This Week in Milford

August 2, 2018

Remember When Concussions Were A Big Deal In Milford?

gt08022018

Here’s the exposition strip we’ve all come to know and love.  To say Gil isn’t up for this is an understatement, as evidenced by his half-hearted attempt to slit his own throat.

Alright, let’s get down to it.  Nobody’s heard of these two jabronis before because they were soccer players.  As we know in the Thorpiverse, playing soccer gets you nowhere and gives you ideas that you can do other things.  Then again, maybe that’s the concussions talking.  Maybe Heather Burns took one too many balls to the head and that made her think she could be a trainer a tight end The Quarterback Whisperer.  I seem to recall a whole story arc revolving around concussions and their impact.  Oh yeah, that was a football arc.  Since we’re talking soccer here it’s only worth one panel.

The Real Wilson Casey was a star tennis player. This could easily have been a summer tennis arc but that would have warped our fragile little minds.

There have been many Tony Pauls.  I’d like to think this one is a shout-out to the industrial designer, but more than likely it’s to the Detroit News sportswriter, given the Michigancentricity of Rubin’s world.

John Jawor wears the same middle-aged white guy face that Del Bader, Wildcat Maris, Father of True Standish, and countless other middle-aged white guys in Milford have worn.  Wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Whigham had drawn him to look more like the real John Jawor?

On that note, here’s an interview with The Real John Jawor.  Maybe it’ll be more interesting than this August plot. One thing’s for sure: The Real John Jawor would’ve told those kids to keep their elbows straight by now.

 

Advertisements

March 22, 2018

Marty Moon: Insulting More Than Just Latinos

gt03222018

This arc turned from “Let’s empathize with the Puerto Rican kids who’ve been displaced from their homes by a natural disaster” to “Hey, let’s put on a show!” so fast, it’s made my neck snap. All I’m left with is a sense of wonder.

I wonder if Google Alphabet stock has plummeted since Rubin’s name-dropped YouTube Live in the past two strips. I wonder if The Milford Pirate Network has the requisite number of subscribers to allow it to use YouTube’s live streaming via mobile functionality. I wonder if Marty’s mike is hot. (The lightning bolt word balloon would lead me to believe so.) I wonder if this will be Marty’s Lonesome Rhodes moment: the moment when the Milford student body, Dr. Pearl, and WDIG’s listeners decide that while insulting Latinos is okay, insulting Milford students’ intelligence crosses the line. Finally, I wonder if anyone will comment on this post.

 

July 7, 2017

Worlds Heaviest Pole- Vaulter

Filed under: Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 9:01 am

So the black eye opens up a whole new can of worms, just what we need right? Now everything else is forgotten until the whodunnit on the B.E. is solved. I dont even think Jimmy knows what happened. And he’s apologizing for her maybe shoving him or whatever. I think he ran into a food tray to be honest. Looking at his expanding girth, he’s obviously been living in the school cafeteria all summer. Right now he couldnt vault over a Bozo Bucket.

 

I know I’m supposed to have original thoughts on this c**p, but saw this commentary on the GoComics site and decided to break with TWIM tradition and have a guest contribute to my contribution.  So introducing my guest speaker for today – Wilbur Floppenheimer!!

  1. Fat fury 2
    Wilbur Floppenheimer about 8 hours ago

    P1: “Are you saying that you shoved Jimmy?”

    “All 250 pounds of him? No, but I may have pushed him. At 250 pounds, he gets stuck on the hurdles and sometimes needs a helping hand to make it over. That Bucket gut flops around like Jello if he’s not wearing his hurdler girdle. It’s a common problem. Donovan wrote a song about it, “The Hurdler Girdle Man.”

    P2: Double D ditches her books and interrogates Jimmy, adopting the standard Wonder Woman “hands on hips” pose. Jimmy instinctively uses his books to cover his manhood in case Double D launches one of those Size 13s his way. Jimmy displays the first signs of “Stockholm Syndrome” and begins to attempt to ingratiate himself with Double D.

    P3: “I’m sorry. Please punish me.”

    “Good. Come to my house at 4:15, and not a minute later. I have a very busy afternoon, and my schedule is very tight.”

    P4: 4:15 arrives.

June 9, 2017

Overrated fight

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Fat Guys, Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 9:40 am

So it turns out that Gil already is on the case of extinquishing the fire that is Ryan Van Auiken vs his old girlfriend featured on the sign at the baseball game by the girls from his old school. Good for him-  but its still almost mid-June and the kids not only have to finish baseball/softball but graduate already.

His parents describe the incident as non-violent, and are adament about it.  So its great that they completely believe Ryans version of the story. Because no way were they there when it happened, right? And Gil asks them before he asks Ryan about it, even though he has a first-person account of things. Why not ask him first? Oh yeah, he vamoosed. For all that coffee Gil drinks, he’s asleep at the wheel 98 percent of the time. If there was no police report, then Gil should just go back to Milford and tell Dafne to move on and find another story to cover. After she graduates. After she figures out she no longer writes for the Trumpet because she doesnt attend Milford anymore. And so on and so on..

By next week we should be on to lemonade and beach scenes. And golf. Yikes!!

 

April 11, 2017

We’ll be calling him “The Friendly Brain”

gt04112017

Today the high-rolling Milford School Board veep gets a mashup name from the famed comic and cartoon character and the famed pro wrestling heel manager but one that yields no Google results on its own.  He looks like a slightly paunchy version of Gil, and the trifecta of head bobble, exploding eye and freak hand (missing an amputated sixth digit between index and middle fingers) make him right at home in Milford.

He’s clearly capable of picking up a phone and calling Dr. Pearl who, with that broken right wrist of hers, may have had to put him on speaker.  The good doctor relays his message to Ms. Rizk, who replies with a deft pop culture/product placement zinger of her own.  She may not be much of a journalist, but she knows where she stayed last night.

A couple of cameos to report: the Funkyverse’s Les Moore joins the Milford faculty after having his face slapped for being such a pretentious douche, and an off-camera cameo by Rex Morgan, MD‘s daughter Sarah, who obviously hand-lettered Dr. Pearl’s name plate.

August 20, 2016

Oh Look, Mother Bader Finally Gets a First Name

tmgil160820

This plot has gone on so long that everyone’s back in long sleeves again!  At least it’s more appropriate than showing up to a funeral service in softball uniforms. Of course it’s still a funeral – Del’s – and the baseball Mudlarks aren’t here to offer anyone any moral support so much as they’re here to satisfy their collective morbid curiosity.

Mighty magnanimous of Rubin to bestow a first name on Mother Bader at this late date in the arc.  Has the finally fully named Sandra Bader actually stepped away? She still looks trapped within the courtroom pews to me. Speaking of trapped: stay tuned for a week of courtroom exposition leading up to a Labor Day weekend in which someone (anyone?) learns some kind of lesson.

If we’re stuck with courtroom drama for another week, might as well start it off with a laugh. This skit is still memorable for me, if only for the moment when the late Jan Hooks states her occupation.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-peoples-court/n9487

August 16, 2016

Take Off My Tie Before Tossing The Old Pigskin Around Outdoors In August? That’s Crazy Talk!

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Fat Guys, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 6:17 am

081616

Didn’t we already have a memorial service for Boo? Is True going to put up a roadside marker outside the S Mart?

Bonus challenge: rather than ponder the strip’s primary inanity, name all of the input/output jacks on the side of the Baders’ tv…

August 4, 2016

Tell Ya, We Don’t Like It

tmgil160804

You ain’t got no way of ending a plot
I gotta tell you that this story line is shot
You takin’ us on some kind of endless ride
You done this ever since Boo Radley died

Tell us something good
Tell us that you’ll end this, yeah
Tell us something good
Tell us it’s still summer, yeah

Sense of time is what you let slip away
You drag this out like there’s 48 hours to each day
Your problem is that you milked this puppy dry
We’re so bored with this, we don’t even try

Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Tell us that it’s tee time, yeah
Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Bring back Herk the Mauler, yeah

You ain’t got no kind of master plan
All your tales are told from the perspective of a man
You refuse to give us strong leads that are girls
Some of us think you should sit on it and twirl

Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Give Del’s wife a new man, yeah
Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Mimi and the pool boy, yeah

Got no idea how to let True get away
(Got no clue, no, got no clue)
College kickoff is less than a month away
Your problem is you gave us more of him than we could take
Let him go, ship his ass on off to Wake

Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Wrap this story up, yeah
Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Ready for some football, yeah

(lather, rinse, repeat)

edit: The tune, for reference.

 

 

Older Posts »

Blog at WordPress.com.