Correction: Orange Is the New Dafonte*

*and how many times have I relied on the “Orange Is the New Black” trope? Don’t ask.

Does anyone know how to lay the bases out at Valley Tech?  The outside edge of the bag goes along the baseline with the rest of the bag in fair territory, not the inside of the bag with the rest in foul territory.  Never mind that: does that field have no foul territory or what?  I wonder how many kids hurt themselves chasing after foul balls and falling over that parapet in front of the dugout.  No matter, visiting players shouldn’t swing from the dugout roof.

Valley Tech’s messed up ball field pales in comparison to today’s big reveal: Dafne Dafonte was the second driver!  How else would she be going to prison and seeing Del?   Oh wait, prisons aren’t co-ed?  Never mind.  My head spins with the crazy schemes Dafne could’ve cooked up to make this happen.  Maybe she secretly lusted after True Standish, wanted Boo Radley killed off and, disguised as Shelly from Selasky’s Supper Club, got Del Bader drunk so he would cause death.  Hey, it’s not that much more far-fetched than the idea of Del agreeing to speak to some nosy kid from his son’s high school’s newspaper in order to somehow clear his name.

Meanwhile, another Trumpet staffer, having picked up one of Holly Dobbs’ left-behind wigs, amuses herself with some newfound gadgetry.  Photography/videography buffs, help me out please: isn’t she wearing a steadicam harness?  Are those designed to work with 1960s-era film cameras like the one she’s holding?

metapost: Ned, Tim and the rest of the TWIM community have taken this blog to another level this week.  Here’s hoping I can keep it up.  Thanks to all for keeping this a going concern.

 

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Short Bader

Short Bader got no reason
Short Bader got no reason
Short Bader got no reason
To live

He’s got little patience
And little mind
His little ego
Got a great big size
He’s got little fuse
You never gonna know
Just what’s gonna
Make him wanna go

Well, I don’t want no short tempers
Don’t want no short tempers
Don’t want no short tempers
‘Round here

Short Bader just shifts the blame
On you and I
(He’s livin’ the lie)
“Boo Radley was snippy
Until the day she died”
(You can’t polish this turd)

Short Bader got nobody
Short Bader got nobody
Short Bader got nobody
For friends

Thinks second base is his and
He don’t wanna yield
You got to pick him up
To get him off the field
He got a little voice
Goin’ yap, yap, yap

All his teammates

Are sick of his crap
His little free library
Has gotta be the best
He can’t give things any rest
Well, I don’t want no short Bader
Don’t want no short Bader
Don’t want no short Bader
‘Round here

*apologies Randy Newman

Frost/Nixon This Isn’t

Barry probably should’ve taken one of his mom’s Ativans before this interview.

Speaking of, did Ma Bader ever even come back with DD’s diet soda, er, ice water? The depictions of single moms in this strip, with the possible exception of Judge Hiatt,* are almost uniformly negative. What gives I wonder?

That said, I question why DD is leaning in in panel two and then throws BB a lifeline.

Bonus points:

P1: Rare double exploding eyeballs.

P2: Do the kids these days still use notebooks? Do the reporters?

P3: “Everyone thinks you’re a jerk. Do you think you’ve become more of a jerk?”

* As Billy points out Judge Hiatt is not actually single, which I think bolsters my point.

The Moose Is Loose-lipped

Well I was all ready for another day of Barry justifying to his mom why he thinks it’s a good idea to bare his soul to Dafne Dafonte and, by extension, to the Milford High student body.  Barry could point out that budget cuts sent “Sarah,” or “Mrs. Forbes,” or whoever packing and that his coaches would rather manhandle and punish him than see that he gets some kind of help. If Rubin turns this arc into “Barry’s Got a Gun” it wouldn’t surprise me a lick, and I’d expect him to handle it as tactfully as he handled the crisis in Puerto Rico post-Maria.

But noooo, we’re back to actual action and, with two games in one strip, a reminder that the baseball season needs to speed up a little. (BTW, shouldn’t Barry’s two-game suspension be over after the Valley Tech game? Did he make the trip to Jefferson?)  I’m curious as to whether the Jeffs outfielder has dislocated his arm at the shoulder in an effort to snag Pelwecki’s tater, ’cause it looks like that arm will hang below his knees once he lowers it.  Meanwhile, Pelwecki is starting to come perilously close to turning from likeable, ambitious wannabe star into that most common of Milford athletes, a braggart whose hubris will be his undoing.  Careful, Kevin: slow that home run trot down too much and you’ll get the Carlos Gomez treatment.

 

Pissy Faced Howdy Doody Is Pissed

Barry Bader certainly is not one to take responsibility for his own actions, is he?  Gotta wonder how far back Barry’s chain of causation goes.   Does he thank his old man for getting thrown into the stony lonesome, or that stupid lawyer for not working out a better deal for his old man, or that ugly cow of a judge for hearing his case, or that second driver hanging on to old technology, or Boo Radley for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Credit where credit’s due, I suppose.  In her never-ending quest to promote her self-perceived journalism career by digging up dirt on her schoolmates, Dafne has the presence of mind to see that Barry needs help.  Exploiting that need for your own self-aggrandizement? That’s not how therapy works!

Went with the color version of the strip today to confirm that Dafne’s had an eye color change (and acquired a base tan) from last season. Colored contacts?

Launch Angles!

OK, Gil Thorp, I am not ashamed to admit that, when it comes to depictions of cartoon violence, you have my full attention. Showing the Derby baserunner (my hero!) dusting himself off in P1 just before getting tackled made my day. The only disappointment is that we miss the rest of the tussle and skip right ahead to the ump ejecting BB.

Bonus points:

BB’s form looks pretty good in panel two.

I always thought umps tossed people with their thumbs, not their pointer fingers but maybe I’m wrong about that.

Bonus questions:

How much of a run up do you think BB got and did the Derby baserunner (my hero!) see him coming or was he hit from the side?

Did I mention that the Derby baserunner is my hero?

Barry Being Barry

Is Barry being pissy because his father is in prison and he’s being hounded by Dafne, or is Barry just predisposed to pissiness? This is the question of the season, along with a general, all around WTF.

There’s something about the overall proportions of panel one that makes Barry look tiny. Maybe it’s just me. Each figure in the panel looks to be in a different plane and they seem disproportionately sized. I don’t really know. It just looks off.

So Barry grounds out and gets pissy with the ump. Seemingly out of nowhere, Coach Kaz appears to lift Barry and carry him away from confrontation. Is this a condensed version where we missed an escalating confrontation or did Coach Kaz just materialize at first to manhandle Barry preemptively? (If Kaz was coaching first base, he should have a helmet on, right?)

I’m going to have to say, as pissy as Barry can be, being lifted up and carried away by a coach (as humorous as the image is) is pretty transgressive. Even if Barry was being a turd, this is just a bad move. Do we have enough room in this plot to examine the repercussions of Kaz handling a player like this? It’s doubtful. I think it’s just supposed to be a funny gag, but it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t even think I’m going all #metoo on this. I just think it looks bad. I think an ump should take control very quickly and just toss Barry for arguing. I would think that would be warranted in high school ball. If Barry melted down as a result of being tossed, that would require intervention, but we just don’t see that much detail of the whole incident.

Have at it readers!

Also: Rapped or chopped? Which one would you think would be easier to beat out?

Has Anyone Else Been Wondering How Barry’s Doing? Nah, Didn’t Think So.

Running with the color version today so we can revisit the Indians’ Mudlarks’ bloodclot unis and verify Jay Bhatia’s skin tone.  I guess they did an okay job of it; at least he doesn’t look like Peter Sellers in The Party.  His glove is the same color as the rest of the uniforms so that’s a minus.  Hard to tell from this angle whether he’s still wearing the round glasses or if he’s switched over to goggles.  There’s a strap running around the back of his head so I’m gonna guess the latter, a Chris Sabo or Tyler Clippard look.  Too bad; yesterday I was getting a retro vibe from him, kind of a Dom DiMaggio meets Earl Torgeson meets Chick Hafey meets Clint Courtney thing.

Sorry about getting stuck in the minutiae but, yeah, Barry Bader’s back in a speaking role and as prickly as ever.  There were a lot of holes to fill from Jay’s convo with Dafne yesterday, in particular what it is about Jay that makes Dafne think they “see eye to eye.”  The directive must have been to pump Barry for info, and let’s just say Jay’s about as subtle as a blowtorch in doing so.  (Ya know, since it was Jorge Padilla who asked what Barry’s deal was, maybe he’d have been a good person to grill Barry instead. He could always pull the new guy card.) Good on Jay for directing Barry’s ire back on Dafne; that sets us up for a nice f-t-f confrontation next week which promises some exposition on life im Schloss Bader and a nice MYODB.