This Week in Milford

September 5, 2018

In the Opener, I’ll Take the Mudlarks and 8 1/2

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Man, the last thing I want to read in Gil Thorp is Kaz talking about Kelly’s sexual proclivities.  Oh, wait, he said Fellini. Never mind.

Does an awkward fist bump qualify as a “High Five Fail”?  Today, I’m calling that it does.

Quick cut to the practice field and there’s Marjie with her canister of pepper spray. Mouseketeer Roll Call will begin tomorrow and Joe Bolek will get namechecked along with a few other of Rubin’s friends.  Something tells me Bolek will flop as a ballplayer, or suffer a season-ending injury, and replace Kaz as the “film guru” on the Mudlark coaching staff.  Then he can tell Gil what kind of wacky leather-helmet era formation he can spring on the Valley Conference to make up for the usual fundamental shortcomings that plague the Milford football program.

Hold up: is that Marty standing next to Gil and Marjie?  Looks like he’s still taking hits from that tall can of STFU Gil gave him at the end of basketball season.  Let’s see how long that lasts.

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August 16, 2018

At the Valley Juniors, There’s No One to Rap Your Knuckles If You Sandbag

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf, High Five Fail — teenchy @ 6:28 am

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If the hole is a par 6 then, yeah, six strokes is a par.  Yesterday’s strip tries to infer that it’s a par 4, to reinforce that the PRCC boys are cheaters.  The MCC pair are the only honest young men on the links.  Must be that good ole St. Fabe’s parochial school learnin’ that keeps them honest; it sure ain’t no scorekeeper.

Not the worst high five I’ve seen in P1 but if that’s supposed to be a fist bump in P2 those kids must take a 72 sleeve on their dress shirts.

July 28, 2018

Shoot Low, Boys – They’re Ridin’ Shetland Ponies

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Quick show of hands: How many of you had to read A Separate Peace in high school? Anyone?  (Son of teenchy had to read it this past school year.)  Do you remember the scene where Finny breaks the Devon School swimming record for the 100-yard freestyle set by A. Hopkins Parker in the sole presence of Gene, then doesn’t want anyone else to know he did?  Pure of spirit, Finny wanted to break the record for its own sake, for the internal sense of satisfaction it gave him, not for any accolades that may have come his way as a result of doing so.

Kevin Pelwecki is no Finny.

Pelwecki’s sole motive in modifying his launch angle was not to try to help his team or, for that matter, to make a serious effort toward advancing his baseball career or using it as a means to help pay for his post-secondary education.  He did it to call just enough attention to himself that he could put on a false modesty act when it became apparent that this particular talent was not going to help him after Milford High.  (Wonder if he ever went to the prom?) He couldn’t even be bothered to remember the name of the guy whose record he was attempting to break (somewhere, Art Shamsky fumes that Rubin didn’t namedrop him throughout this mess).  With today’s strip – for that matter, with any of the strips involving his efforts to become a quarterback or fullback – Pelwecki cements himself in the pantheon of self-promoting attention whores Rubin seems to think every high schooler has to be in the age of social media.  He has his Uncle Rico moment; now he can walk off like so many have done at the end of a Gil Thorp arc that I’m not even gonna try to link to them all.  (Do note the similarity to the end of the spring/summer 2016 arc, with Pelwecki in the Barry Bader role and Gil in the True Standish role).

Finally, on July 28, this slog of a spring arc is over.  Let us speak no more of Pelwecki, or Dafne Dafonte, or Barry Bader – that is, until we try to reference them in a flimsy attempt to maintain continuity, like so many Joe Sharkeys.

(apologies Lewis Grizzard for the post title)

July 26, 2018

Spare Us The Capper

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The “pregame message” from Barry Bader made everything just hunky-dory, and so the silent treatment is just temporary and all his teammates are cool with him. Yeah, right.

Off-model part un: Jay Bhatia has been wearing #7 (while rocking the Tyler Clippard specs) and had black hair all season long. Today’s #7 doesn’t resemble him in the least. Also, is blonde dude in the dugout executing a failed high five or a weak Tomahawk Chop?

Off-model part deux: Where did Kaz’s cap go? Did Barry blow it off his head rounding third? Or did he realize he needed to keep his Botticelli’s Venus locks flowing?

Off-model part trois: Ryan Van Auken has been dark-haired from the get-go, right up through the earlier part of this season. Did he just grab a bottle of peroxide before the game?

Speaking of Ryan, it’s been made pretty clear that he’s been a starter during his entire tenure at Milford (and the only effective one this season, kind of like Max Scherzer minus the heterochromia).  Now, in the last game of his high school career and with a sweet DII ride ahead of him, Gil’s gonna stick him in to close a game that, so far as we know, will have no bearing on Milford’s postseason hopes?  (edit: Compare this to the kid gloves Gil used on his golden boy meal ticket, True Standish.) Watch for the Hurricane to blow a UCL then, two years and a failed Tommy John surgery from now, get into a brawl with Pelwecki in vacuum cleaner repair school shop class.

Musical inspiration for post title on a Rock ‘n Roll Thursday:

metapost: I screwed up some hyperlinks this morning. Thanks for bearing with me.

June 20, 2018

I Would Have Guessed That, At Some Point, A Permission Slip Of Some Sort Would Need To Have Been Signed

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P1: Whatever Ms. Rizzkk is on probably needs to be dosed a little lower. The way she vacantly smiles while DD and (checks back to May 12th) Jay Bhatia discuss such weighty matters is disconcerting to say the least.

P2: Speaking of disconcerting, in a strip with a long history of poorly depicted high fives (seriously!), this one enters the canon and impels me to create a new category.

P3: Holy Shit! Someone tell Chief Linde to check the Bader family’s crawlspace!

Song that came to mind while writing today’s post:

July 25, 2017

Stretching It

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, general nonsense, High Five Fail — timbuys @ 7:36 am

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P1: I dunno something about the high fives in this strip is just off…

P2: Did Heather and Kevin just wander off while Trey and Jaquan started stretching?

P3: ZZZzzzz

January 17, 2017

Is Marty Holding A Pencil Or A Stylus?

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Putting quadruple-A in for a Pantheon of Hair nomination now that it’s clearly the case that its posture is proportional to his perceived performance.

I tried, and failed, to line up all of the high fives with the arms in panel three. Nevermind that, however, because what is the deal with AAAA’s left arm? I think this is the first time I’ve used the ‘big arms’ tag but there it is.

December 16, 2014

Back To Reality

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp, High Five Fail, metapost — timbuys @ 5:35 am

December 16, 2014

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Gil looks pretty pie eyed in panels one and two, but that’s not going to stop him from pulling off the high five with be-pearled presumed school staffer. He is a professional.

Having won the state championship, True believes his notions of personal autonomy have been validated and that, as he becomes an adult, he will continue to make more and more decisions for himself.

Gil, to his credit, is having none of it. Guess what, True? No matter how much you may believe you control your own personal destiny, forces much more powerful than you – in this case Gil – can push you around like a crumpled up piece of paper on a windy day.

Metapost: Y’all may notice some slight changes around here. I’m not sure how many people notice or use the category tags, but if you do, you might be interested in this. I’ve only gone back and flagged posts I’ve done (well, and one of Ned’s) but going forward, we now have the advanced technology to pull up Marjie posts when needed. Hey, it’s for research! Get your minds out of the gutter…

Meetapost 2: FWIW, this is now my 150th post for TWIM. That sure is something…

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