This Week in Milford

June 19, 2019

Is Tanking in the Playdowns TCFS?

Filed under: actual action, anatomically implausible, exposition comics, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 6:25 am

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Friday is the first day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere, so Rubin has four days to wrap this stinker up. How best to do it? By having the Lady Mudlarks lose in the opening round of the playdowns to a supposedly inferior opponent, apparently. That Black Sox analogy from a couple of weeks ago doesn’t seem so far off now.

The Milford ladies’ undoing begins in the form of a botched double play, or at least it looks like a botched double play. We have to assume that Linda threw the ball on to Carla, otherwise how would Carla muff a flip to Linda? I guess it’s better to muff a throw than to throw a, uh, never mind.

It’s been so long since Whigham has had to draw actual action that it seems he’s forgotten the finer points. For instance, when Molly’s that far into her release, shouldn’t the ball be much farther away from her? Having a player flex on an opponent’s error is bad form, too. If #7 comes back up to bat again, she should get one thrown behind her ear, just sayin’.

No matter. The die has been cast and Gil is mixing up the Long Island iced tea pitcher on the deck as I write.

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June 15, 2019

I Bet No One’s Said That to the Blues or Raptors

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In the real world, this past week saw league championships won by franchises that had never won them before: the NHL’s St. Louis Blues and the NBA’s Toronto Raptors (contrary to popular belief, not named for Brent and Jolene Raptor). I always enjoy seeing first-time champs; I think it’s good for the sports. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been pulling for a Mariners-Nationals World Series for the past fifteen years. Both the Blues and the Raptors won on the road and, while it’s not the same as winning on home ice/court, it didn’t diminish the joy in their respective fan bases.

In the Thorpiverse, it’s not like the fans have been packing the bleachers to watch the Lady Mudlarks rip through the Valley. If anything, the TCFS scandal that wasn’t may have alienated large chunks of the student body. Since we seldom see the stands in any Milford baseball/softball action, it’s hard to say. My guess is that the Lady Mudlarks return to campus to three cheers and a tiger and a big TCFS banner honoring them for winning, for reading Animal Farm, and for passing out spirit buttons to anyone who asks nicely.

Today’s strip doesn’t have the feeling of a story wrap-up, but it does have some foreshadowing in the form of Jocelynn’s twisted ankle as she crosses the plate. Just enough of an injury to get the girls knocked out in the first round of the playdowns but not enough to end the self-congratulation. Maybe Mimi can lord it over Gil this summer; it’s no state championship but it’s the most recent championship either Thorp has brought back to Milford.

metapost, kinda: Mea culpa for getting it wrong earlier this week that Linda was going to David’s to break up with him. I still don’t give them much longer.

June 8, 2019

Coffee Talk with Linda… Carr?

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“Welcome to Coffee Talk. I’m your host Mimi Thorp. On this show we talk about coffee, softball, volleyball, George Orwell – you know, no big whoop. Just Coffee Talk.

“Today I’m coming to you live from the Milford High Teacher’s Lounge. Now which teacher is it for? Well, only one Coach Thorp has their team on the verge of winning the Valley, and it’s not my guest, Coach Gil Thorp, who also happens to be my husband.

“So, nu, how is your baseball team doing?”

“Well, we’ve had better seasons, but I’m proud of the boys for…”

“Feh, no big whoop. Have I told you about my girls and all their interests off the field?  It gives them swagger and it’s infectious. Kind of like toenail fungus.”

“Yeah. I’m seeing more of those ‘TC’ pins.”

“Oh, those. Molly Hatcher got them for 39 cents each. Such a deal. At first it was a fun thing, like a Barbra Streisand marathon. Then the girls had the chutzpah to start deciding who that wasn’t on the team should be getting the pins. So I had them read Animal Farm, let them know that was a verkakte idea.  But let me tell you about Linda Carr. Her swing is like butter, but she’s gotten all shpilkes about her volleyball scholarship.  I gotta get her calmed down; I need her bat for the playdowns.

“All this talk of winning championships has me all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: The ‘Too Cool For School’ buttons are neither too cool nor for school. Discuss.”

(apologies Mike Myers)

May 31, 2019

Beasts of Milford

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Beasts of Milford, Beasts of Milford,
Mark the baselines out with lime,
Hearken to my doleful tidings
As I put this crap to rhyme.
‘Cause of skating (or of blogging?)
Linda Carr left on her own,
No one likes to play a scrimmage
In the infield all alone.
Okay to have outside interests,
So said Nancy, that was that.
Then we started winning ballgames,
Then we got these awesome hats.
Then we thought that we were hot shit,
Then we were “too cool for school,”
Celebrating all our interests
Kinda turned us into tools.
Bright will shine our spirit buttons,
And to earn one will be sweet,
Sweeter yet to watch kids grovel
For our praise and at our feet.
For that praise now they must labour,
And it is for us to judge;
Band geeks, scholarsstamp collectors,
Didn’t get one? Hold no grudge.
Beasts of Milford, Beasts of Milford,
Are we guilty of a crime?
Now we’re stuck with weekend reading
So much for our leisure time.

(apologies Orwell but hey, we didn’t drag you into this)

May 16, 2019

National Merit Scholarships Are TCFS?

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Wait, Linda is trolling for a button/badge? And her teammate Nancy, who isn’t even sure if she is a part of things, denied her? But there does seem to be a specific set for couples TCFS achievement? Are there any written rules at this point or at least some sort of appeals process? Will a rival badge-less clique rise up to contest the new social hierarchy only to itself recreate the rigid social boundaries it was meant to disrupt? Will we leave lots of unanswered questions and then, all of a sudden but after several tall lemonades, see Gil teaching golf to surly seven year olds at the Milford CC over the summer?

I think we know the answer to that last one at least.

Bonus points: Nancy is depicted sitting as far away as possible from the steering wheel and its potentially lethal airbag as one should.  Not sure how well she’s going to be able to steer with her elbows locked like that, but one problem at a time I suppose.

Minus points: Even though Nancy has her hands at the recommended 9 and 3 positions, in the event of airbag deployment, her chunky bracelets are sure to become deadly, if fashionable, projectiles. Also, Nancy comes across as super passive-aggressive as she tells and tells us about what happened (or didn’t) after panel one’s exciting action.

May 8, 2019

‘Scuse me while I whip this up*

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Oooh, hubris! Love it!

So when do the too-cool-for-school girls get their comeuppance? When Molly goes on the DL for chemical burns after Milo accidentally on purpose tips her lab experiment over on her?  When fist bumps go wrong and somebody breaks a hand? Or when another rando MHS student fails to look up from his smartphone, slips on the highly polished floors and crashes into Molly, injuring her horribly? Things are going too well for the Lady Mudlarks – and their behavior becoming too arrogant – for this Era of Good Feelings to last.

Today’s bizarre cameos: Ted Cruz as Milo, Señor y Señorita Wences in the Milford infield. Rocki Prado has a Twitter feed but there’s not much gleaned from it. Props to the Chief for giving her lustrous hair to rival Gilchrist-era Aunt Fritzi and earrings that more closely approximate what girls currently wear than what are usually seen in Milford.

 

*Which is what I say to myself every day I write a post here.

March 30, 2019

Nothing Personal. It’s Just Skating.

Filed under: boring memories, exposition comics, Gil Thorp, Pantheon of Hair — teenchy @ 10:32 am

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As I predicted yesterday, we’re getting Molly Hatchet’s exposition of her synchronized skating hobby.  As I didn’t predict on Wednesday, the RINK she was skating at isn’t in Milford but in Central City.  As every faithful reader knows, Central City is nothing but trouble for Milfordians (or is it Milfordites?) so Molly’d better keep her head on a swivel while she’s over there. Of course, if she can convince more of her Lady Mudlark softball teammates to join her, maybe Mimi would have to cancel softball season.  Mimi gets her drinking time back, and we’d get to see a different sport for a change. Sounds like a win-win to me.

What’s up with Molly’s shirt? Is it a Steven Universe shoutout or, given the neckline, a Dallas Stars jersey with the “D” left off because the Stars wouldn’t give Whigham permission to use it, kinda like those old sports cards you used to get in cereal boxes?

March 27, 2019

“And we care because?” could be this blog’s motto

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Well, that explains everything, doesn’t it?  The big “RIN” in the sign behind Andre’s head yesterday was short for “RINK,” which Milford has one of, apparently.  (Of course it does. How else could kids practice for skating at the Winter Blast in Central City? And why hasn’t ice hockey ever been a thing in Milford?)  Andre watched his little sister – odd hand gesture meant to signify “little” – skate and saw a group of synchronized skaters perform*. On his way home he got his cheek pierced and had that shark tooth he found at the beach on summer vacation mounted on a stud.

Oh, yeah, one of the synchronized skaters is also one of Mimi’s softball players.  Heaven forbid she prioritize something else over Milford High sportsball!  Prepare for multiple strips shaming poor Molly Hatchet off the ice and onto the diamond.

*I’m sorry, but every time I read “synchronized skating” I thought “synchronized swimming” and could only picture Harry Shearer and Martin Short in that old SNL skit.  Skate away, that’s all.

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