This Week in Milford

November 19, 2016

Gil, Kaz and Coach Shaw Weren’t Busy Doing Anything Else Apparently

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Panels one and three are plenty ridiculous, but panel two is a cornucopia of Milford weirdness. Had I more time and inspiration, I would try to track down the vintage of whatever monitor that might be or, at least, I would make a joke about how Gil had coasters stacked on either side of it.

Unseen footage: I would love to have a strip with one of the AP teachers complaining to Dr. Pearl about all of the bullshit passes Gil sends to excuse students from class on the flimsiest of pretenses.

Updated to add ‘freak hands’ tag… don’t look too long at Heather’s wrist in P1 if you know what’s good for you.

November 5, 2016

Any attention from Marty is unwanted attention

Filed under: football, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Marjie Ducey, Marty Moon, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 5:24 pm

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“Of course you’re not the first girl ever to play football, H.E. – I mean Heather!  Look at me – I’m only in two-inch heels and I tower over you! I was a regular Harold Carmichael back in the day!”

Keep it low-key? Oh please, Heather, what else do these two mooks have to do in Milford? Marjie scoops Marty in the STAR, Marty scoops Marjie on WDIG, they drink themselves into a stupor and start the whole charade over the next week.

Check Marty in his crate, slipping an empty bottle of Warsteiner (snuck out from Schmidt’s Polynesian during the Oktoberfest Luau) over a coat hook and fixing to talk into it. Heather will soon find out, like Holly Dobbs before her, that any attention from Marty is unwanted attention.

November 1, 2016

HE Burn Me

Filed under: ?, football, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon — timbuys @ 7:20 am

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Good thing Heather’s middle name isn’t Olivia, I suppose.

When did this ‘one of the guys’ conversation take place?

Who was playing TE in the first half?

Who else here, besides Gil, can touch their index fingers to their pinkies over the back of their middle fingers?

Just a reminder, in these turbulent times, that today’s post title inspiration was actually a real thing that happened… Happy belated Halloween everyone!

October 25, 2016

Forget It, Hakeem. It’s Tank Town.

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Wait, why is Kaz addressing Hakeem mid-conversation with Gil? This would be an otherwise boring exposition strip but for that non sequitur.

Am I missing something?

Edited to add: YES! I totally missed that it was Hakeem in panel three of yesterday’s strip. Welp, now that this particular mystery has been solved, I’ll go on about my day and pretend this never happened.

October 19, 2016

I, For One, Refuse To Believe That Gil’s Flattop Would Wilt In Any But The Most Cataclysmic Deluge

Filed under: freak hands, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon — timbuys @ 7:36 am

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Anyone out there familiar with protocols for calling off a game? I would think that if you’re waiting until you see lightning, you’re waiting too long. I do kind of like the notion of Marty losing his vintage 2008 MacBook to a lightning strike though… Also, I kind of like the fact that Marty refers to PUB as home.

October 10, 2016

Who’s Snapping?

Filed under: freak hands — nedryerson @ 5:07 am

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Heather Burns’ Quarterback Camp continues and Heather’s hands do the talking! Now, that’s freaky!

We find out that Heather inherited her mastery of quarterbacking mechanics from her Dad. She literally inherited it according to her explanation to Moose Pelwecki. I know it because my Dad knows it. That’s really not really how knowledge works, Heather. Certainly, Heather is implying that her Dad taught her these skills and clearly she learned quarterbacking fundamentals in a very formalized manner. We’ll all sit and wonder why until the next installment.

October 8, 2016

Far Hipsters

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The technique of aiming for the runner’s far hip with a handoff is widely accepted; hey, if it was good enough for Bud Wilkinson it’s good enough for me.  I expect that Heather Burns can read as well as any Milfordian (especially since all those little free libraries have been springing up around town) but I expect even more some sort of backstory/exposition about her quarterback coaching skills, and sooner* than later.

Those exploding fingers on The Secret Pelwecki’s near hip: sign of a romantic spark or something Rick Scott will have to tape up and splint on Monday? On that note, musical inspiration for today:

metapost: If you are or have been in the path of Hurricane Matthew, give us a shout out and let us know you’re okay. You’ll recall from my Christmas 2015 metapost that I’ve spent some time in Charleston and have friends and family there and so have spent the bulk of the day trying to keep tabs on them. I’ve not heard from Mr. Bakst, although he was rumored to have been last seen with The Gray Man of Pawley’s Island.

*See what I did there?

October 6, 2016

Same Look, Different Results

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I was disappointed to learn that the Sulphur Tors aren’t named for Tor Johnson but is short for “(Golden) Tornados.” How cool would it have been to see the Sulphur fans turn out in Tor Johnson masks?

The Tors also wear dark jerseys at home. Hell of a road trip from the Great Lakes down practically to the Gulf of Mexico. If  the “later” when the team arrives at The Bucket is the same night of the game then the Mudlarks must’ve taken a chartered jet back home. Maybe Wildcat Maris and the booster club got a multi-year deal after Gil & co. lucked into the state title season before last, and couldn’t back out of it after last season’s Holly Dobbs-orchestrated clinker.

Did Marty make the trip south or is he doing a recreation from his crate? Is he mentally willing the ball into Max Ortiz’s hands via his pose, or is he channeling his inner Rooster Cogburn? And how about that puny souvenir football Max hauled in for the insurance score? If they use balls that small during game situations, maybe The Secret Pelwecki won’t have so much trouble handing them off. Let’s hope Heather Burns, The Quarterback Whisperer, has a supply on hand in the morning.

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