This Week in Milford

January 30, 2020

All Thugs Must Pass.

Filed under: general nonsense, Milford Idiots — tdrewhardin @ 12:57 am

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Wah Wah

I ignore your Wah Wah

And I’m laughing at you

And the moment they got rid of you

Oh Wah Wah

 

As some readers have mentioned, it was actually getting interesting when Alexa and Chris were engaged in thrust-and-parry combat. Then Teddy and Mozzarella Cheese Hair entered the room, prepared for battle that sunk to the level of Our Gang. It’s a shame Teddy didn’t bring a slingshot when he wasn’t pulling on Susan Willcox-(fill in desired surname)’s hair. Oh, Spanky was using it in the next room for target practice on Kaz’s earring. So he had to resort to playing recordings of Alfalfa’s singing (“Darla’s Kisses Are Sweeter Than Mimi’s”) while Chris was making his presentation of the Balfour Declaration. Next time play “Does the Chewing Gum Lose its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight” if you’re going to interrupt the Geneva Accords. We don’t need class clowns who get all their supplies at Milford Army Surplus Store.

 

If ya git sent ta the office cuz ya shouted out in class that Buckwheat poops in technicolor behind the mulberry bushes on yore landlord’s property while the teacher wuz doin’ one more round on the multipli-kay-shun tables afore ya take the 10th-grade final exam, ya might be a redneck.

And I’m being sarcastic here. Really, with all the tomfoolery instigated by Teddy, he could have at least waited until Chris had something INTERESTING to say. Why in the name of Fatty Arbuckle bring a solar-powered fart dispenser if Chris wasn’t going to be any more interesting than Gil’s Rules of Order? Was it worth getting sent to Sing Sing when Teddy popped his Bubble Yum as Chris was presenting his home movies?

“And here I am out in the yard, playing with the rake, pretending I’m Norman Bates. I was 4 years old at the time-”

BELLLLLLLCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH

“Sorry, Chris, that Drewrys Lite keeps popping back up. Big luau last night.”

“No worries, Coach.”

 

I mean, really, what is ORAL REPORT DAY???? Is that a legal holiday?????

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“All Banks, Government Offices And The Milford U.S. Postal Service Will Be Closed Friday In Observance Of Oral Report Day; Milford Tire & Wheel To Remain Open!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Mayor Garfield H. Butterly: ‘It is important to remember those who discussed Daniel Boone Crossing The Cumberland Gap in the line of duty.”

 

I’m wasting a George Harrison classic on a guy whose apex of his speech is flatter than Mudlar-K-Cola Groovy Grape at a church picnic.

“What’s important to remember is that it’s important to remember.”

Milford will live in a Day of Infamy on that one.

“What’s important to remember is that today marks the 73rd Anniversary of Coach Thorp’s Rite of Passage. He would no longer play with Hot Wheels, at least when Mimi wasn’t looking, but enjoy all the Joys of Manhood which he celebrated by hunting white-tail deer with his Remington 34 Special High-Powered shotg-”

FFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRTTTTTTT

“Oops, sorry. Got some Tums in my pocket somewhere.”

Hello, sorry I was scratching my butt while looking for my 3 x 5 note cards on the floor. Anyway, continuing the George Harrison Hit Parade

Wah Wah

You made me such a big star

Ghetto blaster screaming all the time

Cheaper than a dime

Wah Wah

You’re in detention because of

Wah Wah

 

Jerry Lucas, the excellent basketball player who was a member of the Ohio State team that won the NCAA Championship and who later had a solid NBA career, teamed with Harry Lorayne, a memory expert, to write a superb book on how to improve your memory. Gang, I just fell for this book and have been doing so ever since. As far as I’m concerned, it is a crime if you don’t read this book. It helped my memory immensely and has ever since.

The one thing they emphasized was DON’T MEMORIZE A SPEECH. That would make sense. If you’re in front of a large group of people, like a classroom full of kids or the patrons down at the Milford Moose Lodge auditorium, you really don’t want to sound like the Jetsons’ computer.

So if you have trouble remembering what you want to say, use key words that link each other to carry you from one topic to the next topic. If you get the key words cold, you should be able to go to town on each topic you’re covering.

Say you’re talking about the Civil War. You could use Gil’s coaching to associate with George McClellan’s ineptitude and apparent unwillingness to move the Army of the Potomac like Chris should associate with in P2. That way, if Teddy’s cell phone barks out The Tremelos “Silence is Golden” or Hank Williams’ “Settin’ the Woods on Fire”, Chris won’t miss a beat when he remembers that Gil not only can’t coach out of a Bucket Economy Bag, he also has a wife. This will trigger expounding upon Joseph Hooker at the Battle of Chancelorsville. Mimi’s coaching will be associated with Ambrose Burnside, i.e., “Wow, Mimi, is your husband growing sideburns? They look horrible with that Everly Brothers look. BTW, your team sucks.” If that doesn’t earn an A+ in your speech class, I’m burning the book.

 

Gene Rayburn is back to bring perspective to things. Welcome back, Gene. Take ‘er away

“Dumb Dora was sooooooooooo dumb (HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) , she thought giving the Gettysburg Address was appropriate when Teddy played on his___________________”

 

Wah Wah

We don’t need this Wah Wah

It’s Swahili for Holy Bull Crap

Coach is essentially a sap

Wah Wah

Play-calling is a

Wah Wah

 

Another item Lorayne and Lucas pointed out was that certain memory tricks are valid but limited. For example, memorizing the altitude of Mount Fuji, highest point in Japan, is easy because 12,365 feet can be broken down to 12 months and 365 days both being equal to 1 year. The problem is that when you get to Mt. Milford, the highest point in the comic pages at 22,079 feet, it’s a little trickier. You really have to have a consistent system in your pocket to continue.

They came up with a number system that you matched with a letter or group of letters. For example, 5 would be “L” because when you put all your fingers together and extended your thumb while keeping your palms open, you formed the letter “L”. The number 2 was “N”, 0 was “S” or “Soft C”, 7 was “K” or “Hard C” and 9 was “P” or “B”. So the above figure could be a snap because at NOON (“22”) , I am scheduled to pick up my order of a SACK OF PIES (“079”) at The Bucket. I’d want a cherry on top but I ran out of numbers. It’s got its kinks, I’ll admit. But if Chris has to remember that 3,045 Union soldiers were killed at Stones River in Tennessee, all he has to do is look at Mozzarella Head (3 for “M”, 0 for “Z”, 4 for “R”, and 5 for “L”) and picture him and Teddy attempting to revive 3,045 soldiers with their ghetto blaster that they got from the Commisary at Ft. Donelson and I guarantee that Chris will be asked to give the Luckiest Man Alive speech at the Milford Kiwanis Club Silent Auction this Saturday since Lou Gehrig won’t be able to attend for obvious reason.

 

Mimi

I don’t need your Wah Wah

I can coach with my Lasik Vision in me

My point guard shootin 3’s-

 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Yeah?”

“Gil, this is Dr. Pearl. Don’t give up. My husband suffered from Beenie Weenie but now he’s cured. I have an ad for a free exam from Thrifty Nickel you can take down to the Clinic. We have a bunch of them in the garage.”

 

 

One other concept they taught in this book was picture association. The more bizarre, the better. Because what are you most likely to remember?  Events that are unusual or strange. They stand out more.

Exhibit A in P3. This’ll get the memory up and running. Two Jokers, one a Transformed Humanoid, i.e., overhauled hair arrangement from Mozzarella Cheese Head to Jiffy Pop Top,   walking in an M.C. Escher hallway with the Siamese Twins behind them after the latter got dumped with Benjamin Moore Vanilla White Paint after Luhm knocked it over when he was scratching the pimples in his butt.

Okay. Here we go. Picture an ash tray (Escher) at The Bucket (c’mon, comic strip or no comic strip, you can use your imagination) next to a table that has a bowl of vanilla ice cream topped with Jiffy Pop that changes into Sargento Sharp Cheddar (whoopsy daisy, mozzarella, my bad) with the Joker and Mrs. Joker double-dating with the Siamese Twins (assume twins are male and female stapled together) sitting down at that table while pimples are looming over the horizon about to infest the Town of Milford after the Milford Fire Department forgot to spray down the streets with Clearasil but the EMT had a spare wrench and turned on the fire hydrant, everybody at The Bucket able to see his crack when he was bending over to turn it on. Oh, then he had to serve detention after his shift was over.

And because 2 was associated with “N” because it took 2 downstrokes to create the letter, The Joker and Mrs. Joker danced to “Stroke Me” twice on the jukebox, wait a minute, that’s Panel 2.

But call me at 3:00AM sometime and see if I can’t remember all this in 15 seconds. Picture association is cutting edge, My Friend.

 

Thanks again for your patience. I should be able to cut things earlier so if you’ll hang with me, I’ll go half on the Jiffy Pop.

 

Also on the same album

 

These boys are so forlornly

They fart and burp in shame

They try to be so funny

But fart and burp in shame

How we sit here broken-hearted

A plot lost in the city

Forget this ever passed

Isn’t it a pity

 

 

At the Milford Comedy Club on Open-Mike Night

“…what do I look like, a turnip that just turned up in its Fruit of the Looms?”

Dead silence

“You gotta use word association, work with me…”

 

And as Abraham Lincoln said about Gil Thorp

“He’s an admirable engineer but he has a special talent for the stationary engine.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 13, 2020

Tell Chris To Watch His Noggin!

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, general nonsense, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 4:33 am

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Still no word on who this administrative lady is chatting with Gil in the teacher’s lounge about student athlete’s GPAs. We know she’s a witty one, though. Upside the noggin with a Reebok? That’s some colorful slang. Mystery Admin is also quite dialed in to happenings in the student sphere at MHS. She knows all about Alexa’s pursuit of the valedictorian seat as well as Alexa’s potential for footwear assault. One might speculate that there is some kind of gambling going on based on the student rankings and that Miss Mystery is the one who has “hot tips” gleaned from skulking in the hallways, eavesdropping and/or monitoring social media accounts. She’s a Fantasy GPA Insider! Subscribe to her newsletter if you want any chance at taking the trophy.

 

November 12, 2019

Elephant? What Elephant? In This Room?

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Drinking my Maxwell House one day, puttin’ the vinyl “Double Fantasy” on the turntable

 

People say it’s silly

Lost and confused

 

TWIMers think it’s messy

Blowing my fuse

 

When Chet exclaims with a straight beard

That Dumbo’s not around

I flip a coin between Gil and Chet

For who’s the bigger clown

 

I’m just sittin’ here watchin’ this plot spin ’round ‘n’ ’round

I really loathe this cruddy show

 

May we depart this hopeless merry-go-round

We just got to let it go

 

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Bruce Wayne Is Removed As A Suspect In Batman Case!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Milford Transportation Board spokesman said that Batmobile required a B License Endorsement, something not presently in Mr. Wayne’s possession.”

 

Okay, let me first throw my hat in the ring on the legitimate comments by our TWIMers in relation to education and the newspapers.

It has been my experience that the bigger cities (100,000 or more) are able to sustain a newspaper with its own education reporter. My own city I grew up in, which was in the category I mentioned above, has had for several years and currently has a beat writer covering the news pertaining to schools in the area.

The problem I personally am encountering here is, based on my experiences with reading Gil Thorp (“More fun than a barrel of monkeys”) , Milford is about the size of, say, Vincennes, Indiana or Henderson, Kentucky, 2 cities able to sustain a Wal-Mart and possibly a Kohl’s or Home Depot but still only capable of supporting one public high school and occasionally, as in Vincennes’ case, a private high school, Rivet (Rih-VAY), a Catholic High School.

Therefore, it’s dicey whether the Small Town Gazette is going to carry it’s own education section or have the financial resources to support a reporter in a specialized field like education. Anything’s possible but again too dicey for me.

But this is Thorpiverse and anytime you can get a beat writer like Niah Peters in this case to sit on the upper left-hand drawer when it’s locked shut and discuss with “We’re unclear whether she’s the de facto editor” Ducey about the rhino that escaped Milford Petting Zoo, the logic I mentioned above might as well get thrown in the big pot at Milford High School cafeteria along with the other ingredients in the 12 cans of Campbell’s Chunky Vegetable. Use a spoon, you’ll want to get every drop.

And WHO ELSE do you go to if you suspect a problem? I always thought that’s what School Board meetings are for. If there’s a strong suspicion (and this one’s arm pits are smellin’ PRETTY STRONG) that someone’s not on the up-and-up, what else CAN YOU DO? If the rhino is not in the petting area with the rest of the lambs and goats to feed a bottle of formula, do you go to Bozo the Pope and tell him a rhino is NOT in the room with the elephant? I always thought that’s what a zoo director is for. But let me cross-reference my sources. I’ll get back with you on that one.

Then there’s Janis Ian talking to someone with a neo-Jefferson Airplane hairdo-OH THAT’S MARJIE “SCOOP” DUCEY-about the possible repercussions should they challenge Chet to a toro fight at Milford Municipal Bull Ring. I think the gist of the conversation is that el toreador would be flattened by Big Butt Ballard, beard and all, should they go the procedural route. Okay, okay, I know some of you hoity-toitys out there think they shouldn’t ignore protocol and you might have a point.

But I gotta be fair about this and I am therefore enlisting the aid of Dragnet once again to see if we can resolve this one.

1:29PM. It was cool in Milford. The city had just been hit with snow flurries that tapered off right in line with our investigation. Bill and I were transferered over to the Recreational and Athletic Suspicious and Unwarranted Activity Division of the Juvenile Delinquent Department. The boss is Captain Peters.

We were advised to be on the alert for occurences at the Milford football games in relation to a one Chet Ballard. He was believed to be harboring dirty laundry and illegal records pertaining to one of his stepson’s teammates, Chance Macy. Witnesses said they saw him loading that stuff with a spade shovel in his trunk. We could nail him on Milford Penal Code Section 34 Article 9 Clause 103 “Illegal and Unlawful Work-Related Incidents with Intent to Self-Promote Family and Self, Including Domesticated Animals in Household” but without a search warrant, the only other way we could get him to open his trunk and display the spare records and spare tire was if he lost his key and asked me and Bill for a crowbar. The investigation was running colder than a Bucket Slushee.

Captain Peters suggested I talk to the School Superintendent. A fair proposition. One problem. While conversing with him and Gil down at the Milford Lounge, he informed me (the superintendent, not Gil) that this was out of his bailiwick. His job was to make sure the cafeteria ladies at Milford High had plenty of Handi-Wipes when handling the cheeseburgers so kids wouldn’t contract E. Coli or procure slaughterballs for gym class at Milford Elementary out of the catalogue of Classroom Paraphenalia. Fighting a guy whose razor had seen better days and was now shaving cow hairs for better milk production was not his cup of tea or the flask of Jack he was imbibing. The superintendent wasn’t going to get his retirement doing the right thing even if a sleazeball knew how to work the system the way he maneuvered his Trac II.

“Bill, let’s go get something to eat.”

“What about the case?”

“Hopeless. I could run him out of town on a Section 97 “Unwarranted and Illegal Entry into Public Building” but he could say he was in the Milford School Corporation Annex because his diarrhea medicine was kicking in and the Milford Park Public Unisex House was shut down for the season.”

“Back to square one, aren’t we?”

“Looks that way.”

“I heard the Superintendent tips pretty good at Milford Lounge, I’ll say that for him.”

“We could use some tips from him, all right”

Obligatory somber Dragnet music pipes in

 

Yesterday’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“O.J. Cleared In Batman Case!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“I asked the judge if he could see me in my blue Fruit of the Loom’s fightin’ The Riddler. I think that was the turning point.”

 

People say it’s stupid

Lacking a clue

 

TWIMers call it tepid

Ridiculous too

 

When the hippo dances with the crocs

And crush the furniture

Because nobody bothers to duly note

Chet’s self-imprimatur

 

We’re just sittin’ here watchin’ this plot drag ’round ‘n’ ’round

We’re gettin’ dizzy from all the snow

No need to further prod this merry-go-round

Why don’t we let it go.

 

THE HAND IS BACK

 

You Dark Shadows junkies like yours truly know exactly what I’m talking about.

And what a bad time for it to return, participating in a meaningless and pointless discussion that really shouldn’t be on the agenda in the first place. Heck, send The Hand to scare the living daylights out of Chet like it did us Shadows junkies, otherwise, it might as well be doing Karaoke in P2

At 2:34 A.M. in Chet’s bedroom

“You were always on my minddddddddd-”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA, GIL, I KNOW IT’S LATE BUT I CONFESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I POCKMARKED CHANCE MACY’S TRANSCRIPTS SO CHARLIE COULD START AT RUNNING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE REALLY DIDN’T FLUNK ‘METALS FOR LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENTS’ OR ‘ADVANCE LATIN’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST GET IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“Who was that?”

Gil half-asleep

“I think it was Chet. Something about Chance not getting a D- in Geometry 2 because some hand was grabbing his butt and giving him a wedgie.”

 

Well, if anybody has a better suggestion…

Otherwise, we can always call The Orkin Man as long as we’re going to eliminate valid options. The School Board room is going to look silly because it has personnel either on the School Board or in the Administration Building not willing to observe proper practices because it’s overthinking and overlooking the obvious, along with our cub reporters, but the room will be roach-free. I think that’s an even trade-off.

 

And as for P3, Mr. Lennon proves a song is worth a thousand words

People say it’s cheesy

Got bad reviews

 

TWIMers hate the premise

Yesterday’s news

 

When we fear a gutless myrmidon

With scruples in his beard

School Board regulations

Go the way of a rabic steer

 

We’re just sittin’ here watchin’ this tripe fling ’round ‘n’ ’round

We really hate the rigamarole

Why don’t we cease and switch to basketball

We just have to let it roll

 

WE JUST HAVE TOOOOOOOOOOO LET IT ROLL

Got message?

 

Because I’m a Classic Rock fan who saw Hard Rock in an ad but learned that they were referring to a man’s Erectile Dysfunction and the healing powers thereof

In the basement den late one night, the door double-locked, Coach Shaw blasting The Who

“Honnneeeeyyyyyyy, My ears are scorched and so are my flashes. It’s time to come to beddy bye and have some funnnnnnnnnnn.”

“Not now, Mrs. Shaw, I’m practicing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Honey, What are you breaking? I hope it’s not the Chippendale chair that belonged to my grandfather.”

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Shaw, I have a vise grip that’s holding all these light bulbs I bought at McShane’s Hardware. I’m pretendin’ I’m Pete Townshend and I’m doing a killer windmill with this ukulele, when I’m not smashing it to bits…

LONG LIVE ROCK, I NEED IT EVERY NIGHT

LONG LIVE ROCK

BE DEAD OR ALIVE

 

“Darling, we can do ‘Live at Leeds’ another time. Why don’t you Rock ‘n’ Roll with me?”

“Just when Won’t Get Fooled Again’ s on the turntable? How can you profane a classic like Who’s Next? Heck, I’m doing the part where Keith’s taking a leak at Stonehenge or wherever they hauled that rock from.”

I’LL TIP MY HAT TO THE NEW CONSTITUTION

TAKE A BOW FOR THE NEW REVOLUTION

 

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Them GE 100-Watt Heat Lamp bulbs will never know what hit ’em with me and Pete smashin’ ’em like overripe pumpkins. Ain’t that the name of a group?”

“Overripe Pumpkins?”

“I thought it was Smashing Cantaloupes”

“Dear, at any rate, at least Loony Moonie dropped his pants on the album cover.”

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Excusez-moi, Mrs. Shaw, but Roger and me just conked out a lava lamp while twirling our mikes. We’ll clean up the mess later.”

WHY SHOULD I CARE IF I HAVE TO

CUT MY HAIR

I’VE GOT TO MOVE WITH THE FASHION

OR BE OUTCAST

I KNOW I SHOULD FIGHT BUT MY OLD MAN

IS REALLY ALL RIGHT

AND I’M STILL LIVING AT HOME EVEN THO

IT WON’T LAST

“Honey, you won’t be living at home much longer either if you don’t perform a windmill on me.”

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Just when Quadrophenia is heating up!!!!!!!!!!! And I got some Gorilla-Gro that I applied on my chest so I can have a sexy front like Roger. King Kong twirling a mike to The Punk and The Godfather will drive even the teeny-boppers for Frankie wild. And damn, I thought the Overture would never end. Kinda like the game the other day.”

IF YOU COMPLAIN, YOU DISAPPEAR

JUST LIKE THE LESBIANS AND QUEERS

Coach Shaw blowing on song flute in a well-intentioned attempt to imitate Entwistle’s French horn interlude

YOU’LL START DANCING

 

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! I smashed my trophy case!!!!!!! Hope the antlers are OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“I had to learn the meaning of Hard Rock the hard way. And when my Significant Other was lamer than a dead snake in our back yard, no matter how many windmills I did, I knew it was time to come clean and get my butt down to Milford Men’s Clinic. With proven traetments and proper medication, I can now whip myself in a frenzy from Baba O’Riley and my wife is caught up in the whirlwind and lovin’ it. Isn’t it time you and Pete laid down your guitar and checked in? Your concerts will truly be hard as Rock. Only at The Clinic.”

 

Gang, thank you SO MUCH for your patience. Trying to work this blog in while juggling my new job is a challenge but as Coach Stuard taught me, you learn to get around it. I am thankful for loyal and patient readers like you TWIMers. God bless you all.

 

“IbelieveinMIRACLES

Where you from

You sexy thing-”

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Gil, did you forget to go to The Clinic again???”

Turns off Hitachi Sound System in his office

“They were closed for the holiday.”

 

Special Edition to the Milford Enquirer

“Coach Shaw Banned For Life From Milford Holiday Inn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Local resident drove the family station wagon into the swimming pool.”

October 15, 2019

Disappearing Into The Science Fiction Time Loop

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The notion that Charlie would vaguely remember a kid in another second grade class who transferred the next year nearly ten years later when the kid transferred back into the district strains credulity. These oblique and dilatory plot setups are easily the most frustrating part of reading this strip. Don’t show, don’t tell, only vaguely and irregularly allude to is one sort of storytelling structure I suppose. That this is all centered around a brand new character when the whole Tiki Jansen fiasco would’ve served the dramatic purposes of the current arc is all the more frustrating.

Frankly, Chet’s suggestion is more interesting than whatever desultory denouement we are likely to be treated to at the truncated termination of this Fall’s football foofaraw.

Bonus point: That the leaves are still falling while Chet and Charlie are clearly done raking for the day.

Minus point: Of the Milford villains we’ve been exposed to in the thirteen (!) years this blog has been running, Chet is easily the least interesting. I welcome the commenters to prove me wrong should any of you be so motivated.

October 14, 2019

Raking Leaves In The Afternoon With Chet Ballard And Stepson Charlie

Filed under: general nonsense — nedryerson @ 6:56 am

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We rejoin the scene at the Ballard-Roh house where Chet Ballard continues his oppo research on Chance Macy.

What’s this? Was Chance Macy held back a year at some point in elementary school? Quick, Chet! To the School Board Computer! What juicy dirt for the Macy Dossier lurks there?

Do you think Charlie is starting to sense what’s motivating all these questions about Chance Macy? I wonder, but it’s possible that the circumstances that brought him and his mother to live under Chet’s roof* are all an intractable tangle of inscrutable adult behavior, and he’s not interested in knowing what makes Chet Chet.

Let’s enjoy the dappled Autumn hues that the colorists have given us. We don’t really have Autumn in my neck of the woods. All of my leaf raking is boring, brownish oak leaves. I use a leaf rake. Chet prefers a garden rake. I don’t get it. Maybe Whigham didn’t want to draw just one kind of rake.

*It’s also possible or maybe likely that Chet moved into the Roh place. Chet does have a dumpy apartment vibe to him.

 

October 12, 2019

Maybe that pissiness would be better channeled into helping your kid rake leaves.

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Late start to the day as yhs stayed up late last night to watch Game 1 of the NLCS. With a DeJong and a Bader in one lineup and a Soto in the other, I was getting a very Milfordian vibe. There were no nosy-assed, pushy players’ parents/school board members or hidden backstories (well, one team’s relief pitcher did miss the game on paternity leave) and the announcers didn’t seem like particular homers for either team, so I guess the similarities ended there.

But I digress, mainly because I feel like we’ve trod this well-trodden trail before. Having a player’s past anger management issues thrown up in his face has been done, and the outcome was resolved to the player’s benefit. The difference here is that it wasn’t one of Van Auken’s teammate’s parents throwing his past anger management issues up in his face in an effort to get him benched (or worse) in favor of their less-talented stepchild. News flash, Ballard: these shenanigans won’t guarantee Charlie will start over Chance, they won’t make your stepson a better player, and they sure as hell won’t get him to stop calling you “Chet.”

October 11, 2019

Oh Whats the difference?!

Filed under: football, general nonsense, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 7:28 pm

We finally get through a football game and now we have to slog through days of madness levels. Chance comes up with a new definition, and us readers are subjected to nonsense conditions made up on the spot, and then Chet somehow overhears the convo and wonders what the nonsense condition Means??

I’m convinced everyone in this strip is an idiot. Coaches dont know how to coach, players dont have a clue where theyre going or what theyre saying, trainers diagnose and treat injuries improperly, parents are either boobs or control freaks, the reporter only cares about lineups, asks gossipy questions  and never does any in-depth reporting, the radio guy uses outdated equipment and has irrational fears, , and the police are never around until the damage is done.

Did I forget anyone? Oh yeah, the janitor. He does a great job. Thats it.

July 19, 2019

Dog Days of summer

 

 

 

 

 

Well now we know the reason that Hadley and JC were brought back into our strip existence.. so a guy that should also be in our rear view mirror can go to Milford instead of New Thayer  (hey by the way, whens the last time we saw NT on anyones schedule?)

So now the engaged couple are bouncing around everyones  living room (Coming Soon to a couch near you— High Priced Lawyer and her co-star, Bald Bull! Tickets Now Available!) and as far as I’m concerned, meddling in everyones business. How the hell does Tiki know who either of these characters are who just showed up at his front door? He was in a crib eating Gerber when these two were in high school. Isnt it enough to have dinner with 4 different people in 2 nights, no you have to set up a coffee discussion with some kid who doesnt even know what district he lives in. But he did last year. Some townships are known to re-draw their district lines (or in Chicago they are called precincts) so its oh, possible this could happen, but in real life Tiki would know long before now about this. Because if he changed districts, I’m sure Gils cornerback did too, or his backup fullback who he needs to kick a field goal in Week 4, or some other mope on his bench who will play Saturday Hero one day. But its Tiki Jansen we’re stuck with for this story.

And Hadley.

And… Bald Bull.

Wake me up when September ends…

 

 

 

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