This Week in Milford

July 28, 2015

Be Done With It

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands — timbuys @ 11:48 pm

July 29, 2015 

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All further commentary is hereby suspended until somebody can confirm that the freakiest of all freak hands, as featured in panel one, has been confirmed as captured. That is all.

Bonus Point: True is sure going to be in for one heck of a shock when he gets out of insurance salesman school only to learn it’s all about being rated – by adults no less! Fortunately for him, I’m sure with his State Championship, he’ll do just fine in either this tank town or another one nearby.

Any Way For An Adult To Earn A Living

Filed under: freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 12:19 am

July 28, 2015

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Panel One: Nope, not gonna google it, you can’t make me. Probably Not Safe For Sanity (NSFS) anyway.

Panel Two: No, that’s an orange. Try to keep up, True. I think you may have knocked the State Championship trophy into the tapioca.

Panel Three: Yep, just the usual chatter you’d hear around the lunch table at Potentially Past Pro football throwing camp.

July 23, 2015

Rodney Gives True No Respect

Filed under: football, freak hands, Gil Thorp, metapost, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 5:19 am

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At Pro Potential Passing Camp, we’ll give you a lift but we won’t lift your bags. We figure if you tear your rotator cuff schlepping luggage, that’s one fewer guy we have to teach. (You did sign those release forms, didn’t you?) Funky van they’ve got there, too: a rear lift-gate with no visible means of support and a sliding door with the handle at the wrong end. All that’s missing is a “free candy” sign spray painted on it.

True hoists himself in to meet Rodney Curtis, who could be anybody but given the Michigan angle Rubin often gives this strip, is probably a shout-out to the author/photographer/leukemia patient. Then again, with the creepy van it could be a shout-out to the Zanesville, Ohio Rodney Curtis. In any event True’s heard of this Rodney Curtis but the recognition isn’t mutual. That’s what happens when you move from the Coast to flyover country: even with a state title under your belt the mainstream media doesn’t come to Milford.

Between Rodney’s lack of recognition and his gargantuan paw that dwarfs True’s already massive mitt, young Standish is quickly realizing  he’s becoming a smaller fish in a bigger pond. Good thing he’s already aiming low.

metapost: I’m traveling this coming Saturday and posting this open request to my fellow TWIM bloggers to cover for me if they can. I’ll gladly pick up one of your days next week. Okay? Okay!

July 18, 2015

Nothing More Than Feelings

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, Fat Guys, freak hands, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 8:39 am

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At first glance yesterday I thought we’d returned to Janet’s Diner for another opportunity to riff on Suzanne Vega. Then I realized the two venues don’t look exactly the same. Maybe the awning fell off Janet’s place? How many stainless steel diners can there be in Milford anyway?

Fresh from knocking back a few on the porch with Mimi, a wall-eyed Gil realizes not only that he’s never had such a talented player on his team before, he’s also unprepared to coach True to the next level. Gil resorts to reaching for a page from Marty Moon’s Intro to High School Sports Journalism course and asks True “How does that make you feel?”

With only four words True offers a glimpse into the anachronistic mindset of Art Standish. Behind that pencil and land-line phone on Art’s roll-top desk lie some big dreams. Dreams of his son starring at some big football factory, maybe making it onto the cover of a regional Street and Smith’s College Football guide, then onto the Playboy All-American Team (an excuse to read the magazine “for the articles”) and fifteen seconds of fame with Bob Hope.

Never mind that True’s dream is to walk on at Miami of Ohio, marry his high school sweetheart, become an Über driver, maybe pick up a mop with Steve Luhm…

 

July 16, 2015

So All of a Sudden You Care Again?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, football, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 5:22 am

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Back on the shores of Hubbell Pond Lake Milford and now the Mudlark footballers have migrated to a picnic table. One of them is even randomly waving/fist pumping at the random personal watercraft rider jetting by. But hey, where the women at? And are those kids drinking a six-pack of Billy Beer?

Speaking of women: I’m assuming (at least for today) that the voice of the talking house is being provided by Art Standish. After all he’s the only person in the last year and a half of this strip who has nagged someone about practicing their sport. Has he finally had enough makeup sex with True’s mom to notice what True’s been doing with himself? Given Art’s character development last year, his total passivity toward True’s baseball activities (that is, beyond “benching” True after making his late-night Boo call) was one of the more bothersome aspects of the spring sports arc.

July 13, 2015

Turning Heads

Filed under: actual action, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Mimi Thorp — timbuys @ 11:37 pm

July 14, 2015

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Panel one just looks all kinds of wrong today. Gil’s flattop is a mess and I really don’t want to have to think any further about everything that’s going on with the glass and his hand.

Relatedly, an occupational hazard of being a TWIM blogger is trying to think about saying something about this stuff. Well, my injury – as it were – from today, is that I now have that stupid polka dot bikini song in my head as a result of trying to think of something funny for panel three.

July 10, 2015

And?

July 10, 2015

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Panel One is quite a tight fit. The way True has to crook his neck just to squeeze in has him grimacing in pain. That’ll only get worse as he gets older and take more and more hits in the pocket. I recommend looking into the McKenzie method in his adult years.*

There’s not a whole lot more going on in the more expansive environs of Panel Two, but I have to wonder if that railing complies with all federal, state and local regulations for railings. I say I have to wonder because I am just that boring of a person.

Finally, we get the punchline in Panel Three. Huh, sneaking out in the middle of the night, getting your car vandalized while avoiding distinct chances of something much worse happening and Boo is shocked she got grounded.

I am sorry Vaganova, but I am tagging this one with Milford Idiots as Boo just doesn’t get it.

Bonus point: The spirit of Steve Luhm is still in evidence as those floors aren’t just clean, they are almost mirror like.

* True story: when confronted with crippling neck pain, I went to consult the book on treating neck and back pain my dad had given me but couldn’t find it. Being ever resourceful, I tracked down a copy at the local library. When I got there, I was amused – in a black humor sense – to find that all of the books on treating back and neck pain were on the bottom shelf at floor level. Coincidence or just a sadistic librarian? I suppose I’ll never know.

July 9, 2015

We’ve Secretly Replaced Gil Thorp with Mary Worth

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 5:21 am

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Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

Having had his gig as baseball closer cut short, star QB True Standish moves on to his next calling: meddling in family relationships. Shouldn’t he be getting ready for hot summer 7-on-7 action? Shouldn’t Gil and Mimi be hanging out by the pool with Seven and Sevens?

Actually, between Mom Radley’s* constantly shape-shifting facial features and Boo’s stream of angry non sequiturs, one could argue that Gil Thorp‘s been replaced with Apartment 3-G. Then again, we do see people’s bodies below the waist in this strip.

Brought to you by the inspiration for today’s post title.

*Does she still use the last name Radley? I don’t think that’s been established.

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