This Week in Milford

July 7, 2017

Worlds Heaviest Pole- Vaulter

Filed under: Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 9:01 am

So the black eye opens up a whole new can of worms, just what we need right? Now everything else is forgotten until the whodunnit on the B.E. is solved. I dont even think Jimmy knows what happened. And he’s apologizing for her maybe shoving him or whatever. I think he ran into a food tray to be honest. Looking at his expanding girth, he’s obviously been living in the school cafeteria all summer. Right now he couldnt vault over a Bozo Bucket.

 

I know I’m supposed to have original thoughts on this c**p, but saw this commentary on the GoComics site and decided to break with TWIM tradition and have a guest contribute to my contribution.  So introducing my guest speaker for today – Wilbur Floppenheimer!!

  1. Fat fury 2
    Wilbur Floppenheimer about 8 hours ago

    P1: “Are you saying that you shoved Jimmy?”

    “All 250 pounds of him? No, but I may have pushed him. At 250 pounds, he gets stuck on the hurdles and sometimes needs a helping hand to make it over. That Bucket gut flops around like Jello if he’s not wearing his hurdler girdle. It’s a common problem. Donovan wrote a song about it, “The Hurdler Girdle Man.”

    P2: Double D ditches her books and interrogates Jimmy, adopting the standard Wonder Woman “hands on hips” pose. Jimmy instinctively uses his books to cover his manhood in case Double D launches one of those Size 13s his way. Jimmy displays the first signs of “Stockholm Syndrome” and begins to attempt to ingratiate himself with Double D.

    P3: “I’m sorry. Please punish me.”

    “Good. Come to my house at 4:15, and not a minute later. I have a very busy afternoon, and my schedule is very tight.”

    P4: 4:15 arrives.

Advertisements

June 9, 2017

Overrated fight

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Fat Guys, Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 9:40 am

So it turns out that Gil already is on the case of extinquishing the fire that is Ryan Van Auiken vs his old girlfriend featured on the sign at the baseball game by the girls from his old school. Good for him-  but its still almost mid-June and the kids not only have to finish baseball/softball but graduate already.

His parents describe the incident as non-violent, and are adament about it.  So its great that they completely believe Ryans version of the story. Because no way were they there when it happened, right? And Gil asks them before he asks Ryan about it, even though he has a first-person account of things. Why not ask him first? Oh yeah, he vamoosed. For all that coffee Gil drinks, he’s asleep at the wheel 98 percent of the time. If there was no police report, then Gil should just go back to Milford and tell Dafne to move on and find another story to cover. After she graduates. After she figures out she no longer writes for the Trumpet because she doesnt attend Milford anymore. And so on and so on..

By next week we should be on to lemonade and beach scenes. And golf. Yikes!!

 

April 11, 2017

We’ll be calling him “The Friendly Brain”

gt04112017

Today the high-rolling Milford School Board veep gets a mashup name from the famed comic and cartoon character and the famed pro wrestling heel manager but one that yields no Google results on its own.  He looks like a slightly paunchy version of Gil, and the trifecta of head bobble, exploding eye and freak hand (missing an amputated sixth digit between index and middle fingers) make him right at home in Milford.

He’s clearly capable of picking up a phone and calling Dr. Pearl who, with that broken right wrist of hers, may have had to put him on speaker.  The good doctor relays his message to Ms. Rizk, who replies with a deft pop culture/product placement zinger of her own.  She may not be much of a journalist, but she knows where she stayed last night.

A couple of cameos to report: the Funkyverse’s Les Moore joins the Milford faculty after having his face slapped for being such a pretentious douche, and an off-camera cameo by Rex Morgan, MD‘s daughter Sarah, who obviously hand-lettered Dr. Pearl’s name plate.

August 20, 2016

Oh Look, Mother Bader Finally Gets a First Name

tmgil160820

This plot has gone on so long that everyone’s back in long sleeves again!  At least it’s more appropriate than showing up to a funeral service in softball uniforms. Of course it’s still a funeral – Del’s – and the baseball Mudlarks aren’t here to offer anyone any moral support so much as they’re here to satisfy their collective morbid curiosity.

Mighty magnanimous of Rubin to bestow a first name on Mother Bader at this late date in the arc.  Has the finally fully named Sandra Bader actually stepped away? She still looks trapped within the courtroom pews to me. Speaking of trapped: stay tuned for a week of courtroom exposition leading up to a Labor Day weekend in which someone (anyone?) learns some kind of lesson.

If we’re stuck with courtroom drama for another week, might as well start it off with a laugh. This skit is still memorable for me, if only for the moment when the late Jan Hooks states her occupation.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-peoples-court/n9487

August 16, 2016

Take Off My Tie Before Tossing The Old Pigskin Around Outdoors In August? That’s Crazy Talk!

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Fat Guys, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 6:17 am

081616

Didn’t we already have a memorial service for Boo? Is True going to put up a roadside marker outside the S Mart?

Bonus challenge: rather than ponder the strip’s primary inanity, name all of the input/output jacks on the side of the Baders’ tv…

August 4, 2016

Tell Ya, We Don’t Like It

tmgil160804

You ain’t got no way of ending a plot
I gotta tell you that this story line is shot
You takin’ us on some kind of endless ride
You done this ever since Boo Radley died

Tell us something good
Tell us that you’ll end this, yeah
Tell us something good
Tell us it’s still summer, yeah

Sense of time is what you let slip away
You drag this out like there’s 48 hours to each day
Your problem is that you milked this puppy dry
We’re so bored with this, we don’t even try

Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Tell us that it’s tee time, yeah
Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Bring back Herk the Mauler, yeah

You ain’t got no kind of master plan
All your tales are told from the perspective of a man
You refuse to give us strong leads that are girls
Some of us think you should sit on it and twirl

Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Give Del’s wife a new man, yeah
Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Mimi and the pool boy, yeah

Got no idea how to let True get away
(Got no clue, no, got no clue)
College kickoff is less than a month away
Your problem is you gave us more of him than we could take
Let him go, ship his ass on off to Wake

Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Wrap this story up, yeah
Tell us something good
(tell us tell us tell us)
Ready for some football, yeah

(lather, rinse, repeat)

edit: The tune, for reference.

 

 

July 9, 2016

Stay Tuned for The Truman Show

Filed under: big arms, Fat Guys, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Just plain sad — teenchy @ 9:04 pm

tmgil160709

So after Gil gives True the “life is for the living” pep talk, and a month to the day after Boo was declared dead, we have – the funeral? The memorial service? The start of A Very Special Gil Thorp? A pivot to the summer arc?

Kudos to Art for looking trim, for deciphering teenspeak, and for giving a little pep talk of his own. On the other hand, Art’s and Gil’s (and Marjie Ducey’s, and the Mudlark baseball team’s, and…) treatment of True as the Very Specialest Snowflake in Milford is really starting to get old. It’s like he’s turning into Gil Thorp‘s analog to Funky Winkerbean’s Les Moore.

From the Minor Artistic Quibble Dept: I dunno if Whigham does the lettering in addition to the art, but the “R” in “DEAR” in P3 looks too much like a “D” at first glance, which taken literally would send this strip in a whole new direction.

June 11, 2016

Nooo!

Filed under: Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Just plain sad — teenchy @ 6:41 am

tmgil160611

“I love Boo Radley.

And I’d like all of you to love her too.

And tonight, you hit you knees:

Please ask God to love her.”

edit: For our younger readers, the reference.

Did you know today’s strip comes with sound effects? They can be found here, or, if you have the time, here.

Today’s strip kinda puts a dent in my theory that Del Bader is Art Standish with a dye job. Bilocation, perhaps?

Older Posts »

Blog at WordPress.com.