This Week in Milford

March 10, 2015

The Sweater Vest And Tie Just Scream ‘Authority Figure’

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, freak hands, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 8:18 am

March 10, 2015


And when Bobby pulls down his glasses so that he can yell at you while looking over the frames, you know he means business…

In other news, it appears that Max knots his tie with a four in hand. I would have though any self-respecting wannabe coach would at least go for a full Windsor but maybe that’s not advised when one is also wearing the aforementioned sweater vest.

Hey, do you think Gil just got the clue he needed to break the case of the above average point guard whose performance marginally improved over the course of the season? Meanwhile, Max waves his index finger in the air for no good reason. The kid may have some talent but he clearly isn’t the brains of this criminal endeavor.

January 16, 2015

Not Thinking Is Half the Battle

January 16, 2015


Wait, wasn’t Bobby already walking away from Lysol (thanks, vaganova, for that suggestion) yesterday? Did she just jangle her bracelets at him to get him running back to her table or what? And now he’s gotta be somewhere else – off to give more unsolicited hoops technique advice, I suppose, or maybe to his evening job as a teller at TD Bank. If Bobby’s powers of suggestion work their magic on Lysol, soon enough she’ll be not thinking about him stalking her.

I don’t imagine Mimi makes the Lady Mudlarks practice between games, otherwise Lysol might’ve had the opportunity to think abut not dribbling before having to not dribble in a game situation. I wonder how long it’ll take before Lysol just starts throwing the rock up as soon as it’s passed to her, no matter where she is on the court?

Metapost: From yesterday’s comments, our own robmize is off to Cubs Convention in Chicago. Looking over the list of Cubs Alumni attendees scheduled to appear, I noted this guy, who began his career on the South Side and finished it on the North Side but was shown the door to make room for the infamous Carlos Zambrano.

Bob Howry, Cubs

How did we miss this? Robmize, if you’re reading this I fully expect you to ask Bob if he knows he’s a character in the current Gil Thorp story arc.

January 7, 2015

You Had One Job

Filed under: basketball, Boredom in Milford, Coach Kaz, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome — timbuys @ 8:51 am

January 7, 2015


So, as Billy pointed out in comments yesterday, Bobby may not be the swiftest of equipment managers. Although, to be fair, Rob noted that what Bobby was saying was good advice. Regardless, as just about everyone has pointed out, his people skills are continuing to get him closer and closer to a confrontation in record time. I am eager to see what happens tomorrow as Kaz’s exploding eyeball surely foreshadows excitement to come.

Do people still say ‘take a chill pill’? I have to imagine that I am somewhere around Kaz’s age if not a bit older and that one’s pretty dated. Maybe the kids these days have brought it back. Who can say? Surely, not I.

November 8, 2014

Jarrod Hale, Close Talker

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 9:00 am

November 8, 2014


I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills. Conversational distance: don’t you hate these people that talk to you, they talk into your mouth like you’re a clown at a drive-thru?

Jarrod asked Tip and Silent John to clear out so he could go mano a mano with True. I think they would’ve left the table anyway; Jarrod is exhausting, like being in an asylum. True fixes him with the patented Standish lowered head and glower before hitting him with his very special dose of altruism. Somehow I’m not totally convinced True would bench himself for any teammate; I mean, can you imagine John Pascoe at quarterback?  I suppose they could use a bass drum for the snap count like they used to at Gallaudet but Gallaudet doesn’t really do that anymore.

Maybe this little life lesson will snap Jarrod into reality once his head stops bobbling. Maybe he’ll work harder at being less of a “leader” and more of a teammate. Maybe he could take True to the Milford Museum of Art, or they could watch My Fair Lady together. This could be the moment that gets the Mudlarks over the hump, that gives them that added boost to go deep into the playdowns. Or not. In either case True will be left wondering if he could’ve done more… so much more.

October 30, 2014

Junior Achievement

October 30, 2014


In the immortal words of Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent, “What the heck?”

Since when have high school homecoming king/queen/court elections been anything other than popularity contests? Okay, okay, don’t answer that. I see now that some of the more enlightened homecoming court selection committees of today apply more rigorous standards, including “involvement in clubs, organizations and athletics; leadership skills; community service; academics; and awards” as well as essay writing and panel interviews.

Nothing in this entire months-long story arc has given us any indication that Jarrod is popular, involved in anything other than football, is academically stellar, or has won any awards. We’ve been told he has “leadership skills” but they’ve never amounted to more than berating his teammates to improve their performance. (I can, however, imagine his essay: “Honest, I’ve wanted to be Milford’s junior attendant since third grade.”) Nope, the only way I’m buying this ridiculous plot development is if it’s part of a ballot-stuffing initiative by his teammates to get the pouty douchebag to smile.

Jarrod shares his spot on the homecoming court with one of the office staff at a Tampa elementary school.

On to the action. Glad the guy with the Toyota truck with the lightbar showed up again. Typically, Rubin sums up big Mudlark wins in a single strip – often a single panel – while losses (or unfortunate events in wins) get dragged out over days in Batiukian (Batiukish?) style. (Milford should get Westview on its non-conference schedule one of these days.) So what’s gonna rain on Milford’s homecoming parade this year?

October 21, 2014

Mama’s Boy?

October 21, 2014


Lot of confusing stuff today, but in the interests of (my) time, let’s just focus in on the panel three horror show.

Freak hand? – Check.
Bizarre facial hair? – Check.
Exploding eyeball? – that’s a big Check!
Unbuttoned shirt over black t-shirt? – Check.
Weird details? (The same artist who couldn’t put a G on Gil’s mug manages to cram in ‘izz’ on the pizza box? – Check.
Utter non sequitur induced confusion? – Checkmate! I have no clue what the hell is going on here.

August 7, 2014


Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 5:00 am

August 7, 2014


The past week’s worth of strips have all involved phones: from the smartphones the Milford kids use to watch clips of True, to the game of telephone they play in spreading the rumor that True’s coming to play for the Mudlarks, to the phone call from VT coach to Art, to the call from Coach Abbott to True (same call? I don’t think the coach would call True “Mr. Standish” unless as a lame attempt at flattery). Today the phone becomes True’s undoing as he cannot walk and reach for his at the same time. He’s not trying to chew gum, too, is he?

Astute TWIM commenter John S. Walters had this to say yesterday:

As for the strip, we get it, we get it: True is sick of football and wants to have a life the chalk lines. Give this strip’s usual packing, we’re in for a bunch more days of increasingly-obvious hints at his existential yearnings followed by a quick, unsatisfying conclusion when Rubin realizes that fall is upon us.

Well I’d say this is quick and unsatisfying – how ’bout you? It’s only a matter of days before True goes from 3-star prospect with major college program potential to scrub who’ll have to battle for a starting spot at Milford with less talented “leader” Jarrod Hale*. It has to be Milford, right? Gil’s the only coach who’s shown he cares about True the person by not talking with him about football.

I’ve tagged this strip “Exploding Eyeball Syndrome” but if I could tag it as “Exploding Toe, Foot, and Ankle Syndrome” I’d do that too.





*That is, if he can play at all.  In classic Gil Thorp “tell, don’t show” fashion, we’ve seen nothing in this entire arc that beyond hearsay and a still of him posing in uniform that proves he can.

July 26, 2014

Hello lamppost, what’cha knowing?

July 26, 2014


Well the high-speed collision between True and Gil I was so hoping for yesterday did not materialize. It would’ve been a good one, too, as we pan out to see a 7-foot-tall Gil emerge from a stonking big SUV of some kind (which looks like an amalgam of a Mitsubishi Montero and Nissan Armada with the front clip from an FJ62 Toyota Land Cruiser).

We’re left to guess what it was about Milford that drew True back. The Coffee Cantina’s Peaberry? A chance at running into Wendy Wiley or Molly Kinsella, who he’s seen so much of online? Surely it wasn’t that sentient lamppost that woman is waving to down the street.

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