Beef on (Pel)weck(i)

I don’t recall seeing the panel where The Secret Pelwecki told Gil he owed him a shot at QB just because he caused the fumble that gave the Mudlarks a shot to win the Oakwood game. I’m not gonna even try to come up with an analogy for that logic.

If Gil only knew that the new assistant trainer fancies herself The Quarterback Whisperer. He could let her work her magic on Kevin and help him realize his potential to come up big when it’s least expected. Gil needs to realize that his team’s winning the state championship two seasons ago rested entirely on the fluke of Art Standish finding a job in the Valley and Art’s son feeling most comfortable under Gil’s laissez-faire guidance. Maybe the fluke (or is that flake?) that is Pelwecki can lead his team back to the playdowns.

Speaking of flukes, as I write Wake Forest is 4-0!

metapost: I’m going to be traveling on Saturday morning and would be grateful if one of my fellow blogers could step in for me. If not, it’ll be late in the day before I get a chance to post. Okay? Okay!

He’s Asking, Well, He’s Asking What We’re All Asking…

I’m trying to get a read on the emotions going through Dory’s mind as he dialogues with The Secret Pelwecki. It seems like a mix of incredulity and contempt with a very strong overtone of panic as he realizes that he’s sitting next to the latest Milfordian boy to succumb to delusions of tank town grandeur.

I was so taken by following The Sec-Pel’s train of thought, that I almost didn’t notice that he was making this pitch to Gil and Kaz in panel two. Gil looks like he’s about to fall over backwards drunk while Kaz is reminiscing about his bouncer days as he flexes intimidatingly in an attempt to shoo Kevin away.

Meanwhile, in panel three… Uh, hey, let’s all just pretend panel three didn’t happen.

 

Those Who Can, Do. Those Who Can’t, Coach for Gil for Free

The Secret Pelwecki’s Other Ball just dropped from the arm of the Oakwood running back, giving the Mudlarks’ sputtering offense a shot at getting back in the game. Leading with his head helped Kevin jar the ball loose, but I’m sure that’s not the way Gil wants to see his quarterback use his head.

Speaking of quarterbacks, new assistant trainer Heather Burns has her own opinions about Milford’s. Could it be that the mediocre soccer player doesn’t want to use Rick Scott to sidle her way to becoming the Mudlarks’ placekicker, but to become their quarterbacks coach? Wasn’t one Bobby Howry enough this decade? Or could it be that she actually wants to become the quarterback herself?  By the way, whatever happened to Jarrod Hale?

Pantheon of Hair Dept.: That bowl cut with the keyhole bangs that Whigham is so fond of drawing and that would not look out of place in an Our Gang Comedy.

I Wonder How, Linguistically Speaking, Elbow Up Is Related to Ease Up.

Distracted as the Milford WR was by the blaring, levitating Ampeg 6×10 speaker cabinet, I’m not sure we can pin that one entirely upon Hakeem.

Hey, is that Mimi coaching from the sidelines? Perhaps it’s Heather? Will lineman Kevin Pelwecki provide the needed defensive stop?

My goodness, all of these questions! Nothing like some actual actual action to get things going!

It’s A Little Secret, Just The Pelwecki’s Affair

Let’s start the week off with a classic Gil Thorp trope: It’s the Marty interviews Gil where Marty serves up presumptive questions which Gil parries with derisive, contradictory answers. Watching Marty interview Gil is like watching Side Show Bob stepping blindly onto a dozen garden rakes scattered on the ground, each one springing up to smack Marty in the face. We just see one rake…er, question, but we’re fairly certain that these interviews proceed along similar lines, leaving Marty quite sore by the end, that is if Marty can even really perceive pain anymore.

Kevin Pelwecki, like many other Milfordians, keeps his radio dial locked on WDIG and never misses Marty’s show. That would probably help to explain his delusional outlook. He’s The Secret Pelwecki! (I wonder if he threw in his own little DUM DUM DUMMM musical sting.)

I Felt Like Skipping, Too, But I Posted This Anyway

Say goodbye to the brutally honest Coach Dawes. Nice knowin’ ya.

Back to the gridiron where three unidentifiable lumps* converse. Maybe the lump in shoulder pads and shorts is our newfound Friend of TWIM Kevin Pelwecki, based on his size and dark mullet. Not sure what the other two are supposed to be laughing or not laughing about but it might be that already marked 40-yard line, which is put down 90 degrees off from any I’ve ever seen.  When Gil needs help getting the chalk down on the field, you know it’s gonna be a long season – figuratively, that is; I don’t see this one lasting five and a half months in real time myself.

* TWIMer Max points out that unidentifiable lump nearest the reader is one-armed Coach Steve Boone. Perhaps I should not have assumed that he could have had an arm obscured in shadow.

Those Soccer Balls Seem Very Large

I mean, I guess they’re in the foreground?

Anyway, Heather kind of sucks at soccer and Coach Dawes is finally opening up about it. It’s definitely a different flavor of Milford jerkiness…

Six Months in a Leaky Plot

I wrote the title of this post thinking I had another song parody in me, but truly this arc isn’t worthy of another. Still I think it sums up what a lot of us have thought about this shipwreck.

A week or so ago some friends and I were discussing the first black player for the Washington Senators, Carlos Paula.  Paula was a good-hit, no-field outfielder who was painted with an awful lot of stereotypes in 1950s Washington. In a way, the spring/summer Gil Thorp story arc has reminded me of Paula: good artwork, poor storytelling, and painted with an awful lot of stereotypes.

Are any of you as gobsmacked as I am about Jerry Lewis’ Barry’s desire to install a littlefreelibrary in his front yard? Does he really believe this will serve as his own version of a Boo Radley Memorial, not realizing that it will only serve as a constant reminder to his mother of the incident that killed an innocent* girl and took her husband away for eight to twelve years? Of course, maybe the For Sale sign will be going up on Schloss Bader next week, making the question moot. Maybe this is meant to cement in the readers’ minds that Barry learned absolutely nothing over the last six months in real time, and that any speculation that his clueless braggadocio was some kind of a coping mechanism  was just that – speculation.

What was the lesson here? Did anyone really learn anything? I’d venture that the only lesson learned was by Del: “Don’t drink and drive, but if you do and you get caught, it pays to shop around for a defense attorney.”

Hopefully this is the last we see of Truman (True) Standish, who went from being the star quarterback who led Milford to its first state football championship to the sun around which everything and everybody in the Milford universe revolves.  As pointed out in yesterday’s comments, Wake Forest didn’t exactly light up the scoreboard against Tulane Thursday night, so there’s a good chance he can crack the starting lineup before season’s end. If he continues down the path Rubin created for him, he’ll probably get HB2 overturned, the voting districts ungerrymandered, and end the debate over Eastern-style and Lexington-style barbecue.

I wish I had more to say today; I’ve certainly had plenty of time to mull it over. Maybe it’s time for one of my fellow bloggers to take over the Saturday spot, as they may be better closers than I. I should still get coffee, though.

Anyway, enjoy this clip of the inspiration for today’s post title. Hope to see y’all on the gridiron on Monday.

*Even more innocent when the talking on a phone while driving panel was edited out in some media.