Getting Hammered at the MCC? What Else Is New?

“How small of a stipend are we talking about, Mr. Coach Thorp?“

“Remember how far I held my fingers apart earlier? That’s how small your stipend will be.”

“Seriously? I thought you were talking about your post-practice shrinkage in the showers.”

“Just for that crack, no hot dog for you. Just a drink per game.”

So between her internship at the Star and her stipend from Gildeaux, Heather’s gonna pay down those student loans. Yeah, sure. Maybe that’s where the “I’d love to have you” part comes in. (Offensive line coach at a Big Ten school? Only if she was coaching them the way Clara Bow was alleged to coach the boys at USC.) But hey, at least she’ll be making more than Steve Boone. Can any of the faithful confirm whether he ever got a raise? Will he quit once he finds out about Heather?

Back to the golf mooks. TIL Vegas is a golf betting game for foursomes that involves combining each of a pair’s scores to get a numerical value; the pair with the lower value for a hole wins money from the pair with the higher value of a certain amount per difference in stroke (see here for an example). It’s just more filler to hammer home the point that gambling’s going on at the MCC, but the fact that Hendricks is still wearing his red polo shirt might lead us to think he’s an MCC employee, in which case his betting would be either doubleplusungood or quickly swept under the turf.

Bye-Bye, VT! GTFO, Milford!

Finally this slog is over and, like so many seasons in Milford, a pair of story arcs holding some promise end not with a bang but with a whimper. So let’s recap.

Milford had a slim chance of winning the Valley but somehow lost it without losing any more games, and we never learned how.* The Valley is apparently in a state where conference runners-up do not make the playdowns. Hence this game meant exactly diddly squat. It wouldn’t have mattered if the Mudlarks won, lost, held hands on the sideline or hissed and clawed at one another like cats.

So why is Rapson acting like Corina somehow saved the season? What exactly did she accomplish with her little insult fest at Casa Karenna pro tempore? Sending two boys home with fistfuls of brownies and sacks full of blue balls? All she did was continue to insult the two of them which, combined somehow with Gil’s dressing down, humbled them into being cheerleaders for the third-stringer-turned-starter. Maybe Rapp took a blow to the head during those last bruising runs to wind down the clock. That would explain his random pointing to the empty bleachers.

And what exactly did Corina accomplish for herself? She went out for the volleyball team, played liberal, and managed to get some of the football players to come watch the team play – which is more than we TWIMers can say as all of the volleyball game strips (save one panel on September 30) actually just showed the football players sitting in the bleachers. Was there any more character development for her after Phoebe showed her around Milford in the summer and nosy-ass Maureen the waitress set her on a course to True Standish’s mom, who somehow convinced Corina that her mom could get mental health support in Milford? Didn’t think so. Corina’s sole purpose in this arc was to serve as some kind of prize for the two quarterbacks and then as some kind of peacemaker to help them accept their sorry lot on the Milford bench. I’d call that yet another Bechdel fail in an endless string of Bechdel fails.

So is everybody all peace, love and understanding now? Are they all gonna go to The Bucket and trade one-liners over fries and milkshakes? Nah. Corina, sporting those hand-me-down Isotoner gloves Dan Marino gave her mom BITD, throws a tribute to former Mudlark hooper Chris Schuring by singing one word of Schuring’s new school’s alma mater.

See you all here on Monday. Don’t get your hopes up for a realistic plot.

* With the 19-13 loss to Jefferson played in a deluge it’s hard to point a finger at any one event that caused the loss. In the 42-37 loss to Madison, Thayer’s overthrow of a wide-open Tom Muench sealed the Mudlarks’ fate but completely overlooked in the post-game analysis was the fact that Milford blew a two-touchdown lead. Why wasn’t Gil’s sieve of a defense ever a bone of contention this season?

Aliens landing

Cant believe a whole week later and I’m AGAIN describing the last game of the season. Like shooting a dead horse to put it out of its misery, the Larks manage to run out the clock instead of risking a heroic pass like Dickhead Lineman suggests in the huddle. But they take so long to end the season that alien ships have time to get to earth and pull them all into orbit, never to be seen again.

If you think I’ll miss these morons, you got another one coming. Good riddance. Hope they took Gil with em too. Hows that Delaware T gonna look on Mars, Gildo??

The S.S. Meaningful Drama? That Ship Has Sailed

We’ve reached that time in the story arc where Rubin goes into his own personal two-minute drill. Plot elements get tied together quickly and not always in the most logical fashion. Since today’s strip is nothing but action, this gives us the opportunity to nitpick the details, find the inconsistencies, fill in the plot holes, and generally snark about it all.

After losses to Madison and Jefferson, the Mudlarks found themselves with slim chances to win the Valley. Since Becca Exposition’s little comment, Milford has peeled off wins against Tilden (punctuated by a sideline scuffle between members of Team Rapson and Team Thayer) and, apparently, New Thayer. Yet here we find ourselves in that most familiar of positions: Milford battling it out with traditional rival Valley Tech for second place in the Valley. We never did find out what it was that eliminated them from title contention but since they didn’t lose a game over that span we have to conclude that some other team(s) needed to lose games and didn’t. So once again, Gilbero & co. find themselves having to fight it out for the title of first loser.

That brings us to our manufactured drama, wherein the third-string quarterback gets injured and Gil is faced with the choice of which of his benched QBs – the game manager starter (whose overthrown pass helped lead to the Madison loss) or the gunslinger second-stringer, who’s been benched even longer – he should bring in to secure the victory. Odds are these two will play Mac and Tosh and implore each other to go in in their stead.

Thorpian logic tells me he’ll pull Corina out of the stands to suit up and go in.

Minor Nitpicks Dept: Dunno if the Mudlarks have more than one Leonard but the guy limping off the field in P3 (#40) ain’t the guy Rapson is congratulating in P1 (some # that isn’t 40). Also dunno if the Valley has rules for player numbering that might require Fleming to change his #40 for a number between 1 and 20, as is often the case. If that’s Chance Macy in P2, he’s switched jersey numbers from his traditional #31. He also looks like he’s hauling in a pass, not breaking off a run. Could he be – gasp! – showboating? Gil should bench him for the rest of the season (which amounts to about 15 minutes) so he can teach him a lesson and save him for next season.

It All Looks Goofy

Gil is really excited about the future of Milford football! They’ll be running all kinds of trick plays and those defenses won’t know what hit ’em. As for right now, in this season, at Valley Tech, let’s just hope they don’t turn the ball over four times.

It looks like Thayer and Rapson are finally united and can stand side by side and lead cheers for QB Fleming. This happened just in time for the alien mothership to abduct them and take them to Tralfamadore for extensive probing. They can live out their lives in a zoo. Maybe their keepers will fashion an animatronic Corina to bring them brownies and do other favors for them.

Corina and her volleyball teammates have travelled to Valley Tech to take in the game. I think Corina is eating a hot dog. Is she glad she came? She’ll answer the question after she sees how good the hot dog is.

Gil’s Intrigued: The Rest of Us Are Bored

Geez, Marty, why so surprised? Have you killed so many brain cells with Johnnie Walker that you can’t remember Gil trotting out the Wing-T in 2007, also late in the season? (Hint: It was right after you called out Cully Vale as a convicted killer.) From the sound of it Milford may have practiced the Delaware offense but not so much with Leonard Fleming under center. Good thing New Thayer sucks this year.

Today’s strip has the feel of an arc-ender, what with Gil’s “wait ’til next year” spiel to Marjie and his fourth-wall-breaking, shit-eating grin in the final panel.* Gil’s counting on two things here: (a) No one reads the Milford Star (b) Chance Macy doesn’t get blowtop mad for a second straight season. He didn’t lose his cool this season; must have gotten some decent anger management training. Anna Corinna Karenina could stand similar to knock that chip off her shoulder.

Still the Mudlarks have to wrap up their season against traditional rival Valley Tech. Think Rubin will remember that?

*If this does end up being the last strip in the fall arc, I may come back for a metapost.

If its Nimoy, punt.

I put up my Christmas tree tonight; I decorate my house in stages, last weekend I did the creche and other small indoor stuff. This weekend I’ll do the lights and ornaments, then the reindeer and outdoor lights last. A few days later then usual this year, but I can leave em up a little later to make up for it. Instead of New Years I’ll take it down January 10, closer to the Epiphany, which is the real end of Christmas for Catholics.

My point of the previous paragraph is– its December — and Gil is PUTTING IN A NEW OFFENSE???? NOW????

God damn– not only has every prep football team put their cleats away but the 2-3-sport athletes are already dribbling on the hardcourt. We’ve beaten this to death in the past, but he never changes– every year he’s still dicking around on the gridiron while snowflakes fall on his endless season.

Yeah gang– Leonard is our savior- just as Christ was born in December to save us, so is Leonard saving the Mudlarks in Montho Twelvo.

The Larks have played 6 games, winning 4 and losing 2. Gil discussed the wing-T on OCTOBER 12. 52 days later he unveils it. Like Joe Biden saying we have to wear a mask for 100 days, when we’ve already been doing that for 8 months. They dont call him Sleepy Joe for nothing. This is our next president folks. If they were both late to a party, it would be for the 4th of July, and theyd show up on Christmas.

I have no idea who this Leonard is, but if you’re a comic strip character, you’re dangerous. Real people need real skills to succeed, all Leonard needs is a good pen.

Finally — another guy named Leonard, Len Kasper, announced today he is leaving the Cubs TV booth for the White Sox radio play by play gig. I’ve been blessed with only 4 play by play TV announcers in my 43 seasons as a Cub fan– Jack Brickhouse, Harry Caray, his grandson Chip Caray, and Len. Thats it. I enjoyed all 4 immensely. 2 showmen and 2 laid back types. I actually met Len at the 2015 Cubs Convention and had a short conversation with him. I will miss him on the Cubs but wish him luck with the White Sox on the radio, where he really wants to be. Good for him.

Another Day, Another One of Gil’s Problems Solved by Someone Else for Free

I KNEW IT

YOU KNEW IT

I KNEW IT

YOU KNEW IT

So Rubin wasted what, ten strips on this little confab? When he’ll peel off two or three games in a single strip?

No way these guys wouldn’t have bailed as soon as they saw there was no sex in the offing, or at the very least as soon as she started insulting them yet again. Oh, okay, let’s play along and pretend that these two lugs are kinda masochistic and they get off on chicks berating them. Why, then, when Corina completely insulted Thayer and Rapson, did they sit there like knots on a log and not say anything in return? How hard would it have been to just tell the truth:

THAYER: Well, you are the new girl, and we heard you transferred from the bad kids’ school, so we kinda thought you were easy.

RAPSON: Yeah, and I’m tired of playing second fiddle to Thayer so I didn’t want his sloppy seconds when it came to you. So we gonna do it or what?

THAYER: So your mom made these brownies? When does she get off work?

Honestly, the only thing that captured my attention in today’s strip is the door of Rapson’s car. That looks like a nearly perfectly drawn example of a Talbot mirror so I’m wondering exactly what kind of vintage iron he’s driving.