Are not depicted in the above. Please stay tuned in for the inimitable T. Drew Hardin’s commentary coming right up!
In the meantime, please feel free to fire away.
Minus points: Since when did Marjie adopt the poking out ear look?
Not to get all meta on y’all, but lemme just say that following up on posts such as those Ned penned yesterday can be a bit daunting. That said, let’s get to it.
It seems we’ve come some way in the realm of finger repair and thumb reattachment, such that it’s not preclusive of rehabilitation and return. Unfortunately for Gil’s powers of recollection, as described below, Joe made it to the bigs prior to his injury and may possibly have enjoyed success as a pitcher a la Three Finger Brown. Then again, this was forty years ago so Gil may be forgiven for being a little shaky on the details. Heck, forty years ago I was… Well, let’s just leave it at that it was a real, real long time ago.
Want to know what would make panels two and three a lot more interesting? Context.
Instead of wasting time dragging the Bader characters through the mud for no discernible reason, we could have some sense of how many games have been played, how many remain, what efforts Gil may or may not have made on Kevin’s behalf to get him to the next level, etc.
Heck, we could even have explored an arc where his teammates, annoyed with his obsession for personal stats, go to the coach for help with their well meaning but misguided star. Maybe have Kevin go down swinging when he should have just been trying to advance the runner and the Mudlarks lose a crucial game to a hated rival to miss the playdowns. The point is: There were a lot of missed opportunities for Lessons To Be Learned.
Instead, we wasted more panels than I am prepared to count on an inane interview of BB by DD that I can scarcely recall as, practically speaking, it had no plot. Which might not be the end of the world, except that it’s the middle of June and I have to imagine the football arc starts in August.
Minus points:
P1: Re: Gil’s up the nostril shot, as my toddler son used to say, “No TANK You!”
P2: Please tell me that is some kind of miniature clipboard.
P3: It’s been my lifelong quest, which I embarked upon eight weeks ago, to break his all-time record, with which I am only vaguely familiar.
metapost: FYI to the team, I have created and applied The Legend of Joe Sharkey category.
“Ordinary things take longer in the prison system… like showers.”
My first inclination today was to search to see if Ms. Rizk was staying on model (I’d say close enough). I was thinking that between her knowledge of the penal system and her approach to journalism, Ms. Rizk might not be her real name, and that she’s a refugee from the Federal Witness Protection Program. Then I noticed this strip in which Gil was ready to jump on Ms. Rizk and Dafne for thinking about writing about Ryan Van Auken. Where’s Gilberto now that these two have turned their attention to Barry Bader? Oh, that’s right, no one gives two shits for Barry.
Now what in tarhooties does Dafne think sending a letter to Del in the can is gonna accomplish? I’ll leave it to you, dear reader, to reach that conclusion. Maybe if she keeps up the convo and sends some pics along with the letter, the guys in Central State Pen will think Dafne’s Del’s girlfriend… kinda like Pee-Wee and Lou.
Oh, yeah, I guess that last panel is supposed to remind us that there’s still some kind of sports going on in Milford. Think we’ll ever see another softball game?
Well I was all ready for another day of Barry justifying to his mom why he thinks it’s a good idea to bare his soul to Dafne Dafonte and, by extension, to the Milford High student body. Barry could point out that budget cuts sent “Sarah,” or “Mrs. Forbes,” or whoever packing and that his coaches would rather manhandle and punish him than see that he gets some kind of help. If Rubin turns this arc into “Barry’s Got a Gun” it wouldn’t surprise me a lick, and I’d expect him to handle it as tactfully as he handled the crisis in Puerto Rico post-Maria.
But noooo, we’re back to actual action and, with two games in one strip, a reminder that the baseball season needs to speed up a little. (BTW, shouldn’t Barry’s two-game suspension be over after the Valley Tech game? Did he make the trip to Jefferson?) I’m curious as to whether the Jeffs outfielder has dislocated his arm at the shoulder in an effort to snag Pelwecki’s tater, ’cause it looks like that arm will hang below his knees once he lowers it. Meanwhile, Pelwecki is starting to come perilously close to turning from likeable, ambitious wannabe star into that most common of Milford athletes, a braggart whose hubris will be his undoing. Careful, Kevin: slow that home run trot down too much and you’ll get the Carlos Gomez treatment.
At the beginning of the season, Jorge Padilla was in the outfield, but today he’s on the mound. Faithful TWIMer vaganova has previously pointed out that high school pitchers, often the best athletes on their teams, frequently play the outfield, first base or DH between starts. Maybe that’s the case with Jorge, but today he doesn’t appear to be the best pitcher on the Mudlarks. Maybe that skinny kid can jump but his pitches can’t. Gil may be giving Jorge the hook in P2; from here it looks like he’s asking him to give him some.
No sign of Barry Bader today. I thought it was odd that Gil brought him along to Tilden, as it’s been my understanding that suspended players don’t travel with the team. Of course, these are Thorp Rules and it was probably Gil that suspended him, not the Valley Conference. If it was me, I’d have had him waiting back in the equipment room in Milford to wash everybody’s jocks when they got back.
Hey, is that Big Ken Brown back on the bench shouting words of encouragement to Pelwecki? Doesn’t he have anything better to do?
She’s back!!!!! Marjie Ducie is back to prime the pump then, like any catalyst, disappears into thin air while the final product sputters to the finish line. Well this time, she learned some valuable pitching lessons that she can take back to her other dimension. Really, once she reaches the end of the Time Tunnel, she can race over to Yankee Stadium (hey, they love baseball in other dimensions too) and ply her trade. Yup, that changeup oughta complement her cut fastball, curve, and forkball. Keep ’em offstride, Marjie. Be sure those Ultra-dimension batters won’t know what’s comin’ next. Because once they got you timed, they start hittin’ ’em back in Gil’s World. Wise to add another pitch to your repertoire.
And I took algebra in high school. I barely remember the Transitive Property but still, who says you won’t need this stuff in real life? Without my caring teacher patiently explaining this principle, it’d be days before I’d put 2 & 2 together and come up with 5′ 8″. No wild guesses needed. I could patiently work through the problem and apply it to a real life scenario (hmmm, this is Thorpiverse, oh, just work with me). Thanks, Teach!!!!! You’ve equipped me to slay the dragons.
And what the hell does height differential have to do with what Pitch is being thrown which I wouldn’t be terribly surprised Thorpiverse is implying? Sure, impress us with your baseball knowledge, Thorpiverse, and hope to God we don’t put 2 & 2 together and come up with 5’8″ that it’s all smoke and mirrors. Okay, Gil, I’ll concede Mudlark Baseball is in real trouble if Van Auken attempts to pitch a knuckleball to a catcher who’s 3’5″. Passed balls all game long because this catcher had no vertical leap and Oakwood is up, 10-0, before the crow flies. So go ahead and wow us with height differential, Gil. Even if it really has nothing to do with your discussing the battery, we’ll play along. CYA, Coach.
Anyway, I’ve got some Dave Dudley on tap while Gil and Marjie sit at the bleachers going over late-game situations.
Ridin’ on this plotline
Trapped in a hamster’s cage
I feel like Dennis Weaver
Chased down by a psycho’s rage
Wish I could shake that truck right
Down the cliff and out of sight
6 months of this plot
and I’m-a gonna go berserk tonight
BTW, I realize, by my count, 6 months from now leads into November. 6 weeks might have been more realistic. But by the end of June, this plot is over(don’t hold your breath) and we have filler space to fill with what? More Marty time at the Milford Lounge? Nah, drag this one out ad astra and hope for the best. Maybe something’ll kick in and make sense and we’ll get off this Wheel and reach Nirvana. We’ll have overlapped to football by then.
Gang, I don’t know WHAT I did to deserve this. Do I need to change religions? Was it because I slept in and missed Sunday School last week? Put S & H Green Stamps in the offering plate? Used the F-word in the Benediction Prayer? Well, I’ll admit the last one probably explains why I’m hopelessly riding in this semi, not knowing who the driver is, the Hand of Fate having drawn a curtain between me and whoever’s behind the steering wheel. I’m stuck in this Freightliner headin’ down this endless black ribbon and I have no clue where the heck it’s going. And to add insult to injury, we’re recycling characters from the past (Moose, Daffy Duck, BB) as if regurgitating them will improve the product, or the plot. Oh, that’s right, dig that lamp you threw out on Trash Day from the Milford City Dump, take it home, put in the den, plug it in and see if it’ll help you read when you’re scoping the racing forms in order to bet on the winning horse. Kentucky Derby was founded on said principles.
Nice view of the Rocky Mountains, if nothing else. Is that Pike’s Peak?
Comin’ into Milford
Steering this plot into HellThe trailer’s runnin’ empty
And Daffy Duck’s not writing so well
The story’s bad and nobody cares
The Trumpet’s gettin’ itchy and scared
6 months of this plot
and I’m-a gonna lose my mind tonight
Here I am at the Milford Truck Stop. I heard the 3-Piece Fried Chicken Special is to die for. You get 2 breasts and a wing plus 2 sides and you don’t gotta worry about your Visa card maxing out. Omigod, Jay Bhatia wouldn’t show up at a greasy spoon and report my credit woes to The Trumpet, would he? Would he stoop that low? I did call the Milford Credit Bureau and got a forbearance for a couple of months, so there, Jay, print that in The Trumpet and smoke it. Anyway, drinks are extra. And I think I’ll have the breaded okra and macaroni & cheese. By God, breaded okra will put hair on your chest and help you swing the bat better. And all that grease from the chicken breasts? I think Moose applied a healthy dose to his hair. Otherwise, the rest was donated to the Milford Pantry.
Jay’s pumpin’ information
Trying to get the scoop of his life
Thank God he never caught wind
That Gil was cheatin’ on his wife
Hold the door and let this thing fly
Kiss off Barry Bader goodbye
6 months of this plot
and I’m-a gonna pull my hair tonight
Gang, since Marty’s been suspended, SOMEBODY has to take his place. I’ve been watching the Mudlarks on the portable TV in the cab while gettin’ my kicks on Route 66. I just heard Hawk Harrelson the other day:
“Daffy Duck, SHE GONE!!!!!!!! And after 6 innings, the White Sox lead the Mudlarks, 7-1. We’ll take a commercial break, this is Chicago White Sox Baseball on WGN.”
“Coach Thorp was in disarray as to what diamond ring to buy Mimi before he got married. He was caught in the black market and all he got for his efforts was a swirlie. I was helpless to bail him out. Hi, I’m Sid Andrews, owner of the Milford Diamond Company. If my last name sounds familiar, yes, my brother is Tod Andrews, now coaching all the Oakwood teams, including the rowing team. And let me row you into something that will last a lifetime, a diamond with all the bells and whistles that tells that Special Someone “It’s forever, Love”. When I saw Gil trying to exchange his Marine Discharge Papers for a wedding ring at the Milford Pawn Shop, I threw him a lifeline and got him out to the shopping center parking lot. We put the Discharge Papers under the seat cushion in his car. Thank our lucky stars his Papers were not authorized by a Notary Public or the sale would be final and Gil would be stuck with a stone that got excavated out of Shaft #2 at the Milford Mines. Coal does not bode well at the wedding ceremony. “With this ring…” takes on an entirely different meaning. Fortunately, I showed Gil a wide selection of hand-crafted, sparkling diamonds in many carats and visual claritys, all designed to stay within a teacher-coach’s salary. The friendly staff at Milford Diamond Company knew that Gil hasn’t had a real job in 60 years and odds are, probably never will. Our staff was OK with that. Because they are not working on a commission, they didn’t have to tell Coach Thorp to get a life. A .29 carat, S12 visual clarity diamond ring was shipped FedEx right at Gil’s doorstep, several days before the wedding. Gil did not have to take out another loan and strain his credit plus his Discharge Papers are back in the safe deposit box at Milford Federal. We even paid for the shipping. Everybody was happy.
The Milford Diamond Company. Now Gil has a friend in the diamond business.”
We’re tryin’ to dodge the smokies
Marty’s learning on the job
No Class A license with him
My heart is really starting to throb
He took out an oil tanker rig
Can’t wait till he goes back to ‘DIG
6 days of Marty Moon
and I’m-a doubtin’ I’ll be home tonight
“Harrrrry Carrray, back in Wrigley Field, where the Cubsh are clinging to a 4-3 lead over the Mudlarksh, top of the 8th inning. Here’s Hiawatha Jamesh, the casher, who’s batting .319. Boy, keep thish cookie off the bashes. Say hello to Fred and Marge who are lishining in on KRNT in Des Moines, Iowa, lifelong Cubsh fansh for 35 yearsh. Theresh a pitch, high and away, 1-0.”
“Harry, an interesting stat on Hiawatha James, he hits left-handers a ton, batting .453, and .410 in the daytime. Steve Trout needs to be careful here, Hiawatha can turn on a pitch and with that wind blowing out, he can certainly send one out to Waveland Avenue in a hurry.”
“Boy, Steve, at least Marty didn’t have problemsh with cigar shmoke. Can you put that thing in your pocket? Only the plot shmellsh worsh.”
“Harry, you’re up to your 8th Bud now. How you can smell ANYTHING, let alone this plot, is beyond my comprehension.”
I’d like to put in a word for The Bookworm in Corydon, Indiana. Great people who keep my humor going because I buy a lot of books from them and those books feed me comedy ideas. Being a Western buff, they have an excellent selection of Louis L’Amour works. Hey, That keeps ME coming back for more. If you’re in the neighborhood, check them out. Believe me, it’s great to get some great stuff and people know your name. I’ve been a fan of small businesses forever because, let’s face it, gang, they make the Face of America. The Bookworm is certainly part of that Face.
Okay, gang, it’s your turn. I’m riding into St. Louis where the semi will stop at a terminal and unload this plot. That’ll take forever so I’m here in the Gateway Arch. I’ll be down the chute in about, oh, 3-4 hours if anything interesting develops. Uhhhhh, er, Busch Stadium looks terrific from here.
Arriving in St. Louis
Wishing for this thing to end
Things are getting hopeless
Nothing comin’ ’round the bend
Baseball plot is fixin’ to start
Hope it don’t stink up and fart
6 months of this plot
and I’m-a gonna jump the bridge tonight
Gang, are you in for a treat!!!!! With MAJOR help from timbuys, I just made this post even cheaper and gaudier with this video. Now the music buff in me, I will confess, likes the song and its singer, Dave Dudley. But if we’re burning this plot at the stake, I couldn’t think of a more honky-tonk tune to aid and abet in the cause. This plot’ll be reduced to ashes by midnight tonight, thanks to Mr. Dudley and his crew(gaunt-sounding background singers thrown in for free). And if you look closely, the ghostly looking tanker that was chasing Dennis Weaver all over Milford in the movie “Duel”(I believe Steven Spielberg’s 1st flick) is in this video. You guys have SKEWERED Coach T. and Co. all day. You deserve to be rewarded. Enjoy!!!!
Hope y’all like exposition ’cause today’s strip is nothing but.
I guess the Padillas are going to stick around in Milford for the rest of the school year. It may be interesting to see what magical baseball skills Jorge’s endowed with*, and whether Marty Moon will make on-air comparison between him and one of baseball’s Puerto Rican greats.
Paul Beaudry finally gets a face, and it’s Amy Lange’s. Speaking of faces, we haven’t seen Barry Bader’s since the end of the spring/summer 2016 arc. We only saw him in profile and at a distance last season. Wonder if he’ll stay on model?
Help me out with the English grammar in P3, please: Is Carrie describing the Del Bader/Boo Radley/unidentified pickup truck driver who dropped a CD incident correctly? Or does that read like Father Bader killed a girl who was driving drunk?
*Remember, he’s already had a cup of coffee with the Nats. On that topic, the inspiration for the post title:
If you were plugged into the 24/7 news cycle yesterday, you know that much of Puerto Rico has gone dark again. You also know that that didn’t stop The Show from going on… unlike in Pleasantville Milford, where suspending Marty stops the show dead in its tracks.
Rubin is forcing us to connect many dots today as he lurches toward an awkward, tone-deaf ending to this underwhelming, once-promising arc. The first dot is Gil’s acknowledgement that Karina, at his suggestion, instigated the Milford Pirate Boy Network and thus had a hand in bringing about Marty’s suspension. The second dot is that Gil convinced the Padillas’ and Karina’s teacher to let them skip class (he has a history of doing this, y’know) to sit around the most lovingly rendered cafeteria table in comics history and decide on Marty’s penance. The third dot (and maybe several more after that) is that whatever terms the kids decided on were presented by Gil to Pocket Square Sporting Radio Station Manager, who accepted them and delivered them to Marty as an ultimatum – agree to these or you’re fired.
All of this unfolded even more slowly than Boo Radley’s fatal car crash, but faster than the full restoration of Puerto Rico’s power grid. In a world where teens can tweet and stand against social injustice while adults cower and hedge, all of this would’ve played out in the course of a week. We could’ve been treated with two months of Drunken Uber Driver Marty Moon dumpster diving for the dregs of Johnnie Walker bottles and begging for a cameo on Pirate Boy’s YouTube livestream.
So sit back and buckle up for the last few days of this bumpy ride. Me, I’m off in search of some Pudge Coffee. (Seriously. Check it out. Not affiliated with Pudge or his coffee.)
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