Tell The Coach

Okay, just checked in with robmize this afternoon and he’s okay. Here’s Friday’s strip to lead into the grand finale.

As they say in Philly, “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

This, gentle readers, is peak Gil Thorp. Finishing second in the Valley? Check. Not standing up to the system, but going along to get along? Check. Pulling strings behind the scenes to help a single kid out? Check. Does the timing of all of this check out? Let’s poned that when I get today’s strip posted. In the meantime, keep an antacid handy and take in the horror that is the Mayor dry humping Gil in P2.

 

I Also Have Getting to the Point Issues.

No sooner had I commented that Whigham drew a pretty good athlete in action yesterday than he draws one of the Dead End Kids Valley Mods with a ball for a hand.  Speaking of hands, look at the size of that paw and forearm on the ex-Mayor there. It’s as big as Anna Corina Corrina Karenina Karenna’s catcher’s mitt. Looks like he’s been giving it a workout. Maybe he won’t have to do that for much longer.

Otherwise, what is the point of introducing Ms. Karenna? Just to show up for one day to taunt the boys by showing them what a catcher looks like? To add to the seemingly endless parade of snarky teens in the Valley? I have a sinking feeling this arc may drag into the summer, as the Mayor finds his match, forgets about Milford and Phoebe, and his right hand shrinks back to normal size.

It’s not as if we’re gonna have a real baseball season or anything. I had a metapost in me but also a pretty busy day which is why I’m just now posting this. Maybe I’ll sleep on it and see if I can motivate myself to do it tomorrow.

 

You’re Killin’ Me, Schuring!

In the crapfest that has been this spring arc, finally a strip that delivers. Major hallmarks of a classic (and I use that term very loosely) Rubin & Whigham Gil Thorp are present: walking and talking, Milford High’s Prairie Style windows, wildly gesticulating hands, and a preachy, sarcastic Gil (let’s face it, sarcastic Gil is best Gil) getting to play the voice of reason.

Interesting that Gilberto is all about the liability today. Has he been on the horn to Hadley V. Baxendale lately? Couldn’t have been to the Knappes’ weaksauce lawyer. He is, however, well versed in the absurd. Let’s recap a bit of what’s gone on under his watch over the past year:

Said Hadley browbeat the school board into enrolling a kid who doesn’t live in the district.

A member of said browbeaten school board, having failed to keep the kid out of Milford, redirects his energy to a smear campaign against another player in an effort to win his stepson’s love and some playing time. That campaign turned on said school board member improperly accessing the other player’s school records. Granted, said school board member got the boot, but how was he able to get access to begin with?

As part of a strategy to improve her offensive output on the basketball court, a let basketball center is allowed to shove other students around in the library and hallways without consequence either to her or to the kids who suggested she do so.

Meanwhile, a miscreant student harboring an old grudge tries to railroad the two best students in the senior class with the old “give ’em a copy of the old exam” trick. It fails, with only minor consequences for the miscreant.

That brings us to Butterknifegate and the present situation. Gil’s a cog in the wheel of the system when he wants to be, or can’t be bothered otherwise. Let’s not dwell on how this idiocy is to be resolved; rather, let’s just pause for a moment to soak in the details and appreciate them at face value. BTW Gil, we hear there’s always a party at your house while you’re on the road. Ever notice that the Milford boys’ and girls’ teams never travel together? Yeah, so has Mimi.

Is That All There Is?

Is Valley Modified the same as “the alternative school”? If so, why didn’t it have day care when Darby Kiser was going there? Could be that Jaxon’s reign of terror behind the Milford bench led to the intro of on-campus day care. But let’s back that up a piece: Darby went to “the alternative school” yet somehow was allowed to play for Milford. Why, then, can’t Mike? Oh, yeah, Darby wasn’t expelled from Milford, though she endured plenty of taunts from opposing teams once she decided to play there. We couldn’t have stands full of kids brandishing butter knives now, could we?

The Mayor’s return to The Bucket is “triumphant” only in the sense that it can be pooped on. Why the need to bring up “athletes” at Valley Mod? Could be self-referential, so that he feels like he still has an identity. Then again, he could be referring to his classmates who ran the high hurdles after they knocked over the Swifti Mart out on the bypass.  Seriously, this doesn’t feel like an end-of-arc strip but more like a setup for Mike to resume playing baseball somewhere. If it is an end-of-arc strip, it’s one of the most anticlimactic we’ve seen in a while (and possibly worthy of a metapost later).

Small sample size

Great to see old friends getting together– I was with 11 adults 2 kids and a dog last weekend at Shawnee National Forest. We had 3 campsites and 2 hotel rooms. They didnt allow tent camping so the 3 of us who didnt own campers stayed at the hotel. We hiked 4 different trails, kayaked the Herron River for 2 hours, and saw some cottonmouth snakes. Weather was perfect. One guy even paddled to Kentucky.  Thanks again to teenchy for filling in.

And these old friends are happy to see each other too- .. even though I wouldnt miss the Mayor smelling up my car with bad food 4 days a week. And Alfano hitting .300 over what? 2 games? 4 games? When were these games played? All we’ve seen is the girls one game the Mayor photobombed.

Wonder if the Mayor will get re-instated after the school year-baseball season is over; methinks he gets another shot in summer ball. There’s a good storyline for the summer.

Next order of business is the Mayors friendship with Phoebe– lets see how its developed; or messed up, or most likely– forgotton.

 

Fight Club or Breakfast Club?

The first rule of Valley Modified is: You do not talk about Valley Modified. The second rule of Valley Modified is: You do not talk about Valley Modified. Third rule of Valley Modified: Someone yells “Chronically truant!”, goes limp, taps out, the class is over. Fourth rule: Only two guys to a classroom.

Arids Carhee explains the rules of Valley Modified to Mike Knappe, but he doesn’t explain this group of miscreants headed through the door – a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal? Wonder which zero-tolerance policies they’re poster children for. One thing’s for certain: Mike had better watch his mouth attacking another Valley Mod kid’s cred, else that gap between his teeth will get much bigger much quicker.

Dunno what subject this class is in, but there’s a pop quiz today! Way to crash into reality. Pretty soon the ex-Mayor will find out he is not his nickname or the nicknames he gives other kids, he is not his baseball position, he is not the minivan his mom drives, he is not his stupid backpack, nor the stupid knife or jar of Nutso he brought to class in Milford. He’s the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Universal Copout

Gentle readers, have we ever heard of Valley Modified before today? I really wanted to work it into a song parody but it’s really late in the day and song parodies aren’t really my turf anymore.

Valley Mod
He’s a Valley Mod
Valley Mod
He’s a Valley Mod
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
He’s a Valley Mod
I ain’t got no more

No, instead I wanna focus on who appears to be yet another crappy lawyer in Milford. She must be with the same firm where Del Bader retained counsel. With that “you can’t beat City Hall” attitude, this stiff must be on the Milford School Board’s payroll .Hell, in my last post I alluded to the fact that there have been successful challenges to school zero-tolerance policies; here’s one from 2009, for example. Zero-tolerance policies are in retreat around the country, as there are studies that have found they don’t make schools safer and disproportionately single out students of color.  Hadley V. needs to come back to town and carve Dr. Pearl a new one. (See what I did there?)

The Mayor looks like he might be cooking up some ideas of his own. Behind those cracked knuckles lies the glare of a hardened criminal. Sure he’ll get a job – one like Martin Blank‘s.

 

From hero to zero quicker than you can say “Um… sure.”

So, yeah, this did turn out to be about the kind of idiot that brings a knife and a jar of peanut butter into a classroom. Mike didn’t bring the butter knife to try out for the Milford High Drama Club’s presentation of Sweeney Todd, we know that much. Neither did he get it from the MHS cafeteria; it only serves gruel finger foods that don’t require cutting.

Now it’s time for a trip down the corridors of zero tolerance, led not by the passive-aggressive snitch Rooney who got the ball rolling but by Gildeaux and his Hamburger Helper helping hand oven mitt. If I’m The-Soon-to-be-recalled-Mayor I’m telling Mister Coach Thorp to take that mitt off me and get on the Hadley V. Baxendale hot line, stat. She works wonders at getting kids around school regulations, or so I’ve heard. She’s also probably tired of sheltering in place with Jaquan Case, whose NBA season has been suspended.

If only the Thorpiverse’s Michigan reflected today’s reality Michigan. Forget the butter knife and Nutso; Knappe could probably show up on campus in his best Blain’s Farm & Fleet camo toting an AR-15 and not only not get in trouble but get called “a very good person” in the process. (Yeah, I went there. – t)