In Which We Learn Milford Truly Is 1959 with Cell Phones*

Why else would Rick choose to sing** a song that became a Billboard #1 hit that year?  Why else would he dress like Howdy Doody while he sang it?  Finally, why else would Uncle Gary refer to him as “young nephew”? Who actually speaks that way? Snidely Whiplash? Dishonest John? I’d better stop now lest y’all think I was alive in 1959. (I wasn’t quite yet.)

Uncle Gary gets tiny props for recognizing the minuscule odds of Rick having a football career, but loses those props for not recognizing the minuscule odds of Rick having a singing career.  The fraternal organization lounge singer circuit must be a hot one. Maybe he has a hot tip that a remake of Beyond the Sea is in the works.

*h/t TWIMer Philip, in yesterday’s comments.

**For that matter, why did Rubin feel the need to lampshade that Rick was singing, a/o/t playing some sort of instrument?

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Bob Kazinski, Headbanger

No pussyfooting around this fall: Gil Thorp is tackling today’s tough issues head-on. No wannabe junior detectives nosing around about some kid’s mom’s job, no protesters in the bleachers protesting what may or may not have been domestic abuse. Nope, we’re cutting straight to the chase, starting by looking at the life of one of Milford’s earliest concussion victims, Coach Kaz.

Although “accidently [sic*] bang[ing] helmets with Harry Bull” sounds like something that happened not at practice but in the showers afterward, said Mr. Bull is indeed not only a real person but also a school superintendent in Colorado with a lengthy list of career achievements and who attended Northern Colorado, where Kaz allegedly played college football. Whether Harry or Kaz came out on the short end of that collision I leave to the readers.

*BTW Rubin or his letterer needs to invest in a spell checker.

Exploring New Lows In My Cynical Appraisal Of Gil As An Authority Figure

There’s so much to cover today. For example, I do my work on a laptop, in a t-shirt, with a cup (non-personalized) of coffee to the side.

But, I work from home. As casual as I like to be, when I go into the office, I at least put on a shirt with a collar out of respect for my colleagues, unlike Kaz apparently. That said, let’s go panel by panel to tee it up for our commenters.

P1: You could crack a coconut on Gil’s nose.

P2: Kaz engages in some fundamental questioning of standardized testing.

P3: Might? I’m just gonna leave this here.

 

Rickey Don’t Get That Number

Rick(ey) Soto (related to Mario? If so, shouldn’t he have been in the spring arc?) will be our fall protagonist.  He looks to be yet another child of the Thorpiverse growing up in a non-traditional household. (I’m throwing the Recycled Art tag ’cause I could swear we’ve seen that house before. It’s not the Brown-Hiatt split-level but maybe it’s in Gil’s development.) He also looks to be yet another child of the Thorpiverse being pushed in a direction he doesn’t necessarily want to go by a parent/parent figure.  Will Rick(ey) turn out to have a bankable talent, on or off the gridiron? I’d say there’s a slim chance.

The entire fall will turn on the ongoing, David Greene-like conflict between Rick(ey)’s football prowess and whatever talent he turns out to have.  Stick around ’til Friday when Gil says “Rickey, you cannot go to the club!” Any major dude will tell you that’s what’s gonna happen.

This Had the Potential to be Interesting

Wow, is this the ultimate in laissez-faire or what? Not only does Gil deliver a contrived platitude, we don’t even get to see him do it. Gil should’ve told his football team that if they had the potential to win back-to-back state championships, they didn’t need to prove it to anybody else. They’d already be back-to-back state champions!

Maybe this portends a new turn in Gil Thorp. Young athletes or wannabe athletes do or do not do something, followed by an exposition panel where the athlete/wannabe says that that’s what Coach Thorp told them to do/not do, or maybe they should’ve listened to Coach Thorp when he told them whatever off-panel. Or something.

Hopefully after Saturday we won’t hear from Jaquan for another five or six years, when he returns as a history teacher/life football basketball coach who gamely coaches his team to fall just short of the Mudlarks.  Then he can thank Gil profusely for all of his advice and for telling him he had the potential to be a history teacher/basketball coach and didn’t have to prove it to anybody else.

metapost: That whole “new turn” thing is stuck in my brain, as this Hurricane Irma prepares to turn and deliver a blow to Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, and maybe more. I’ve got a lot of friends and family potentially in the path, and it’s kinda messing with my concentration to deliver a daily dose of mirth via Milford. (You’re thinking, “Why should today be any different?”)  Just as with you TWIMers in Texas last week, you TWIMers in the affected areas please check in with us and let us know you’re safe.

 

Expectation-Proof 6-Foot-8 Small Fish

What’s a guy who’s apparently had a reasonably successful academic and athletic career to do, what with all the gushing and the tweeting? My dislike for ‘the Don’ isn’t particularly intense but it is growing, like a boil on my ass that I’d mostly just ignored but now was finally having to reckon with.

Meanwhile, off in the distance, Papa Burns looks at his watch and clears his throat.  Casting a sideways glance at Kevin, he says “Did I ever tell you about my last game at Monmouth?” Kevin, visibly exasperated, heaves an exaggerated sigh and tosses his shaggy mane. “Please, Mr. Burns…” He entreats, “If I have to hear about the time you led a drive in the rain during the fourth quarter that would’ve put you ahead of Canisius but then you sprained your ankle and the team lost one more time, I’ll go insane.”

Metapost: Shout out to any and all Houston area TWIM readers. Reach out if you need help!

When Your Own Characters Are Calling Out The Plot…

Perhaps it is time to concede that you have lost the thread.

P1: Lest we forget, this brainfart of Jaquan’s just occurred to him the other day or perhaps just earlier in the day.

Also, all hail Trey’s Spatulork resplendent in its oblong glory.

P2: About time someone started talking some sense around here…

P3: That didn’t last long…

Maybe I’ll Start Making Puns On His Last Name

P1: Overdramatic much, Jaquan?

P2: Excuse me.. Mr. Case? I’ve been listening to you humblebrag for a good five minutes now and I’m just now putting it together that you’re some kind of celebrity.

P3: ?