This Week in Milford

October 20, 2021

You Can’t Make Chicken Salad Out Of Boyd Spiller

We’re deep in “teenagers are dumb and do dumb things” territory so I guess we have no choice but to suspend disbelief and see how this unfolds. Why Tevin feels the need to not only tolerate Boyd’s taunts but also encourage his schemes to fix a problem that doesn’t exist is beyond me.

What exactly is the goal of Spiller’s hypnosis? To get Tevin to tuck the ball and run whenever he sees an open receiver? Or to see nothing, thanks to the retinal damage done by staring at Boyd’s MagLite? Better to squawk like a chicken than squeal like a pig, which is what I think Boyd’s teammates are gonna do to him after this little parlor trick backfires.

Pantheon of Hair tag today for Tevin, whose ‘do is starting to reach Esquerita heights. Don’t know who Esquerita was? Time to find out!

October 15, 2021

Close only counts in car washes

Filed under: actual action, football — robmize2013 @ 9:39 pm

More football action as Spiller worries about Claxtons emotional status after a pick. Claxton in typical confident QB response assures him it was almost a completion. Hey, if almost counted that often, the cheerleaders could play.

Of course we never see what the defense did, but who cares? Chance Macy is off to the races, with 2 defenders wondering where the hell the rest of the team is at. If I had that kind of room I’d look good too.

I think I’d tell Boyd to shut up about every little thing and worry about his game.

October 13, 2021

Anywhere’s Better Than Delware

Filed under: actual action, Colorist Error, football, Goshen — teenchy @ 7:49 am

Well this is a bit of a cluster, innit?

Besides the obvious spelling and naming errors in P3, we also have a Milford player colored as a Goshen player at the bottom of the pile. Don’t think so? Look at the dark numbers on his back. Faithful TWIMer hitorque noted yesterday that no teams in the Thorpiverse ever wear white uniforms. I think that when Whigham draws these strips in black & white, he intends the teams with dark numbers on their jerseys to be in white. There have been a few color-on-color games in college and pro football in the recent past (the WLOCP comes to mind along with those NFL “Color Rush” games) but, with a few exceptions for the red/green colorblind, most provide enough contrast to tell the teams apart.

Good thing that Delware T-Wing is clicking. Odds are it’d click even better if Milford had more than ten men on the field.

Then they might not only be in sync but also able to move in one direction.

Post title from the occasional live lyrics to this song. Couldn’t find a clip meeting those criteria so here’s the original.

October 11, 2021

Goshen Time. Sorry, No Song For That.

Filed under: actual action, football, shadow figures — nedryerson @ 5:57 am

Look, The Great Chance Macy doesn’t want to talk about college and which programs might or might not be recruiting him. If he wants to you to know what he envisions as his future in athletics, he’ll tell you. At this moment, he’s concentrating on the next game against Goshen, so back off, Tevin. Also, check out that shadow person! It could be one of those creepy horror movie nuns! Halloween is approaching. Is Rubin gonna go John Carpenter on us? Of course not. Nothing exciting will happen. It’s just more dithering high school students.

Let’s get to the action, shall we? Goshen is in Carolina Blue unis, just like the last opponent. Can you imagine how nerdy the colorists would have to be to maintain a coloring bible for the different Valley Conference teams? Of course they wouldn’t do that. It’s enough for them to interpret the narration correctly and keep not male everybody red.

Goshen’s ball carrier is levitating over the goal line for a score. Why he was diving for the pylon, we can’t know. Goshen jumped on top. Will the Great Chance Macy go beast mode and power the Mudlarks. Nobody cares.

Happy Columbus Day.

October 9, 2021

#truerthantrue

When it comes to convos, does depressing beat boring? Tevin’s fixing to find out! He might’ve found Kianna depressing, but Chance Macy has already put the kid sitting next to him asleep before Tevin even showed up.

Let’s not mince words, gentle readers: as Milford sports stars come, Chance Macy has been a pretty boring one. Except for getting situationally mad and going off on a Tilden cheap-shot artist, he’s been completely low-key. The whole Charlie Roh/Chet Ballard thing barely fazed him, and nothing else has since.

Maybe that’s by design. Have we seen someone so explicitly anti-their own postsecondary educational and athletic futures since Golden Boy True Standish’s #gottabetrue campaign attempted to set the college recruiting machine on its ear? Why yes, I think we have. Just like Little Miss Fire Hydrant this past spring, Chance will have his future decided for him by his parent/guardian and a coach named Thorp.

I can only imagine Rubin keeps feeding us these aw-shucks types ’cause he imagines his GRIT-reading base eats ’em up like flapjacks, but for once I’d like to see a college prospect in the Thorpiverse whose approach falls somewhere between this faux humility and the Jaquan Case hype machine.

October 6, 2021

There’s a Certain Aurora Around Milford Volleyball

Tevin Claxton is either shaping up for a career in the diplomatic corps or one as a weatherman, as Boyd Spiller’s constant insults about his so-called “choking” roll off his back like so much rainwater. Time will tell if Claxton’s teammates will take up his case and put Spiller in his place (e.g., taped to a locker). How’s Gil gonna quash this dissent on the football team? He doesn’t have a spunky little libero to tease Boyd over to her house with the promise of her mama’s brownies this season.

Speaking of brownies and snack foods generally, where and when are Tevin and Gordon getting those post-game Blastos? Is this happening Friday night, on the way back from Kettering? Or is it happening early on Saturday, at the Milford Swifti-Mart? I don’t recall my high school sportsball activity bus stopping for food anywhere on the way back from a road game.

On to actual Saturday, early, where Mimi leads a busful of girls to something called “The Aurora Invitational – Powered by Coffee.TM” I suppose Coffee is the paid sponsor for the Aurora Invitational. That looks like Marty Moon’s sippy cup Mimi is clutching, so odds are there’s something else besides coffee in it. How she ended up with Marty’s cup would be a red herring worth exploring.

I’m assuming this is a volleyball thing? The girls are wearing Milford warmups so it’s nothing to do with gymnastics. The only volleyball Aurora Invitational I could find online was a tournament in Missouri over a decade ago. Pity it’s not in Illinois; Mimi could treat the girls to a round of Stan Mikita’s Donuts with that coffee.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c-LRR2cYqY

meta: Thanks to Ned, tdrew and rob for rearranging the deck chairs to cover for my absence on Saturday. Sorry so late with today’s post. Juggling too many things at work.

October 4, 2021

Spiller Pokes The Choker

Filed under: actual action, football, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 3:27 am

This concludes the second game of the season at Kettering. Kettering tried to get fancy with a sweep but there was the games unsung hero, Steve Lehto, again to sniff it out and finish off the drive that had just started on the recovery of QB Tevin Claxton’s fumble. Marty Moon finishes doing something (opening a pill bottle?) while he concludes his broadcast to three listeners.

After the game, the real drama resumes. Tevin Claxton had a history of choking in JV, or so we heard earlier from Boyd Spiller. It looks like ol’ Boyd is there to remind Tevin of this and needle his quarterback about his almost costly fumble in this game. Well done, Boyd. You’ve solidified your role as this season a-hole newcomer.

Heather Burns Twitter feed has remained silent. Maybe she’s only going to work home games. Who needs a media strategy?

October 2, 2021

Actual Action Saturday

Filed under: actual action, football, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 7:42 am

You wanted actual action, you got actual action! We’re down to the wire at Kettering. We pick up the action with a curious panel of a Pioneer with his feet out of bounds, with his hips and shoulders sort of squared to the sideline, facing the center of the field. How did he get there? What led up to that? Was he moon walking with the ball to egg on the Milford player? Is this on the same play as the fumble or is it on a Kettering offensive possession after the fumble? We don’t know. We can’t know. It’s static sports action and at least the colors are correct.

Marty Moon calls the action. There are 62 seconds to play and Kettering is knocking on the door. None of the windows open on Marty’s laptop have any porn on them as far as we can see, but maybe some of those are his Valley Conference fantasy league stats. Man, it’s getting harder and harder to be interested in Marty Moon lately. I thought he was gonna hulk out yesterday, but he’s just a dude in a crate with a laptop and a microphone. True tales from Snoozeville.

The Kettering Pioneers are running the ball. The Milford defender looks sad. Does he have a shot at a tackle or is he flat footed and out of position as the Pioneer whizzes past? Don’t know. Is paydirt in sight or is the Pioneer about to encounter actual contact? I’ll tell you more on Monday when one presumes we’ll know something.

This strip was a disappointment. It gave me nothing to chew on except confusion about the drawings and boredom with meek Marty. But it’s Saturday and I’m not in my usual Monday morning hurry to post something and turn my attention to the grueling hellscape that is my forty hour work week. What shall we talk about?

I used the word paydirt. It’s a curious old term with origins in prospecting for precious metals, but it became associated with football at some point, representing the idea of the rich reward waiting in the grass beyond the goal line. When I was a kid, there was a football game called Paydirt! that I remember from toy stores. I never knew what the game entailed, but it looked enticing with a Sports Illustrated style dramatic photo on the cover. Perhaps it was something cooler than those disappointing electric football games if you wanted to get your fix of football for the six days a week you couldn’t watch football. It turns out it was more of a stats driven game like strat-o-matic baseball. That probably wouldn’t have thrilled me as a ten year old. Paydirt! sounds like a lot more fun than Data Driven Football. That’s some Marketing 101. In retrospect, there was probably some Parenting 101 involved if I ever expressed an interest in this game. If I ever asked about getting it, I’m sure my dad could have quickly assessed that this game would bore me in about 62 seconds and that a Nerf football was a much better return on investment.

Anybody ever play Paydirt!?

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