This Week in Milford

January 21, 2023

They seem confident, but Toby’s looking a little jaundiced tbh

Second day in a row and third of six this past week on Rod and Tobe selling vapes. That’s practically a complete story arc in the nu-look Thorpiverse. Still some dots to connect, as usual. Where are they getting the vapes? Where is the chocolate going? Is it straight up barter or are there additional steps in between? Are tattoos and legit DVDs doctored to look fake somehow involved?

Coach Ochoa* is playing bag lady for these two and she’s probably better off not knowing where the money came from. Plausible deniability could go a long way for her and Gil when this racket gets busted and Dr. Pearl comes headhunting.

Chief Lind’s officers will have no problem picking these two miscreants out in that blaze orange shitbox that must’ve come off Foxy’s lot. No problem hauling them in either, as long as they stay away from the trunk. What’s in there with the candy bars that has the power to change the color of clothing and skin? J. Frank Parnell’s aliens? Marsellus Wallace’s briefcase? Bitcoin?

*Who is Coach Ochoa coaching, exactly? The only strips we’ve seen in this season had her holding Gil’s balls in a sack or running the Milford boys through a dribbling two balls at once drill. Is there no Milford girls’ team this season? Some confirmation would be nice (hint, hint).

January 7, 2023

Not Sure Which Part of This Is Tradition

Is it the bonfire? Wrong time of year for that in Milford. Unless they started it with Gil’s playbook. Then that might be a good new tradition.

Is it the s’mores? I thought sloppy joes were the thing.

Is it ditching your date for your gal pal? In the words of the late Judy Tenuta, “It could happen.”

Is it the man bun? Not sure we’ve seen one of those on a Mudlark before.

I know what it is: it’s the underage drinking! We’ve been down this road multiple times before. All it takes is one snitch and Gil’s zero-tolerance policy and, before you know it, there won’t be enough kids to field a basketball team. Milford forfeits the rest of the season and starts getting ready for baseball. That’s one way to deal with those pesky budget cuts!

January 6, 2023

I’d like to check that bald guys birth certificate..

Filed under: basketball, dopes, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 6:27 pm

Holy moly if that wasnt the worst drawing of a high school athlete yesterday in P1 then one doesnt exist. He looked more like the janitor (not Steve Luhm) then a triple double machine that could be in the NBA in 4 years if not sooner. The way these high schoolers are built these days, you can almost lengthen the court for them.

Big postgame interview after a podunk high school game. Really, a camera is needed? Who are these guys, the Associated Press? Normally you see the coach interviewed by 1 guy as he’s cleaning up the bench area. And all dressed up too! Marty needs to remember the tie doesnt have to match the jacket. Green on green looks.. notsogood.

And Marty is looking away from Gil as he asks the (dumb) question. Why the hell is he referring to a football game?? This is the basketball team. Yes I know Gil coaches everything except pickleball, but these are different guys playing a different sport. Or theyre Supposed to be.

And you dont have a Playbook for basketball Gildo. Hey, if your playbook burns up because of that fire that’d be a GOOD thing.

December 21, 2022

A Hot Spit Take

As promised, my jet-lagged and sleep-deprived self is here with today’s post and it’s gonna be blunt.

While Valley Tech players dance around like Matisse’s Icarus, Gil offers Luke a congratulatory handshake and gets a neck full of spittle in return. Not only does Martinez still carry a misdirected 35-year grudge, he also suffers from Napoleon syndrome and delusions of grandeur. Squeaking out a one-point win because you stopped your opponent’s two-point conversion attempt hardly qualifies as an embarrassment. There were no stakes attached to the golf game and no one listens to Marty’s podcast. People can only be embarrassed if they choose to be, and Gil clearly has not chosen to be.

Enough of this chode. He should get what’s coming to him eventually. Enough of the Tuesday morning quarterbacking, too. Gil gambled and the gamble didn’t pay off. It happens. I still think there should be some explanation for why Milford decided to go for two and not try to force overtime with an established kicker (maybe two, if we count Hooper and if the scores that are neat multiples of seven are any indication), but I’m not holding my breath. A few days on the domestic front and a Saturday Christmas Eve strip (surprised no Hanukkah strip with Kaz and his new squeeze) and we should pivot to basketball.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to take a look at the inside of my eyelids. Happy Solstice. teenchy out.

December 16, 2022

3 panels, 3 piles of hoo-ha

Filed under: actual action, dopes, football, shadow figures, Valley Tech — robmize2013 @ 8:35 pm

Like a full plate of food at a buffet, of which I was at 2 on Sunday, (Breakfast with Santa and the dog and a holiday party) we have a lot to digest.

P1– What kind of hat is that for a football coach not named Bum Phillips? Duh, Gil is behind and wants to pass it. Thats a brilliant thought. I dont know Gil from Adam (Sandler) but I know you pass when behind and run when ahead. Of course Coach Kim suggests the opposite- we cant stop the run so Gil will continue to run it. Goddamn it, this is high school. Just play your normal defense. I watched high school football for 35 years, and 99 percent of the defensive coverages look the same.

And why is the VT head coach referring to his assistant like that? Just say his first name. Your his boss, dope.

P2– The radio analyst announces what Milford needs to avoid OT— hey dope, the team that wants to avoid OT is the team thats ahead. Not Milford. Theyre behind. And whats THIS TD?? How about A TD?.. dope?

Apparently thats the Milford QB extending his arm into P3 where we have….

P3– Hey Marty– say the guys name that passed the ball, not MILFORD PASSES. Its not the whole team throwing the ball is it? Dope.

Rodney Barnes MAKES THE CATCH. Completes the catch is for the replay officials in the NFL to determine. This is high school. Dope. And nice defense by VT- not a defender in sight of Barnes; they obviously played the assistants strategy. Dopes.

And I pass the baton to Teenchy for the dramatic finish tomorrow. Will the Larks go for 2 or play for OT and extend the game into Christmas?

I’m ready for some dessert now.

NEW CATEGORY: DOPES.

Enjoy a clip of the real number 89 – Mike Ditka’s number retirement ceremony at Soldier Field.

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