This Week in Milford

April 17, 2015

Do we really need to know this?

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 3:55 pm

I was recently telling a co-worker about a trip to Walgreens where I had trouble finding the white vinegar to clean my coffee-maker. Seems it was in the coffee aisle instead of with the other cleaning products where I was looking and thought it should be there. Of course I needed to ask 2 people before I could find it. She turned around and said – “Why are you telling me this?”
Same question with this story about Johns college plans – why on Gods green earth do we need to know where he goes to college and at what cost? We never see these guys after they graduate unless they’re mopping floors or teaching golf with 1 arm. I suppose it makes Gil look more concerned about his players if he visits with the family about scholarships, but what about actually coaching the kids he has now once in a while?? ” Hey, once you go to State, John, you’ll have a coach who doesnt disappear for half the season and let some assistant with no experience do all the work, or better yet, one of the other players.” His transition will be a shock to his system as he deals with real coaches for a change.
I think we need more Boo Radley/softball strips. Obviously Bobby Howry has been blackballed.

March 18, 2015

Bacon Goes Cold (Turkey)


Panel One: Yep, Max is doubling down on the mono-focus deal… and it’s working about as well as could be expected.

Panel Two: Not sure just how shocking this is supposed to be. I’m going to guess ‘not very shocking’ and assume that Leisl’s eyeball is exploding because she can’t believe Bobby is still talking to her about it. Further to this point, I went back into the archives just to make sure and it was never established that Bobby is Leisl’s lab partner (good thing too as she’s the only one ever depicted doing labwork).

Panel Three: And, in a special edition of Max Bacon: The Junkie Jock’s Journey, the education of Max continues as he learns that it might not be the swiftest of ideas to casually insult your sole supply of illicit prescription drugs. Also, to borrow a joke from one of our commenters, we see Max sporting the ‘table saw accident’ look with his left ring finger. You don’t suppose he got mouthy with his bookie too?

March 10, 2015

The Sweater Vest And Tie Just Scream ‘Authority Figure’

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, freak hands, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 8:18 am

March 10, 2015


And when Bobby pulls down his glasses so that he can yell at you while looking over the frames, you know he means business…

In other news, it appears that Max knots his tie with a four in hand. I would have though any self-respecting wannabe coach would at least go for a full Windsor but maybe that’s not advised when one is also wearing the aforementioned sweater vest.

Hey, do you think Gil just got the clue he needed to break the case of the above average point guard whose performance marginally improved over the course of the season? Meanwhile, Max waves his index finger in the air for no good reason. The kid may have some talent but he clearly isn’t the brains of this criminal endeavor.

January 16, 2015

Not Thinking Is Half the Battle

January 16, 2015


Wait, wasn’t Bobby already walking away from Lysol (thanks, vaganova, for that suggestion) yesterday? Did she just jangle her bracelets at him to get him running back to her table or what? And now he’s gotta be somewhere else – off to give more unsolicited hoops technique advice, I suppose, or maybe to his evening job as a teller at TD Bank. If Bobby’s powers of suggestion work their magic on Lysol, soon enough she’ll be not thinking about him stalking her.

I don’t imagine Mimi makes the Lady Mudlarks practice between games, otherwise Lysol might’ve had the opportunity to think abut not dribbling before having to not dribble in a game situation. I wonder how long it’ll take before Lysol just starts throwing the rock up as soon as it’s passed to her, no matter where she is on the court?

Metapost: From yesterday’s comments, our own robmize is off to Cubs Convention in Chicago. Looking over the list of Cubs Alumni attendees scheduled to appear, I noted this guy, who began his career on the South Side and finished it on the North Side but was shown the door to make room for the infamous Carlos Zambrano.

Bob Howry, Cubs

How did we miss this? Robmize, if you’re reading this I fully expect you to ask Bob if he knows he’s a character in the current Gil Thorp story arc.

January 7, 2015

You Had One Job

Filed under: basketball, Boredom in Milford, Coach Kaz, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome — timbuys @ 8:51 am

January 7, 2015


So, as Billy pointed out in comments yesterday, Bobby may not be the swiftest of equipment managers. Although, to be fair, Rob noted that what Bobby was saying was good advice. Regardless, as just about everyone has pointed out, his people skills are continuing to get him closer and closer to a confrontation in record time. I am eager to see what happens tomorrow as Kaz’s exploding eyeball surely foreshadows excitement to come.

Do people still say ‘take a chill pill’? I have to imagine that I am somewhere around Kaz’s age if not a bit older and that one’s pretty dated. Maybe the kids these days have brought it back. Who can say? Surely, not I.

November 8, 2014

Jarrod Hale, Close Talker

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 9:00 am

November 8, 2014


I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills. Conversational distance: don’t you hate these people that talk to you, they talk into your mouth like you’re a clown at a drive-thru?

Jarrod asked Tip and Silent John to clear out so he could go mano a mano with True. I think they would’ve left the table anyway; Jarrod is exhausting, like being in an asylum. True fixes him with the patented Standish lowered head and glower before hitting him with his very special dose of altruism. Somehow I’m not totally convinced True would bench himself for any teammate; I mean, can you imagine John Pascoe at quarterback?  I suppose they could use a bass drum for the snap count like they used to at Gallaudet but Gallaudet doesn’t really do that anymore.

Maybe this little life lesson will snap Jarrod into reality once his head stops bobbling. Maybe he’ll work harder at being less of a “leader” and more of a teammate. Maybe he could take True to the Milford Museum of Art, or they could watch My Fair Lady together. This could be the moment that gets the Mudlarks over the hump, that gives them that added boost to go deep into the playdowns. Or not. In either case True will be left wondering if he could’ve done more… so much more.

October 30, 2014

Junior Achievement

October 30, 2014


In the immortal words of Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent, “What the heck?”

Since when have high school homecoming king/queen/court elections been anything other than popularity contests? Okay, okay, don’t answer that. I see now that some of the more enlightened homecoming court selection committees of today apply more rigorous standards, including “involvement in clubs, organizations and athletics; leadership skills; community service; academics; and awards” as well as essay writing and panel interviews.

Nothing in this entire months-long story arc has given us any indication that Jarrod is popular, involved in anything other than football, is academically stellar, or has won any awards. We’ve been told he has “leadership skills” but they’ve never amounted to more than berating his teammates to improve their performance. (I can, however, imagine his essay: “Honest, I’ve wanted to be Milford’s junior attendant since third grade.”) Nope, the only way I’m buying this ridiculous plot development is if it’s part of a ballot-stuffing initiative by his teammates to get the pouty douchebag to smile.

Jarrod shares his spot on the homecoming court with one of the office staff at a Tampa elementary school.

On to the action. Glad the guy with the Toyota truck with the lightbar showed up again. Typically, Rubin sums up big Mudlark wins in a single strip – often a single panel – while losses (or unfortunate events in wins) get dragged out over days in Batiukian (Batiukish?) style. (Milford should get Westview on its non-conference schedule one of these days.) So what’s gonna rain on Milford’s homecoming parade this year?

October 21, 2014

Mama’s Boy?

October 21, 2014


Lot of confusing stuff today, but in the interests of (my) time, let’s just focus in on the panel three horror show.

Freak hand? – Check.
Bizarre facial hair? – Check.
Exploding eyeball? – that’s a big Check!
Unbuttoned shirt over black t-shirt? – Check.
Weird details? (The same artist who couldn’t put a G on Gil’s mug manages to cram in ‘izz’ on the pizza box? – Check.
Utter non sequitur induced confusion? – Checkmate! I have no clue what the hell is going on here.

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