This Week in Milford

November 7, 2017

Oh Goody. More Waiting.

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Amazing. So, Gil’s brilliant strategy of implementing a new offense mid-season was based on, among other very dubious assumptions, the notion that it keys entirely off of one and only one player. That’s some coaching.

Panel 1: I had a job with a guy from the midwest who used ‘gents’ frequently. A recent development was that I had to work with/for him a lot more. I don’t work at that job anymore.

Panel 2: Should I recognize this guy? I sure should. He’s the dynamo who is driving the plot, Andre! Here he is as part of the crowd and here is where we confirm his name. We also see him here being kind of a jerk about supporting Little Ricky’s fledgling singing career. Way to go, Andre! That can-do spirit is exactly what the team will need while they are getting pounded into the turf at Tilden.

Panel 3: Speaking of jerks… Jeeze guys. Maybe save that talk for after practice. Are coaches Shaw and Boone the shadowy figures lurking in panel two? Guys! Gil and Andre can totally hear you.

Bonus Question: What is the purpose of that card Steve is holding? I checked the color version of the strip which shows that it’s a white, blank card.

Bonus Bonus Question: Speaking of, by what means is Steve’s towel suspended?

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October 16, 2017

No Time For Duck Jokes

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Oh, Uncle Gary. You’re unrelenting in your disdain of football. Don’t let the Millard West Wildcats hear your dismissive jabs, or they’ll drive up(?) from Omaha, Nebraska show you what it’s like! Sit over there with your coffee cup and your barbs, we’ve got other things of import to untangle here today.

What the hell? Coach Kaz went and got a black/blue dye job? (Okay, so this is why I used the color strip today. I kind of feel like colorist mistakes are maybe the easiest and most painfully obvious things to snark on, but on some most Mondays, I’ll take just about anything I can get.) Well, Kaz, what can we say? It looks great on you. Combined with the backwards clergy collar/black tee, it’s a bold new look for you. I guess the rest of the coaching brain trust (Coach Shaw! Steve Boone! Gilbot 3000!) is too absorbed in game video to take in your bold new choices. I predict Kaz will go and rinse that color out of his hair in time for his next appearance.

So we began with a goateed a-hole and now we end with the OG goateed a-hole, Marty Moon. Marty is doing his usual, the journalistic equivalent of stepping on a gardening rake. He lobs a presumptive question at Gil. In this cliffhanger style presentation, Gil gets a whole day to formulate a snarky and insultingly dismissive answer.

November 21, 2016

D To The Uh

Filed under: Coach Shaw, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 4:19 am

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Heather Burns is a genius. Too bad Gil and Kaz didn’t stick around to hear the reveal.

The solution to this problem is to remember who your second and third string TEs were and maybe use them.

Who operates the camera to capture the video? They need some work on general camera pointing skills.

November 19, 2016

Gil, Kaz and Coach Shaw Weren’t Busy Doing Anything Else Apparently

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Panels one and three are plenty ridiculous, but panel two is a cornucopia of Milford weirdness. Had I more time and inspiration, I would try to track down the vintage of whatever monitor that might be or, at least, I would make a joke about how Gil had coasters stacked on either side of it.

Unseen footage: I would love to have a strip with one of the AP teachers complaining to Dr. Pearl about all of the bullshit passes Gil sends to excuse students from class on the flimsiest of pretenses.

Updated to add ‘freak hands’ tag… don’t look too long at Heather’s wrist in P1 if you know what’s good for you.

October 29, 2016

Crush With Eyeliner

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Coach Shaw, football, Gil Thorp, Mimi Thorp, Pissy faced Gil — teenchy @ 8:07 am

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“No, let’s crush Heather’s confidence – and her body – instead.” Good job, Coach Shaw. You get more lines this season than you have in many and you’re ready to throw a girl under the bus. Meanwhile, the double entendres continue as Mimi quizzes Gil (who’s striking a Lincoln Memorial pose) about his past and future. I’m not even gonna take that bait today; y’all can run with that with your dirty minds.

5’8″, 150 is ridiculously small for a TE. Slot receiver, too. This coming from yhs who was a 5’8″, 190 reserve NT/ILB in high school. Granted that was during the Carter Administration and at a school in a town with one traffic light, but enough about me. I gotta start getting my drink on. The WLOCP is this afternoon and by all accounts it’s gonna get ugly fast.

Inspiration for today’s post title, as if y’all didn’t know already:

October 22, 2016

Backing Up (Like a Dump Truck)

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Kevin Pelwecki may not have a poster of the right guard on his wall, but does he have Groucho Marx and Chuck McCann in his medicine cabinet?

Here we were for the past couple of days remarking on how this strip portrays football positions in dialog balloons as abbreviations and wondering whether Milfordians pronounced them as abbreviations, and now here are kids sounding out the full name of each position. In so doing The Secret Pelwecki shows himself to be yet another in a very long line of Milford Idiots who want nothing more than to be the defensive lineman right guard center of attention. I blame reality television.

Then – hey y’all, look! It’s a rare Coach Shaw spotting – and with more lines than just about ever. He’s setting us up for the fifth-string QB‘s transition into the third-string TE. Kaz, however, has had enough of his talk. By doing an end-around to snatch Coach Shaw’s MATT mug, Kaz asserts his dominance over Coach Shaw and maintains his status as beta male on the Milford sidelines.

January 28, 2015

Murder Most Foul… Get It?

Filed under: actual action, Bad Jokes, basketball, Coach Shaw, freak hands, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 9:42 am

January 28, 2015

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Confronted with an improved, dominating player, Gil goes straight to the bottom of his bag of tricks by instructing Malik McCall to simply kill Antoine Reed on the next possession. It’s unclear, exactly, what Gil has in mind by Ken taking up the slack but presumably this has to do either with helping defend Malik’s usual assignment or it is some sort of murderer slang to which I’m just not hip.

Bonus points: Those are some interesting hands on Max there. Is it just me or is his left index significantly longer than the rest?

So, Antoine is ‘All-League’ but aren’t they playing in the Valley Conference?

I really enjoy the dialogue in panel two. I am positive that the Gil’s response to Kaz was along the lines of “I think we both know what needs to be done.” and thus did Malik ‘Madman’ McCall get the job.

December 9, 2012

Get Stuffed, I’m Off To Get My Stomach Pumped

Filed under: actual action, Coach Shaw, football, lessons learned — nedryerson @ 3:19 pm

12/6/12
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Forget the dramatic tension, look at that cottony soft beard on Coach Shaw! It looks like a craft project, like cotton balls glued onto a ceramic mug. Actually, that consistency continues all the way up onto Shaw’s head. All of his facial and head hair is glued on batting of some sort, like what you spread around on the floor under your Christmas tree to simulate snow. His hair could also be made out of Play Doh, like something produced at the Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop. It is magnificent hair.

Oh yeah, the game. Milford got hosed. Terry learns a valuable lesson in something and we wait to see what happens, paralyzed by tension.

12/7/12
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No title, but a winning season. Not that we want this to drag on on any further, but are there no playdowns in football? Is the regular season title the ultimate prize? Does anybody care at this point?

A further question: Does Valley Tech have locker rooms or showers or anything? No? Whatever. Let’s make that bus ride as uncomfortable and smelly as possible.

12/8/12
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So, this fall plot limps over the finish line, calling back a lame joke and leaving us in the dark about Doyle Dong’s motivations (probably). It seems as if his “sincerity, that might work” line was the summation of his whole story. And then this, a money shot, of sorts, two radish roses to the face

Let’s hang the peach baskets and hope for the best.

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