This Week in Milford

March 20, 2023

3 games, 3 wins, 1 blue moon

Filed under: actual action, basketball, hands in the air, Marty Moon, Oakwood, Valley Tech — robmize2013 @ 3:20 pm

On we go with the hoops season, and just like the old days, we fuck around for weeks without a dribble, then stuff it all in at once. How many differences can you spot in 3 strips?

  1. White tshirts under home top in P1, sleeveless in P3. By the way, where are their home white jerseys that everyone else in the country wears? Been a blue moon since I saw em.
  2. P2 and P3 have the word ‘Final’ after the final score. P1 does not.
  3. Both opponents in P1 and P2 wear the same color jerseys.
  4. P1 and P3 list the winning team first as they should. P2 continues the hiccup that has been present in the Barajas era, listing the loser first.
  5. Since when was Oakwood called the Owls?

Then of course we have the obscure reference to the ‘finals’. Finals of what? State? Conference? The Valley? Hey, nice to win every game but in my state the playoffs last 3 weeks and you must win 8 straight to win the state title, and even then there’s 4 classes, so 4 champs. Used to be 2 of course. The state finals last 2 rounds, used to be 3. It was a big deal to go downstate for a school. Regardless of how they finished, it was a fairly successful season to get that far.

Hey isnt Valley Tech the home of you know who? Yep. Another showdown, this time without dumbbells.

And finally, – Marty– a blue moon occurs roughly twice a year by my humble calculations. See above link for more. Its the 2nd full moon in a month. Not that big a deal. So he obviously has been drinking too many of these……

March 13, 2023

Monday blowout

Hey gang – its Rob here on a Monday- if you havent heard, the usual Monday poster Ned Ryerson is stepping down from his post after a long and successful career writing this nonsense due to to personal reasons, and we all wish him well. For the time being I will do this job twice a week, with my usual Friday post continuing as before; and we may or may not find a replacement for Ned, but until then, as the circus people say, the show must go on. So here we are…..

Doesnt take long to find something wrong with P1– Leo with his new kickers somehow can jump 6 feet in the air and dunk. Milford is playing what amounts to a stooge team in New Britain, which is located in Connecticut

and obviously is just learning to play basketball as the Larks go on to win by 50, but normally the defenders are at least trying to stop a potential dunk, and the Britain guy not only doesnt have his hands up, his eyes close at the prospect of the thundereous dunk thats to follow.

Marty excitedly describes the Milford surge which is somewhat realistic in high school, but not like anything we’ve seen lately.

Then in P3 Cami overreacts to the game situation- and no coach who ever coached yelled Dont blow this lead! Good coaching is about accentuating the positive; with a big lead, most coaches say play like its zero-zero, to keep the team focused, but the enthusiasm is a bit phony IMHO. ( Yet another tick against the writer for not knowing the sport he’s writing about )

So we’ll see if it was the shoes, or Leo’s emergence as a confident scorer, or more likely just a great game against a pushover opponent that Little Sisters of the Poor coulda beat. (Got that reference from my old college dormmate)

Lets close it out with a song huh?

January 27, 2023

Gil, would that be your starting pitcher?

Lots to get to as usual so lets get it on….this strip is resembling water in a toilet bowl swirling down after a flush…lets count all the mistakes shall we?

P1- I know of no basketball announcer who uses full names during the action. Especially a name like that! And whats the big ass deal about 6 rebounds?? Get to 20 and then we’re talking.. and the ceiling looks to be a foot above the rim… the ball could almost be stuck on the beam just above Atazhoons hands. The defender should have his hands up and his eyes open. Error total : 5

P2 – Nice to applaud your team after a win but isnt that the fans job?? Are the coaches watching the game or coaching it? Fellas are older people, not high school kids… and the winning score should be listed on top in a strip; this isnt a TV broadcast where the home team is shown on the bottom. Gil also looks like he’s attending a wedding, not coaching a basketball game. That suit looks like it came from Just For Men. Error total: 3

P3 – Yes Gil I know its a play on words, but geez, you just had a blind person on your fucking baseball team last year and you decided he could safely pitch. Hope he wasnt in earshot of that remark. And YOU DONT GIVE OUT GAME BALLS IN BASKETBALL. I HOPE YOU’RE IN EARSHOT OF THAT, DOPE! At least Leo was humble enough to admit he wasnt the whole reason they won. Good boy. Error total: 2

That makes a grand total of 9 errors in one 3-panel strip. If that wasnt a shitfest one doesnt exist.

Our song today is by someone who fits what Gil was referring to.

January 4, 2023

Marty can’t tell front from behind. Should we worry?

The Mudlark boys’ basketball opener is under way and, as it’s a non-conference game, it falls upon us to try to figure out where it’s happening. Judging from their bird mascot and that Forest View is two words, not one, I’m venturing a guess that this is the no longer extant Forest View in the Chicagoland region. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen a shout-out* to a defunct high school, though I’m not gonna comb the archives to find the example (it was a Detroit-area school IIRC).

Marty’s looking a little thicker around the middle and in the hand, which must be a side effect of his continued sobriety. Milford was shown yesterday in its road black-and-reds, so why is Forest View wearing what looks like the old “Block M” jerseys Michigan trots out from time to time (and which Milford also wore BITD)? Bigger question: where is this behind-the-back pass Marty’s calling happening, in his mind? Why is Marty continuing to call out uni numbers for the Mudlarks? Is the game being simulcast on TV2 and WBIG radio?

All that aside, how ’bout this NBA-style halftime score! Have both of these teams broken out the run-and-gun or forgotten how to play defense? At the risk of repeating myself, I appreciate Barajas incorporating the trans kid into the strip fairly seamlessly, with virtually no reaction from anyone in Milford, but making the kid magically become a star athlete on every sports team he goes out for strains credulity just a little bit. Can’t wait until baseball season when he breaks Joe Sharkey’s and Kevin Pelwecki’s long-ball records.

*I’m not sure if Mudlark big man Darius Simmons is also a shout-out to a friend, Rubin-style, but sadly the first hit I get when searching for him is a 13-year-old kid who was murdered in front of his mother in Milwaukee about a decade ago. There’s also a Darius Simmons playing football at McGill, where he could be a teammate of Chance Macy’s.

November 19, 2022

“Onomatopoeic Saturday,” or “A Slap on the Wrist, Then a Crack on the Ankle”


SLAP! AGH! AHHH! CRACK! Keri’s turning into an episode of 1960s Batman all by her lonesome. She might’ve had help from Luhm with that last one, though. Such a shiny, shiny floor.

What’s all this about a nurse? Where’s Rick Scott when you need him, not available for the jayvees? No matter; Keri’s getting sidelined for a bit. Call it karma for not getting benched or kicked off the team for punching out Dorothy if you will. Gil has done the same to kids not named Thorp for less.

This should give Barajas time to drop a couple of reaction strips about Keri’s preferential treatment. With all the jumping around we’ve seen, those have been in a little short supply. Consider the Tabitha-now-Toby making the team, making funky plays and converting into a skill position player subplot. In the days of Rubin we’d have had at least one if not more pissy middle-aged person complaining about Toby being allowed to play football, followed by A Very Special Gil Thorp in which some preachy lesson would be learned. In the days of Jenkins this would just not be spoken of.

With Keri sidelined, maybe we’ll smash cut to another subplot. Time for the Luke Martinez Revenge Tour to resume? Or The Last Days of Meemaw? Will she outlast Funky Winkerbean?

meta: Gocomics has been down all day (rumors of turning into a pay site circulating), plus I’m on the road today. Sorry for the late post.

November 11, 2022

“How not to advance the plot” for dummies

Filed under: ?, Chunky Bracelets, Gils kids, hands in the air, Keri Thorp, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 4:57 pm

I really thought today was gonna reveal something about Keri’s odd personality but no– we flip back to last Tuesday. The only problem with that is we dont even know what today is. I thought we had Marjie D AND football back too, but it was too good to be true. Back to the uneven nonsense that this new plot has become. I forgot all about the Linda Lindas until today. Their need to be in this strip is next to zero. Didnt we just look at 2 newspaper issues back to back, 1 telling a blatant lie and the next exagerating a high school football matchup before it happens? When did games have previews that warranted front page headlines, even in a rag like this one?

One thing that hasnt changed is this late season football. Its Veterans Day and we’re still in mid-season form. Get on the stick or we’ll have Frosty saying “Happy Birthday!” before the final gun is fired.

Hard to believe the Linda Lindas were at the school library so late that Keri cant get up the next morning. Cant they schedule this hoo-ha on a Friday or Saturday night?? Check another ‘makes no sense’ box.

In honor of Hurricane Nicole thats currently ravaging Florida our song today will be this rarely heard gem from Point Blank in 1983. I swear I’ve had Sirius radio for 12 years and havent heard this played once. Its way too good to be so off the map. Of course in high school I heard it all the time.

October 26, 2022

What are the odds? 5:1.

Love my… girl?
They lookin’ good, come on, one more

Five to one, Keri
One in five
No Mudlark gets out alive, now
You get yours, Keri
I’ll get mine
Gonna make it, Keri
If we try

Well Gil gets old
And the kids get shot at
Be here all week
So put on this hard hat
They got the guns
Well, but we got the wokeness
Gonna win, yeah
We’re gonna stop this
Come on!

Your Milford days are over, Keri
College drawing near
Shadows of your Meemaw
Crawl across the years
Yeah, dive across the floor with your
Car keys in your hand
Trying to tell me Mimi understands

Trade in your rings for a handful of lies
Stop the patriarchy if we try
Duck and cover one more time
Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time
Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time
Duck and cover, gotta duck and cover
(Duck and cover one more time)
(Duck and cover one more time)

Hey, come on, Keri
You go on along home, wait for Pedro, baby
He’ll be there in just a little while
You see, he gotta go out and play golf
With his papi and
(Duck and cover one more time)

Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover one more time

Duck and cover, got to

Duck and cover, got to

Duck and cover, got to

Take you up into my room and
(Duck and cover one more time)
Love my girl
They lookin’ good, lookin’ real good
Love ya, come on

(apologies to The Lizard King)

October 19, 2022

Fluid Dynamics

Move along, nothing to see here. Just two guys showing interest in the same girl. No big deal unless you consider that one of the guys is a trans guy, the other guy is the son of the girl’s father’s new archnemesis, and the girl is gender fluid and/or non-binary. (I’ll leave this here to assist in the semantics and the discussion.) That the girl has expressed interest in the son of the archnemesis might move the needle one way or the other.

However things shake out, Keri doesn’t seem too flustered by it. Props to her. Mimi OTOH doesn’t seem too pleased by the situation. What’s the matter, Mimi? Don’t the Mudlarks usually want a vocal and supportive fan base? Or has this particular support touched a nerve? Mimi needs to take a page from the Dave Chappelle playbook here.

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