This Week in Milford

September 7, 2022

What is this, effing ponderous, man. Ponderous, effing ponderous.

“I want a concerted effort to come out of a strip that isn’t an up-tempo strip about fapping into a damned death dedication!” Here I am set up to spike some snark after Gil played setter yesterday and all I can think of after reading today’s installment is Casey Kasem’s infamous ranting outtake.

Well that puts a damper on my catty remarks about how sick Mimi’s mother really was, how far away (and how close to a beach) from Milford she was living, and how old Cami Ochoa is.* It’s taken me the better part of today to decide which is the bigger bombshell: that Mimi’s mother is terminally ill or that Mimi had an aspiring professional golf career we hadn’t heard about until today.

Let’s start with the first one. When Mimi took the Thorplets to the beach and/or to see her mother, we were under the impression that Grandma Clover didn’t exactly live around the corner. Now we’re told Mimi’s gone “to take care of her mom up north” only to find them at Milford Adult Care LLC? Either Milford is about the size of Sitka, Alaska, or Mimi went up north and brought her mom closer, well, to die.

A slightly meta digression is in order. In the time that I’ve been part of the TWIM rotation, I’ve lost both my parents: father of teenchy in July 2014 and mother of teenchy in November 2016. When my father died, I don’t think I missed a regularly scheduled post; however when my mother died I took a leave of absence from TWIM that lasted until late January 2017. In hindsight I think the main difference was that my mother died very suddenly and somewhat unexpectedly, whereas my father had been terminally ill for over a year and his passing was not so much a matter of if, but when. It also didn’t help matters that I became the sole surviving member of my family after my mother passed and had to deal with the material consequences of that. That’s also why I spent a fair part of 2017 in Bakst country.

What’s my point? My point is that when you know with some certainty that a loved one has a limited time remaining, you are allowed an opportunity to prepare for that eventuality. In Mimi’s case, it appears that includes not only bringing her mom closer to her for the time she has left** but also preparing to pursue a golf dream that’s been on hold for as long as I’ve been reading this strip if not longer. I suppose next we’ll find out that Kaz has gone off on a spiritual trek to Nepal and Silent John Pascoe has returned to help Gil coach the football team.

*How many years of a time jump did Barajas make when he took the super soph from six months ago and made her a high school sports coach? Is there a fountain of youth in Casa Thorp that kept Keri and Jami from aging while Cami did the reverse Benjamin Button? If so, maybe they better give a glass or two to Mimi’s mom. Just sayin’.

**Not sure how Mimi’s mom can say with such certainty that she’s dying in six months and not tonight. Does she have a physician-assisted suicide penciled into her calendar for that date? Does she know that Mimi’s going to carefully wheel her into Milford Adult Care LLC and not do something else with her? There’s a string of morbid jokes as long as my arm I could roll out here but good taste (and maybe my earlier aside) won’t let me do that. Instead I’ll refrain and leave that for the commenters.

August 29, 2022

Mimi Is Attracted To Big Dad Energy

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf, Mimi Thorp, Pissy faced Gil, What the hell is going on here? — nedryerson @ 6:15 am

I don’t know why it is only striking me now that Lukey and Fran Martinez have coordinated their golf attire. I think in the initial reveal of Fran, I was probably focusing more on the length of Fran’s skirt, which seemed quite short. The panel one shading and perspective definitely gives the Martinez’s a more twinsie look and the skirt seems to have lengthened a bit.

Attire aside, Fran is giving us some background on Lukey. It’s a little confusing. Martinez was a stay at home dad but established and maintained credentials for coaching in schools. I guess there’s a way to do that. The point is that Coach Luke was instrumental in raising Pedro and an indeterminant number of other boys. That’s Mimi’s takeaway, at least. Being there to tuck the kids into bed gives Mimi a special feeling in her golf jorts and she’s not shy about letting Gil know.

I do dig the shock to Gil’s system as Mimi subverts his expectation and overlooks all of Coach Luke’s loutishness to focus on his parenting. Of course, Martinez might be as full of crap about this as everything else.

A few random thoughts:
Does Pedro still wet the bed??

I was today years old when I learned that “winning the chip” is a reference to championships. Cool, Luke, cool.

August 27, 2022

Mimi, not coaching? ¡Oh mi corazón!

The past week’s action at the MCC was setting up to be a 21st-century version of Caddyshack, with Gil and Mimi as the Smails and the Martinezes (well, at least Luke) as some kind of Al Czervik. Sra. Martinez (a/k/a Fran) was looking to fall into the Czervik mold, with huge earrings huger and chunky bracelets chunkier than any heretofore seen in Milford. So when Fran replies to Mimi’s quintessential American question, you can literally hear the mic drop in print.

Look how gobsmacked Mimi is. You can almost hear the Locust Valley Lockjaw and see the privilege explode out of her eyes. That someone who looks and sounds like Fran could be a heart surgeon? Mind. Blown. That a heart surgeon could be married to such an obvious boor as Luke? Mind. Blowner.

Know what? Mimi’s mind is nowhere near as blown as mine when she introduces herself as a “stay-at-home-mom.” What happened to her basketball-softball-volleyball-PE coaching job at Milford? Is that why there was no girls’ sports arc this past spring? Will that ellipsis explain it all come Monday? This retcon train has been rolling for the past seven weeks; now it’s in danger of jumping the tracks.

August 24, 2022

“Luke, this isn’t ‘Nam, this is Milford. There are rules.”

“Are you ready to be fucked, Thorp? I see you rolled your way onto the tee boxes. Dios mio, man. Pedro and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.”

“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just like, uh, your opinion, Luke.”

“Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash an illegal putter out on the green, I’ll take it away from you, and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes ‘click.'”

“Jesus, Martinez.”

“You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Martinez.”

Nice of Luke to bring along some additional eye candy for Mimi, too, in case she likes her men smooth. With Keri’s hair, Pedro could be mistaken for yet another lost Thorp child. Did Pedro come when Luke clapped for him? The Martinez family tackiness just keeps piling on, like a Herk the Mauler finishing move.

Bigger picture question: How was Luke able to join the MCC? I don’t mean that in an ethnic/socioeconomic way but in a geographical one. Does this lend credence to the idea that Valley Tech is also located in Milford? I don’t know that it’s ever been established; I understood that St. Fabian’s shared the town with Milford High, but that’s the extent of it. Talk amongst yourselves.

August 22, 2022

Got Golf If You Want It

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Gils kids, golf, metapost, Mimi Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:24 am

Gil and Mimi are hitting the links. Mimi wanted some more Coach Gil At Home time, but time on the course alone with Gil should be considered quality time. Golf is a very social game, with plenty of opportunity to chat and catch up with your companion(s) and Gil and Mimi are taking advantage of this. (I assume they are not participating in the other activities common to group golf outings, drinking and gambling.)

Gil and Mimi are catching each other up on what’s happening with the kids and that is obviously an integral part of Gil and Mimi Time. We do pick up on the fact that this is still summer despite what our calendars say. Gil asks if Jami might want to play in the Junior League this summer, so that is still ahead of them. According to Mimi, what Jami has ahead of him is hours and hours of screen time. That sounds about right.

In our final panel, we get a one-two punch. First, Henry Barajas gives a nod to all his readers (who he has commendably been very engaged with, at least those of us who devote portions, perhaps unhealthy portions, of our screen time to Gil Thorp and Gil Thorp related online activities). Gil’s line acknowledges that the Thorp children have been MIA from the strip for ages. But before we have too much time to savor the meta nature of this line, an out of frame voice identifies Gil to a companion loudly and with an expletive thrown in.

Is it Coach Luke?! Does he have a lady that he squires around the golf course on his summer break? Do we have room for another blowhard gunning for Gil? We’ll see, but the smart money is on Coach Luke. I can’t wait to see his “Baby”!

On the topic of Gil Thorp and golf, I recently went back to the beginning of the available Gil Thorp strips on the GoComics site. The strips there start in the Spring of 2001, in the middle of a baseball season featuring Jarvis White, who was using steroids, Marty DeJong, who came back for a bitter cameo later and a healthy dose of Marty Moon and his then ex-fiancée Peaches. When this plot resolves, a summer golf plot starts.

In the Summer of 2001, Gil plans to compete in a tournament, but his game is really rusty. Mimi is also going to play in the ladies’ division of the tournament, but she’s at the top of her game. Gil is determined to improve his game so he doesn’t embarrass himself. In one of the LOL funniest strips of the story, Gil sneaks onto the golf course at night to sneak in some practice and face plants climbing over the fence.

Gil is driving well but his short game is a mess, so he has Mimi help him out in the back yard, where he breaks the neighbor’s window. Eventually Gil straightens out his game and he and Mimi both win their respective divisions. The kids even make an appearance or two! If you want a load of golf, go back and check out that summer.

In 2001, Gil Thorp was written by Jerry Jenkins and the artwork was by Frank McLaughlin. The GoComics site is just really bad at acknowledging and honoring the creator, Jack Berrill, and all of the contributing writers and artists who have been a part of Gil Thorp over the years. I took a deep dive trying to establish a definitive timeline of the changes in writers and artists, but it’s rather fuzzy. I don’t have time to get into it on this post as it’s already into tl;dr territory. I will share what I have found and what is missing or unclear. Look for that in a future rambling post. Maybe we can piece this together.

The post title is a nod to the Slim Harpo blues tune, Got Love If You Want It. There are not performance clips of Slim Harpo playing this. As is the case with most of guys of Slim Harpo’s, the original bluemen’s songs were popularized by white kids (and mostly white kids from the UK). In that spirit, here’s a clip of some Irish white kids (and I mean kids) called the Strypes doing the Slim Harpo song. I don’t know if they’re still around. The trail is kind of cold.

August 28, 2021

He Made Her an Offer She Could Refuse

The transformation is well under way. Heather has swapped her slightly orange-tinged hair color for Marjie’s light blonde. Now she just needs to get her ponytail lopped off and shaped into a bob and then, after a visit to Milford Opticians, no one will know the difference.

Of course Gil sees Heather’s new role as a blessing in disguise; he’ll neither have to provide her a concessions stipend nor defend to the Mudlark Booster Club his decision to put a woman on his football coaching staff. Still that doesn’t stop him from trying to hit her up for volunteer work. “Are you kidding?” Heather must be thinking. “Your pay is so bad, you not only have to teach little kids golf in the summertime, you have to go stock shelves at Target afterwards!” (Seriously, never wear a red polo shirt when shopping at Target.)

Thankfully we can put this dud of a summer plot behind us – a plot that, except for the writing out of Marjie Ducey, was as boring and predictable as the high-five from Gil that Heather can return with her eyes closed.

What a poor sendoff for Marjie, huh? I’m gonna rectify that in a separate post.

August 21, 2021

I Love Ducey

Now’s the time all America waits for; that one evening each week where we all sit down to watch the latest hijinks from America’s favorite wacky redhead sports reporter. Wacky… redhead… sports… reporter…

Wait, what?

Okay, Whigham, start ‘splainin’.* As for the rest of you gentle readers, why do you suppose Marjie’s a redhead today?

  1. She noticed John Jawor had dyed his hair yesterday and didn’t want him to feel self-conscious so she dyed hers in solidarity.
  2. She’s going to cosplay as Velma Dinkley at Central City Comic-Con this coming weekend.
  3. The Milford Star has a one-blonde-per-staff quota and since Heather Burns has all but gone through new hire orientation, Marjie got the hint that she’s old news.

You know, maybe it is time for new blood at the Star. When your sports reporter starts writing on her laptop screen with a ballpoint pen, you gotta think she might no longer be the sharpest knife in the drawer. When all she can do is regurgitate the lists of player names Gil spouts to her, someone who knows how to use the Google is at the next level. When she dares contradict the all-powerful Gil Thorp when he wants to publicly shame a small-time golf hustler, she might want to polish up that résumé.

Tune in next week when Heather Burns spruces up her new desk in the Star newsroom while a mysterious redhead applies for a night shift waitressing job at Janet’s Diner. When Maureen asks, “Hey, hon, you look familiar. What’s your name?” the mysterious redhead replies “Margo. Margo Duchesne.”

*Contrary to popular belief, Desi never said to Lucy “you got some ‘splainin’ to do!”

August 20, 2021

Idiots 101

Boy if we had any notions that Rubin knew squat about golf, this summer storyline proved it. We’ve gone over the ludicrous dialogue enough already; suffice it to say all todays panels are are the cherry on the horseshit sundae.

P1 – Nobody puts their clubs in the car like that– you put the club end in first, then the bottom of the bag is the last part in. And for gods sakes– Hendricks knows the way out! Did he just go blind? I know his eyes are shut as he dutifully deposits his bag in his trunk ( as everyone does after every round Ive ever played) but jesus, has he been fuckin LIVING at the course?? Did he forget where the door was?! Imagine living with these douchbags for 3 months. I’d rather live in that cornfield where his ball was, along with a thousand others. I havent gotten over Gil searching a cornfield for what MAY be Carters ball– any goddamn golfer with any time in the game knows no matter how good you are you can still yank one into the cornfield. Scratch or no scratch. And the cost of the ball– I dont belong to a country club but the pro CARING about the difference between a $4 ball and a $1.50 ball, when dues for these places are thousands of dollars… is just lunacy. Who the hell buys balls one at a time anyway??

I’ve been playing golf since 1978, and not one of these statements made in this storyline has ever been made by me or anyone I’ve either played with, or come in contact with, or said on a TV broadcast of a tournament.

P2– Well gee, Heather needed the lowest possible course in college to do research that any 12 year old could do. So all the pro did was bring Carter into the room and BS him about pressing charges and writing a check. I really found a couple things hard to believe– that 15 years later he looked that similar that Heather knew it was him– I’ve seen what 15 years does to some people. Next, why would Carter keep THE SAME raincoat in his bag for 15 years? You play golf a lot your bag wears out too, and getting a new bag means tossing the old junk in the old one out. And my old raincoat literally made me wetter after so long, so I got another one. AND WHY KEEP A COLLEGE RAINCOAT ANYWAY? I keep an old winter hat from my college– in my closet so it doesnt get worn out. Who cares about raincoats??

P3– so the pro was just BS-ing Carter– well, so much for any credibility HE has. If I’m Carter I dont send him shit– I move on to the next club where everyone there has a goddamn brain and an IQ above 65. And I go about my business and keep on raking in the dough, and nobody will give a fuck about my $1.50 balls or my damn raincoat or my handicap. Getting away from these morons is the best thing thats happened to Carter. As Green Day sang— Good Riddance!

Older Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.