Dueling Bad Jokes

Hard to believe there could be a worse team than Milford in the Valley, innit? Yet here we are. Wonder why we never see anyone else in the conference use some archaic formations, defensive schemes or kung fu treachery to make up for their shortcomings against Milford. Most likely because Gil hasn’t updated his playbook for this century and would be equally ready for those plays.

How will this play into our blossoming quarterback controversy? Easily. The Thayer-led Mudlarks will open up a big lead on Central, then Gil will relent and put Rapson in to mop up. Still trying to convince Gil he’s the better talent, Rapp will again defy Gil, call an audible and run a big-yardage play for a score. Gil benches Rapp permanently, Central’s coach accuses Gil of running up the score after the final whistle, and things get ugly.

At least that will offer up more excitement than Friday night at Casa Karenna, where mom and daughter are caught up in a high-stakes game of gin rummy or Uno or something. Probably Uno, since Corina might want to keep mom away from the gin and rum and steer her toward the Yoo-Hoo. Hiyo! (Calling it “a duel of their own” implies that the Milford-Central game is some kind of duel which seems kind of off given Marty’s description of the game turning into a blowout.) Corina cares more about her mom’s mental health than Milford football, which is certainly understandable given this past summer’s backstory. Now if only she could allude to that without being a jerkface to everyone she meets…

Shush Me on the Bus

While there have been a few comics that have addressed the current global pandemic (including, ironically, that other sports-themed daily Tank McNamara), most have not. To date, the Valley has been virus-free, but looking at today’s strip I’m beginning to think Whigham has been influenced in some way by the pandemic’s impact on sports.

I mean, look at those kids on the Milford activity bus. With so little space between the rows of seats they’ve gotta be cardboard cutouts, don’t they? Their conversation is pretty two-dimensional too. The whole lot of them are adding fuel to the fire of the quarterback controversy that isn’t, except for Danny Bonaduce down in front there who’s slowly realizing that it’s not Shirley Jones behind the wheel. Who drives the Mudlark School Bus, anyway? Gil? Kaz? Cheech? Whichever coach isn’t driving needs to back there and nip this crap in the bud.

How Is the Milford Offense Like a Diesel Engine?

Neither of them have spark plugs!

This Milford-Madison game reminds me in a way of this past Saturday night’s supposed college football game of the year of the week. The team with a ground-and-pound offense takes an early lead then falls behind, its defense unable to slow down its opponent’s big-play offense. Tasked with orchestrating a rally, the game manager QB commits errors, throwing picks and getting his passes stuffed back in his face at the line of scrimmage. Despite all this, the coach sticks with his game manager, keeping the QB with more raw talent and game-breaking potential on the bench. Run the color version of today’s strip and the Mudlarks even start to look the part. Forgive me if I start referring to Will Thayer as “The Mailman.”

News flash: amateur football has turned into a track meet and defense no longer wins championships. Does Gil stick to his principles and watch his team slip down the standings in the Valley? Or does he decide he has doled out enough punishment and go with the guy that can make things happen? Pity that Gil dismisses everything Marty says out of hand; even a stopped clock sitting in his parents’ basement is right twice a day.

The Surprise Factor

The thrust of today’s strip is that cagey Gil is employing multiple formations to keep the Madison defense guessing. We aren’t shown the results of Madison’s defense getting wise to the I-formation. We just have Marty’s commentary from inside his little packing crate, spinning everything to sound suspicious of Gil’s game plan.

Was Madison surprised by the I-formation or did Milford just execute it well enough to grab a two touchdown lead?

We also haven’t seen the Air Jimmy spread offense employed by Madison. Milford held Madison once and then Madison struck quickly. Sometimes I wonder why we crave the actual action strips. The storytelling in them is even worse than the overheated team drama in the other 70%* of the strips.

*ballpark estimate with Moon level credibility.

Excuse Me, But Where Can I Get an Air Jimmy Hat?

Well I’ll be. Faithful TWIMer hitorque was right. It is a James Madison reference. Madison QB Alex Sanborn is a shoutout to a capital management exec and former Northwestern U tennis player.

Should be fun to see if the Mudlarks can hang with a team that runs a modern offense, no? To be fair, the spread has its antecedents in a formation developed by Rusty Russell, the coach at an orphanage high school in Fort Worth, Texas, and built on by Dutch Meyer at TCU (another Fort Worth school) in the late 1930s with Sammy Baugh and Davey O’Brien at quarterback. Later variants were developed by Howard Fletcher at Northern Illinois and Jack Neumeier at Granada Hills High School in Los Angeles.

Will Gil whip out that Delaware Wing-T in retaliation? Hell, Delaware doesn’t even run the Delaware Wing-T anymore. (It’s worth noting that the last time Delaware made the FCS postseason, they lost in the first round to… wait for it… James Madison.) How about the flying wedge?

As long as were talking about Air Somebody-or-other, how’s about a tribute to the original “Air” offense – one that never failed to entertain but somehow always came up frustratingly short. Seems appropriate to cap off a week in which we lost Fred Dean.

Say what??

Lets ..keep..our..guys..off..the..field…? Apparently Will thinks if nobodys on the field Madison will lose? If there was any Exhibit A of concusssions having an effect on the brain this is it.

Yes I get his point but its weird to say the least. What he means is ‘lets control the clock and limit Madisons possessions’ since apparently they are a high powered offense. Thats how you beat a team when they can score and you cant. Even though Milford just proved they can put up points in a hurry with the BACKUP QB playing who just got disciplined for being EXACTLY the type of QB the Mudlarks need in this game!?! As Ned Ryerson would say — “Am I right or am I right?”

Yeah sure you can hold the ball with your running game but jesus, part of coaching is giving your team the BEST chance to win every game.

Air Jimmy huh? You still gotta play some D, and if the other 11 guys suck, your 12th man is of Absolutely no use to you!! 1 outa 12 aint gonna cut it people! Do you hear me Thorp??

P3 – what the hell is on Martys screen?

In a different life, Jimmy was a rock singer:

Just Your Typical Three Panels of Obnoxiousness. Nothing to See Here.

No, really, you don’t want to see this. Today’s visuals are not for the squeamish. P1 looks like it came straight out of a Punch and Judy show. In P2 it appears that Corina is wearing her underwear on the outside, which in itself would be enough to elicit a head bobble and exploding elbow. Only P3 offers us some respite from the visual discomfort, with Rapp assuming the electric football “backer” pose.

The dialogue accompanying these visuals does little to advance the plot. Rapson is a smarmy, flirty close talker; Corina is her usual smirking smart-assed self; Thayer rubs Rapp’s flameout and benchwarmer status in his face; and Rapp puts on a gung-ho show in an attempt to get lookout blocks from his linemen put himself back in Gil’s good graces. There’s enough people being jerks to one another here to turn this into a Dustin strip.

Youre out-a shape, pal.

Yeah really. 3 freakin miles and this 18 year old dude is sweatin like a pig. Sheesh. I dont even run that much (I try to run a 5K every year but dont always get around to it) but I can knock out 3 miles in under a half hour and Im 54. I ran a bit in college, my dormmates took me running with them and I kept up for a while, then they stepped on it and pulled away at the end. I then started jogging at the high school track back home and did a mile or 2 a couple times a week. I gave it up after a couple years when I realized i wasnt running long enough to constitute a fair workout. plus I didnt want my knees to ache when I was 50.

Then in 2010 I met some friends who run a 5K on some holidays like Easter and New Years, and started up again entering a number of 5K races and improving my times so I could say I was decent. And thats my running career in a nutshell. So any high school footballer should easily handle Gils assignment. I sure wasnt looking like that when I was done. One race it was 16 degrees.

Anyhoo we’ll see where this goes since we already know Gils double negative comes off like a haughty a-hole . No wonder his teams suck- they suck wind doing 3 miles.