helpful in bringing us all up to speed. Thanks for the refresher Whigrub. Little Ricky’s bald spot seems to have migrated to the side of his head so that will bear monitoring I suppose.

I would like to point out all of the things which astound me about Panel Two but there’s no time as one’s attention is immediately captured by the magnificent bricks of the Ioan Anderson Travel agency. Besides which I believe the quoted text is more hilarious than anything which I’m likely to conceive.

Bonus commenter challenge: Identify each spectacular vacation vista beckoning to the odd passerby who might, on the spur of the moment, step into the office and embark on the voyage of a lifetime far from dreary and dilapidated Milford.

Metapost: We don’t have a tag and I can’t recall Kelly’s last name but this post should be tagged for her.  (I almost slipped and created a tag with a former colleague’s last name which was alliterative with her first name. Gonna guess that person doesn’t read the blog but still…)

Update: Tag for Kelly Krystek added thanks to the always reliable Maintainer of the Milford .xlsx, billytheskink!

Inspiration for today’s post title.

December 16, 2017

Sluggy in the Rain

Filed under: actual action, big arms, Coach Kaz, football, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 4:38 pm

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“Kaz, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Gil, but me and Marjie Ducey I mean, what would the children look like?” 

Why are Kaz and Gil cut off at the ankles? Oh, it’s because we’re looking up at them from a POV somewhere down a flight of stairs. Uncle Gary’s, after Kaz pushed him down them? We should be so lucky. What an anticlimax.

Gil’s worried about Rick now? He wasn’t when he got clocked a couple of weeks ago? If his concern is about Rick’s manipulative uncle and spineless mom, why didn’t he lower the boom yesterday? Already armed with the lowdown on Uncle Gary’s Astroturfing campaign, Gil had every opportunity to expose the goateed one for what he is but chose to punt. The Mudlarks will be doing the same – both in the game and with their season – directly.

Today’s post inspiration:

December 5, 2017

With Or Without You (Rick Soto)

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So, is Rick Soto good enough that there should (not to give Rubin even more to juggle) be an element of him being recruited? All of a sudden, it seems that everything hinges on him so you would think that he must have some D1 interest…

Meanwhile, Connie Soto (nee Gary) and her brother, Uncle, are becoming one of the most annoying brother and sister combos since Wynn and Wendy Wiley.*

Metapost: Inspiration for today’s post title was released over thirty years ago! Please excuse me while I go take my hypertension medication and look into transitional bifocals…

* For those that don’t recall, Wendy wasn’t too bad in that she behaved relatively inoffensively even though, as is typically the case with this strip, she mostly had things happen to her. Meanwhile, Wynn was a paternalistic nut-job with serious anger issues… (Also, too, he was the protagonist.)

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