This Week in Milford

November 13, 2017

This Week In Uncle Gary

Filed under: freak hands, google nonsense, Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 9:09 am

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The Uncle Gary Show continues at Gil Thorp. Now it is revealed that Uncle Gary is angling for some sort of warm, fuzzy “Support the Troops” flavor to his ersatz viral video. We get it. Uncle Gary is without scruples. He’s also without traditional elbows if you try to figure out how is hand is positioned that way in Panel 3.

I have nothing else to say about Uncle Gary. Please have fun talking about Uncle Gary in the comments, if you can bring yourself to.

I do feel bad about giving you loyal readers short shrift in “humorous content” so I decided, why not fall back on the old standby, Google Nonsense. So let’s see what comes up when you Google “Uncle Gary”.

We’ll start with this guy:
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Interesting. Maybe Uncle Gary had a brief brush with fame that he’s trying to relive through Rick. Why he would bill himself as “Uncle Gary” is weird, but hey, it’s “The Nice Price Plus”. (I remember those stickers in the old chain record stores. I think it stood for “Here’s some back catalog crap that nobody will pay full price for”.)

Next up, we have this loving memorial to Uncle Gary:
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Lots of warm memories. He and his lawnmowers are certainly missed.

And finally, we have Twitter’s @UncleGary4Real:
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He looks like a lot of fun. Check out Uncle Gary’s twitter account…if you dare!

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November 9, 2017

Nice to Know Somebody Likes Something About All of This

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There’s an underlying aura of creepiness that I can’t exactly put my finger on about today’s strip. Is it Trainer Rick Scott’s “I like what I see here” as he lovingly cradles Rick’s bare foot and calf? Is it that Uncle Gary (and his enormously oversized Bluetooth earbud) has a posse of the equally underemployed to roll out YouTube videos at his command? Is it Rick waving his arm like Evita Peron* as he sings the national anthem? Or is it the idea of rando Milfordian’s grandpa’s browser history that led him to Rick’s performance?

*It doesn’t take much to imagine Rick singing “Don’t cry for me, Milford High School…”

metapost: Weird double post this morning. Hopefully I fixed it.

August 14, 2017

Radical Grilling

Filed under: google nonsense, Pantheon of Mysterious Objects — nedryerson @ 6:03 am

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Oh boy! So now Jaquan and Trey are hanging out in the backyard grilling and enjoying a brew? I think these two are just looking to settle down together in Milford. C’mon guys, it’s 2017! You don’t need to construct an elaborate personal trainer/injury rehabbing NBA player scenario as cover. Milford may be a tank town, but it is a diverse and accepting environment for all.

Now, let’s talk about that giant chunk of steak and the grilling implement Trey is using to flip it over. How is he lifting the meat with that thing? It looks like a metal spatula that is just jammed into the meat. Does that instrument have sharpened tines on the end? Perhaps it’s a barbeque spatulork*?

Also, it looks like Jaquan is now interested in trying to break into PRO FOOTBALL. This notion was inspired by how well he caught footballs from Art Burns while working out with Heather Burns and The Secret Pelwecki. Also, Heather’s inspirational ad hoc coaching of 7-on-7 summer league football played a role.

*I thought I invented the notion of the spatulork as I was writing this post. Given the propensity for my mind to wander while creating posts for this blog, I felt compelled to google spatulork to see if the concept was already in existence. Not only is the spatulork a preexisting thing, it was also the subject of a short film. I stopped short of embedding the clip. It’s not that great. Heck, the spatulork is merely a McGuffin in the narrative. (If you make it to the end of the video, you can watch Spatulork II. I couldn’t stick with it. I was emotionally drained from watching the first one.)

January 5, 2017

Googling Molly

Filed under: freak hands, google nonsense, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 4:55 am

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We now return you to Mike Granger and Ken Brown, Boy Detectives. Mike and Ken are working a case to determine if Aaron Aagard is rolling on molly on the regs or just plain flakey. The first snag they hit is that Ken Brown’s fingers might be too freakishly big to efficiently google molly. His iPhone looks like a pack of gum in those mitts! Then, our investigators must grapple with how to proceed with their information. Who needs to know about Aagard’s fondness for disco biscuits*? Stay tuned for more Mike Granger and Ken Brown, Boy Detectives.

I’m enjoying the foreground tray of Bucket chow. Nice touch, Whigham.

*slang term for molly found by googling it

 

September 26, 2016

The Quarterback Whisperer

Filed under: actual action, football, google nonsense — nedryerson @ 3:34 am

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Heather Burns works magic with timely advice. Hakeem Archer needs help with fundamentals. Gil Thorp will soon be free to pursue other interests. Randy Weiss is still looking for his first win on the PBA tour.

May 30, 2016

Nobody Puts Shelly On A Roll! (Yeah, I Got Nothing)

Filed under: google nonsense, The Bucket, What the hell is going on here? — nedryerson @ 7:12 am

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Here we are, well over a week into Del’s client dinner/Boo’s triumph over Tilden. We’re waiting for something to happen. It looks like nothing is going to happen at The Bucket (unless you want to run this through the Bechdel Test and see how miserably it fails).

That leaves us with Del Bader, who is somewhere in panel 3, presumably. Is he the one with his back to us? Sure, I guess. We never even learned Mr. Businessman’s name, but we do know that he and Del have moved on from wine to something served in rocks glasses, so that shoe is poised to drop.

While that pot continues to simmer, here’s a little extra thing where I will share something from the Google newspaper archives. This ran in the Sept 15, 1972 edition of Norwalk, Connecticut’s The Hour, announcing the arrival of Gil Thorp to the pages of that great publication. I also snipped out the illustrated Jack Nicklaus On Golf that ran next to Gil.

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April 13, 2016

Name Games

Filed under: baseball, Central City Cretins, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, google nonsense — timbuys @ 7:25 am

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I know we’ve already covered this, but Pete De Windt seems to be someone you would not want to mess around with. I don’t care how scrappy Barry Bader truly is, but give me Pete in a brawl behind Verne’s in Central City any day of the week.

Minus points: Why is panel three still even happening?

August 11, 2015

The Airing Of Grievances

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, google nonsense — timbuys @ 12:01 am

August 11, 2015

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Is this a potentially pro football camp or a scoliosis ward? I guess I should google Rey Lujan. I guess I did. Not much to work with there.

I think I’m going to file this one under Boredom In Milford and go to sleep.

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