This Week in Milford

August 17, 2019

Oh Yeah? Jump On This!

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Well, I’m glad that’s settled. Ed is neither the express nor implied racist we suspected him to be (or, at least, he’s not gonna cop to that). Neither is he really that concerned about Jaquan’s post-NBA career. He just wanted baby girl to come home and join/take over his practice. I mean, why should the Foley Law Group beat him to the punch? With that, Ed V. Baxendale joins the pantheon of Milford parents living vicariously through the lives of their children (if not outright preordaining their career paths via their names).

Kinda funny we haven’t seen Gil in the strip for a couple of weeks. Hope he’s watching more of Joe Bolek’s game film. He’d better keep Hadley on speed dial for the next time he needs to intimidate the lawyerless school board, or game the system to recruit outside talent.

Finally, it wouldn’t be a Gil Thorp arc-ending strip without some kind of lame joke and a freeze-frame ending. Good thing Jaquan got Luther, The Anger Translator to stand in for him.

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August 14, 2019

Not Janet’s Diner Again!?!

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Now we’ve left the
Milford School Board
For the diner
Named for Janet
Oh, I never
Really ate here
But my boyfriend
Recommends it

I’ve brought with me
Tiki Jansen
And my dad
Ed, and he said
I was terrific
So I hope he’ll
Maybe
Pick up the tab

My dad said I
Didn’t need him
But I needed
Local counsel
Member of the
Illinois Bar
But I’m not barred
Here in Milford

And I thought
That it was weird
The School Board brought
No lawyer
Even though it
Was informal
Who knew
They’d go pro se?

Tiki’s still scared
Of New Thayer
So he’d rather
Go to Milford
He will not be
A mere vagrant
He will
Stay with Leonard Fleming

And I took
No depositions
From Leonard
Or his family
When he blabbered
That the Mudlarks need him
His dad
Told him “Shut your mouth”

Then I went
Before Chet Ballard
And his puppets
On the School Board
And I showed them
Bolek’s film clip
But Chet
Ballard wasn’t biting

So I played the
Safety* card and
Then I brought up
Leonard Fleming
Then I spouted
Mumbo jumbo
And threw
Some pocket sand

Now my dad
Is looking pissy
Is he thinking
Of my boyfriend?
Should we go
Back to Chicago?
Then will he get
Off our backs…?

But now my phone is buzzing
And I’ve got a call
It’s that Ballard guy…

He’s come crawling back to us…
Thomas Jansen will be pleased

 

*(Tiki’s a safety, get it?)

August 10, 2019

“She told them to look not at the facts, but at the meaning of the facts. Then she said the facts had no meaning.”

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“Ladies and gentlemen, members of the school board, my dad, we’ve just heard from Mr. Ballard a rather lurid description of a truly despicable young man.”

“I had to hand it to her. She tossed a lot of sand in their eyes. She talked about how I’d lost my place in the universe. How I was too ordinary to be the perpetrator of fraud the school board made me out to be, how there was some greater scheme at work that the school district had yet to unravel… She told them to look at me, look at me close. That the closer they looked, the less sense it would all make.”

“Look closely at him. This human, this barber. Oops – wrong Tiki.”

“That I wasn’t the kind of guy to game the system, that I was the safety, for Christ’s sake. I was just like them, an ordinary man. Guilty of living in a school district that had no place for me, yeah. Guilty of wanting to be a Mudlark, sure. But not of fraud.”

“But most specifically, this is a safety’s dilemma. For he is modern man.”

“She said I was modern man.”

“He is your reflection.”

“And if they voted to keep me out of Milford, they’d be practically cinching the noose around their own necks. She told them to look not at the facts, but at the meaning of the facts. And then she said the facts had no meaning.”

Here’s hoping Hadley V. does a better job representing Tiki than Freddy did representing Ed.

July 10, 2019

Of Bulls and Talking Horses

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I recall having a convo a few years ago with mrs. teenchy* and her late grandmother, a woman born before the US entry into World War I and who nearly lived long enough to see the centennial of the Great War’s start. We were talking about TV and mrs. teenchy asked her grandma if she ever watched The Lawrence Welk Show. “Heck no!” replied grandma, “that show’s for old people!” In her mind, Lawrence Welk’s target demographic was people born in the 19th century.

Previously I’d speculated that Gil Thorp‘s target audience might be people who read GRIT, but now it’s clear: it’s people who are old enough to have watched Mr. Ed**. But yay continuity, if in name only. Visually, it’s another Ed that’s getting the shout-out.

It just dawned on me that it’s never been established which NBA team Jaquan plays for. Today’s strip establishes that he does not play for the Bulls, so the color version of the July 4 strip is just flat out wrong. Blazers maybe?

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It also establishes that lawyer Ed V. Baxendale has become kinda clueless. He should have some idea of the average partner salary in Chicago, even if those average salaries are a bit depressed due to “the city’s historic practice of making lawyers partner at a younger age.” The upshot is that Jaquadley has enough disposable income (and, probably, no student loans) to own multiple properties, including pretty much anything in Milford. Also pretty clueless of him to think that Hadley would have to leave her job for the sake of the relationship. Pretty sexist, too, but that’s par for the course*** in the Thorpiverse.

*Yes, Virginia, there is a mrs. teenchy. Shocking, I know.

**Hey, remember when Mr. Ed took BP with the Dodgers? Wouldn’t a horse playing for the Mudlarks have been more interesting than that TCFS nonsense this past spring?

 

***That’s the only golf reference you’ll be reading here for some time.

June 12, 2019

Soon It Won’t Matter Anymore

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Called it, I think. Mimi’s weak-assed reverse psychology is about to claim an innocent victim. I half expect that David will reveal an ulterior motive for casting FUD in Linda’s head because reasons.

Style points for Linda for breaking up in person a/o/t the ghosting referred to in the comments to the above-linked strip. I suppose we should be grateful the Thorpiverse isn’t  Lynn Johnston’s Ontario in which everyone ends up with their high school sweetheart.

Dunno who this rando burger eating girl is in the foreground but with hands like that she could spell Jocelynn Brown behind the plate.

Today’s bizarre cameo: Wilbur Weston from Mary Worth in the role of David’s dad.

Today’s title inspiration is as short and sweet as today’s post.

May 8, 2019

‘Scuse me while I whip this up*

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Oooh, hubris! Love it!

So when do the too-cool-for-school girls get their comeuppance? When Molly goes on the DL for chemical burns after Milo accidentally on purpose tips her lab experiment over on her?  When fist bumps go wrong and somebody breaks a hand? Or when another rando MHS student fails to look up from his smartphone, slips on the highly polished floors and crashes into Molly, injuring her horribly? Things are going too well for the Lady Mudlarks – and their behavior becoming too arrogant – for this Era of Good Feelings to last.

Today’s bizarre cameos: Ted Cruz as Milo, Señor y Señorita Wences in the Milford infield. Rocki Prado has a Twitter feed but there’s not much gleaned from it. Props to the Chief for giving her lustrous hair to rival Gilchrist-era Aunt Fritzi and earrings that more closely approximate what girls currently wear than what are usually seen in Milford.

 

*Which is what I say to myself every day I write a post here.

August 2, 2018

Remember When Concussions Were A Big Deal In Milford?

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Here’s the exposition strip we’ve all come to know and love.  To say Gil isn’t up for this is an understatement, as evidenced by his half-hearted attempt to slit his own throat.

Alright, let’s get down to it.  Nobody’s heard of these two jabronis before because they were soccer players.  As we know in the Thorpiverse, playing soccer gets you nowhere and gives you ideas that you can do other things.  Then again, maybe that’s the concussions talking.  Maybe Heather Burns took one too many balls to the head and that made her think she could be a trainer a tight end The Quarterback Whisperer.  I seem to recall a whole story arc revolving around concussions and their impact.  Oh yeah, that was a football arc.  Since we’re talking soccer here it’s only worth one panel.

The Real Wilson Casey was a star tennis player. This could easily have been a summer tennis arc but that would have warped our fragile little minds.

There have been many Tony Pauls.  I’d like to think this one is a shout-out to the industrial designer, but more than likely it’s to the Detroit News sportswriter, given the Michigancentricity of Rubin’s world.

John Jawor wears the same middle-aged white guy face that Del Bader, Wildcat Maris, Father of True Standish, and countless other middle-aged white guys in Milford have worn.  Wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Whigham had drawn him to look more like the real John Jawor?

On that note, here’s an interview with The Real John Jawor.  Maybe it’ll be more interesting than this August plot. One thing’s for sure: The Real John Jawor would’ve told those kids to keep their elbows straight by now.

 

March 22, 2018

Marty Moon: Insulting More Than Just Latinos

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This arc turned from “Let’s empathize with the Puerto Rican kids who’ve been displaced from their homes by a natural disaster” to “Hey, let’s put on a show!” so fast, it’s made my neck snap. All I’m left with is a sense of wonder.

I wonder if Google Alphabet stock has plummeted since Rubin’s name-dropped YouTube Live in the past two strips. I wonder if The Milford Pirate Network has the requisite number of subscribers to allow it to use YouTube’s live streaming via mobile functionality. I wonder if Marty’s mike is hot. (The lightning bolt word balloon would lead me to believe so.) I wonder if this will be Marty’s Lonesome Rhodes moment: the moment when the Milford student body, Dr. Pearl, and WDIG’s listeners decide that while insulting Latinos is okay, insulting Milford students’ intelligence crosses the line. Finally, I wonder if anyone will comment on this post.

 

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