This Week in Milford

May 20, 2023

In Which Gil Decides to Wrestle with the Pig

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. – George Bernard Shaw

Credit where credit is due: In Luke Martinez, Henry has created one toxic character. His never-ending obsession to one-up Gil Thorp and beat Gil’s teams in every sport he coaches has managed to suck in both his assistant coach and Gil himself. He’s also managed to piss off his elder son who, if there’s any sense of irony in this strip, will soon quit the team and/or transfer to Milford High in the fall.

Why does Gil need to call Hamm? To ask him if he’s seen the Korean Nightmare* clip? He should know the answer to that.

Coachella is looking a bit off-character today BTW, Chief. She needs to shave.

That’s all I’ve got for today. My laptop has been crashing and not recognizing its charger for weeks, and today I finally had to back it up and reinstall the OS. Took hours. Sorry not to have more pithy insights.

Oh, wait: I came across this online earlier this week. It dates from the late 1930s and might be as appropriate to share as Kaz’s out-of-left-field Cab Calloway reference a few days ago.

* Or, as he was known in his home country, “The Nightmare.”

May 10, 2023

Many A Tear Has To Fall

Hello gentle readers, teenchy here. tdrew is MIA and so in the spirit of continuity I’m dropping Tuesday’s strip so that we can move on to Wednesday’s. Will check in on him directly.

The jayvee Lady Mudlakrs get pounded by Goshen and Dorothy isn’t happy about it. Keri continues to slide into apple not falling far from the tree mode, trying to tell her erstwhile nemesis to shake it off.

Meanwhile Coach Ochoa pulls a chestnut from a 30-year-old movie, albeit one that most ball-and-bat players know well. Wonder if she’ll tell them to avoid the clap next.

That’s it for Tuesday. See you in a few with Wednesday’s thrilling strip.

June 29, 2022

Tommy Can You Feel Me?

“If we bunt, it’ll only be when the situation calls for it.”
“When do you think the situation calls for it, Tommy?”
“Whenever we’re at bat, Gil.”

Looks like we’re in for another episode of Chain Link Fence Theater. Mighty magnanimous of Coach Luigi Tommy from Goshen to not take advantage of The Hammmmer’s failing eyesight. Guessing his team sucks so hard they’re not in contention for the Valley title. Fear not, Tommy boy: Gil will still be able to join your foursome on Monday.

Does Scooter like to pat Gregg’s ass or what? No wonder we’ve seen so little of Charis the tennis player. We haven’t seen or heard much from Scooter Pie lately either (is he still telegraphing the pitches to Gerg?) and I kinda liked it that way. I know it’s not a carbon copy of the 6/6 strip but close enough that I’m calling it recycled. Where those bleachers came from and the direction in which they’re pointed is up for interpretation.

Rubin’s got exactly two more strips after today to wrap up Milford’s baseball season before his traditional lessons learned/walk away through a doorway strip, so the Mudlarks are about to sink faster than the Lusitania in real time. Fact of the matter is Ggerg is as shy of the limelight as his plagiarizing old man. Expect some lame pun about both of them seeing the light on Saturday.

meta: Thanks to my colleagues for stepping up in my absence. I’ll be glad to rejoin the rotation on or about July 20.

October 16, 2021

Is Everybody Happy?

Filed under: Brown Hair, Goshen, Heather Burns, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 9:33 pm

Sorry I’m so late with today’s post, y’all. I’ve been feeling like my posts have been kind of slapdash, written in haste. I feel the need to step back, remember the early days when I just joined the rotation, and focus on the core of what makes Gil Thorp Gil Thorp: the sportsball.

What’s been at the core of Mudlark football this season? The Delaware Wing-T! Where best to brush up on the Delaware Wing-T? Why, Delaware of course!

So tonight’s post comes to you from the heart of Blue Hen Country itself. On to the postgame report…

Well that was anticlimactic. With Milford up 13 in the third quarter, Tevin Claxton had a pass tipped and picked off. Was Goshen able to capitalize on the turnover? Doesn’t look that way; they ended up losing by 24! From midway the third, Milford outscored Goshen 21-10. When did Goshen think kicking another field goal made sense? Only if they actually did score off that pick and hung their ten to get within 23-20 before Milford reeled off three touchdowns. Otherwise it’s garbage time stuff to beat the spread.

Trying to play Saturday night quarterback and figure out how the rest of the game played out is about as productive as trying to figure out who this rando brunette is why Gil feels he needs to fluff Goshen in his postgame presser with Heather. Beating your opponent by four scores is solid but come on, Goshen hasn’t been good in ages. Let’s go to where the real action is – the Milford locker room.

Tevin’s a cool customer; he didn’t let that pick bother him and he drove the team onward to victory. He doesn’t even let this undersized beady-eyed punk lineman get to him. The only problem Tevin really has is trying to make time with burn-the-candle-at-both-ends Kianna. Boyd Spiller is intent on making himself a problem for Tevin, though. Tevin might laugh it off but it won’t be long until the rest of his teammates won’t.

What havoc they may wreak on young Spiller remains to be seen. I’m just waiting for the reveal of why Boyd feels compelled to call Tevin a choker every time a play doesn’t go as planned. Did Tevin ignore him while a bunch of other jocks were bullying him? Steal the pudding cup off his lunch tray, or what?

October 13, 2021

Anywhere’s Better Than Delware

Filed under: actual action, Colorist Error, football, Goshen — teenchy @ 7:49 am

Well this is a bit of a cluster, innit?

Besides the obvious spelling and naming errors in P3, we also have a Milford player colored as a Goshen player at the bottom of the pile. Don’t think so? Look at the dark numbers on his back. Faithful TWIMer hitorque noted yesterday that no teams in the Thorpiverse ever wear white uniforms. I think that when Whigham draws these strips in black & white, he intends the teams with dark numbers on their jerseys to be in white. There have been a few color-on-color games in college and pro football in the recent past (the WLOCP comes to mind along with those NFL “Color Rush” games) but, with a few exceptions for the red/green colorblind, most provide enough contrast to tell the teams apart.

Good thing that Delware T-Wing is clicking. Odds are it’d click even better if Milford had more than ten men on the field.

Then they might not only be in sync but also able to move in one direction.

Post title from the occasional live lyrics to this song. Couldn’t find a clip meeting those criteria so here’s the original.

January 16, 2021

Throw some ketchup on that hot dog

****THIS IS THE FRIDAY POST*** SATURDAY POST WILL BE LATER TODAY BY THE ONE AND ONLY JOAN RIVERS!! ***** THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!!***

I’m assuming Vic has a tutor for some of his classes as in P2 (after studying and prepping for the game like ALL announcers do, even though he’s only a PA announcer) he’s walking on an ice rink past a sign that says READ. Did anyone ever see a sign that says READ?? The whole idea is to READ the sign, right? Reading a sign that says READ is,, superfluous, to put it mildly.

Hope they dont slip on the ice while skating to their next class, which may require reading.

Maumee High School http://www.maumee.k12.oh.us/ is located in Maumee, Ohio, and its enrollment was 693 students in 2017, so they only count head every 4 years or so when a new crop of kids come in. Why count every year when its the same old kids?

Does Vic do road games too? PA announcers only do home games in my world, so looks like we found the first hole in the plot. He’ll need an upgraded vehicle for all that driving. How many states does Milford need to go to for non-conference games for crying out loud? Perrysburg is also in Ohio, and only 6 miles from Maumee, but I thought they played Rogers last game? Theyre from (holy) Toledo Ohio, so either everyones coming to Milford from the Buckeye State or Gil won free gas from Speedway for a year. Hard to believe you play 3 straight games against new opponents. I’m needing some Goshen in my soup pretty soon.

November 4, 2020

Just Your Typical Three Panels of Obnoxiousness. Nothing to See Here, Part Deux

Did y’all do anything fun yesterday? Yeah, me neither, and I hope you slept better than I did.

Speaking of better, better late than never with today’s post. The Thayer v. Rapson competition is not only for quarterback but also for the attention of that little ray of sunshine, Corina. Judging from the look on Thayer’s face in P2, the competition at the moment exists only in Rapp’s head. He’s had enough of her outgoing personality and has decided any ongoing interaction is not worth the effort.

What he has not had enough of is twisting the knife into Rapp’s audible-calling, benchwarming ass. BFD that Rapp has convinced Corina to come to the Goshen game, unless she wants to see the true leader of the Mudlark offense in action, that is. Corina might not cotton to authority but she’s equally uninclined to warm up to a sycophant. Come to think of it, isn’t that what Thayer is in essence – a game manager who may not spark the big plays but who follows Gil’s instructions to the letter? Seems like neither one of these guys has a chance with her. Keep your eyes on that Dallas guy, though.

June 12, 2020

Scenes from the Class Struggle in the Valley

Filed under: baseball, Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Goshen, Valley Modified — teenchy @ 9:18 pm

gt06122020

Alright, before I dive into today’s strip I want to call Gil out for being the hypocrite he is. Self-fulfilling prophecy: yesterday we find out Mike is scouting junior colleges because State U thinks he’s “damaged goods.” He’d been previously accepted there and, once expelled from Milford, expressed his fear to Gil that he’d have his acceptance rescinded.  Did Gil speak out on his behalf to State U, emphasizing that The Mayor was “a good kid” who had a lapse of judgement? Obviously not. Gil’s put in the good word for kids at State U before (see Pascoe, John). If Mike had been as good an athlete as True Standish was, would Gil have done similar? It’s not like your average college sports team roster is a stranger to a kid with a criminal record. Nope, Gil knew the kid was was good, knew the kid had made a mistake, and did nothing to help him either before or after his expulsion except to tell him to get on with his life. Asshole.

Now that that’s off my chest, let’s look at the uphill battle the kids at Valley Mod have to fight. No athletic equipment, no athletic fields and, apparently, no math instruction. Count for yourselves:

count_to_12

Now what are they gonna do behind the school? Shoot craps? After that, time for the ex-Mayor, the reincarnation of Babe Ruth in a Flash hat, and their band of miscreants to roam the streets of Goshen looking for a place to practice. Boy, the Valley treats the bad kids like trash, doesn’t it?

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