Is That A Grundig?

Happy Monday! We have sprung forward and it seems waaay to early to be doing this. Thankfully there is much to chew on in today’s installment, so let’s jump in!

Yes, indeed, Marty Moon just walked off the job when the kids turned up the heat. This prompts SO many questions about WDIG’s sports broadcasts as well as the nature of Marty’s job. Those kids were getting on Marty’s nerves so he just strolls out? Did the station have something ready to throw on the air? (An old episode of the Joe Morgan Show?*) Will Marty face any heat from management about walking away from an assignment? (“Well, we can’t really fire him. We don’t actually pay him to do the games.”)

So, Marty takes to the airwaves from his studio safe space to rant about “a few ingrates and malcontents, fueled by Gil Thorp’s indifference”. Oh, that is so delicious. Actually, I think that quote should probably be included on the masthead of This Week In Milford!

The icing on the cake is that Gil is actually at home, listening to Marty, live on the radio! Gil, has it come to this? This is your Saturday? If Marty finds out that you’re actually listening to him, you know you’re gonna unleash the beast! Choose your words carefully when Marty comes to see you on Monday. (Is this Monday, I forget.)

Speaking of radio, I spent more than a few minutes trying to identify Gil’s radio, or at least something close enough that might have served as Whigham’s inspiration. I’m kind of fascinated by radios and the evolution of design. I didn’t really find a good match. Do any of you other malcontents have any ideas?

*The absolute worse thing I’ve ever heard on sports radio. I actually reached out the program director of a local sports radio station and begged him to put anything else on.

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Gil Thorp – Ventriloquist?

OK, Rubin, you got me to google “Internet Ninja.”

It so happens that I am rather familiar with many regional and national dialects of English and also with the many different ways it sounds when spoken as a second language. With all respect due to the entrant, that doesn’t sound like it was written by someone remotely familiar with idiomatic English.

Panel Two takes the cake for inanity. Why talk about ‘all that’ Kelly found when you can talk about whether it took her a long time or a short time and when she managed to find the time… Meanwhile, is that an aged Han Solo in the background of this stylish pub with its exposed brick walls and industrial grade window muntins?

I’ve never seen a ventriloquist act in person. Can they really do that trick? I mean, just how persuasive is the illusion in the presence of the performer as opposed to watching on TV? I gotta hand it to him, I did not foresee witnessing this side of Gil. Day drinking? But of course. Vaudevillianism? Well, I guess he did have that act with Herc the Mauler.

Step Off, Uncle Gary

We’re on the road, at Jefferson for a no action game with an unknown outcome. This paves the way for more time for gaslighting Uncle Gary to further his agenda.

The unseen Dr. Gerstner’s pronouncement seems to have an edge on annoyance in it, in a “stop wasting my time kind” kind of way. How can one read that much into one statement? Because Uncle Gary is in the mix, probably posing all of his own unfounded theories and just generally being Uncle Gary. (“Yes, Uncle Gary, I’m familiar with the Boston University Study. It’s interesting but somewhat limited for drawing conclusions. There’s no control group and there is a selection bias in the brain collection itself.”)

Of course there is a real Joanne Gerstner. But this Rubin name check has a little more depth to it than the usual one’s involving Neal Rubin’s friends. Joanne Gerstner is a journalist and author. She has recently co-authored the book, Back In the Game: Why Concussion Doesn’t Have To End Your Athletic Career, along with concussion neurologist, Jeffrey S. Kutcher. Maybe Uncle Gary should take a look at this book.

This Week In Uncle Gary

The Uncle Gary Show continues at Gil Thorp. Now it is revealed that Uncle Gary is angling for some sort of warm, fuzzy “Support the Troops” flavor to his ersatz viral video. We get it. Uncle Gary is without scruples. He’s also without traditional elbows if you try to figure out how is hand is positioned that way in Panel 3.

I have nothing else to say about Uncle Gary. Please have fun talking about Uncle Gary in the comments, if you can bring yourself to.

I do feel bad about giving you loyal readers short shrift in “humorous content” so I decided, why not fall back on the old standby, Google Nonsense. So let’s see what comes up when you Google “Uncle Gary”.

We’ll start with this guy:

Interesting. Maybe Uncle Gary had a brief brush with fame that he’s trying to relive through Rick. Why he would bill himself as “Uncle Gary” is weird, but hey, it’s “The Nice Price Plus”. (I remember those stickers in the old chain record stores. I think it stood for “Here’s some back catalog crap that nobody will pay full price for”.)

Next up, we have this loving memorial to Uncle Gary:

Lots of warm memories. He and his lawnmowers are certainly missed.

And finally, we have Twitter’s @UncleGary4Real:

He looks like a lot of fun. Check out Uncle Gary’s twitter account…if you dare!

Nice to Know Somebody Likes Something About All of This

There’s an underlying aura of creepiness that I can’t exactly put my finger on about today’s strip. Is it Trainer Rick Scott’s “I like what I see here” as he lovingly cradles Rick’s bare foot and calf? Is it that Uncle Gary (and his enormously oversized Bluetooth earbud) has a posse of the equally underemployed to roll out YouTube videos at his command? Is it Rick waving his arm like Evita Peron* as he sings the national anthem? Or is it the idea of rando Milfordian’s grandpa’s browser history that led him to Rick’s performance?

*It doesn’t take much to imagine Rick singing “Don’t cry for me, Milford High School…”

metapost: Weird double post this morning. Hopefully I fixed it.

Radical Grilling

Oh boy! So now Jaquan and Trey are hanging out in the backyard grilling and enjoying a brew? I think these two are just looking to settle down together in Milford. C’mon guys, it’s 2017! You don’t need to construct an elaborate personal trainer/injury rehabbing NBA player scenario as cover. Milford may be a tank town, but it is a diverse and accepting environment for all.

Now, let’s talk about that giant chunk of steak and the grilling implement Trey is using to flip it over. How is he lifting the meat with that thing? It looks like a metal spatula that is just jammed into the meat. Does that instrument have sharpened tines on the end? Perhaps it’s a barbeque spatulork*?

Also, it looks like Jaquan is now interested in trying to break into PRO FOOTBALL. This notion was inspired by how well he caught footballs from Art Burns while working out with Heather Burns and The Secret Pelwecki. Also, Heather’s inspirational ad hoc coaching of 7-on-7 summer league football played a role.

*I thought I invented the notion of the spatulork as I was writing this post. Given the propensity for my mind to wander while creating posts for this blog, I felt compelled to google spatulork to see if the concept was already in existence. Not only is the spatulork a preexisting thing, it was also the subject of a short film. I stopped short of embedding the clip. It’s not that great. Heck, the spatulork is merely a McGuffin in the narrative. (If you make it to the end of the video, you can watch Spatulork II. I couldn’t stick with it. I was emotionally drained from watching the first one.)

Googling Molly

We now return you to Mike Granger and Ken Brown, Boy Detectives. Mike and Ken are working a case to determine if Aaron Aagard is rolling on molly on the regs or just plain flakey. The first snag they hit is that Ken Brown’s fingers might be too freakishly big to efficiently google molly. His iPhone looks like a pack of gum in those mitts! Then, our investigators must grapple with how to proceed with their information. Who needs to know about Aagard’s fondness for disco biscuits*? Stay tuned for more Mike Granger and Ken Brown, Boy Detectives.

I’m enjoying the foreground tray of Bucket chow. Nice touch, Whigham.

*slang term for molly found by googling it

 

The Quarterback Whisperer

Heather Burns works magic with timely advice. Hakeem Archer needs help with fundamentals. Gil Thorp will soon be free to pursue other interests. Randy Weiss is still looking for his first win on the PBA tour.